the 13,665,600 minute flame...........
This topic was created in the Pisces forum by desert_fox on Thursday, January 12, 2006 and has 9 replies.
Hello fellow fishes.
How is the water in your world today? Mine is getting hot and murky, friends. Hot and murky indeed. I have not posted much since joining up here and introducing myself, although I do drop in from time to time and wander about. I'm really not sure why I'm even posting this except that I simply need to talk to someone. I'm dazed and speechless and this isn't exactly something I can go up to a co-worker and say "heya Fred, this is probably going to sound pretty crazy but two days ago I made this phone call....."
Ah, now the Piscean comes out in you doesn?t it? This doesn't sound like the typical "I'm bored are you?" type of verbal diarrhea one is accustomed to, hmm? Yes my fellow fishes, swim in a little closer, mine is a tale 26 years in the making, a tale of subterfuge, hidden truths, sacrifice and sweet dark pain..the lifeblood of the Piscean creature. Mine is a tale that can't be told...but tell it I am. I don't know if I am hoping to be talked into or out of this dilemma I've swum into, but I am going to bare my soul to you today....(not an easy task for this Fish)....do with it as you will.
Warning?this will undoubtedly be lengthy, I will continue it in sections?read or ignore the following threads at your leisure. I make no apology for the lengthiness of the beast...if you had something better to be doing you'd be doing it. As I sit here trying to figure out where to even begin this, something I once read drifts across my mind;
As I walked through the desert I came upon a man, squatting beast-like. In his hand he held his heart, from which he had eaten. ?Is it good, friend?? I asked. To which he replied, ?Nay, it is bitter, very bitter. But I eat of it because it is bitter, and because it is my heart.? I don?t remember where exactly that came from. Pity. What, exactly does this odd quote have to do with anything? Quite possibly?nothing. To get to where I am, before I ask you to judge me, we must go back to where I was.
The year was 1979, I was a quiet, awkward, self conscious, skinny and wayyyy too tall 16 year old kid. The excessive height came by way of my biological fathers? 6?8? frame. He apparently suddenly remembered something very important that needed tending to elsewhere just before my 5th birthday?I really don?t much remember him at all. The awkward self consciousness and lack of social skills came compliments of an abusive (mental, physical, sexual) alcoholic white trash stepfather. Until his death in 1977 we lived virtually as gypsies. We traveled from one road construction jobsite to another, from town to town and state to state as he repeatedly got fired from job after job or got arrested again for drinking, or wrecked another vehicle, or etc etc. We moved at least twice a year, sometimes 3 or 4 times a year. I grew up the ?new kid? in school. Constantly. I never, not even once, started a school year at a particular school and ended the school year still attending that same school. What this schizophrenic alchemy of a public education lacked in providing formal education it more than made up for in providing insight into the dark side of human nature. By the ripe old age of 12 I felt I?d had the rug pulled out from under me enough times that I trusted no-one except me and myself??and I sometimes didn?t even trust me. In the 10th grade a ?guidance counselor? asked me what was wrong with me (in so many words)?. so I told him? I understand. I understand the whole situation. I know why things are as they are. I can see beyond the facades of people and affairs. I can see inside people?s souls. I know that the whole world is a mental asylum and that the sane ones end up in mental institutions to protect them from the world. ROFLMAO I can still see the look on his face to this day. Priceless.
To be continued????????..
How is the water in your world today? Mine is getting hot and murky, friends. Hot and murky indeed. I have not posted much since joining up here and introducing myself, although I do drop in from time to time and wander about. I'm really not sure why I'm even posting this except that I simply need to talk to someone. I'm dazed and speechless and this isn't exactly something I can go up to a co-worker and say "heya Fred, this is probably going to sound pretty crazy but two days ago I made this phone call....."
Ah, now the Piscean comes out in you doesn?t it? This doesn't sound like the typical "I'm bored are you?" type of verbal diarrhea one is accustomed to, hmm? Yes my fellow fishes, swim in a little closer, mine is a tale 26 years in the making, a tale of subterfuge, hidden truths, sacrifice and sweet dark pain..the lifeblood of the Piscean creature. Mine is a tale that can't be told...but tell it I am. I don't know if I am hoping to be talked into or out of this dilemma I've swum into, but I am going to bare my soul to you today....(not an easy task for this Fish)....do with it as you will.
