Pisces boyfriend wants to break-up

I was recently diagnosed with cancer,I have been with my boyfriend for less than a year. Ever since, he has been acting strange...emotionally distant. He will reassure me and say things like "WE WILL GET THRU THIS" but then he pulls these other stunts and I don't know what the hell is going on. I was hospitalized for dehydration and exhaustion and he came to pick me up from the hospital, when I got in the car I asked why he did not come to the hospital before picking me up and he would not reply, I persisted (I'm a Virgo, lol)I keep saying what is wrong are you upset, I went on to tell him that I changed my appt to Wednesday so I would have the cash for my co-payment and not have to bother him for it, he then stated he was tired and I asked tired of what...he starts cursing and saying I'm annoying him acting like something is wrong and like he was not going to give me the money, I explained I amnot acting like something is wrong, I am stressed and overwhelmed and as far as the money goes I was letting him know that because I would have to ask for it next week and I was glad not to bother him this week. I then stated I did not appreciate him cursing at me and he stated " you don;t have to worry about me talking to you anyway fromthis point on" I asked what does that mean, he said figure it out...I said no explain yourself...He said he wanted to break-up and I was stunned...I asked what for and why? He would not answer I said if this is what you want ok ...he said "it is"...we keep talking and he must have felt bad because about 10 mins later he apologized for talking to me like that and said that when he is upset I just keep pushing him to the point that makes him lose his temper and say the wrong things...I said ok, so you said you wanted to break up out of anger and he said yes, he is happy in the relationship except when it feels like I am starting with him...I don't intend to start things with him and he also stated I need to understand he is a quiet person and when he is quiet it does not mean anything is wrong...He apologized for saying he wanted to break up with me...my analytical self now has me spinning...I don't know if he mean't that or truly said something out of anger...are pisces usually impulsive and hurtful like this? HE IS A DISABLED VET(IRAQ) with some issues and I have been there for him thru surgeries, hospitalizations,depression and a car accident...but I swear it feels like he is distancing himself from me!! Any insight Please!

I'm not sure what I said was hurtful? I agree that he is probably afraid of losing me or is overwhelmed by the whole thing...he can self-centered often and he likes to be catered too...but now is the time for me...I have been there for him 200% . He does get counseling from the VA but does not interact,he just simply listens to the psychologist.

As a pisceans, if something is pressing on our minds, we can get very quiet and distracted, even spacey. First, we usually need to work/sort things out in our own minds as best we can. Assess our own feelings in peace. We truly need those moments, and sometimes we are quiet just because. No real reflection on anyone else. We just think alot. i agree, and especially at this time, be xtra patient, kind, and respectful to each other.. Best of Luck to you both.

"I'm not sure what I said was hurtful?"

VirgoVixen .. It's not "what" you said, it's the pressure of it on a constant basis.

"I asked why he did not come to the hospital"
"he would not reply"
"I persisted (I'm a Virgo,)I keep saying what is wrong are you upset"
**** this isn't an indication that he wasn't going to answer your question, it's an indication that he wasn't ready at this moment to answer you. It's not abnormal for a Piscean to have to dive deep within themselves for an answer before one is given. When he didn't answer immediately ... you persisted.


"I went on to tell him that .. "
"he stated he was tired .."
"I asked tired of what..."
"he starts cursing and saying I'm annoying him acting like something is wrong .."
"I amnot acting like something is wrong, I am stressed and overwhelmed and as far as the money goes .."
"I was glad not to bother him this week"
****so far, you've pressured him about why he didn't answer you about coming to see you, and then turned the convo to explaining about money with him .. you said, you are stressed and overwhelmed about money. Now, I know you were just being the normal Virgo worry-wort, however, from a Piscean perspective .. this is very pressuring, and we'll either withdraw or snap.

"he apologized for talking to me like that and said that when he is upset I just keep pushing him to the point that makes him lose his temper and say the wrong things"
****I'm not saying that he was in the right for cursing at you and losing his temper ... I'm merely saying that when pushed with someone elses drama, it's normal for us to snap.

