Situation with a pisces girl

Hello! I won't go into too much detail, but I met a pisces girl at an online forum (she is in the USA and i'm in England) about a year ago, there was nothing between us until late last year when she was in a bad relationship and I supported her through it, and she really seemed to appreciate me. From there we got closer, talked a bit online, she rang me (actually just 2 days before she disappeared), and although she was having problems with her ex, we seemed to be getting close. Anyway, 4 weeks ago she disappeared and i've not heard from her since. There was no cause, and things seemed fine between us, but just like that she was gone.

Since then i've messaged her and texted, at first with concern but then from a bit of research I realised that she probably just wanted time out given everything she has been through. I've gone between deep doubt and wondering if she has left me but can't bring herself to tell me to feeling secure and understanding and willing to support her through this and wait it out.

Two weeks ago I saw her signed into Facebook. She's normally very rarely on it and there's never any activity on her account, but she came on one day and I messaged her to say 'yay, you're alive lol', she didn't reply, but she began to come onto FB more often, and every time she was on i'd chat to her - without reply - but just being funny and caring etc. and since then she's stayed permanently on FB, at one point i'd messaged her to say I was going and then signed out, but then had to sign back in and I saw that she'd gone just as i'd gone, so that was encouraging lol. But yeah, now she is always on FB and everyday I just talk to her for a bit about whatever - no reply, but she's there receiving the messages, and I figure, that if she didn't want me talking to her then she'd just sign out of FB as there's never any other activity on her page, she seems to be there just for me to talk to her.

I guess reading into this shows how desperate I am for some understanding and to know whether to continue to be there for her regardless of her not talking to me, or to move on... I don't want to lose her if she is interested but just needs space, but I also don't want to stick around if she doesn't want me around but can't tell me so. The FB thing seems to answer my question, but it's still weird, and I don't know what to do next - to continue talking to her ad infinitum or make it clear that she needs to let me know one way or another whether she wants

It sounds as if shes answering by not answering you. She doesn't want to be the bad guy and say thanks but no thanks so she just doesn't respond. Im sorry. 😢 probably not what you wanted to hear. 😢probably

Yeah, doesn't sound like she's interested. She may have been relying on you a little bit after her break up, but once she realized there were no feelings, or that she had yet to be over her ex, etc, she backed off. Pisces need time to heal and will do it all internally. If I were her, I'd be kind of annoyed at getting messages from you all the time that I never reply to, so you might want to stop that. If she's going to talk to you again, she'll do it when she's ready. But yes, her answer, as of now (Pisces change their minds a lot), is pretty clear.

Okay cool, I appreciate your honesty, I much prefer to know where I stand. What I don't understand is the Facebook thing. She was never on it before, but when she went on a few times and I messaged her she then stayed on it all the time... Why bother? She never used her FB before, there's never any activity on her account, so why go from not being there and not being messaged to being there all the time. I even said to her - to try and get some clarity - that if she wants me to message her then to continue to leave her FB on and i'll do so... so since she doesn't use it for anything else, why does she leave it on?

You know, in all honesty, my feelings don't stretch far with her at the moment, but this feeling of being dropped out of nowhere, of being completely dismissed with no warning or explanation, is just a bit of a headscratcher. Two days before she insisted on ringing me over skype - one way cos I didn't have the equipment to talk back - because she wanted to read to me an exchange of texts between her and her ex of her breaking up with him. Why?

I suppose all of these questions can be answered with the general answer that she is a pisces and pisces change their feelings quick. One day I was her flavour, the next day no more. No explanation for it, and i'm not ever going to understand it, that's just how she is. I know she was going through loads of shit - her ex had been physically abusive, she was scared for her safety, she had a tumour on her neck, and she'd spoken of how unwell she was in general, and so when she disappeared I was naturally concerned, and even though at one point I cut off contact for a few days, I then felt guilty in case she was going through a tough time and there was me cutting off support.

I told her straight up that if she has no interest in me then to let me know because THAT would cause me a lot less hurt than all of this bullshit. If she doesn't want to be the bad guy then stop being the bad guy! Her actions are so much worse than just saying 'yo i need some space' and then fading out if needs be. What a mess! But it is okay. I've learnt a lot about myself in the last 4 weeks and i'll grow because of this experience and be better for it, so it's all good, but mannnn, what a freak show this has turned out to be.

