Hello Again Mr. Fishy.... What are you doing here?

This topic was created in the Pisces forum by GemsRaGalsBestPal on Monday, August 29, 2011 and has 84 replies.
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My Pisces ex keeps sticking his head out of the water to say hello from time to time... Why? It ended horribly and there's little chance we'd rekindle or even have a fling or even be able to have a level of trust required to develop a friendship.... So why keep popping up? Is this a normal Pisces trait? Is it that he's reflecting (or jumping between his two realities) on our relationship and during that decides to reach out? If you, as a Pisces are keeping contact with an ex... what are your motivations?
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Oh? Do you remember this fish I'm talking about?
I'm still curious however about the possible motivations of the fish to hold on.... one foot in the past and one dreaming about the future maybe?
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He most likely wants something usually emotional if he was that type of fish...
No exes stay exes... usually we move forward not reflect to wanting them again at least for myself...usually would try to work it out ...but when the illusion of it all comes forth ...drop it like a hot potatoe...
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Posted by GemsRaGalsBestPal
My Pisces ex keeps sticking his head out of the water to say hello from time to time... Why? It ended horribly and there's little chance we'd rekindle or even have a fling or even be able to have a level of trust required to develop a friendship.... So why keep popping up? Is this a normal Pisces trait? Is it that he's reflecting (or jumping between his two realities) on our relationship and during that decides to reach out? If you, as a Pisces are keeping contact with an ex... what are your motivations?


i think you had quite an effect on him...usually i don't bother with exes. no need to be friends, just keep it moving. but. if i was very emotionally attached to someone, then as long they weren't a complete dick, i'd keep popping up.
you must have heard this before, but if a pisces falls, they fall hard. he's coming back for sentimental reasons...
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What type of emotional things might you be trying to gain by keeping contact with an ex?
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it's like an inability to let go/wishful thinking...
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Nimbue - There was some cheating on his part which makes me believe he probably didn't fall hard enough to be coming around because he still cares, but I wouldn't rule it out... However, could it be he's coming around because he's hoping to wash away his guilt?
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Nights - I'd say that would be true, but he's not tried to see me. If one was hoping to suck someone back in I'd think they'd definitely be trying to see that person. This feels more like he's sniffing around to see how I feel about him as a person and as an ex. We did have an amazing chemistry and shared the same style of conversation and humor, but I'd doubt that is why he wants to have conversations from time to time.... not to mention there is still a lot of residual hurt on my part.
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He most likely realised what he had...my ex Pisces still does the ol feelings talk...and the next time he mentions it I will tell him to stfu it's getting old lol...5 years come on already...
If he cheated tell him to f off...cut him cold or slap him with his fish tail...haha
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Posted by GemsRaGalsBestPal
Nimbue - There was some cheating on his part which makes me believe he probably didn't fall hard enough to be coming around because he still cares, but I wouldn't rule it out... However, could it be he's coming around because he's hoping to wash away his guilt?


ah, got you. some of it will be guilt, but not all. in fact i agree with pp, he now realises what he had...so it's even harder to let go.
and what nights said. i mean, it could be manipulation. to see if he can try and wheedle his way back in. but if the connection is how you described, i wouldn't be as cynical...there's lots of angles to consider. do you mind that he still talks to you, or do you find it weird?
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Posted by piranhaparadiise
He most likely realised what he had...my ex Pisces still does the ol feelings talk...and the next time he mentions it I will tell him to stfu it's getting old lol...5 years come on already...
If he cheated tell him to f off...cut him cold or slap him with his fish tail...haha



LOL
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Posted by Nights22
well not exactly to smooth things over. exactly to try and play You. Again.


I know this is true. I'd not take out a murderous hit on my self esteem like that. I'm just curious as to whether or not this is a Pisces trait or a man thing.... I quit being friendly after having an enlightening conversation with a close male friend. He told me that to my ex nothing would make him feel more like he was "winning" than to be able to carry on conversations with me at his beckon.... well other than shagging me.
Since then I've not engaged him, but he still pops up. We dated for 5 months and have been split up for 6 so it seems like a long time to still be coming around (now that I've counted the months that we've been split up he's defnitely popped up more than just 6 times).... and it's always when I'm feeling low and thinking of him and doing my own Pisces thing and dreaming of how I wished it had been and how I wish it could be.
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At the end of the day you have to know your boundaries and if he cheated on you...he shouldn't deserve to have another opportunity...because you want to be careful... they can and will lure you in for their own selfish reasons *emotional* reasons...it does happen
When our hearts are in it we won't do this lure thingy...but if we are the dark fish on a dark day it can happen...
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Posted by nimbue
but if the connection is how you described, i wouldn't be as cynical...there's lots of angles to consider. do you mind that he still talks to you, or do you find it weird?