Warning?this will undoubtedly be lengthy, I will continue it in sections?read or ignore the following threads at your leisure. I make no apology for the lengthiness of the beast...if you had something better to be doing you'd be doing it. As I sit here trying to figure out where to even begin this, something I once read drifts across my mind;
As I walked through the desert I came upon a man, squatting beast-like. In his hand he held his heart, from which he had eaten. ?Is it good, friend?? I asked. To which he replied, ?Nay, it is bitter, very bitter. But I eat of it because it is bitter, and because it is my heart.? I don?t remember where exactly that came from. Pity. What, exactly does this odd quote have to do with anything? Quite possibly?nothing. To get to where I am, before I ask you to judge me, we must go back to where I was.
The year was 1979, I was a quiet, awkward, self conscious, skinny and wayyyy too tall 16 year old kid. The excessive height came by way of my biological fathers? 6?8? frame. He apparently suddenly remembered something very important that needed tending to elsewhere just before my 5th birthday?I really don?t much remember him at all. The awkward self consciousness and lack of social skills came compliments of an abusive (mental, physical, sexual) alcoholic white trash stepfather. Until his death in 1977 we lived virtually as gypsies. We traveled from one road construction jobsite to another, from town to town and state to state as he repeatedly got fired from job after job or got arrested again for drinking, or wrecked another vehicle, or etc etc. We moved at least twice a year, sometimes 3 or 4 times a year. I grew up the ?new kid? in school. Constantly. I never, not even once, started a school year at a particular school and ended the school year still attending that same school. What this schizophrenic alchemy of a public education lacked in providing formal education it more than made up for in providing insight into the dark side of human nature. By the ripe old age of 12 I felt I?d had the rug pulled out from under me enough times that I trusted no-one except me and myself??and I sometimes didn?t even trust me. In the 10th grade a ?guidance counselor? asked me what was wrong with me (in so many words)?. so I told him? I understand. I understand the whole situation. I know why things are as they are. I can see beyond the facades of people and affairs. I can see inside people?s souls. I know that the whole world is a mental asylum and that the sane ones end up in mental institutions to protect them from the world. ROFLMAO I can still see the look on his face to this day. Priceless.
To be continued????????..
Hey Desert Fox. Welcome back. Interesting story. Looking forward for continuation and ending of it. Keep rolling. I might throw something similair to it as well...wink.
*****2*****
In 1977 the stepfather died of lung cancer. I was 15. He died slowly, painfully. His last days were spent in a hospital on life support. All our combined families were there at the hospital at the time of course, his mother, sister and brothers, sons etc. When the doctor came out and told us that they had disconnected the equipment and he was dead, a horrible, uncontrollable and unexpected thing happened to me before I even knew what was happening. I broke out in a huge ear to ear grin and chuckled out loud. It was not deliberate, it happened before I could even think or try to stop it. I was immediately sickened by it. Not from any disrespecting the dead sort of thing but because all his family was standing there sobbing and clutching each other when it happened.
Not only did I not have anything against them or wish to hurt them in any way but I actually liked most of them. He was a sack of shit but most of his immediate relatives were decent people. I?ll never forget the looks of stunned disbelief and hurt on their faces. I ran from the hospital, across the parking lot and kept running until my legs turned to rubber and my lungs burned?..laughing uncontrollably the whole time?..and as powerless to stop it as to stop the sun from rising.
Our family at that point consisted of me, a sister 3 yrs younger and a half brother 8 yrs younger than I, and our mother. We moved into a house basically donated by a member of the church my mother attended. Looking back, I now know what I didn?t know then, that if it weren?t for that charity we?d have likely simply been homeless, I?d like to say that at this point I went to work as the ?little man of the house? to help support my fragmented family like in some Clint Eastwood spaghetti western, but I can?t. It is a horrible thing when brought out into the light but quite frankly I really didn?t care much one way or the other about any of my family in those days.