"he is happy in the relationship except when it feels like I am starting with him."
****he feels this way ^^^^ for he said it. He feels like you start with him about stuff, and from what you've said so far, it does appear as though when you are stressed and overwhelmed, that you do indeed pressure him.

"are pisces usually impulsive and hurtful like this"
****I wouldn't consider this impulsive, for he tried to be quiet and you persisted because as you said ... you are stressed and overwhelmed, so for him to snap on you, after you badgered him doesn't really equate to being impulsive.



My whole point with this is what I said from the beginning. It's not "what" you are saying, the words in themselves ... it's because they seem relentless to him. You are overwhelmed, and so are overwhelming him with your issues.

When life is hard and bad we retreat and distance ourselves in all aspects, mentally, emotionally, and even physically.....which explains why he was not there at the hospital. It is instinctive for a pisces to want to run when a situatiuon get rough. It just is.....it is one of the downfalls of the sign. When we hurt it means the same thing. When we hurt we do the same thing to prevent from feeling.

Everyone is correct it is not that he does not love you, the thought of loss, and maybe even rehashing his time in the hospital is not pleasent.

BTW - VirgoVixen I hope you are doing better. ((hugs))

PD

VirgoVixen - I must admit I did something similar when my mother was sick with cancer. I disappeared for a while because I simply could not deal. It was not that I did not love her ......It was extreamly hard for me. My mother and I had some history that we needed to contend to. I did spend her last days with her ......but the initial shock with knowing what this disease was going to do .......was extreamly difficult to hold myself together. I was unsure how I felt.....almost like a numbness. I know some of my family thought I didn't care .....I just did not know what to do, how I felt, and not willing to deal with my own grief. It was the hardest time in my life. In the end she did know I loved her.

PD

Thanks to everyone for your responses and well wishes!!

P-angle I appreciate your insight into the matter, it certainly made me see things from a different perspective and your absolutely right...I did some soul searching and realized in my own desperation I was putting the pressure and stress on him...I have went to him and apologized...I was wrong!!

It's just that I really don't have anyone else at the moment as I live 1500 miles from family and I did feel like I have been there for him and he should for me as well...nobody owes anyone, Anything!!!

I'm going to let go and let it be what it is, I have to focus on my well-being.

Hi Virgovixen,

The only thing that is of any importance right now is you concentrating on your well-being. It doesn't matter what his reasons are for not being there for you -- regardless, it is a result of selfishness, plain and simple. Especially when you were there for him, even while it may have been difficult for you as well. I'm not saying I don't understand how he may be feeling, but ultimately, he is making a decision to put his own feelings above yours. If he cannot be there for you, to support you in one of the most difficult times in your life, then I fail to see what the value of this relationship is (it's not just about what he needs). A good friend of mine just lost her dad and the guy she was dating at the time, was mia for nearly an entire month after it happened. She makes excuses for him like that he is a workaholic, but to me, that would be entirely unforgivable. If a person cannot be there for you through the best and worst of times, then you need to cut them out of your life like the deadweight they are and move on. You need only positivity in your life right now and you need to think of only what's best for you.

You cannot count on a pisces male in times of distress. Forget about it. They hate pressure. Some how to him, you needing him to be there for you means that you are pressuring him. It's weird how sensitive they are to others...but it's not in a nurturing way (like a cancer)...it's like overload to them so they lash out causing you more pain and frustrations... They always relate stuff back to them & their feelings. Then when you stop relying on them they feel like they are losing you. It's a catch 22.

As far as the words like "you'll never hear from me again then" stuff..I heard it from my last pisces ex sooooo many times I could not count. They just say stuff like that, they don't mean it... Overtime it does take a toll on the relationship tho...

Feel better..

Thanks to everyone for your responses and well wishes!!

"P-angle I appreciate your insight into the matter, it certainly made me see things from a different perspective and your absolutely right...I did some soul searching and realized in my own desperation I was putting the pressure and stress on him...I have went to him and apologized...I was wrong!!

It's just that I really don't have anyone else at the moment as I live 1500 miles from family and I did feel like I have been there for him and he should for me as well...nobody owes anyone, Anything!!!

I'm going to let go and let it be what it is, I have to focus on my well-being."

Lordy! I didn't read this part.

