To Push Away

hahaha, I was having a conversation with my mom about this. She's a pisces -- so I decided to post here. This is not for just pisces but for anyone.


My mom and I were having a discussion about people who push others away when they are going through some difficult paths in life -- sometimes earth shattering, unexpected changes.

They tend to keep light relationships with people, but those they have a much deeper relationship with,they push away because of ...

That's what the discussion was about. My mom and I never really agreed as to why they do it 🙂

So do it without realizing it I think.

Hmm, I know why I do it, but I'll keep that to myself I think lol. 😛

Interested to see what others say though.

What's it worth?

Greener grass vs. stagnation, maybe


Just today, at work, I was talking to a customer who was in shatters. An elder man around 55 was saying that in 1995, his 27 year old son was killed in a car accident, and he couldn't keep the tears from forming in his eyes. 13 years, and this man is still grieving.

That's pretty earth-shattering.

After awhile, I was able to get him to lighten up and speak about it without choking up, so he could release this.

That's when I found out that he was past the grief of his only son's death ... but, his wife never forgave him for not picking his son up from the bar, and having to drive home drunk ended his short-lived life.

This man, standing in the main isle of Lowe's, had no embarrassment or shame that his weakness was showing ... and the truth came out. For 13 years he has been enduring a living hell, it's his fault his child is dead, he believes, because this is what his wife has laid on him to carry for the rest of his life.

So, then I read this thread now .... and in this case, the wife pulled away from her spouse because she can't handle the emotional torment of her life ... and if she has someone to blame, then this gives her a reason to continue.

So, then I read this thread now .... and in this case, the wife pulled away from her spouse because she can't handle the emotional torment of her life ... and if she has someone to blame, then this gives her a reason to continue.

This makes so much sense!

It makes sense but its so tragic, my goodness! That poor man.

Yes, its terrible but if I were in the lady's position, I do the same thing.


I was just wondering because ... I don't know, I'm not too understanding of people when they pull away. When I'm busy, I'm busy (with school or work), I just don't leave because the feeling hits me, you know what I mean?

I'm trying to gain an understanding, so to speak 🙂

As a Virgo..I am more open and want to discuss what's wrong or what's going on in my life...I do push people away when they have hurt me or I feel I can't trust them anymore...it's a slow but surely process and eventually I wipe my hands clean of them...I have to say that unlike what I found in pisces I try to discuss, work out or warn that there is a problem, I found that with pisces I know,they have a problem or hrt by something and will simply hold it against you by slighting you or being vindictive without you really knowing what is wrong...which I find unfair, the person who did the wrong should always be given the opp to make amends or atleast be aware of what is going on...often times it could be a matter or perception or something that can be rectified easily,that just makes it worst.

some errors I'm multi-tasking sorry

''but those they have a much deeper relationship with,they push away because of ...''

I think those you have a much deeper relationship with prob sense that something's up so that's why they feel they're being pushed away. We're kind-of programmed to think people closer have the ability to hurt us.

''So do it without realizing it I think.'' I don't know - but noticed water signs do it for fear of unleasing some great emotional flood but I noticed they understand the emotions in difficult situations.

'I'm far, far less open than my Aries or Sag or Virgo friends though. I'm much, much more like my Libra friends.''

Air signs understand each other's way of communication. It's funny I was talking about how my air sign friends talk my ear off - that's how I always know something's up. My gemini gf told me the story of her relationship breakup for nearly 2days. My ears were burning by the time she was done...damn! Another Aqua friend told me about hooking up with a guy for nearly 8hrs...I think the major difference in air and fire communication of a difficult situation is air will detail everything that happened objectively, fire will just tell you how they felt about it without the details and quickly move on...

Earth signs I notice will want their reputation in tact eitherway - there's a more social consciousness in disclosing difficult situations...virgo might offer a critical view.

It's just the way we deal for survival I think...whatever works.

my 1 cent

"I think those you have a much deeper relationship with prob sense that something's up so that's why they feel they're being pushed away."

