Why does he want me as a friend so badly?!

This topic was created in the Pisces forum by RoseAngel81 on Sunday, December 15, 2013 and has 28 replies.
I met a new guy a month ago. Pisces.
Lovely dates, chemistry, kissing, he contacted me constantly. I mean texting and emailing and messaging me several times a day. he flirted with me, told me he really liked me. If felt right to kiss me etc. he added me on Facebook.
I never had to prompt him to contact me. the only thing was he was worried about the distance between us. not that far bit you could drop by easily.
He pulled it out of nowhere that he no longer felt right and that he was not hugely fussed about travelling to see me.
But he really likes me. Loves being in contact with me. doesn't want to lose me. can we be friends he says. stay in touch and reassess in a month...but realistically he thinks friends as we get on so well.
I specifically told him on first date I didn't want someone with issues and someone who was just out of a relationship. He agreed.
He said he hasn't over the last couple of weeks felt a burning desire to.cancel everything to come to see me so he was no longer feeling it. He still likes me but thinks realistically it will just be friends. He doesn't want to lose a good friendship (after 2 meetings?!) So wants to stay I'm touch and see how it goes in a month or so.
He was dumped horribly by his on / off gf in July. He thought he was ok but isn't ok. He is scared to get involved. Cannot explain why his feelings changed. He said he thought he was ok to start dating but he want. he is scared to be hurt again. Doesn't know why it happened. he's had some.changes at work and he's.not happy where he is.

He was in touch with me daily until this. he initiated all of the contact. Doesn't want to lose me as a friend....and happy to keep meeting. We get on like a house on fire and have similar humour. Said to reassess in a month.
My thoughts are to disappear and let him come to me.
Ideas on how to handle him / the situation. Why on earth does he want to cling onto friendship when we aren't even friends now.
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he's the second pisces in a row to do it.
I don't really. Shall I just ignore him if he contacts me.
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He's on my Facebook now as a friend.
he went after me hard. about 300 texts, as many emails and added me on fb.
I just said ok to friends but I don't have to stay I'm touch.
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Posted by IrresistableScorp
Seriously. Why do people even consider the just friends option when it's not what they want? I don't even get it.


Because I do like him. He's very similar to me.
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Posted by IrresistableScorp
You lied sweetheart.


I felt like I could do it at the time he asked. But not now.
I didn't lie he did. All along about his intentions.
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Ok.
when he contacts me again out of friendliness I shall tell him no.
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If he really wanted to be a friend he'd have come meet with you but he didnt and that is the deal breaker so go blame him if you want to.
Nothing stopping him from coming to see you is there? Thats if he is sincere in what he had said to you in the first place.
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he said he thinks there needs to be space between the dates and becoming friends.
he said he will meet e in a month or two.
I was sad and just said ok.
now the hell with it. all on his terms.
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I thought I was ok with friends at the time so I.wasn't necessarily lying.
its only now I've thought about it some more.
So should I tell him straight or.ignore.
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jfc

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I don`t know,something wrong with u that u keep attracting wrong men or that make them .change their decisions after meeting. Just ask yourself what u doing wrong and if its not you just move away from those men don`t even try to be friends with them coz that`s gonna break ur heart whenever you see them with different women coz they aren`t into u. And stop bending over to please someone,just be u
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Posted by BaitedFish
I don`t know,something wrong with u that u keep attracting wrong men or that make them .change their decisions after meeting. Just ask yourself what u doing wrong and if its not you just move away from those men don`t even try to be friends with them coz that`s gonna break ur heart whenever you see them with different women coz they aren`t into u. And stop bending over to please someone,just be u


These guys I met online dating and I think therein lies the problem.
With online dating you can never know their background or intentions.
I specifically told this one that online dating is full of people who are time masters or just out of relationships and I did not want that again. he agreed with me and reassured me. this is on date 1. this was so I could talk away if I found out he was nursing a broken heart from someone else.
but no. he reassured me. added me.on.Facebook, bombarded me.with texts emails and calls and made me.feel.as if he really liked me.
then it turns out he's just had his heart broken and is.scared to get involved.
how could I have known he was lying and what could I have done different.
he thinks we are very similar, which we are. we are very much alike.
he has an aqua moon and aqua Venus. maybe that's where the lets be friends comes from.
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Posted by RoseAngel81
Posted by BaitedFish
I don`t know,something wrong with u that u keep attracting wrong men or that make them .change their decisions after meeting. Just ask yourself what u doing wrong and if its not you just move away from those men don`t even try to be friends with them coz that`s gonna break ur heart whenever you see them with different women coz they aren`t into u. And stop bending over to please someone,just be u


These guys I met online dating and I think therein lies the problem.
With online dating you can never know their background or intentions.
I specifically told this one that online dating is full of people who are time masters or just out of relationships and I did not want that again. he agreed with me and reassured me. this is on date 1. this was so I could talk away if I found out he was nursing a broken heart from someone else.
but no. he reassured me. added me.on.Facebook, bombarded me.with texts emails and calls and made me.feel.as if he really liked me.
then it turns out he's just had his heart broken and is.scared to get involved.
how could I have known he was lying and what could I have done different.
he thinks we are very similar, which we are. we are very much alike.
he has an aqua moon and aqua Venus. maybe that's where the lets be friends comes from.
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probably the aqua moon.he doesn`t want his feelings attached to u. But men are men they can lie and do anything to get what they want.by telling you he want u to be friends he probably want to use you when he has no option so be careful
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We didn't have sex. We just kissed. It wasnt that sort of relationship.
He was the perfect gentleman. Sex was never even mentioned.
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Posted by 88Doble
Posted by RoseAngel81
We didn't I never had to prompt him to contact me. the only thing was he was worried about the distance between us. not that far bit you could drop by easily..