Butter, huh? Lol. Fair enough.

To answer your question Risk..the FB thing is most likely her phone. She probably installed it and it just runs. Or there are others she wants to communicate with ..just not you. 😢probably As far as the not just telling you flat out, all of us are not alike. I don't mind confrontation bc i know where i stand. Other fishies not all the time. She may think if she tells u flat out that u will be hurt and in her mind some dramatic scene may play out so she just says nothing. Either that or she is still witn/ went back to slimy dude.

To answer your question Risk..the FB thing is most likely her phone. She probably installed it and it just runs. Or there are others she wants to communicate with ..just not you. 😢probably As far as the not just telling you flat out, all of us are not alike. I don't mind confrontation bc i know where i stand. Other fishies not all the time. She may think if she tells u flat out that u will be hurt and in her mind some dramatic scene may play out so she just says nothing. Either that or she is still witn/ went back to slimy dude.

Yeah maybe. This has been an interesting journey. I've read so much into pisces and it's shown me just how individual and different human beings are to each other. I don't want to make a scene out of this or put pressure on her and make her make an uncomfortable choice, but I don't just want to disappear. So, do I tell her that i'm gonna back off and that i'm here if she needs me? Do I try and get some definite answer now by maybe contriving a situation where she can give me a clear answer without having to say anything, like, i'll tell her that i'm gonna delete her off my FB and then send her a friend request, and if she wants my friendship (regardless of whether she wants time to herself now) then she can accept it, and if not then she simply doesn't accept... What do you think?

I appreciate your answering me with honesty. I don't so much want to protect my feelings as not to do anything that is gonna hurt her. I think i've misread the situation horribly by reading too much into things she's said along the way, like 'i love you... i've missed you...i'd come to England if you asked me to' etc. etc. all of which made me think there was something real there between us, but seemingly not at all. I'm sure why you can see i've misread the situation and persisted beyond maybe what was appropriate, but I don't get the jump from her loving me and missing me etc. to disappearing completely in a matter of days and weeks. But i'm just a level headed Virgo lol.

Also, i've read loads about the pisces 'disappearing act', there's loads of questions on yahoo about it where pisces have answered and said 'yeah i do that too, but it's nothing personal to the other person, I just need space' or some have even said they've done it to get attention and see how the other person reacts, maybe to prove their love etc. So these things have factored into this too. Also, she has a scorpio moon which apparently to some people is not a good thing and might make her manipulative. I read her birth chart once and it said 'master of mind games' lol. Another thing to factor in. TOO MUCH INFO! And really all I need to know is how do I feel about being treat like this. Whatever her reason for disappearing is, am I okay to have that happen to me? Does she really care about me if she can so easily disappear without letting me know she is at least okay?

Here's what i'm gonna do... i'm gonna delete a whole bunch of friends off my FB including her, and then friend request them all back including her, and if she doesn't want me around then there's the perfect chance for me to find out and for her to let me know without her having any responsibility, she just simply doesn't accept the request. And I can just pass it off as a problem with my FB. It's manipulative, I know, and I don't want to be, but i'd like clarity, but more than that, if she is feeling stuck and unable to just tell me she's not interested then I want her to have an escape route that doesn't put any burden on her. It's not ideal, but it gives her the chance to be free without feeling guilt.

My ex hardly ever went on facebook when we were together but once we were broken up, he would become a lot more active. Whether it was to catch up with friends or just the extra free time, Idk. I don't think of it as something that strange.
If you deleted than friend requested her, she might still be in that 'I want to be left alone' stage and it would probably sit and rot in her requests or she would deny it and that would give her an excuse to get you out of her life wihout being directly mean. But, obviously, you should do what you want. You know her better. If you want to try it, go for it. Sorry pisces women are such a difficult breed. We don't mean to be.
As for the manipultion part, if you've been trying to contact her for a bit and she hasn't even said anything, chances are, it's not manipulation she's going for.
Her saying things like 'i love you' and stuff could have been a way for her to cope with things. Relying on you and making herself believe she had someone.
This is all just theory, though, and I could be waaaaay off. If you ever hear anything from her, it'd be nice to know what she was thinking.

