So I've been 'dating' my Pisces best friend for the past couple of months. Having been friends with him for so long, I've always known him to be the 'hit-it-and-quit-it' type of guy. Incredibly charming, respectful, and polite to women, but is just looking for casual sex. This is why I was shocked when he approached me about his feelings for me and wanting to give us a shot. We've been dating since the end of January (although he refuses to call it that) he's very giving in the bedroom, still as caring as he was as my friend (brings me medicine when I'm sick, pays for dinner, etc.) I get good morning texts every day. But there's times when he pulls away and I'll just get short one word answers. My natural response is to follow suite and pull away too (I'm a libra/Scorpio cusp) but then he turns it into this "do you not want to be friends anymore?" "You seem distant" and ultimately "I know you were out with another guy, you're replacing me!"
Again, HE'S the one who freaked out when I referred to us as dating. I am familiar with Pisces and the back and forth crap they do... but I'm not use to the jealousy.
My question here is can I expect him to ever take the next step in admitting that we are more serious than he likes to pretend, and is jealousy a sign that he's realizing that and afraid of losing me... or is it just more moody water sign stuff.
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Aug 24, 2011Comments: 17 · Posts: 5119 · Topics: 78
Hm, I think you need to take a few things into account here. As you've said he's a "hit it and quit it" type of guy. Apparently he's normally respectful, polite, and only looking for casual sex. Have you two talked about exclusivity, or is it assumed? Do you know if he's dating other women? I only ask because you'e only been "dating" since January and he's not interested in saying that you're dating at all.
If you two have been friends for a while and are dating, it's a little odd that he's being standoffish about that. The jealousy thing is also a bit of a red flag too. Generally people react to others based on how they themselves react. Meaning liars generally think everyone lies, cheaters generally think everyone cheats etc. That's not to say that he's lying or cheating. I just wonder if he's talking to other women when too. Hence his outbursts whenever your texting slows down.
Additionally it's only been a couple of months. It generally takes 3 months or 90 days for people to get accustomed to one another. This is when the facades start to fade as well. So if he's jealous and possessive now, it's safe to say you can expect more of that in the future.
Speaking of which, it sounds like you two text often, no? If you receive good morning texts daily, it doesn't sound like you go long periods of time without hearing from each other. There really isn't any reason for either of you to feel a push-pull with that amount of frequency. If you're talking every day, just anticipate that he may not be as chatty sometimes.
My suggestion is to actually talk to him about the dynamic of your "dating" status. If he freaks out on you about it again, simply ask him, "So are we officially dating? Should I be talking to other guys? Are you talking to other girls?" If you want something exclusive, just tell him straight. I wouldn't wait on him to make that next step if that's something you want.
Side note/devil's advocate: If you're already hooking up with the guy, that means his needs are being met. Don't expect him to push more for an emotional bond with you. In general guys are looking for a physical connection per se. That's not to say that we aren't interested in an emotional connection, buuut it generally isn't our priority. That added to the fact that you're already friends, he's probably not thinking along those lines.