You apologized?.... To him?? For what exactly. For needing his support and love in your time of need?!?!? And then you don't have anybody else to call on?!?! And you've supported him in his times of distress??!?!

Pangel strikes again!! This was not your fault. You were in the hospital for pete's sake!! He put his feelings before yours and you are now putting his feelings before yours. Wow.

Am I the only one who thinks this is backwards?!?

My whole point with this is what I said from the beginning. It's not "what" you are saying, the words in themselves ... it's because they seem relentless to him. You are overwhelmed, and so are overwhelming him with your issues.

You got it

I felt extremely conflicted after I apologized....WHAT THE F— I HAVE BEEN THERE WITH HIM THRU THICK AND THIN...HE WAS HOSPITALIZED FOR AN ACCIDENT HE CAUSED (NEED FOR SPEED), HE HAS HAD NO CAR SINCE THE ACCIDENT LAST OCT AND HE IS A DISABLED VET WHO WENT THRU SURGERY IN NOV AND I WAS RIGHT BY HIS SIDE AND I STILL CONTINUE TO TAKE CARE OF HIM EVEN IN MY TIME OF NEED....THIS IS CONVALUTED...I'M PISSED NOW...YES, MAYBE I WAS PRESSURING AND FOR THAT I'M SORRY, BUT STEP UP AND GIVE ME WHAT I HAVE GAVE YOU & I WON'T HAVE TO PRESSURE YOU BECAUSE YOU WILL BE DOING WHAT THE HELL I NEED RIGHT NOW!!! I SEE THINGS SO CLEAR RIGHT NOW...I FEEL LIKE I JUST X-RAYED HIS BUTT!! ACTUALLY HE HAS PROVEN TO ME THAT I AM DARNED STRONG AND DON'T REALLY NEED HIM AND HE WILL SOON KNOW THIS!!

THANK-YOU, I WAS SLEEP FOR JUST A MINUTE..I NEEDED A WAKE UP CALL!! LOL

Do you really have to yell at us?


"I WAS RIGHT BY HIS SIDE AND I STILL CONTINUE TO TAKE CARE OF HIM EVEN IN MY TIME OF NEED...."


Don't be a martyr .. it isn't attractive, at all .. especially to a Pisces.


"...YES, MAYBE I WAS PRESSURING AND FOR THAT I'M SORRY, BUT STEP UP AND GIVE ME WHAT I HAVE GAVE YOU & I WON'T HAVE TO PRESSURE YOU BECAUSE YOU WILL BE DOING WHAT THE HELL I NEED RIGHT NOW!!!"


You know .. it sounds to me like this relationship is fully of expectations. One gives/the other takes .. and each are expecting the other to give/take according to their own needs and desires and not according to what the other is capable of giving/taking.

You won't HAVE to pressure if he gives you what you need right now?

Is like him saying something like .. "I won't have to ignore you, if you didn't make me do it by pressuring me?"


Seriously, it sounds like the expectations that have developed in this relationship is on a crash-course.

You give to him, even when it's your time to need .. then get pissed when he doesn't give back what you expect of him according to what you need ... loaded to the brim of expectations, instead of realizing that another can only give what they are capable.

Think about that .......

Pangel, you can't be serious. We are not talking about the expectation that if one person cooks one dinner one night, the other person in the relationship will reciprocate the following night. Have you missed the point there Virgovixen mentioned she has cancer? Where is your empathy? She has every right to expect that he is there for her (and not in the obligatory, dickhead way he has been) but because he cares for her. What other foundation of a relationship is there than caring for the very well-being of the other person. Even if he is just withdrawling because he can't deal with the thought of anything happening to her, he is still making a decision to disregard her concerns and needs. This entire thread is upsetting. Why do you always turn the innocent party into the one at fault? Do you even consider what she is feeling or have you lost the ability to feel the pain of other people?

My goodness! I just finished washing the dishes and I'm just about to wash my hair. Well, while I was in the kitchen I just thought of this really good quote, which is something along the lines of what P-Angel said in her last post. "Once you know what a person is capable of then you can judge their abilities." It just popped in my head.