It really would be nice to know what she is thinking! I mean, if she didn't want me to message her on FB then she could easily block me without me having any idea that I have been blocked, because all it'd seem to me was that she wasn't online, which she wasn't for the first 2 weeks of this disappearing. It just doesn't add up. There are arguments for both possiblities in this, and evidence for both, it just sucks that I even have to think along such lines and be trying to work someone out. If she is just having time out but is wanting my attention and wanting to see how I react (which is what some pisces i've read about claim to do) then I don't want to screw it up because suddenly i'm all insecure and my ego is taking a bashing... but on the other hand, do even really want someone who'd play me like that? Would she even really play me like that? Or is she really just trying to get out of this friendship with me without directly hurting my feelings hence all the confused situations? Thanks for your replies. I'm really just needing to talk this through and work it out.

Thank you for your 2 cents! I appreciate your empathy. Whatever the truth of the situation is, i'm not angry at her, i'd rather not be on the receiving end of such things, but she is a free human being, she gets to choose her behaviour and she gets to experience the consequences, and i'd never expect or ask anyone to change - if I don't like how they behave then I have the freedom to walk away. Simples! And anyway, I am a practicing Buddhist, and these situations give me a wonderful opportunity to develop myself, because it does expose weaknesses in me that otherwise I might not have been aware of, and more than anything, if I can take all that she throws at me (or doesn't throw at me!) and still hold nothing but love in my heart and mind for her then I will be happy and better for this experience. 🙂

Posted by everevolvingepithet
It reads like there was a conscious approach to get what was wanted at the time, themindatrisk.

Can you explain what you mean a little? I'm not sure quite what you are saying. Thanks. 🙂

Posted by ElusiveSoul
If I'm correct...what EEE is saying basically....she took advantage of your time and emotions. Now she moved on ! It was all a mind f**k (pardon my bluntness here)....BRUTALITY OF LIFE HUH

Ohhh, I see. I don't know whether it was or wasn't. I knew her from before she got with her violent ex, but maybe she saw me as a useful kindly soul to help repair her feelings? I mean, she certainly made sure that she got my compassion, saying stuff like 'i'm hanging by a thread, and most days you are that thread' etc. etc. So maybe it was just that. Brutal? Nah, my heart can take more. 🙂 All my life experiences are my responsibility, I trust in karma, and I accept what comes my way. She was in my life of my own creation, and my only consideration is as to how I respond... And I choose to love regardless. 🙂 And if my love was taken advantage of and it soothed her pain and brought her some peace for a time then I am happy to be the one she sunk her teeth into because I CAN keep giving, I have heart and love in abundance, more than enough to meet her needs, and so if I spared someone else her treatment whilst helping her a little then all is well. I will learn and grow and become an even more loving person, but with additional wisdom. Thanks for your kindness and support. 🙂

Thank you, I really appreciate this post. 🙂

To what you have suggested... yes, i've considered it, and that is where the pain and confusion lies, because I don't know what to do that will be best for her. My own personal pain of maybe being rejected by her is very small, but i've read what you've said in other places, and heard about pisces disappearing to regenerate and then suddenly returning. I don't mind either way... if she has ditched me for whatever reasons then fair enough, she has the right to do that, but if she does value me but needs time to herself then equally fair enough, it's just the fact that I don't know what her reason is that is causing me confusion and pain, because I don't know how to respond.

At first I felt certain within that she was just taking time to regenerate, and that was based on the connection we seemed to have, and I just saw no reason for her to suddenly ditch me, but then i've posted here and most people seem certain that she has ditched me but doesn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me, and so i'm stuck! She holds the answer and it seems that only time will tell. I completely understand why she'd need time out, I mean, she has been through a lot of shht, but she did seem to really value me. I mean, she wasn't overly forthcoming with her feelings at all, in fact, she seemed quite shy, but sometimes she'd suddenly open up and say something that really made me think that I mattered a lot to her.

I don't want to be a saviour type to her, and asides from when she was being beaten by her ex, I never really behaved like that towards her, I just tried to be caring and supportive, and encouraging her to find her own answers. But she openly came to me at times and said 'YOU tell me what to do' lol, because she didn't seem to know how to solve a problem but trusted my view on things and suggestions I made. I don't like that because it encourages dependency and disempowers people, but I tried to find a middle way.

You've made some great points and really balanced out this discussion, and I appreciate that, but you've also given me hope lol, just when i'd given her up and proceeded to cut off all contact... it's only been two days, I could send a little message to let her know i'm thinking of her, and maybe if I continue to do that gently every once in a while then she will see that I am for real, and that I do care about her, and i'll just leave it up to her as to whether she ever replies.