how far?
If too far, that could have been why he changed. I'm sure he liked you and was into you at first, but if he realized he wanted to have someone close, to actually be able to deliver his affection physically and it was going to be difficult between you two, then I can understand why he backed off.
I know I would. I may want something strongly with someone I really like, but when reality hits, and I start feeling lonely , because I can't be with someone, touch the person, etc... then I back off.
Is normal.
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It wasn't that far at all. We live in different cities. But I could.get to him in an hour from.where I work.
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Posted by 88Doble
^^^^ that is far to me.
I dated one in another city, and I stopped responding to his texts. Till everything faded and then he found a girlfriend. I was really happy for him because I understood, and I was aware that that could happen.



he's planning to move here.
I live in a capital city and getting across it takes 90 mins....so if we lived in the same.city we would be just as far apart potentially.
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Posted by 88Doble
If he is asking to be friends, then give him space, and wish him well. Nothing says that by keeping him as a friend, any of you are obligated to keep in touch.
Not everything has to be negative.




Exactly.
I'm leaving him alone. He just started commenting and liking things on my Facebook just now.
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Posted by RoseAngel81
We didn't have sex. We just kissed. It wasnt that sort of relationship.
He was the perfect gentleman. Sex was never even mentioned.


Shit SHIT Shit!! I mixed you up with someone else on DXP.
All these issues being posted all begin to look similar day by day.
My apologies
Ditch him. If you feel more than "friendship" type feelings then you really can't be his friend. Don't dishonor your feelings (sell yourself short) to have a guy friend you have romantic feelings for.
Delete him and keep dating, eventually you'll meet someone who doesn't play the "LET'S BE FRIENDS" nonsense head game with you.
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Posted by IrresistableScorp
Seriously. Why do people even consider the just friends option when it's not what they want? I don't even get it.


+1
I also need a clear definition of the term "friend" because people throw that word around like crazy.
Call it what it is. It's didn't work, move on.
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Posted by RoseAngel81
Posted by BaitedFish
I don`t know,something wrong with u that u keep attracting wrong men or that make them .change their decisions after meeting. Just ask yourself what u doing wrong and if its not you just move away from those men don`t even try to be friends with them coz that`s gonna break ur heart whenever you see them with different women coz they aren`t into u. And stop bending over to please someone,just be u


These guys I met online dating and I think therein lies the problem.
With online dating you can never know their background or intentions.


Actually you can. It's called taking your time and actually getting to know the person. You were clearly close enough to see each other, so why rush it? Perhaps "there lies the problem".
Posted by RoseAngel81

I specifically told this one that online dating is full of people who are time masters or just out of relationships and I did not want that again. he agreed with me and reassured me. this is on date 1. this was so I could talk away if I found out he was nursing a broken heart from someone else.but no. he reassured me. added me.on.Facebook, bombarded me.with texts emails and calls and made me.feel.as if he really liked me.
click to expand


You're not a victim here. "He reassured you", but you have the ability to think and assess a situation right? "He added me on FB (with period stops any everything, so this must mean something)" And? This means what exactly, that it must be "real"? When did adding someone to your social media contact list become an indication for sincerity? "He bombarded me with text, emails and calls and made me feel as if he liked me" And? You could have taken it in stride, asked him to slow it down or perhaps not confuse overzealous behaviour for more than what it is, overzealous behaviour. And, someone can't make you "feel" anything. You need to own that. You chose to believe his actions meant more than it did. Did he like you? Sure, perhaps. It doesn't mean he was serious about you. Two different things.
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Posted by RoseAngel81

how could I have known he was lying and what could I have done different.


See above.
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Posted by IrresistableScorp
Pisces: enshrouding with love. Feels like a deep purple velvet cloak of love.
Aqua: surrounding with friendship. Feels like you are best buds. Or peas and carrots as Forrest Gump would say.
Very rarely do these two circumstances meet in a Pisces with aqua placements.
Sometimes you get overlap while Pisces transitions, but when you are with an airy fish just get used to this. Sooner or later you can tell when the transition is happening and well there's not really much you can do but smile and say, yes dear. smile
It's quite the experience. Lol


So they alternate between acting like they care and wanting to ne just friends?
or is that i?
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lol@ topic title
People have entitlement issues.
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^ my bf has one of those. peculiar people...
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Posted by Damnata
lol@ topic title
People have entitlement issues.


if it's true it's not entitled.
there's nothing wrong with calling it like you see it.
pussyfooting around it in fear of sounding egotistical is ridiculous.
i think 'people' have issues with judging too quickly based on thread titles.
book by its cover quote could apply here....
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kittyfooting!!! ahahhahah hilarious!!!!
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he said he wasn't going to contact me until Christmas and not meet me for at least a month or two. he just started texting me.
What on Earth.
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Posted by anonymousheart
Posted by Damnata
lol@ topic title
People have entitlement issues.


if it's true it's not entitled.
there's nothing wrong with calling it like you see it.
pussyfooting around it in fear of sounding egotistical is ridiculous.
i think 'people' have issues with judging too quickly based on thread titles.
book by its cover quote could apply here....
click to expand


Never said I didn't read the rest of the topic.
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