In need of understanding - pls...
This topic was created in the Pisces forum by Freebird on Thursday, August 4, 2005 and has 17 replies.
For some reason or another I have seemed to embark into the world of the Pisces...they are swimming around me and continue to "show up" in my world - or perhaps it is me showing up in their world...nevertheless, I am a bit confused with their behavior and would appreciate ANY helpful words that you can share with me.
First off....I AM an Aries, I enjoy people - I enjoy talking with people and meeting new people - this is a part of me, who I am. Those who know me best call me "butterfly"....
My older Pisces male friend - and a great and dear friend he is...will tell me often that I should never get married, it will ruin me (dampen my spirit, my freedom loving ways...) and he feels he will lose his bestest friend. He also tells me that it will take a very special man to be in a relationship with me - he says this because I do have so many male friends and most men do not understand this and feel that it is wrong. He knows me and let's me be me...so when he and I are talking in the gym or wherever and I see a friend and scoot off to talk with him he is fine...never says anything - this FEELS good to me. Now on the other hand, my female Pisces friend who is engaged to an Aries gets very upset with me when I talk with other men...she wants my undivided attention when we are out on the town. Honestly, it is hard for me to not talk with other people...why must she be so possessive? It is okay for her to chat with others but when it comes to me????? she lays the guilt trip on me...is this insecurity on her part or must I really focus on her the whole time I am out with her?
What is an Aries woman to do? I care very much for her and our friendship but I also need my freedom to move about and chat...why can she not accept that part of me?
Thanks guys....
Freebird feeling like the fish wants me in a bird cage....
First off....I AM an Aries, I enjoy people - I enjoy talking with people and meeting new people - this is a part of me, who I am. Those who know me best call me "butterfly"....
My older Pisces male friend - and a great and dear friend he is...will tell me often that I should never get married, it will ruin me (dampen my spirit, my freedom loving ways...) and he feels he will lose his bestest friend. He also tells me that it will take a very special man to be in a relationship with me - he says this because I do have so many male friends and most men do not understand this and feel that it is wrong. He knows me and let's me be me...so when he and I are talking in the gym or wherever and I see a friend and scoot off to talk with him he is fine...never says anything - this FEELS good to me. Now on the other hand, my female Pisces friend who is engaged to an Aries gets very upset with me when I talk with other men...she wants my undivided attention when we are out on the town. Honestly, it is hard for me to not talk with other people...why must she be so possessive? It is okay for her to chat with others but when it comes to me????? she lays the guilt trip on me...is this insecurity on her part or must I really focus on her the whole time I am out with her?
What is an Aries woman to do? I care very much for her and our friendship but I also need my freedom to move about and chat...why can she not accept that part of me?
Thanks guys....
Freebird feeling like the fish wants me in a bird cage....
Pisces needs attention, care and continuous reassurance. We divide people into two groups: a friend and non-friend.
A FRIEN
Person who continuously gives attention (make us feel we "exist" near them), cares and continuously reassures us.
A NON-FRIEN Person who doesn't give attention (doesn't make us feel "exist" near them), doesn't cares, doesn't reassures...shortly..ignores us.
I guess this all is very hard for Aries to keep up...
There is one thing, thought:
When you come with us or when we take you with us into some social gathering we let you know what we are going to do next. Be it related with you or not we still let you know. Because we come with together with you and will take the "responsibility" to inform you about our actions. We are there together after all. We expect the same from you. If you speak with us for one moment and when some your other friend comes to you in the middle of speech and you go with him/her without telling us something, this is very rude for us. We take it as uncivilised behaviour. You simply ignore us. We don't accept that behaviour.
A FRIEN
Person who continuously gives attention (make us feel we "exist" near them), cares and continuously reassures us.A NON-FRIEN
Person who doesn't give attention (doesn't make us feel "exist" near them), doesn't cares, doesn't reassures...shortly..ignores us.I guess this all is very hard for Aries to keep up...
There is one thing, thought:
When you come with us or when we take you with us into some social gathering we let you know what we are going to do next. Be it related with you or not we still let you know. Because we come with together with you and will take the "responsibility" to inform you about our actions. We are there together after all. We expect the same from you. If you speak with us for one moment and when some your other friend comes to you in the middle of speech and you go with him/her without telling us something, this is very rude for us. We take it as uncivilised behaviour. You simply ignore us. We don't accept that behaviour.
Thanks Haffo for your honest response....I can only speak of myself but I suppose there are times when just like a kid I "just do it" whatever it may be...impulsive, yes...spontaneous, yes.....doing without thinking, sometimes - yes. Being in the moment...always! Perhaps the Pisces swimming around me are teaching me "responsibility?" and maybe I am teaching them to "let go" and be free once in awhile...follow your bliss.
I am by no means ignoring my friends and I am so sorry that they may feel that way...it is not my intention at all...It would be nice if they could learn also learn to accept me for me without judgements and expectations.