I am of the opinion that one should always do what feels natural to them and not because they feel obligated based on advice or whatever. Do your own thing. Let the chips fall where they may. You sound like you have an awesome head on your shoulders and are very grounded in reality--in which case follow your own instincts.

cheers!

Right, thanks , that is sweet of you, but I could have Einstein's head, but Einstein in a maze is still Einstein in a maze... know what I mean? I am lost. But you make a great point... follow my instincts. I need to get out of my head (as awesome as it apparently is lol) and listen very carefully to my intuition, and then trust it. I did a few weeks ago, and I was convinced that she cared for me but needed time to herself... absolutely convinced, but then my thinking interrupts. I come back to this one thing... She has FB on her phone and she is permanently logged in. Now, deleting me would probably be too harsh a thing for a pisces to do, but if she blocked me then i'd have no idea that i've been blocked because all it would appear to me is that she isn't online, and I know she'd be aware of that, so it just makes me wonder, because if she really did want me out of her life then I don't think she'd want me to see her online all the time, she'd just want to be gone, right?

I think you're thinking waaaaay too much into this online thing. If I were her, I might not necessarily delete you, nor want/care that you see that I'm online. I wouldn't care. I'm online for other reasons and talking to other people. AND, if she is just trying to get over some things in her life, then she may want you back in her life, but not at the exact moment, which is why she doesn't delete you. I think you need to chill. Try to move on with your life. Don't bother her. If she cares enough about you, she will contact YOU. And if she were to be playing games with you, then once again, she would end it and contact you when she realizes that you're done playing along. You've already tried to contact her and she knows you're interested in continuing your friendship, etc with her, so what else is there to do? Wait.

Posted by Scenic
I think you're thinking waaaaay too much into this online thing. If I were her, I might not necessarily delete you, nor want/care that you see that I'm online. I wouldn't care. I'm online for other reasons and talking to other people. AND, if she is just trying to get over some things in her life, then she may want you back in her life, but not at the exact moment, which is why she doesn't delete you. I think you need to chill. Try to move on with your life. Don't bother her. If she cares enough about you, she will contact YOU. And if she were to be playing games with you, then once again, she would end it and contact you when she realizes that you're done playing along. You've already tried to contact her and she knows you're interested in continuing your friendship, etc with her, so what else is there to do? Wait.

Lol, true that. I suppose it's my only slightest of slight insights into what is going on, but you're right, it doesn't matter, i'll just leave her be and let her decide what happens - if anything - next. Thanks for the kick up the butt. I think the other poster gave me some encouragement so I thought i'd run with it for a bit, but it's irrelevant, she'll contact me if she contacts me, end of. Thanks. 😄

Didn't mean to be harsh or anything. She should get it, though. Whatever happens now, it's up to her to take responsibility and make something happen. I'm a really insensitive person, though, so if what I'm saying doesn't work with you, then do it your way. You have your own knowledge on what you think may work and it's probably more fit for your personality. I am sorry about your situation. I know how hard it is to let go of someone you care about. You want to keep talking to them to see if things can work out, but you also have to know when to stop - and that's really difficult. Good luck. Update if any word from her!

Posted by Scenic
Didn't mean to be harsh or anything. She should get it, though. Whatever happens now, it's up to her to take responsibility and make something happen. I'm a really insensitive person, though, so if what I'm saying doesn't work with you, then do it your way. You have your own knowledge on what you think may work and it's probably more fit for your personality. I am sorry about your situation. I know how hard it is to let go of someone you care about. You want to keep talking to them to see if things can work out, but you also have to know when to stop - and that's really difficult. Good luck. Update if any word from her!

No, don't worry, I appreciate and need honesty. I think i've read the situation with her wrong - defo she has misled me in parts, but she was emotionally messed up and going through shht and probably just wanted some relief, even if it wasn't real, but just a temporary fix. And anyway, if truth be told, I don't have much feeling for her - how can I from just talking online? I think it's cos when I commit to someone I really commit to giving them my all, and so to do that and to support her as I did throughout what she was going, but then for her to just go is a bit saddening, BUT, I have to take responsibility, because I obviously was not what she wanted or needed in the end, and that can only be because of my actions. It's truly no big loss... it's the confusion that causes me the most angst.

