Posted by DreamyboyI understand that but relationships only grow with good communication, how is that possible through just actions?
Bud we hate talking about our emotions. I know I hate it. I actually am terrible myself at explaining how I feel to a girl that I have feelings for. All the actions are what actually is important to watch for. Pisces do things for people they love, including things they don't like.
Posted by UndineI actually spend a lot thinking about my feelings and whenever I think they are irrational I never, ever tell her. I only tell her things when I think I have a valid reason to be upset or if I think she is upset.
Are you trying to stir up some drama and a fight? Calm down and let her be. Emotions are to be felt, they come and go and some of them only last a second. She can't share all of them with you.
If you have a real problem, try to discuss the facts while leaving out the emotions.
My impression is that you are trying to project some negative emotions on her, emotions she may not even feel. Stop being such a Debbie Downer, it is exhausting for your partner.
As for talking less than you may like, treat her to a strong coffee and she will end up talking your ears off.
Posted by UndineI am oversensitive and overanalyse things but they are things I am working hard to change. Being extremely defensive and passive shouldn't be something that I should just accept, it should be something that I should be helping her improve because these traits are not good for her or for the people she cares about.
"She is also quite passive and incredibly defensive and this has been quite difficult to deal with so any tips will be welcome."
This is how she is, stop trying to put her in a corner. Work on yourself, it seems that you may be the one having issues.
Posted by DreamyboyI understand, I guess I need to pick up on the clues of when I should just leave her be. I sometimes feel like if I'm not the one to break the silence between us after an argument then we would end up just never talking.Posted by cancersaurusThat is true that it will grow with good communication, but there's going to be times like this where she doesn't want to talk about it. Best thing to do is let it blow over and bring it up when she's more calm and collected about it. She'll tell one day.Posted by DreamyboyI understand that but relationships only grow with good communication, how is that possible through just actions?
Bud we hate talking about our emotions. I know I hate it. I actually am terrible myself at explaining how I feel to a girl that I have feelings for. All the actions are what actually is important to watch for. Pisces do things for people they love, including things they don't like.
For example, lets say she is annoyed at me and is being distant with me because of it, how am I supposed to know what she's upset over if she doesn't tell me?
For days that ex gfs irritated me and annoyed me, I definitely did the same thing. Leave, ignore them, go out etc. Eventually I would come back to hang out but I was still irritated and not really want to talk. Ex's would give me warmth and let me brood over it in silence and I almost always feel better a little after.
When everything is good between you two, do keep good communication to build on that rapport so when you guys have hard times, it doesn't crack everything apartclick to expand
Posted by LadyNeptuneI have tried MANY times and it's almost made me lose her. She get's extremely uncomfortable for some reason. I thought it was the way I brought things up so I even tried to change how I did that, I would stay calm, use a soft tone (to not sound annoyed or upset) and use neutral words where possible, e.g. instead of saying "you're being selfish by asking me to not see my friends this weekend" I'd say "I feel like it's not fair on me to not visit my friends this weekend, what do you think?".
Stop using texts to get her to open up about her emotions. That ish should happen face to face.
Posted by cancersaurusIf she's uncomfortable then that means she's not ready. How bout you shelve your emotional neediness and focus on what she needs from you to open up. I suspect if you stop being so pushy she'll meet you half way.Posted by LadyNeptuneI have tried MANY times and it's almost made me lose her. She get's extremely uncomfortable for some reason. I thought it was the way I brought things up so I even tried to change how I did that, I would stay calm, use a soft tone (to not sound annoyed or upset) and use neutral words where possible, e.g. instead of saying "you're being selfish by asking me to not see my friends this weekend" I'd say "I feel like it's not fair on me to not visit my friends this weekend, what do you think?".
Stop using texts to get her to open up about her emotions. That ish should happen face to face.
It just doesn't work. I hate bringing things up because it makes her uncomfortable but I can't continue a relationship where we can't talk about anything.click to expand
Posted by UndineThat was a simple example, I haven't actually said that but I also don't want to be delving deep into our problems as I don't think it's necessary for this post.