I also wrote something similar awhile back Kloverfish "And believe me, it makes for a happier existence when you can approach people from the standpoint of accepting their limitations, and relating to them accordingly. We all have our limitations and it's impossible to expect things from people that they are not capable of bringing to light within themselves. And there is no reason to blame or resent them for this, b/c contrary to what we have grown accustomed to believing, we are not artefacts of free will (we are a product of our genetics and life experiences from the very first instant we were born). You therefore have to relate to other people with their limitations in mind, and accept that we're all human and that none of us have this life figured out". And while it seems contradictory to what I wrote above, it's not. I'm not saying her boyfriend is a bad person (I don't believe people can be painted with broad strokes of the paintbrush). But his actions are of someone who is only thinking of what he is feeling. And she doesn't need that right now. If he cannot be there to support her, she should just move on as this is not a relationship conducive to her well-being.

Instead, I'll just say ...

.. yes, Galileia, I am serious ... she is expecting this man to treat her according to her wants, and not according to what he is able to.

And that's fucked up in my book.

To carry this further ... I'm a firm believer that the old addage: Treat another as you would want to be treated .... is completely selfish. For it is saying ... I will treat you according to myself, and as I would want .. and NOT according to how you should be treated for you.

Everybody is to be treated differently .. because we are different. To treat another according to your own standards and not the standards of the person you are caring for is not caring for them at all .. it's caring for yourself and what you want.

This man can only care the way he is able to ... if that is not good enough for her then she should swim away, rather than expect him to care for her in a way he cannot.

"Why do you always turn the innocent party into the one at fault?"


Because she isn't innocent, and she is at fault.


We are all at fault, if our relationship is bad, and we choose to stay.

If this woman's relationship is not good for her, and instead of walking away, she chooses to stay and pressure him into caring about her when he doesn't ... then she is not innocent, rather, attempting to control another person and making them care about her.

If this woman's relationship is not good for her, and instead of walking away, she chooses to stay and pressure him into caring about her when he doesn't .. then she is at fault for her heartaches he is causing her.


Sorry, Gal ... there's no fucking way you'll catch me saying another person is at fault for our own choices we make.

"Once you know what a person is capable of then you can judge their abilities." It just popped in my head.


Damn Klover Fish, I wish concise wisdom would pop in my head 😕
Instead, I have to flush it out with descriptive thoughts to get to a point in which you can sum up in 3 sentences or less.

I AM EXPECTING HIM TO RECIPROCATE WHAT I HAVE ALREADY GIVEN TO HIM IT'S LIKE ME GIVING YOU BLOOD TO SAVE YOUR LIFE, THEN WHEN I NEED IT, YOU SAYING I DON'T WANT TOO GIVE YOU MINE THOUGH YOUR MY ONLY OPTION...THAT IS SELFISH AND WRONG...P-ANGEL YOU HAD SOME VALID POINTS BUT YOU SEEM TO HAVE THE SAME TWISTED LOGIC AS HIM...SO AT THIS POINT I'M NOT REALLY HEARING YOU ANYMORE...DON'T EXPECT OR ACCEPT WHAT YOUR NOT WILLING TO GIVE...WHEN THE TAKING WAS GOOD EVERYTHING WAS FINE WITH THE STATUS OF THE RELATIONSHIP, STOP ATTACKING ME FOR MY CHOICES AND NOT SEEING ANYTHING WRONG IN HIS LACK OF SUPPORT.

P-ANGEL IS A PISCES...I GET IT!! FUNNY....IF THIS ATYPICAL PISCES BEHAVIOR THE TRUTH MUST BE HITTING HOME FOR YOU!! I'M A VIRGO, I WILL ANALYZE YOU DOWN TO YOUR CHROMOSOMES.

I truely hope that everyone now sees the sickness that is Pangel. U have reached an all time low.

"STOP ATTACKING ME"


Attacking you? So, if a person speaks from their own perspective, which is what people do btw, then this is an attack?

Very twisted I might also add ....

You have missed my point entirely, VirgoVixen, and have found yourself in defense mode, unwarranted.

"AND NOT SEEING ANYTHING WRONG IN HIS LACK OF SUPPORT."

I didn't say he wasn't in the wrong in his lack of support .. though because you are on tilt, your mind has twisted my words to interpret them as such.