That's a difficult question.... I don't mind, but I do. I cared a great deal for him. In reflection I realize I made a lot of my own mistakes and had expectations, but I've put the experience in the Roladex for future reference.
I honestly just don't think I can handle anything shady on his part and I don't know the reason for him reaching out. I still have feelings for him, and yes I realize that statement could get the book thrown at me here. I'm sorry guys, I tried, but I'm still working him out of my heart. I DO know better than to go back, but every time I hear from him it is not exactly a pleasant experience. It makes me closer to those feelings for him.... and I resent that they are still there.
I've never been the type of person to tell someone to never speak to me again.... I know it is a personal weakness of my own and I hope not to spin the thread that way because I am well aware it is a fault of my own.
I'm just.... curious. Why are you still coming around Mr. Fishy?
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Posted by GemsRaGalsBestPal

I'm just.... curious. Why are you still coming around Mr. Fishy?



Because he knows he can...and I can bet he already senses what you are thinking...
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Alrighty then.... it looks like the general consensus thus far is that whatever his motivations.... they aren't pure and most likely come from a selfish place. I suspected as much, but wanted to find out if Pisces in general are the type to desire a loose communication with exes. There are other signs that once in your life... never leave. LOL. Seems the consensus on that one is... also not true for Pisces unless that person was a first love or loved as much as a first love.
Would we all agree with that statement?
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Posted by piranhaparadiise
Posted by GemsRaGalsBestPal

I'm just.... curious. Why are you still coming around Mr. Fishy?