"It feels like you don't care about me anymore"
What reply are you expecting? The automated "Yes, I do care" said with an irritated tone?
Please stop whinging like this.....it puts you in a defensive and weak position, unfortunate and off-putting if you are a man and she likes a strong shoulder to lean on.
You could show affection in many ways, from pet names to hand holding and you could initiate and learn from her responses.
Posted by LadyNeptuneWe've been together for 17 months now, I have been waiting for a long time and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere close to her feeling more comfortable. I've tried hard and obviously it hasn't worked which is why I am coming here for advice. I will definitely try to be less pushy than I am now though, I think you're very right on that.Posted by cancersaurusIf she's uncomfortable then that means she's not ready. How bout you shelve your emotional neediness and focus on what she needs from you to open up. I suspect if you stop being so pushy she'll meet you half way.Posted by LadyNeptuneI have tried MANY times and it's almost made me lose her. She get's extremely uncomfortable for some reason. I thought it was the way I brought things up so I even tried to change how I did that, I would stay calm, use a soft tone (to not sound annoyed or upset) and use neutral words where possible, e.g. instead of saying "you're being selfish by asking me to not see my friends this weekend" I'd say "I feel like it's not fair on me to not visit my friends this weekend, what do you think?".
Stop using texts to get her to open up about her emotions. That ish should happen face to face.
It just doesn't work. I hate bringing things up because it makes her uncomfortable but I can't continue a relationship where we can't talk about anything.
If you'd rather chill with your friends than kick it with her what kinda message does that send her?? And how does that help her open up to you?click to expand
Posted by UndineI disagree to some degree. I am not trying to change who she is a person and she is not doing that either. But if I have things/traits that are holding me back from being my best possible self I would be very happy to have someone to help me handle these things/traits, which is what I would be more than happy to do for her also.
Do NOT try to change someone. Change yourself or get out of the relationship.
Posted by DreamyboyYeah that makes sense. Definitely does get hard for me sometimes because she generally doesn't open up at all unless I kind of push her to. I think for the next few months I will attempt to not push her at all and see what happens, anything is better than what's going on right now tbh!Posted by cancersaurusWell there's nothing wrong with reaching out to let her know your concerned, but don't press the matter if she doesn't want to talk about it. She'll come around. Best you can do is help calm her nerves by being caring.Posted by DreamyboyI understand, I guess I need to pick up on the clues of when I should just leave her be. I sometimes feel like if I'm not the one to break the silence between us after an argument then we would end up just never talking.Posted by cancersaurusThat is true that it will grow with good communication, but there's going to be times like this where she doesn't want to talk about it. Best thing to do is let it blow over and bring it up when she's more calm and collected about it. She'll tell one day.Posted by DreamyboyI understand that but relationships only grow with good communication, how is that possible through just actions?
Bud we hate talking about our emotions. I know I hate it. I actually am terrible myself at explaining how I feel to a girl that I have feelings for. All the actions are what actually is important to watch for. Pisces do things for people they love, including things they don't like.
For example, lets say she is annoyed at me and is being distant with me because of it, how am I supposed to know what she's upset over if she doesn't tell me?
For days that ex gfs irritated me and annoyed me, I definitely did the same thing. Leave, ignore them, go out etc. Eventually I would come back to hang out but I was still irritated and not really want to talk. Ex's would give me warmth and let me brood over it in silence and I almost always feel better a little after.
When everything is good between you two, do keep good communication to build on that rapport so when you guys have hard times, it doesn't crack everything apart
I guess I can't make assumptions like that without any evidence though. Thank youclick to expand
Posted by KoniuchaaYes I agree with that, being in a relationship has made me realise the bad habits I have and need to change and I think she has also done the same but due to her defensiveness she does not want to admit it in any way.