What I have implied is that ..... if this man does not "fit" with you, according to your standards of what you feel you need, then it's your duty to yourself to walk away, rather than attempt to force him via pressuring, to reciprocate.

And that is what I glean from your thread.

"I AM EXPECTING HIM TO RECIPROCATE WHAT I HAVE ALREADY GIVEN TO HIM"

I clearly understand what those words mean, VirgoVixen ... what you aren't understanding here is that it isn't up to another person to reciprocate to you what you've given .... another person either desires to give back, or they don't.

If they choose to .. they will.
If they choose not to .. then they won't.

And .... IF .... they choose not to, then it's up to you to walk away. And .... IF .... you choose not to walk away, then you are responsible for any further heartache.

"P-ANGEL IS A PISCES...I GET IT!! FUNNY....IF THIS ATYPICAL PISCES BEHAVIOR THE TRUTH MUST BE HITTING HOME FOR YOU!! I'M A VIRGO, I WILL ANALYZE YOU DOWN TO YOUR CHROMOSOMES."


Is that ^^^^^ suppose to intimidate me in some way?

I've been married to a Virgo for 26 years.

How old are you?

MY AGE IS NO IMPORTANCE TO YOU JUST LIKE YOUR WORDS THEY ARE USELESS AT THIS POINT...KEEP YOUR POISON FOR SOME OTHER VICTIM WHOM KNOWS NO BETTER...SMOOCHES!!

P angel, Why haven't you left your mentally abusive husband yet? You know the one that's in love with the taurus woman....the one that lost his job....the one that never talks to you....is rarely nice to you...the one you flood the virgo boards talking about....

Take your own advice.

Virgovixen, pay her no mind....feel better.

This is getting out of hand. Why can't people relate to others with good will instead of always looking to bring other people down? Virgovixen came here for advice, because she, unlike some people, was open to the possibility that maybe she was wrong and sought other people's persectives on her relationship before acting rashly and just walking away from someone she obviously cares a lot about (to have stayed there at his side through all that he went through). Show some consideration and respect for her.

For the record, I am also a Pisces. And I think P-angel is not how she lets herself be perceived. If she wasn't so set on always being right and playing the devils advocate, maybe more people would respect her opinions instead of dismissing them.

THANKS, IMITATIONOFLYFE, P-ANGEL IS TRANSPARENT AS SCOTCH TAPE!!!

I find your behaviour very odd, for a Virgo, to be honest.

GALILEA ...THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING...ALL PISCES ARE NOT BAD PEOPLE...I'M A GROWN WOMAN, I JUDGE INDIVIDUALLY AND ACCORDING TO YOUR ACTIONS & WORDS....

P-ANGEL YOU DID NOT GET THE MEMO....I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY...DON'T ATEMPT TO PLAY REVERSE PSCYHOLOGY AND ANALYZE ME...AS I STATED PREVIOUSLY ...YOUR WORDS ARE USELESS!!

"And I think P-angel is not how she lets herself be perceived."


lol, pay attention much?

"because she, unlike some people, was open to the possibility that maybe she was wrong and sought other people's persectives"

"was open to the possibility that maybe she was wrong"



Gal .. pay attention much?

Galileia,

You're right. Pangel is obviously a very bright woman. I really think her heart or her spirit has been broken which causes her to inflict pain on others. I've never seen a pisces woman be so cold.

She already said dxp is a game to her so she's no doubt intentionally playing devils advocate. Manipulating people...but its sad because dxp isn't a game to everyone and people have REAL problems and sometimes need an outlet.


Dark side of pisces I guess. After she leaves that man she'll be better.

I'm sorry, you're going to have to explain this, how did I contradict myself?

P-Angel is not crazy, and attacking her personal life does NOT make you sane. I understand what she is saying, granted its a bit harsh, but its honest. I've been wanting to write something on this post myself but I cant seem to find the words to help you all understand-plus I really gotta wash this conditioner out of my hair! Its kind of like this. We Pisces are givers, and givers and givers. But we dont like to feel obligated to give, and we dont like to be forced to give. It has to be natural, we NEED to give on our terms. Now I really have to rinse my hair......