I am by no means ignoring my friends and I am so sorry that they may feel that way...it is not my intention at all...It would be nice if they could learn also learn to accept me for me without judgements and expectations.
This story is proof of typical differences between Aries and Pisces.
"It would be nice if they could learn also learn to accept me for me without judgements and expectations."
This part is funny. Actually judgement and expectations are our defensive mechanisms. This mechanism has proved it efficiency many times. Asking us to leave it is means for us "tolerate" people even if we disagree with them. This is not possible, sorry. However, by using our communication abilities we can resolve our differences. But Aries people I've met mostly seems to don't like to communicate for that reason. This is a way with no exit.
This part is funny. Actually judgement and expectations are our defensive mechanisms. This mechanism has proved it efficiency many times. Asking us to leave it is means for us "tolerate" people even if we disagree with them. This is not possible, sorry. However, by using our communication abilities we can resolve our differences. But Aries people I've met mostly seems to don't like to communicate for that reason. This is a way with no exit.
Honestly there are differences everywhere - it IS a major aspect of life...it is US (humans) who need to learn to accept and understand the differences in others. How boring would it be if we all were the same?
My question to you is from your first post - "We take it as uncivilized behaviour. You simply ignore us. We don't accept that behaviour." Is it possible that this may be your perception of the actions of another but not the truth? How can one develop any kind of friendship with another if they judge their actions and dismiss them without any understanding?
My question to you is from your first post - "We take it as uncivilized behaviour. You simply ignore us. We don't accept that behaviour." Is it possible that this may be your perception of the actions of another but not the truth? How can one develop any kind of friendship with another if they judge their actions and dismiss them without any understanding?
You right. This is the perception of actions of another. It's like predicting human behaviours. We do act on infomation gained by us from other people by means of analysing their behaviours. We do try to predict their behaviours based on this information. Mostly we do predict it correctly. Therefore, it has a point to be a "defensive mechanism". But this system is not perfect. Sometimes we miss. Funny but for that exact reason, we continuously need reassurance from people. The result under these conditions are much more percise.
"Honestly there are differences everywhere - it IS a major aspect of life...it is US (humans) who need to learn to accept and understand the differences in others. How boring would it be if we all were the same?"
We do accept the differences in people. But certain behaviours without reassurance will lead us in wrong places if we don't receive answers.
We do accept the differences in people. But certain behaviours without reassurance will lead us in wrong places if we don't receive answers.
Do you ask the questions to receive the answers?
Pisces needs attention, care and continuous reassurance. We divide people into two groups: a friend and non-friend.
A FRIEN Person who continuously gives attention (make us feel we "exist" near them), cares and continuously reassures us.
A NON-FRIEN Person who doesn't give attention (doesn't make us feel "exist" near them), doesn't cares, doesn't reassures...shortly..ignores us.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
What a load of BS. Haffo's obviously speaking from his own life experience. Me, I'm a pisces and I'm a bit of a loner in that regard. I love people, don't get me wrong but it's got nothing to do with what they can give me. I don't NEED attention, infact I'd rather not get it if it's not due in the natural course of conversation or situation. As far as caring, it's all about mutual respect and that's something you have to earn. Which is what FRIENDSHIP is all about, isn't it? Reassurance, I couldn't give a flying fcuk what people think of me or my action. Advice is one thing but I don't NEED people to tell me how to live. What makes them any more important than me to the point I need their blessing, permission or reassurance. Maybe it's just me, I am a very convident person. That may sound arrigant but I feel I've lived enough life and experienced enough to know if I'm doing the right thing or if my butt looks fat in these pants or not. I certainly don't need reassurance. I'm always interested to see how other people think about things but as far as NEEDING to hear it so I can make a dicision... Not me!!
Freebird, I don't think your friend's behaviour is a pisces thing, probably more of an indivisual thing. She sounds very controlling and needy and these are things I find very irritating.
A FRIEN
Person who continuously gives attention (make us feel we "exist" near them), cares and continuously reassures us.A NON-FRIEN
Person who doesn't give attention (doesn't make us feel "exist" near them), doesn't cares, doesn't reassures...shortly..ignores us._____________________________________________________________________________________
What a load of BS. Haffo's obviously speaking from his own life experience. Me, I'm a pisces and I'm a bit of a loner in that regard. I love people, don't get me wrong but it's got nothing to do with what they can give me. I don't NEED attention, infact I'd rather not get it if it's not due in the natural course of conversation or situation. As far as caring, it's all about mutual respect and that's something you have to earn. Which is what FRIENDSHIP is all about, isn't it? Reassurance, I couldn't give a flying fcuk what people think of me or my action. Advice is one thing but I don't NEED people to tell me how to live. What makes them any more important than me to the point I need their blessing, permission or reassurance. Maybe it's just me, I am a very convident person. That may sound arrigant but I feel I've lived enough life and experienced enough to know if I'm doing the right thing or if my butt looks fat in these pants or not. I certainly don't need reassurance. I'm always interested to see how other people think about things but as far as NEEDING to hear it so I can make a dicision... Not me!!