Because he knows he can...and I can bet he already senses what you are thinking...
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Ugh, that makes me feel emotionally violated, but I know you're right. I've not responded the last two times he contacted me and then again tonight I said nothing. I guess there's nothing I can do to stop it other than send the please don't contact me anymore message.
Thanks guys, it sucks being inbetween the thing you want to believe and the thing you know to be true. As a Gem I'm not loving the experience of being a fish. Winking
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i'll be honest here, i've done the whole 'lure' thing before. my ex cheated on me, with my best friend...so when he tried getting back together it was easy to ignore him at first. it was about 6mths later that he started trying again, so i played along. knowing my heart wasn't in it, knowing i had no respect or even like for the guy. i got back with him, just to dump him.
it's actually not nice admitting that, but it's the truth. and here's the thing- in my situation, i was the one who was wronged. so i wanted petty revenge, that was my motivation for maintaining contact. and i'm sure i racked up some bad karma by doing what i did.
in your situation, you were wronged. he shouldn't be feeling vengeful towards you. so i wonder how much of him coming back is genuine regret/emotion, and how much is bullshit.
be careful with your heart...he can tell you still have feelings for him.
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Thanks nimbue, I think you have a good point.... I'm truly too afraid to find out which it could be or to sort it out. I do however, like to think that he could be human and therefore I enjoy entertaining your opinion.
As for your situation.... it's life. Good things happen, bad things happen. If we always made the right choice Earth would look a lot like a 1950's TV show. You know now it was petty, you've probably paid with some karmic turnaround and likely won't do anything like that again. You've gained experience and I'm sure it was sobering and that you learned a lot from it.
Such is life. smile
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I'm unearthing this thread.... again.
He's still been initiating contact. Now..... he wants to see me. He's obviously been e-stalking me because he mentioned my new hair color.... but it's not like I don't do the same thing....
Why? Why is he still holding on? And godammnit, why am I? Ok, ok, this is the Pisces forum so you can't explain my destructive behavior, but his??? Can you explain his?
He is wanting to explore what is still there between us. He specifically asked if he could take me on a long leisurely date.
Me - "Why? So you can move to Houston and we can live happily ever after?"
Him - "We should go on a nice, relaxed and romantic date first, but I am all for aiming for the stars babe. I really wanna see you."
Me - "Why do you want to see me?"
Him - "Because we both have to eat and always have many fun things to talk about."
Me - "Yeah, yeah, I gather that, but why do you want to see me?"
Him - "Because there is no one else I'd rather lay eyes on or converse with and I know it."
Me - "I'll have to think about it Mr. Fish, not to be a jerk and leave you hanging, but because I truly have to think about it."
There were some pleasantries before and after, but that's really the meat of it.....
Fish..... it's been nearly a year since we met and we only dated for four months..... we've been split up for EIGHT months.... why the hanging on? Could it be that it's genuine? Is he just luring for his own demented reasons?
Fuck.My.Life.
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"Could it be that it's genuine?"
I think that??s what he wants you to believe, and a doubt he is nurturing in you. I myself have struggled - in the shoes you are in now- with similar doubts, and have paid a heavy price for it. He cheated, I??m sorry to say that doesn??t really sound like he was treasuring you.
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Why would he spend almost double the time of our relationship luring me with bad intentions? This I truly don't understand....
We've both apologized to each other.... me for pushing so hard and loading on my expectations, him for rebeling and cheating. We've talked about what happened between the two of us at length twice.
What I don't get is the hanging on....
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He??s probably genuinely attracted to you, but that doesn??t necessarily speak for love. I don??t know about other guys, but I find it hard to think about cheating on someone I really love.
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Nights - Don't be a dick dude. It's not like I've caved to him at all in the last EIGHT months. It's difficult.... I cared a lot about him, I'm still struggling through the break up and after effects. He keeps contacting me. He does that, not me. If you had someone still chasing you for EIGHT months you'd be curious as well....
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Let's not forget.... I'm not the girlfriend who finds out she's been cheated on and sticks around. The VERY DAY I found out I had it out with him, got in my car and drove away. That is the very last time I've ever even laid eyes on him.
I didn't speak to him for months. Then after some time I talked to him and was seeking closure.... I got that or close to that, but yet still, he stays around. I just don't get it.
Yes, it's stupid that I'm still here whining about the same guy, but seriously.... why is he still there? Still there every time I turn around. It's almost to the point now where every week he's contacting me. Sometimes daily....
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I do get your point Nights, if I had never responded I wouldn't be in this position. I know I responded for the wrong reasons...
Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you, but hearing you say that I don't care hit me in a soft spot.... if I didn't care I wouldn't be lamenting over this so.
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Want from what?
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I don't know how to get any more honest than this...
I want to believe that this person is not an intentional liar. I want to believe that unlike so many who came before him, he isn't lying when he tells me that he cares about me. I want to believe that this man, whom I was very deeply attached to is not such a monster that he would spend this much time just to suck me back in and break me all over again. I want to believe that I could never cared so much for a heartless evil guy.
I know people make mistakes. I've forgiven quite a bit, but I've never been cheated on. I've found this entire experience particularly difficult. I'm just shocked that a person would spend so much time reaching out, dealing with my waxing and waning, putting themselves in a vulnerable position all for the great pay off of what..... to break my heart again?
1. What the fuck did I do to deserve that?
2. Who's that fucking sick?
3. How does someone get that demented?
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It seems like you are looking for reasons to believe Gems, and that is understandable, I myself am going through something similar, but he seems to be scarce in giving you these reasons which creates that limbo of doubt for you. Do you think that if love was the issue on his behalf he would withhold it from you indefinitely knowing it tortures you? Would you? -to him-
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You know im not so sure its a Pisces thing. I think its just a guy thing in general. I have issues with this too (I am also a Gemini) and all of my exes have come back at one point or another which I don't get. But the ones who get creepy about it end up being the water signs. Go figure.
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Nights - Nope, never been down this road, but I watched other people go through it. I NEVER wanted to be in this position myself.
XV2 - I'm sorry you're in a similar situation.... it really is the pits. Love, however, doesn't have anything to do with my situation. We only dated for 4-5 months and certainly didn't exchange the "I love you"s.

I'm looking for reason to believe..... hmmn, maybe. It certainly would make it so much easier if this guy who I was incredibly attracted to, had tons in common with, and really truly enjoyed being around was in fact sorry and a little more mature.

But if that's not the case.... so be it. Then, can you two boys being of the boy varietal (not suggesting you yourselves act in such ways, but more so probably know those who do and their intentions and rewards) please explain why someone would go through all this trouble to be a jerk?