"We need to give on our terms"

This is selfish...to truely give is to be selfless.

WE ARE BOTH TO BLAME FOR DIFFERENT REASONS...OF COURSE, I DON'T WANT TO PRESSURE ANYONE...THIS IS WHY I HAVE CHOOSE TO LET GO AND BE STRONG FOR MYSELF....I NOW KNOW TO FOCUS ON ME AND MY WELL BEING...THE LESS I BOTHER HIM THE MORE HE HAS DONE AS OF LATELY, NO EXPECTATIONS, NO DISSAPOINTMENTS!!

P-ANGEL IS RIGHT IF I CHOOSE TO STAY IN THE CIRCUMSTANCES I CHOOSE THAT THIS IS OK WITH ME AND I'M SURE NOBODY KNOWS THAT BETTER THAN HER ACCORDING TO HER OWN THREADS.

It would be good for some of you to experience being a parent, or a nurse, or a counselor.

Its not always about you. What do you do when you're a mother and your baby cries and cries to be fed? You don't throw your hands up and say this is too much for ME. You put your feelings on the back burner and do what you have to do to fulfill your childs needs.

If some of you stop viewing things so negatively (pressure, pressure!!!) you will see that fulfilling a need for someone can be a rewarding experience. Its called being an adult. Everything isn't always about u & ur feelings! How self centered is that?

I really don't see it as being selfish, MsP.

My husband gives to me on his terms, I give to him on my terms. This is the way people are .. they can only give what they are capable of giving.

Ideally .. we all would want a partner who COULD give enough to satisfy all our desires and needs. Unfortunately, that would be delusional, for it would be impossible.

The giving has to be in place because it is desired by the giver to give, it has to be a natural event from within their capabilities and can't be forced. If the giving is in place because of an obligation, or because of being guilt-tripped, then whatever is given isn't even sincere.

And this is something I fail to understand .... if a person is only giving to you because you have pressured them into it when they didn't want to give to you .. then how exactly can this actually make you feel loved and cared for? It wasn't a sincere desire for your benefit, it only happened because you were made to do it, or feel guilty.

That isn't real.

Ms. Pisces

How do you explain pangel condescending attitude towards this woman...that has CANCER? Calling her a martyr? Come on now this is ridiculous. Call a spade a spade. I'm always on her about this same thing.

I agree with everything you have said in this thread btw.

Giving on your own terms is not selfish. Its smart. If you go around giving everything to everyone you will have nothing left for yourself.

Huh @ klover?

That whole statement was selfish. Who said anything about giving to everyone? What are you talking about.

To give is to receive.

"to a loved one who is in a crisis, it is selfish if you choose to not to support them"

"to a loved one"


Isn't that key, here?

If a person was a loved one, then it would be so. I don't get that from this thread. This man has to be pressured into it, he is being overwhelmed, and even said that he gets this way when she starts in on him.

For this behaviour to even happen .. he gets angry when she starts in on him .... is describing a relationship that is turbulant and unsteady. She has certain terms, in which he isn't adhering to .. and so a fight ensues to make him abide = starts in on him.

A loved one, in which you are describing, doesn't fit into this description.

IF .. IF .. she was a loved one to him, then this situation wouldn't exist.

Exactly. You all are totally missing the point! He obviously is not capable of bing what she needs right now, so now you crucify the guy and for what! If anything you should be thankful that he was honest enough to show is true colors so now she can move on and heal in peace. Its always better to know what you are dealing with.

True.

Which is why people shouldn't think of it as pressure. It all works for your good in the end anyway.

When I love someone I naturally want to be there for them especially in their time of need. Even if I don't know the person...I still have love for them. I don't get where the obligation comes in.... How is it not natural to give but natural to receive. Virgo was right ....if you feel so much obligation then don't receive what you won't give.

Especially when someone is ill...its just cruel.

Now you guys are twisting it up.

Make her feel worse....he doesn't love her now? This guy is probably just a selfish ass who gives on his terms...like u said earlier.

Ah what's the use....I'm convinced I'm talking to one person anyway...lol.

Anywhoo...virgo feel better...smile...and be merry.