You need to tell her face to face how you feel and what you would like from her. A relationship is two people working together, not one doing whatever they want and not caring how the other person feels
Posted by pinkbird03I hate communicating through text, it's hard to tell how someone is feeling through a screen. Thing is though, she does not like having talks face to face because she gets uncomfortable and that sometimes pushes her away from me because I think she feels like I enjoy creating problems for us (I don't at all, I just want us to talk like a normal couple).
My bf is a Pisces Venus and sometimes I dislike his communication through text. There’s not a lot of substance. It’s definitely more light. So we talk on the phone a lot more and obviously in person. 100% better. He’s actually one of the best communicators I’ve ever dated. But it’s not always about his feelings. He shows his feeling through emojis actually.
Posted by KoniuchaaShe is 20 and I am 22. Sometimes we do have great talks where she tells me how she feels but most of the time I just get ignored for hours until I try to push a response out of her and even then she usually never explains things properly.Posted by cancersaurusHow old is she? If she is that uncomfortable with communication, maybe she need to see someone and get help. Two people in a relationship should be able to comfortably talk to each other.Posted by LadyNeptuneI have tried MANY times and it's almost made me lose her. She get's extremely uncomfortable for some reason. I thought it was the way I brought things up so I even tried to change how I did that, I would stay calm, use a soft tone (to not sound annoyed or upset) and use neutral words where possible, e.g. instead of saying "you're being selfish by asking me to not see my friends this weekend" I'd say "I feel like it's not fair on me to not visit my friends this weekend, what do you think?".
Stop using texts to get her to open up about her emotions. That ish should happen face to face.
It just doesn't work. I hate bringing things up because it makes her uncomfortable but I can't continue a relationship where we can't talk about anything.click to expand
Posted by cancersaurusSo you have had 17 months to get to know her and have not had a breakthrough.Posted by LadyNeptuneWe've been together for 17 months now, I have been waiting for a long time and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere close to her feeling more comfortable. I've tried hard and obviously it hasn't worked which is why I am coming here for advice. I will definitely try to be less pushy than I am now though, I think you're very right on that.Posted by cancersaurusIf she's uncomfortable then that means she's not ready. How bout you shelve your emotional neediness and focus on what she needs from you to open up. I suspect if you stop being so pushy she'll meet you half way.Posted by LadyNeptuneI have tried MANY times and it's almost made me lose her. She get's extremely uncomfortable for some reason. I thought it was the way I brought things up so I even tried to change how I did that, I would stay calm, use a soft tone (to not sound annoyed or upset) and use neutral words where possible, e.g. instead of saying "you're being selfish by asking me to not see my friends this weekend" I'd say "I feel like it's not fair on me to not visit my friends this weekend, what do you think?".
Stop using texts to get her to open up about her emotions. That ish should happen face to face.
It just doesn't work. I hate bringing things up because it makes her uncomfortable but I can't continue a relationship where we can't talk about anything.
If you'd rather chill with your friends than kick it with her what kinda message does that send her?? And how does that help her open up to you?
That was just an example, I've never actually said thatclick to expand
Posted by cancersaurusIf you push for a response Pisces will swim away. We need alone time just like air and fire signs.Posted by KoniuchaaShe is 20 and I am 22. Sometimes we do have great talks where she tells me how she feels but most of the time I just get ignored for hours until I try to push a response out of her and even then she usually never explains things properly.Posted by cancersaurusHow old is she? If she is that uncomfortable with communication, maybe she need to see someone and get help. Two people in a relationship should be able to comfortably talk to each other.Posted by LadyNeptuneI have tried MANY times and it's almost made me lose her. She get's extremely uncomfortable for some reason. I thought it was the way I brought things up so I even tried to change how I did that, I would stay calm, use a soft tone (to not sound annoyed or upset) and use neutral words where possible, e.g. instead of saying "you're being selfish by asking me to not see my friends this weekend" I'd say "I feel like it's not fair on me to not visit my friends this weekend, what do you think?".
Stop using texts to get her to open up about her emotions. That ish should happen face to face.
It just doesn't work. I hate bringing things up because it makes her uncomfortable but I can't continue a relationship where we can't talk about anything.