Motivations.... I need motivations. Why would anyone intentionally set out to wreck someone else?
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Hahaha, hey Xin, yeah mine like to come back too. Had a Cancer come back not too long ago after being nothing but crickets for five years. Five. Sheesh.
Boiled down to though.... he's engaged and having issues there and has over romanticized our relationship because at one point in time he wanted to marry me.
I shut him down quickly after wrenching that info from him and said he needed to handle his business at home before sniffing around the skirts of new or old loves.
Such a typical Cancer move too.
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Because deep down they are an asshole. Cut ties if it bothers you. Change your number. Cease conversation. Pull his game. Quit torturing yourself with this nonsense. You can't fix broke.
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Hey VB! What does that say about me.... picking a guy like that? Still craving him in this twisted way?
I'm sure I need to evaluate and address something or somethings to prevent ending up here again.
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Posted by GemsRaGalsBestPal
Hahaha, hey Xin, yeah mine like to come back too. Had a Cancer come back not too long ago after being nothing but crickets for five years. Five. Sheesh.
Boiled down to though.... he's engaged and having issues there and has over romanticized our relationship because at one point in time he wanted to marry me.
I shut him down quickly after wrenching that info from him and said he needed to handle his business at home before sniffing around the skirts of new or old loves.
Such a typical Cancer move too.


Omg that is sooooo true! They do that! I dated this one Cancer that was into me, but obviously not. He was having troubles with a girlfriend (whom I didn't know about) and proceeded to look for someone else rather than deal with her. So I was the "other" woman. Until I found out, he was busted I called him 3 way with her on the line and he still denied it! Till this day I know he talks about me (heard from friends), I guess I was the only one that busted him and left. Needless to say hes married now to that same girl. Another friend of mine who is a Cancer recycles all her exes. I have NO idea why either. Exes are EXES for a reason.
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It says nothing untoward about you other that you are still on the hook. Healthiest thing is to flush him from your system, cut ties. He's no good for you, you know this. Quit feeding it.
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Posted by Nights22

He set out to have his cake and eat it too. A gf and a few others on the side. Why not try and get that again if he can get away with it?


This helps. Thank you Nights.
Selfish. The ultimate in selfishness. THAT I can understand. Not understand in a, this is ok manner, but ok, this makes sense..... it relieves the pressure of my questions.
If there are any other guys or gals who read this and have similar things to say about why they or their friends have been so reckless with a partner I'd love to hear it.... you know the typical "player" types.
I've had friends who've cheated, but it's typically a different situation.... the super long marrarige that is difficult to leave, etc etc.... and yes in those cases it seems more complicated, but really, it's just that ultimate selfishness. Little concern outside their own needs.
How it must be to function with so little care for another person's feelings.... Do you see cheaters as being guilty and tortured or just detached?
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"please explain why someone would go through all this trouble to be a jerk?

Motivations.... I need motivations. Why would anyone intentionally set out to wreck someone else?"

Ok, love didn??t come into the picture. But if it??s not love you want from him, then why are you so bent out of shape? If it??s just something physical you want, I??m sure you could get it with someone else.
Motivations? There could be thousands of motivations other than genuine feelings. I even had a chick tell me once "I just felt like destroying someone." -she did this to someone else-
To me that might seem unduly cruel, but there??s all sorts of twisted reasons why people would stick to you, other than having deep care for you. At least in my case, it has cost me dearly to discover many of these, but, in your situation of course I have no way of knowing. But, yeah, it isn??t always deep affection that keeps people around you.
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Posted by XV2

Motivations? There could be thousands of motivations other than genuine feelings. I even had a chick tell me once "I just felt like destroying someone." -she did this to someone else-

OMMFG. Wow, how do you look someone like that in the eye? I would find that horrid. Revolting even. Did karma come back to her?
Posted by XV2
Ok, love didn??t come into the picture. But if it??s not love you want from him, then why are you so bent out of shape? If it??s just something physical you want, I??m sure you could get it with someone else.
To me that might seem unduly cruel, but there??s all sorts of twisted reasons why people would stick to you, other than having deep care for you. At least in my case, it has cost me dearly to discover many of these, but, in your situation of course I have no way of knowing. But, yeah, it isn??t always deep affection that keeps people around you.


