How to deal with bad mouthing & the cold shoulder?

This topic was created in the Pisces forum by malloryor on Tuesday, June 17, 2014 and has 15 replies.
Hello fellow Pisces! I'm a Pisces sun with an Aries moon and a Leo rising...
What would you say would probably be people's first perception of me?
Because I've been struggling with making solid friendships, I'm very friendly, pretty outgoing--though I know that there is a time and place for everything--and really do try to be a comforting presence to the people I know. However I just can't seem to attract good energies, or lasting ones to me and its so disappointing. I'll give you an example, I'm away in school and joined a sorority a little over a year ago. Initially I had no plans to join one because I know that I don't tend to do well in big social groups like those, but I received a private invitation to meet this sorority, couple that invite with me being new to the school, I thought my odds of making some lifelong friends were good. Well after I joined the girls stopped acting like they wanted me around. The whole week leading up to me joining, they were always interested in getting to know me, they seemed like genuine girls and god was I so excited to meet my lifelong friends because you know that's what everyone promises you you'll gain in college. Well the total opposite happened, I was essentially shunned by the group that I ultimately shut down and closed myself off to trying anymore and left the sorority.
One of the girls confessed to me that she had been behind it, that she had told the girls she just "didn't know about me," whatever that means...but because she had said whatever she said none of the other girls liked me.
I've had other similar situations like this, where people will just make assumptions about me, ignore me completely, bad mouth me behind my back, or just try confrontation with me and it is ALWAYS behind my back so I never have a chance to defend myself until things have completely snowballed...
so how do other Pisces deal with this...any sage wisdom to avoid letting the emotional fishy side get the best of me?
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I'm not a Pisces but I wanted to say I'm sorry that happened to you.
People can be so thoughtless and mean sometimes, it's very petty.
I hope it works out and anyway, there'll be other friendship opportunitys both at college and outside too smile
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Posted by malloryor
Hello fellow Pisces! I'm a Pisces sun with an Aries moon and a Leo rising...
One of the girls confessed to me that she had been behind it, that she had told the girls she just "didn't know about me," whatever that means..


It means she felt threatened by you for some reason.
How did this confession come about?
*curious*
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Posted by Montgomery
Posted by malloryor
Hello fellow Pisces! I'm a Pisces sun with an Aries moon and a Leo rising...
One of the girls confessed to me that she had been behind it, that she had told the girls she just "didn't know about me," whatever that means..


It means she felt threatened by you for some reason.
How did this confession come about?
*curious*

click to expand


Thanks everyone for your polite words, and you're right I need to just brush these things off but its hard. I can't help but internalize it as an issue with me rather than someone else's personal problem.
She just started coming around more, she went from literally gossiping about me in my face (you know how girls do, whisper and point over in your direction, giggle a bit, and turn their noses up on you?), to suddenly greeting me with hugs--which I could sense were quite genuine--it was like her energy changed. One day we all went out as a soror for midnight dinner at a local diner and she was one of the ring leaders who pushed for me to come out. I came out, and I thanked her and a few of the other girls for thinking about me and inviting me to join them. There were two other girls in the group who decided to sit away from us in their own little booth--weird, these girls were also a part of the ring leaders group and were big perpetrators in ostracizing me from everyone.
I got the feeling that they started resenting the ringleader because she was retracting on her original feelings towards me and they wanted to continue to hate me. Anyway, after I thanked them for inviting me out, she just blurted out that she was sorry for the way she treated me and that she was largely responsible for how everyone else treated me.
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I'm sorry you are in the situation that you are in. I'm not a pisces so can't give you any insight as to what a pisces would do. But in general, people can be so bad but don't let them get to you.
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Posted by tiziani
... uplifting people isn't always about being nice.