E.g. If she's being intentionally distant with me (not returning my calls, giving me blunt replies, etc.) and I bring it up to ask her about it she would deny it all and call me paranoid but then in 2 or 3 months if I bring it up again she will admit that I was right.click to expand
Posted by KoniuchaaBest advice you got here until now.
You need to tell her face to face how you feel and what you would like from her. A relationship is two people working together, not one doing whatever they want and not caring how the other person feels
Posted by LadyNeptuneThank you, your responses have been really helpful and I will definitely try to do that.Posted by cancersaurusIf you push for a response Pisces will swim away. We need alone time just like air and fire signs.Posted by KoniuchaaShe is 20 and I am 22. Sometimes we do have great talks where she tells me how she feels but most of the time I just get ignored for hours until I try to push a response out of her and even then she usually never explains things properly.Posted by cancersaurusHow old is she? If she is that uncomfortable with communication, maybe she need to see someone and get help. Two people in a relationship should be able to comfortably talk to each other.Posted by LadyNeptuneI have tried MANY times and it's almost made me lose her. She get's extremely uncomfortable for some reason. I thought it was the way I brought things up so I even tried to change how I did that, I would stay calm, use a soft tone (to not sound annoyed or upset) and use neutral words where possible, e.g. instead of saying "you're being selfish by asking me to not see my friends this weekend" I'd say "I feel like it's not fair on me to not visit my friends this weekend, what do you think?".
Stop using texts to get her to open up about her emotions. That ish should happen face to face.
It just doesn't work. I hate bringing things up because it makes her uncomfortable but I can't continue a relationship where we can't talk about anything.
E.g. If she's being intentionally distant with me (not returning my calls, giving me blunt replies, etc.) and I bring it up to ask her about it she would deny it all and call me paranoid but then in 2 or 3 months if I bring it up again she will admit that I was right.
So stop trying to push her to give you what you want. It will be much more valuable if it is freely given.click to expand
Posted by ArgentumI don't believe it is a giver-taker relationship, she has done things that shows me she cares and loves me but then when it comes to communication and just generally talking to each other about serious things she seems to hate it with a passion.Posted by KoniuchaaBest advice you got here until now.
You need to tell her face to face how you feel and what you would like from her. A relationship is two people working together, not one doing whatever they want and not caring how the other person feels
Do not accept giver-taker relationship, being the servile one, you got needs too. There is no future if only one is caring.click to expand
Posted by ArgentumYeah it really does feel like I am the only one aware at the moment about the differences between us. I think after hopefully talking to her properly when I next see her she can see my point of view so we can continue to have a great relationship.
Comm. about serius things is what you need , I totaly understand you being cancer myself. So she must adapt and envolve in relationship too to match that, otherwise you wont grow as a couple. In this moment its only you who is adapting to her. I totaly dig you, and all your emotions, been there, done that.
Posted by cancersaurusPosted by pinkbird03I hate communicating through text, it's hard to tell how someone is feeling through a screen. Thing is though, she does not like having talks face to face because she gets uncomfortable and that sometimes pushes her away from me because I think she feels like I enjoy creating problems for us (I don't at all, I just want us to talk like a normal couple).
My bf is a Pisces Venus and sometimes I dislike his communication through text. There’s not a lot of substance. It’s definitely more light. So we talk on the phone a lot more and obviously in person. 100% better. He’s actually one of the best communicators I’ve ever dated. But it’s not always about his feelings. He shows his feeling through emojis actually.click to expand
Posted by pinkbird03Yes I am definitely insecure because sometimes I can't tell if I am being rational or irrational in the way I am feeling. We are each other's first serious relationship and it's not been the smoothest ride so far and it all boils down to one thing - bad communication.Posted by cancersaurusPosted by pinkbird03I hate communicating through text, it's hard to tell how someone is feeling through a screen. Thing is though, she does not like having talks face to face because she gets uncomfortable and that sometimes pushes her away from me because I think she feels like I enjoy creating problems for us (I don't at all, I just want us to talk like a normal couple).