There was deep emotion, just not love. I hear what you're saying though..... And you know what kills me.... there's another thread going on right now about saying "I love you" to someone. That lovely lady's situation is NOTHING like mine, but at the time I was pretty damn happy. All the way up until the day I found out. I would NEVER have guessed anything was going on.
In that thread people encourage expressing love, but then when I look at it from this side.... I fully understand my fear in voicing that someone has so much of my trust they could wreck me like this.
In short.... it's hell out there.
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DAMMNIT, I hate it when I do that.... edit button please.
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Most definitely listen to Nights, he's got his shit together. smile Off to the hinterlands of joy.
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Yes, karma definitely hit her back, and with interests!
I??m with Nights and VB too. Be kind to yourself, time to extinguish the fire and stop all that needless suffering. -I need to do this too!- it??s hard, I know.
Yes, it??s disturbing to find out you have placed your trust in the wrong place, I found out quite disturbing things that were going on behind my back many a time and it feels quite horrible! But the good news is you can put a stop to it if you choose to.
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Care to elaborate? I'm hear to chitty chat if you want...
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By elaborate I meant about your situation...
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I glossed over this thread, nice job as always VB, good call nights. Chin up and keep rational focus Gem.
Zzzzzzzzz........ plops down on bed hitting the floor.
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ooh, i don't agree. before you read this Gems, just realise i'm very idealistic. just saying Winking
but yeah. he's still coming around. you didn't take his shit when he cheated. you upped and went. that sent a clear message to him...that you respect yourself. fast forward, he's still thinking about you. there are tons of girls out there. if this is a game to him, then fine he's a sicko.
i think he's unable to let go for whatever reason. but not a malicious one. i think you should call him out. like the things you've said here. 'uh, remember the last time we saw each other? i was driving away from you after you cheated on me. that was a fun day. now. what is your motivation for being in touch?'
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Posted by nimbue
but yeah. he's still coming around. you didn't take his shit when he cheated. you upped and went. that sent a clear message to him...that you respect yourself. fast forward, he's still thinking about you. there are tons of girls out there.


I have a friend who said basically exactly the same thing, that by doing exactly what I did I made him face his actions and grow a pair. And because all he saw was my pounding rocks that day to come back around means he had to swallow a lot of pride.
She said she felt that every day I stuck to my guns and didn't go crawling back he grew more and more respect for me. She doesn't deny a driving force could be his loneliness, but that if I want to.... it's worth investigating. AT A VERY SLOW PACE.... to not rush back in, to not be exclusive, to take it slow and look for his true intentions....
I tend to agree. I kinda feel like maybe this whole thing falls somewhere in between.... evil hated cheating monster and pining away missing me lover boy.
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Nights - One of my guy friends said that if Mr Fishy was still coming around it's worth looking into. He didn't go into the whole standing your ground probably made him respect you, but he did say that it's not something he thought a guy would chase for this long for no reason.
This friend has also been able to scroll through months of text messages and read them.....
I'm just sooooo torn.
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the way i see it, he can't let a good thing go. that is all.
given the length of the relationship...he doesn't need to be strung up by the balls. people fuck up. and i don't believe once a cheater, always a cheater. i believe in weak-will and temptation.
it's different in every situation, anyway
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I'm with Nimbue on this... you guys weren't in looooove.. and he fucked up. Maybe he thought the texting and sexy chat was just funsies and harmless.. until it COST him. You walked, he lost you... but gained a lot of respect for you not taking his shit and staying.
Maybe he grew up.. maybe he didn't. Only TIME can tell you which is which at this point. So I agree with your friend.. if you WANT to.. see how it pans out, but TAKE IT SLOW. And FFS, don't be exclusive to him until he proves himself.
And if he ever pulls that shit again, you straight up WALK, and you NEVER speak to him again, you hear me? Only ONE "second chance" can be given.. after that, you're just a mat to wipe his feet on!

Maybe I'm too close to the situation, personally. The Libra and I went through something similar.. his inappropriate flirting and sexy chatting another woman was the reason he came home one night in early March to all of his shit neatly packed and waiting for him to take it all back to his PARENT'S house (no other place to go, baby? Tough noogies -- kick rocks anyway!).. and HE thought it was just "harmless".. but it didn't FEEL "harmless" to me, and I stuck to my guns, and did not even allow him to set eyes on me for over a month, though we live in the same town. He's jumped through burning hoops for the last six months to prove himself to me (in a BIG way), to get me back "officially" *shrug* But if he ever does it again.. I walk, and will never look back again. He gets ONE second chance.. and I already KNOW I'll live through us ending.. cuz I already did. But honestly.. there's been not a whiff of inappropriate talk/behavior.. cuz now he KNOWS that it won't take actual physical cheating for me to walk.. all it'll take is disrespecting my place in his life. Cuz I didn't SAY so.. I SHOWED so.
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