I dropped out of school, got a job and a car, and discovered alcohol, drugs, rock-n-roll and girls. The next couple of years would see me through several of those awkward teenage attempts at sex; damn I had horrible luck as a hormone driven teenager I swear?worse than most, I still do believe! It wasn?t so much due to a lack of a willing participant that was the problem but just plain rotten luck, LOL. I mean every damn time the clothes were coming off and things were getting jiggy we?d get busted or interrupted one way or another. I got busted once by the cops in a city park getting busy in an ice cream truck (maybe more about that later, if you?re truly curious). Again in the same ice cream truck, different park, different girl. I didn?t make much money as a young ice cream vendor but the fringe benefits were great. Got caught yet again in my bedroom at home when my mother and siblings came home early and the bedroom window was open and they walked right past. Come to think of it, that damned ice cream truck was parked in the driveway then too. But at any rate, I didn?t lose my virginity till I was 18 and then married the girl. Ayyy carumba. Rocky start for one who would eventually wind up re-writing the book on the subject. Mmm, believe that! Anyway, I?d come home basically only when I needed a place to sleep in those days. In one of my intermittent stays I had heard my mother was sort of seeing a man at church who was divorced and also had 3 kids. My first clue that this was something possibly serious was when my mother adamantly suggested that I go to some church function to meet ?Don? as we?ll call him.
I grudgingly went to the church function, a potluck lunch thingy where everyone brought food dishes and such as I recall. I was ushered in and met Don who was, in my opinion, a total geek but hey, whatever. They were kind of arm around each other sort of thing?.I didn?t know whether to laugh or hurl so rather than ponder the pros and cons of either option I simply sli
In 1977 the stepfather died of lung cancer. I was 15. He died slowly, painfully. His last days were spent in a hospital on life support. All our combined families were there at the hospital at the time of course, his mother, sister and brothers, sons etc. When the doctor came out and told us that they had disconnected the equipment and he was dead, a horrible, uncontrollable and unexpected thing happened to me before I even knew what was happening. I broke out in a huge ear to ear grin and chuckled out loud. It was not deliberate, it happened before I could even think or try to stop it. I was immediately sickened by it. Not from any disrespecting the dead sort of thing but because all his family was standing there sobbing and clutching each other when it happened.
Not only did I not have anything against them or wish to hurt them in any way but I actually liked most of them. He was a sack of shit but most of his immediate relatives were decent people. I?ll never forget the looks of stunned disbelief and hurt on their faces. I ran from the hospital, across the parking lot and kept running until my legs turned to rubber and my lungs burned?..laughing uncontrollably the whole time?..and as powerless to stop it as to stop the sun from rising.
Our family at that point consisted of me, a sister 3 yrs younger and a half brother 8 yrs younger than I, and our mother. We moved into a house basically donated by a member of the church my mother attended. Looking back, I now know what I didn?t know then, that if it weren?t for that charity we?d have likely simply been homeless, I?d like to say that at this point I went to work as the ?little man of the house? to help support my fragmented family like in some Clint Eastwood spaghetti western, but I can?t. It is a horrible thing when brought out into the light but quite frankly I really didn?t care much one way or the other about any of my family in those days.
I dropped out of school, got a job and a car, and discovered alcohol, drugs, rock-n-roll and girls. The next couple of years would see me through several of those awkward teenage attempts at sex; damn I had horrible luck as a hormone driven teenager I swear?worse than most, I still do believe! It wasn?t so much due to a lack of a willing participant that was the problem but just plain rotten luck, LOL. I mean every damn time the clothes were coming off and things were getting jiggy we?d get busted or interrupted one way or another. I got busted once by the cops in a city park getting busy in an ice cream truck (maybe more about that later, if you?re truly curious). Again in the same ice cream truck, different park, different girl. I didn?t make much money as a young ice cream vendor but the fringe benefits were great. Got caught yet again in my bedroom at home when my mother and siblings came home early and the bedroom window was open and they walked right past. Come to think of it, that damned ice cream truck was parked in the driveway then too. But at any rate, I didn?t lose my virginity till I was 18 and then married the girl. Ayyy carumba. Rocky start for one who would eventually wind up re-writing the book on the subject. Mmm, believe that! Anyway, I?d come home basically only when I needed a place to sleep in those days. In one of my intermittent stays I had heard my mother was sort of seeing a man at church who was divorced and also had 3 kids. My first clue that this was something possibly serious was when my mother adamantly suggested that I go to some church function to meet ?Don? as we?ll call him.