My bf is a Pisces Venus and sometimes I dislike his communication through text. There’s not a lot of substance. It’s definitely more light. So we talk on the phone a lot more and obviously in person. 100% better. He’s actually one of the best communicators I’ve ever dated. But it’s not always about his feelings. He shows his feeling through emojis actually.
What do you want to know exactly? From her? What exactly are you questioning?
I’m sensing a little insecurity on your end. Perhaps have more confidenceclick to expand
Posted by cancersaurusPosted by pinkbird03Yes I am definitely insecure because sometimes I can't tell if I am being rational or irrational in the way I am feeling. We are each other's first serious relationship and it's not been the smoothest ride so far and it all boils down to one thing - bad communication.Posted by cancersaurusPosted by pinkbird03I hate communicating through text, it's hard to tell how someone is feeling through a screen. Thing is though, she does not like having talks face to face because she gets uncomfortable and that sometimes pushes her away from me because I think she feels like I enjoy creating problems for us (I don't at all, I just want us to talk like a normal couple).
My bf is a Pisces Venus and sometimes I dislike his communication through text. There’s not a lot of substance. It’s definitely more light. So we talk on the phone a lot more and obviously in person. 100% better. He’s actually one of the best communicators I’ve ever dated. But it’s not always about his feelings. He shows his feeling through emojis actually.
What do you want to know exactly? From her? What exactly are you questioning?
I’m sensing a little insecurity on your end. Perhaps have more confidence
I want to feel like I can talk to her about how I am feeling without knowing it's going to make me feel worse in the end (due to her lack of response/getting ignored) but I'm also aware that she isn't comfortable with that right now so I need to not be so pushy. This puts me in an odd situation because at 17 months we obviously have strong feelings for each other and there isn't really anyone else I can talk to about my problems aside from her.
I have friends but I find it very difficult to open up. Past trauma has also had a play in this so I always have to debate myself before speaking to my Pisces which is draining but I would rather do that than bring up every little thing that bothers me and push her away even further.
I wish I could muster up confidence overnight but I don't think that's possible haha.click to expand
Posted by cancersaurusHow many times a week do you see each other? And how many times per day, txt/calls, is ideal for you??Posted by LadyNeptuneThank you, your responses have been really helpful and I will definitely try to do that.Posted by cancersaurusIf you push for a response Pisces will swim away. We need alone time just like air and fire signs.Posted by KoniuchaaShe is 20 and I am 22. Sometimes we do have great talks where she tells me how she feels but most of the time I just get ignored for hours until I try to push a response out of her and even then she usually never explains things properly.Posted by cancersaurusHow old is she? If she is that uncomfortable with communication, maybe she need to see someone and get help. Two people in a relationship should be able to comfortably talk to each other.Posted by LadyNeptuneI have tried MANY times and it's almost made me lose her. She get's extremely uncomfortable for some reason. I thought it was the way I brought things up so I even tried to change how I did that, I would stay calm, use a soft tone (to not sound annoyed or upset) and use neutral words where possible, e.g. instead of saying "you're being selfish by asking me to not see my friends this weekend" I'd say "I feel like it's not fair on me to not visit my friends this weekend, what do you think?".
Stop using texts to get her to open up about her emotions. That ish should happen face to face.
It just doesn't work. I hate bringing things up because it makes her uncomfortable but I can't continue a relationship where we can't talk about anything.
E.g. If she's being intentionally distant with me (not returning my calls, giving me blunt replies, etc.) and I bring it up to ask her about it she would deny it all and call me paranoid but then in 2 or 3 months if I bring it up again she will admit that I was right.
So stop trying to push her to give you what you want. It will be much more valuable if it is freely given.
But most of the time she just ignores me, which upsets me because it feels like she doesn't care about how I feel and makes me want her to respond which is why I start being pushy. I will definitely have to stop that though, as hard as it may be with the way she is sometimes.click to expand