Freebird, I don't think your friend's behaviour is a pisces thing, probably more of an indivisual thing. She sounds very controlling and needy and these are things I find very irritating.
"Do you ask the questions to receive the answers?"
Always. Not just normally asking, but annoyingly asking much.
Always. Not just normally asking, but annoyingly asking much.
BJ:
What I meant by reassurance is totally what I need. I don't need people "knowingly" reassure me. If I need reassurance (which I need alot) I ask questions. Since I do ask alot of questions, I do need alot of reassurance.
From my point it looks like a reassurance. But from others point of view it looks like "participiation" or "resposibility".
What I meant by reassurance is totally what I need. I don't need people "knowingly" reassure me. If I need reassurance (which I need alot) I ask questions. Since I do ask alot of questions, I do need alot of reassurance.
From my point it looks like a reassurance. But from others point of view it looks like "participiation" or "resposibility".
I think thats that individual freebird.
I concur...thanks. We each are unique and individual - she does have a controlling nature and has shared this with me before.
Hi Freebird,
I have to agree with BJ when he said that it wasn't just a "Pisces thing". In terms of Friendship, you shouldn't be possessive and it's really unfair of how your friend would put you thru a guilt trip when you chat with other people in her company when she does the same exact thing. I think you just need to talk to her very honestly just so that she can see where you are coming from. You might want to encourage her to express her feelings so you can know where this possessiveness is coming from. I have to disagree on Haffo's dipiction on how a Pisces definition of a friend. I'm a Pisces and I'm somewhat confident, yet I'm fiercely a loner.I really don't need a whole lot of attention and if I need reassurance, then I am being insecure.I've learned from my failed friendships of what friendship really is. Alot of times I saw that my friends weren't reciprocating in the friendship. Alot of times friendship is a mutual thing.My thing is "honesty" and it's not really easy, but it's the consealer of true friendships. Honesty and trust will conceal your friendship to where there won't be any room for insecurities.
I have to agree with BJ when he said that it wasn't just a "Pisces thing". In terms of Friendship, you shouldn't be possessive and it's really unfair of how your friend would put you thru a guilt trip when you chat with other people in her company when she does the same exact thing. I think you just need to talk to her very honestly just so that she can see where you are coming from. You might want to encourage her to express her feelings so you can know where this possessiveness is coming from. I have to disagree on Haffo's dipiction on how a Pisces definition of a friend. I'm a Pisces and I'm somewhat confident, yet I'm fiercely a loner.I really don't need a whole lot of attention and if I need reassurance, then I am being insecure.I've learned from my failed friendships of what friendship really is. Alot of times I saw that my friends weren't reciprocating in the friendship. Alot of times friendship is a mutual thing.My thing is "honesty" and it's not really easy, but it's the consealer of true friendships. Honesty and trust will conceal your friendship to where there won't be any room for insecurities.
"I don't NEED attention, infact I'd rather not get it if it's not due in the natural course of conversation or situation."
I didn't claimed that I need attention when it's not in natural course of conversation or situation. It's just when people promise something and dont do it, when they stand up and leave in the middle of conversation or situation and then act like nothing has happened....This part doesn't work well with "friends". Aries people do tend to do this.
"As far as caring, it's all about mutual respect and that's something you have to earn. Which is what FRIENDSHIP is all about, isn't it?"
Agreed. I wouldn't understand how can two people be friends without caring each other.
"Reassurance, I couldn't give a flying fcuk what people think of me or my action. Advice is one thing but I don't NEED people to tell me how to live."
Reassuarance what I ment is not about "what people think about my action". It's about what I think about their action and need answers. I "reassure" myself in their actions. Also if people seek reassurance in "my" actions I never turn down their requests. Maybe that make any sense and how I seriously take things.
I didn't claimed that I need attention when it's not in natural course of conversation or situation. It's just when people promise something and dont do it, when they stand up and leave in the middle of conversation or situation and then act like nothing has happened....This part doesn't work well with "friends". Aries people do tend to do this.
"As far as caring, it's all about mutual respect and that's something you have to earn. Which is what FRIENDSHIP is all about, isn't it?"
Agreed. I wouldn't understand how can two people be friends without caring each other.
"Reassurance, I couldn't give a flying fcuk what people think of me or my action. Advice is one thing but I don't NEED people to tell me how to live."
Reassuarance what I ment is not about "what people think about my action". It's about what I think about their action and need answers. I "reassure" myself in their actions. Also if people seek reassurance in "my" actions I never turn down their requests. Maybe that make any sense and how I seriously take things.
I agree with dreamy-eyes about the suggestions,find out what she insecure about to see if maybe you can help her out to get past it,maybe it is just some type of reassurance she nneds.
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