Posted by piranhaparadiise
Pretty much agree with scenic in that you've done your part...you've messaged her and now it's time to let things settle for a while...let her have some breathing space...maybe she will come around maybe not...but the right thing to do is give someone the *choice* in whether they want to hear from you or not...and in that I mean let her decide to contact you when she is ready or not...you need to respect her space and Pisces have no problems cutting off contact...you will have to be a fish to understand that we can do it and it can look cold but for the fish it is needed...because sometimes people inundate us with their heavy aura/vibes...emotions whatever...even a simple hello how are you....we can *feel* *sense* the emotions behind that...and *that* can drain us....hence many a fish disappear and sometimes for good...mostly...

Yeah I think I overdid my love and compassion for her. I get like that... kinda love bomb someone. But i'm not gonna give myself a hard time over that. She appreciated it for a while but I guess in the end it maybe got too much and no longer helped her but instead swamped her with another layer of emotions. I just have to look at myself and learn. It's difficult to know how to interact with people at times. On the surface we can all seem so similar, but underneath such different forces are at work, and once you get past initial superficial interaction you have to be so sensitive to someone to truly serve them with love and compassion. So long as i'm learning and growing them i'll embrace any situation, however much it might sting me. I just hope that she gets the love she deserves in life.

She's returned. Just got a message on Facebook off her. She said she'd decided to take time out cos of health issues, but that she is healthy and happy now. She said that she was happy that I was here still.

Ok so she has returned, BUT, two hours after her return she announces on her Facebook that she is in a new relationship! Now, given she's been gone for 6 weeks, and given she knows clearly how I felt about her, why does her return to me have to coincide with revealing a new boyfriend? Who does that? If she has a new boyfriend then shouldn't she be immersed in him rather than renewing a friendship with a guy who she knows has feelings for her? I think this one is a headfcuk par excellence! I don't get her. I wonder if she wanted to see how id respond to her return before anything else? Cos I didn't greet her return with any enthusiasm or warmth - cos I didn't feel it, i'd accepted that she was gone and I was moving on, and maybe cos she didn't get anything off me she made this new relationship official?? I dunno, that might just be my vanity, but at the same time, there has to be some explanation and reasoning behind her actions.

This is going beyond any personal feelings now and is becoming more of a pure fascination with how a fellow human being operates. Cos I don't get it. Her actions aren't something I can relate to. I can't understand what would lead her to contact me for the first time in 6 weeks and then within 2 hours of that announce a new relationship. But i'd love to understand! I'm on a spiritual path and my life code is 'love everyone, in every moment, every circumstance, no matter how they behave' and so being confronted with this kind of behaviour is something of a challenge to my love just cos it seems to unloving on her behalf, and yet we were close, i've been so good to her, given her so much support. I think I got myself a freaky fish!

Posted by IntriguedScorp
I was like "Yay" and then I was like "sorry 😢 "

She sounds very immature (how old is she?) and like she cannot be outside a relationship for one minute. Also, maybe she's back with Mr Abuser. If so, he's probably overly possessive and jealous and she feels the need to announce to the world that she's taken because of it. She sounds a mess.

You are much better off without her. Have a wonderful life and forget all about this crazy experience is my advice. Good luck. 🙂

She is 24. It's a new guy she is with, from the looks of his FB page they met a week ago, and within 5 days were in a relationship. Thing is, she met this guy a few days after i'd stopped contacting her, and then announced their relationship a few hours after she'd started speaking to me again, so I can't help but think that she is testing me out and seeing how I feel for her.

Anyway, I told that there is no way i'm pursuing her whilst she is with someone else so if she does want me - which seems impossible for her to answer directly - then she needs to break up with him, if she stays with him then i'm going until my feelings are cleared and I can see her just as a friend. Her response was typically vague about him not being all that great, that he blows him off and she's not gonna answer his calls for 3 days... So, no direct answer there, AGAIN!

Thanks for the advice, I'm curious to see where this will flow, I'm giving her a chance to make it clear or not whether she wants me, so i'll see what she does and then go from there. I won't be messed around, but i'll accommodate the reality that people are different and work different ways and just cos I don't get how she behaves doesn't mean it is wrong or without reason. But the moment it feels wrong within then it'll be over. Thank you again. 🙂