This is true for me, being a Pisces .... if I need space alone to sort out my issues, then the isolation from everybody is present. Those who don't really know you well, don't know ... only those who do know you well, know that you've taken the required space.

Cappy, I don't think it's unusual for people (all people) to require space to sort out their issues ... and then after we've chewed on it, we decide what we are going to disucss with another.

We choose our battles, we use discretion to determine who we're going to talk to about what. If this weren't true of everybody, then everybody in the world would know everything about everybody.

People make decisions on what they will disclose .. this is normal. And it is present in all people. This pushing away isn't real in the terms in which most people take it to get their feelings hurt, because the same people who got their feelings hurt, will too, require this same space when they need to be alone with thoughts.

So, I don't see it as a pushing away ... rather, the other person allowing thier feelings to get hurt because their partner needed time in their heads to deal with their life, and they got offended because this is understood as being a necessary.

"and they got offended because this is understood as being a necessary."


***not ........ they got offended because this is NOT understood as being a necessary.

I can't answer that, bijou, from my experience because during a family crisis ... I WANT my husband right by my side. But, he's a much different breed from most other people .. he's so grounded that he will NOT create emotional drama during this said crisis, in which will perpetuate the Pisces (me) into being more upset .. rather, he will attempt to calm, soothe and put into perspective.

And I think this is a valid point here .... many people don't do crisises well, and allow their emotions to go into over-drive, and will become emotionally frantic, anxious.

So, this isn't JUST about the Pisces during this scenerio .. it's also about the Fish living within the environment, and if the partner is presenting an environment in which emotional control during this crisis is absent ... then we'll remove ourselves from this person until the trauma has subsided.

I know for a fact that I do that ...... when my mother died several years ago, a friend of mine flipped out and became hysterical because she was my mother's friend also. Her grief was chaos, we had absolutely no grip on how to deal with this loss. During this time, I disappeared from her, removed myself from her presence. And this is no indication of how I feel about her, I love her ... but, a Pisces person internalizes every feeling, and we have to find the proper perspective in reality because we are reality handicapped ... so, if we permit ourselves to be around a person who can't handle the harsh realities of life, such as a death, or illness ... then we will remove ourselves from this person until they can gain their composure.

Like I said, though, this isn't an issue with me and my partner because he is solid .... he can hold my hand during a crisis and NEVER allow his grief to influence my emotional-well-being in any form in which will increase my distress.

Protective ^^^^^

It's a matter of perspective .... he could very well view this as being slighted, or ignored if I became reclusive emotionally .. but, he doesn't because he knows my heart, he knows that to be exposed to an abundance of frantic emotions during this crisis will cause me more grief than the crisis itself ..... so, instead of getting upset and thinking I'm ignoring him or neglecting him .. he'll take it under his wing and NOT pressure me into expression, nor allow others to burden me with their expressions.

Still .. I think this is the other person as well. There's a reason why somebody needs to pull away

"Partner of Piscean = frantically worried"

Under those conditions ^^^ a Pisces would remove themselves from partner because frantic fosters more emotional trauma to exist.


Here's an example of how this would happen in my partnership ... let's use my mother's death as an example ...

If left alone with my friends, they would say things like ... ARe you ok? What are you going to do? OMG, this is so upsetting. I loved her so much *tears*. Are you eating right? Have you slept? Are you sure you're alright? What about her belongings, do you need help sorting them out? **hugs**, **tears**, Oh God, Angie, I know you loved her, I'm so sorry.

All those things ^^^^^^^ create within a Piscean person MORE grief, than good.


However, my Virgo husband would stand between me and these friends, and protect me from this .... she's fine, she's alright, she's asleep right now, she's ok, don't worry .... and then NOT say anything to me about how I feel, nor ask any questions. Instead, he'll just wait until I'm ready to discuss it.

Because he treats me that way ^^^^ and understands, accepts that I require time in solitude to put how I feel into perspective before being able to express .. I don't pull away from him in time of grief.