Preach. Big Grin
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Posted by malloryor
... and I thanked her and a few of the other girls for thinking about me and inviting me to join them. There were two other girls in the group who decided to sit away from us in their own little booth--weird, these girls were also a part of the ring leaders group and were big perpetrators in ostracizing me from everyone.
I got the feeling that they started resenting the ringleader because she was retracting on her original feelings towards me and they wanted to continue to hate me. Anyway, after I thanked them for inviting me out, she just blurted out that she was sorry for the way she treated me and that she was largely responsible for how everyone else treated me.


Or
It's their turn to be ostracized.
You shouldn't have to feel grateful that you were included--
And certainly not toward someone who was "literally gossiping about" you to your "face"--
though I totally understand why you were.
And of course it bothers you-- no one likes to be singled-out and held to public ridicule.
Try not to let their actions determine how you feel about yourself, and ffs... don't thank anyone for doing the right thing and/or not being an asshole.

I love what Fisk said about joining groups/clubs based on common interest-- that's really good advice.



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The problems you described may be related to your Aries moon. I have Aries moon too, and I'm also facing the same problems. I never know if it's paranoia in my head or if it's real, but it's crazy to watch people changing behaviour everytime you approach them, it's sad Sad I usually wait until the 3rd time to make sure I'm not imagining things. After 3rd "deception" I withdraw and ignore them 4evah LOL
"Oh, had you been hit by an arrow? Do you want me to pull it for you? Hummmmmm......... NAH?" LOOOOL
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Oh, I forgot to say... I noticed I always talk shit people didn't ask, so I'm trying to open my mouth less. Maybe that's the problem. But it's crazy, because conversations happens because someone initiate it. If there is no initiatior, how are conversations going to be engaged? Waiting for things to happen is always tough for us Sad
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Posted by FeelingShred
Oh, I forgot to say... I noticed I always talk shit people didn't ask, so I'm trying to open my mouth less. Maybe that's the problem. But it's crazy, because conversations happens because someone initiate it. If there is no initiatior, how are conversations going to be engaged? Waiting for things to happen is always tough for us Sad


I hear everything you're saying, it is crazy literally watching people pull a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde in front of your very eyes and with my placement in Pisces and Leo it actually pisses me off because I'm one nice motherfucker, the only person who takes a beating is me and then when I think back on it, I always want to slap myself. It's like why were you such a doormat, they screwed you over and in those moments I start to wish that my Aries moon would help in giving me a better backbone but ehh.
Anyway I'm not sure how exactly my Aries moon translates to how others perceive me, I do tend to hear from a lot of girls that they were intimidated of me and that's why they talked shit behind my back but I don't get it, because when I'm engaging with people you either get the Pisces side of me or my Leo ascendant.
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Posted by Tavrine
Posted by FeelingShred
Oh, I forgot to say... I noticed I always talk shit people didn't ask, so I'm trying to open my mouth less. Maybe that's the problem. But it's crazy, because conversations happens because someone initiate it. If there is no initiatior, how are conversations going to be engaged? Waiting for things to happen is always tough for us Sad