I grudgingly went to the church function, a potluck lunch thingy where everyone brought food dishes and such as I recall. I was ushered in and met Don who was, in my opinion, a total geek but hey, whatever. They were kind of arm around each other sort of thing?.I didn?t know whether to laugh or hurl so rather than ponder the pros and cons of either option I simply sli
Desert Fox
Please continue, I'm fascinated by the story and would really love to read on
I'm wondering many things, love a good novel, and also the murky drudge you will eventually get to as I myself am floundering around in quicksand at the moment
Please continue, I'm fascinated by the story and would really love to read on
I'm wondering many things, love a good novel, and also the murky drudge you will eventually get to as I myself am floundering around in quicksand at the moment
Desertfox
please don't leave us hanging, really looking forward to the next installment, there's much I can relate to so far, differences of course, but wondering where this is heading.
Hope you find time to continue this
please don't leave us hanging, really looking forward to the next installment, there's much I can relate to so far, differences of course, but wondering where this is heading.
Hope you find time to continue this
2 sharks swimming in opposite directions(because they have each others backs) Ice cream vendors are cool.
Hi all, I will certainly be continuing this. I just got really tied up in some work related drama. I won't leave you guys hanging any more than I absolutely must due to time constraints, but I'm writing this in 'real time', just sitting down at the keyboard and going back in time with my thoughts while my fingers transform those thoughts into characters on a computer screen. Hopefully this weekend I'll get to squeeze in enough quiet time!! Have a great weekend, and anotherpisceswoman maybe we can prod haffo into starting that similar thread he hinted about....
looking forward to the continuation and yes, haffo anything you want to throw in here i'd also love to read, don't know about you people(not sure who's male or female, mine's a little obvious) but wondering about the pisces perspective as mine is almost out of the basic astrology textbook, i know i've heard about all those sun signs,etc, never really looked into it too deeply, just know that I most assuradly a pisces, the good, the bad and the day dreamy not want to deal with reality.
two sharks watching each other's backs? that's a cool perspective, never thought of it that way.
two sharks watching each other's backs? that's a cool perspective, never thought of it that way.
Okay Desert Fox. Here I go.
I was born in a crappy family of two people who don't ever know what telephone was (with the other similair things too). Low cultural background of my parents didn't really work well on my wellfare. They really did many mistakes in their entire life and even till now, they have nothing at their hands (both materially and mentally). I was grown up as a person of "do it yourself" type. That allowed me to see the most darkest sides of the life that most of the people does not have any idea. War, panic, fear of death was some of them. And all of this was happening when I just was 8. Anyway, good or bad it served it purporse. It did me what I am today and I think I am in good situation because I have experienced those things.
My family has relocated many times in many different countries which also served to me both good and bad. The bad side of it was I never learned what does stability mean and the good side of it was I learned variety. Alot of variety. I still remember when I was at 2nd grade when I was 8. I have changed 3 classes and I was as you said "new student" all the time. Even the 3rd class for me was another new class which makes it 4 lol. If I count it right now, then I can say I was relocated 7 times in my entire school life.
My father did inflicted alot of damage to me as mentally and physically. I still remember him beating me in front of people just to prove them that he is a "good father". I still hate him for that (and many other things) because I was only 10 when he did that. I still remember that once I was beaten 3 times in a day. He never accepted his sons with respect and love. All he was saying was "You think you are in same level with me?", like you are not a person in the family. I mean, what kind of father one can be if he does not treat his kids with respect at least? Anyway, he got in his life what he deserved. Now he lives alone and nor his ex wife and nor his sons does not see him anymore (including me). He lives like a dog and soon his parents will dump him as well. I don't know what will happen to him after that, nor do I care. Idiots always get what they have deserved at the end.