Meaning .. I have no reason to bail on him, and will stay right by his side. Beit, silently, but still there.

And then when it's time to reveal how I feel ... it usually comes out scattered, contridictive .. but, he knows that it's a process to get it out, and so won't hold me to ONE feeling to use against another feeling = being critical.

So, I view this question being asked about a person pulling away from another a condition in which involves both people involved, and how much they understand each others needs during this time. And I also think that for a person to feel slighted or neglected during this time stems from not understanding the other persons needs .. and will inevitably require their own personal space when they too, are faced with an earth-shattering event .. and this same person who felt offended that their partner needed to remain quiet, will now be wearing different shoes, and will then be upset if their partner doesn't back off away from them and give them their due space.

Yes, it makes perfect sense .. and I gave an example before reading your post ... so disregard my post above, for you already understood what I was trying to say, as usual.🙂

Sagigoat? More like faggygoat.

Booyah.

Outcast? More like overcast. Because you're always so gloomy and depressing.

Booyah.

Today will be overcast, with a good chance for lame retorts.

Science disagrees.

From The Washington Post, January 7th 2004:

"79% scientists agree that lame retorts are indeed lamer than being an idiot with no life:

After much heated debate over whether or not lame retorts are lamer than being an idiot with no life, finally, in the 4th of Decemeber, 2003, a survey was conducted amongst the leading scientists in the field during a major convention in Helsinki, Finland.
As expected, this survey found most of the scientists in the belief that lame retorts are lamer than being an idiot with no life.

Dr. John Hong, the conductor of this survey was quoted saying: "while science, as someone once elequently put it, doesn't work by concensus, we do hope that our work with this survey would help to educate the public about the issue, and possibly help decide the future policies regarding lameness."

When asked whether or not this great majority decided the issue once and for all, Dr. Hong once again repeated the science doesn't work by concensus, and that they still need to wait for some clearer data to come up.

When asked whether or not Outcast is a homosexual, Dr. Hong replied affirmatively."

"...I would be in much better place than now rather than sitting here and hearing from others what real life is supposed to be about which you obviously have no idea..."

Seriously? I'm in a new city, and most of the people I knew here were only here for uni, and are currently back in their homes, so I have lots of time to waste until Uni starts. Or until I get a job.

Nah, I moved here permanently.

"I push people away, but that is probably because I also have the symptoms of AvPD. I'm not handling my recent dramas very well and others know very little of what I'm going through. I've become physically addicted to the Valium"


Pushing people away during stressful times is not unusual, dreamer .. in fact, we were talking about this on here the other day, and came to the conclusion that EVERY person tends to push others away when they need space to deal with their problems.

So, don't feel bad about pushing away if you need the space to figure your life out during the current situation which has you upset, and needing an escape route .... though, drug addiction is not a preferred choice of escape, for it creates more problems than the original issue.

You know what? People who know your heart, do .. and that is the only thing that matters. Anybody else who would create drama which puts you in opposition of your heart for reactionary satisfaction .. toss.

Toss them, and you won't need drugs to cover you.

Oh shit ... I recant my suggestion of tossing the person causing you distress .. I didn't know. Sorry dreamer.

Yes, I'm familiar with disassociated personality disorder .. and under the circumstances in which you attested, it seems perfectly normal that your daughter's psyche would make this disconnection. So, though, I know you are terribly troubled by this turn of events, dreamer, this condition is treatable. She can be reattached with her primary personality.

What does the doctor have in the works of fixing her fractured psyche?

I'm so sorry for your anguish .. I can only imagine how horrible it would be to have to face this with your child.

((( hugs )))

But, don't give up hope, dreamer .... she can be mended with herself with the right treatment.

I meant .... rescind.

I'm going to bed in about an hour .... when I do, I'll send you some sleep vibrations, and try to help you clear your mind with energy transmissions. In fact, I'm sure every Piscean in here who reads this (along with all visitors) will likely send some energy to you.