#ariesmoonproblem
And yes I understand you aswel, expecially with the gossip part that I did realize it was seriously that bad that I decided to stop doing that anymore and turn into very positive conversation. #Ariesmercury8houseproblem
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Hahaha FeelingShred correct me if I'm wrong, but Tavrine I don't think that's what he meant. At least from how I interpreted it, he's saying he talks too much, goes into too much detail about his day, life, whatever...the fault of a very friendly person I suppose
FeelingShred I tend to be more of the person that ends up playing the therapist or the mommy, tears all over my shoulders and then when I try to sit in the therapist chair I usually get my oh so favorite line "aww everything will be alright!"
Well no shit of course things will be alright, I'm almost certain I won't be dealing with this issue when I'm 40 but constructive advice would be nice ya know hahaha
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...Sorry for the three post in a row, but I just wanted to thank everyone for their advice and nice words. I need just need to woman up haha you know Rihanna is a Pisces Sun/Aries Moon as am I, and I'm not sure how she's got this whole "Think what you want about me because I'm going to do what I want," but I need to figure it out!
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so how do other Pisces deal with this...any sage wisdom to avoid letting the emotional fishy side get the best of me?
Those idiots shunned you because they were threatened by your:
A.) Good looks
B.) Superior intelligence
C.) Both
Listen, you are going to meet a LOT of losers in this world. Stupid, ugly, humorless, stupid and ugly, ignorant, myopic, mentally ill, the list goes on and on....
There are actually more LOSERS than there are people worth knowing, so please keep that in mind as you navigate the sea of human beings out there.
It is RARE that you meet someone on your level (who is both good looking and has a sense of civility and humor, say nothing of high caliber intelligence).
You are going to just have to tighten your helmet a little bit, fasten your body armor straps a little more, and clutch your rifle tightly. The morass of idiots and jerks is growing bigger and bigger, so just wade into them and blast them if they leave you no choice.
Eventually you will meet someone worth talking to.
I have been alive for 36 years, and I can count around 8-10 people that have proven worth really knowing over these years. You will find the same conundrum exists for you as well, just keep your chin up and keep searching for a decent person to talk to. Man or woman.
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Posted by ScorpioFish
so how do other Pisces deal with this...any sage wisdom to avoid letting the emotional fishy side get the best of me?
Those idiots shunned you because they were threatened by your:
A.) Good looks
B.) Superior intelligence
C.) Both
Listen, you are going to meet a LOT of losers in this world. Stupid, ugly, humorless, stupid and ugly, ignorant, myopic, mentally ill, the list goes on and on....
There are actually more LOSERS than there are people worth knowing, so please keep that in mind as you navigate the sea of human beings out there.
It is RARE that you meet someone on your level (who is both good looking and has a sense of civility and humor, say nothing of high caliber intelligence).
You are going to just have to tighten your helmet a little bit, fasten your body armor straps a little more, and clutch your rifle tightly. The morass of idiots and jerks is growing bigger and bigger, so just wade into them and blast them if they leave you no choice.
Eventually you will meet someone worth talking to.
I have been alive for 36 years, and I can count around 8-10 people that have proven worth really knowing over these years. You will find the same conundrum exists for you as well, just keep your chin up and keep searching for a decent person to talk to. Man or woman.



Thanks SF for the encouraging words, you are definitely right, I'm going to have to woman up and learn to brush off the naysayers.
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Posted by Tavrine
Posted by malloryor
Posted by Tavrine
Posted by FeelingShred
Oh, I forgot to say... I noticed I always talk shit people didn't ask, so I'm trying to open my mouth less. Maybe that's the problem. But it's crazy, because conversations happens because someone initiate it. If there is no initiatior, how are conversations going to be engaged? Waiting for things to happen is always tough for us Sad


#ariesmoonproblem
And yes I understand you aswel, expecially with the gossip part that I did realize it was seriously that bad that I decided to stop doing that anymore and turn into very positive conversation. #Ariesmercury8houseproblem


Hahaha FeelingShred correct me if I'm wrong, but Tavrine I don't think that's what he meant. At least from how I interpreted it, he's saying he talks too much, goes into too much detail about his day, life, whatever...the fault of a very friendly person I suppose
FeelingShred I tend to be more of the person that ends up playing the therapist or the mommy, tears all over my shoulders and then when I try to sit in the therapist chair I usually get my oh so favorite line "aww everything will be alright!"
Well no shit of course things will be alright, I'm almost certain I won't be dealing with this issue when I'm 40 but constructive advice would be nice ya know hahaha


Oh I see! I had that before until I got to realize I really should shut the fuck up since now I do realize that it will be taken advantage of. Sad
Especially with the gossip part.. Straight Face
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Yeah it's unfortunate but I guess luckily for me my intuition has always been right so I can usually trust my instincts when I get a feeling something is off, and can sense when the vibe in the room has changed. As soon as I smell something's up I'm out, I can't stand fickle people anyway so I suppose that's one great way to weed through all the bullshit.
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