Anyway, I run out of energy and patience right now with all these writing. I might countinue it later.
I was born in a crappy family of two people who don't ever know what telephone was (with the other similair things too). Low cultural background of my parents didn't really work well on my wellfare. They really did many mistakes in their entire life and even till now, they have nothing at their hands (both materially and mentally). I was grown up as a person of "do it yourself" type. That allowed me to see the most darkest sides of the life that most of the people does not have any idea. War, panic, fear of death was some of them. And all of this was happening when I just was 8. Anyway, good or bad it served it purporse. It did me what I am today and I think I am in good situation because I have experienced those things.
My family has relocated many times in many different countries which also served to me both good and bad. The bad side of it was I never learned what does stability mean and the good side of it was I learned variety. Alot of variety. I still remember when I was at 2nd grade when I was 8. I have changed 3 classes and I was as you said "new student" all the time. Even the 3rd class for me was another new class which makes it 4 lol. If I count it right now, then I can say I was relocated 7 times in my entire school life.
My father did inflicted alot of damage to me as mentally and physically. I still remember him beating me in front of people just to prove them that he is a "good father". I still hate him for that (and many other things) because I was only 10 when he did that. I still remember that once I was beaten 3 times in a day. He never accepted his sons with respect and love. All he was saying was "You think you are in same level with me?", like you are not a person in the family. I mean, what kind of father one can be if he does not treat his kids with respect at least? Anyway, he got in his life what he deserved. Now he lives alone and nor his ex wife and nor his sons does not see him anymore (including me). He lives like a dog and soon his parents will dump him as well. I don't know what will happen to him after that, nor do I care. Idiots always get what they have deserved at the end.
Anyway, I run out of energy and patience right now with all these writing. I might countinue it later.
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@seizeTheDay
Joined: Feb 23, 2005 · Topics: 55 · Posts: 2255
I've got a question - do you taureans get along with other taureans? From what I've read of your posts, you seem to be just peachy. Buuuuut..... I don't seem to get along with them for some reason. I'm not able to pinpoint it, maybe it's different in e
@TaurusRules
Joined: Oct 05, 2005 · Topics: 4 · Posts: 41
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@dxpnet
Joined: Jan 18, 2005 · Topics: 145 · Posts: 546
Thanks to DXP err.. GODS??.
We?ve got IP address and ID got back?.
:)
thank you?
We?ve got IP address and ID got back?.
:)
thank you?
@Qbone
Joined: Jan 18, 2005 · Topics: 756 · Posts: 13612
I can't believe so many people here take astrology as law,let alone believe in it.So many people on this board seem very intelligent,then go & destroy all credibility of any intelligence whatsoever by spouting this astrological stuff...please explain!
@SKEPTIK
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@taurusgoddess
Joined: May 03, 2005 · Topics: 601 · Posts: 4058
Can this work? What are some tips for me to prove to him that im really interested and to gain his interest back? we are trying this long distance, so my other question is how well do leos handle long distance relationships? and im not terribly informe
@gemini lady
Joined: Oct 13, 2005 · Topics: 6 · Posts: 33
If someone always mentioning that you are a good person. Neither when you talk to them on the phone or by e-mail. Does that mean he thinks he is not worthy of love. Yes he Taurus.
Thanks.
Thanks.
@Daydreamer
Joined: Aug 23, 2005 · Topics: 25 · Posts: 125
I just don't understand this girl at all!(the crazy one that came over a few weeks back and yelled and screamed at me and destroyed 10 of my CD's)...she has lied to me constantly about "no one going there for a while" and I worked out that she was sleepin
@Scorpman
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ip addresses are now being displayed with message board posts to give more information to users. the ip address has been masked to allow for privacy, but we are showing this information to help users to determine whether or not other users are posting wit
@dxpnet
Joined: Jan 18, 2005 · Topics: 145 · Posts: 546