Would you feel hurt?
This topic was created in the Pisces forum by jengoesboom on Tuesday, July 1, 2014 and has 14 replies.
So one of my friends that I've known practically 5 1/2 years is throwing a 4th of July party where her inlaws and her immediate family will be there.
I found out about the party because I heard a mutual friend/acquaintance of ours telling her that they decided to go to her party after all and was asking her what time to be there and etc. When I heard that I felt hurt becuase I was never asked if I wanted to go to the party, I wasn't even told about the party.
To my knowledge she only invited two people to it (married couples like she is) but considering I'm the one friends he's known the longest I felt hurt. She has this tendency to assume she has told people about things when she really never did so I'm not sure if she assumes she told me or she knows who she asked.
I'm assuming she knows she invited those 2 people but if that's the case it makes me wonder why I'm not invited. Granted I wouldn't go becuase its all married couples but it was the thought that would have counted.
I haven't really spoken to her much since I found out becuase I'm still sad about it and I'll get over it eventually and I'm pretty sure she wonders what's wrong with me but its a stupid thing for me to bring up. Has this happened to anyone and what was the reason why you weren't invited?
I found out about the party because I heard a mutual friend/acquaintance of ours telling her that they decided to go to her party after all and was asking her what time to be there and etc. When I heard that I felt hurt becuase I was never asked if I wanted to go to the party, I wasn't even told about the party.
To my knowledge she only invited two people to it (married couples like she is) but considering I'm the one friends he's known the longest I felt hurt. She has this tendency to assume she has told people about things when she really never did so I'm not sure if she assumes she told me or she knows who she asked.
I'm assuming she knows she invited those 2 people but if that's the case it makes me wonder why I'm not invited. Granted I wouldn't go becuase its all married couples but it was the thought that would have counted.
I haven't really spoken to her much since I found out becuase I'm still sad about it and I'll get over it eventually and I'm pretty sure she wonders what's wrong with me but its a stupid thing for me to bring up. Has this happened to anyone and what was the reason why you weren't invited?
This story has been posted before.
@basari
I don't get how people can forget people. When I think about the parties I throw, I invite everyone I know both people I've known for years and people I've just met. I don't like leaving people out so I don't want it to happen to me either.
But I'm pretty sure I've forgotten about someone at some point or another, I haven't been told but I'm sure I have.
I just can't imagine why it happens.
I don't get how people can forget people. When I think about the parties I throw, I invite everyone I know both people I've known for years and people I've just met. I don't like leaving people out so I don't want it to happen to me either.
But I'm pretty sure I've forgotten about someone at some point or another, I haven't been told but I'm sure I have.
I just can't imagine why it happens.
Posted by Impulsv
They may figure ur single n will feel uncomfortable around couples. Or as a single person ud have funner plans.
But I get it circles change
+1
No I wouldn't be hurt because she's my friend and I would respect her wishes to invite who she wants to invite to a largely "all family" event and not take it as a reflection of her feelings toward me. Besides, there's a whole other dynamic playing out in family gatherings and the married couple sort of complement the familial tone. People have different priorities and people they gotta make happy in life. Be the bigger friend and rise above the need to tell her your disappointment. This really and truly has nothing to do with you.
Some women change when they're married suddenly single women are excluded and seen as the enemy, a burden, a threat and not reliable, some married women can't relate to single women anymore because the single person is still looking for a man or looking for marriage etc.
If I were you I'd be more curious as to what her explanation is about not inviting more than being hurt over her actions, seems this is not the first time she's been this way so why not just ask her about her actions before allowing your feelings to take over and make it messy.
If I were you I'd be more curious as to what her explanation is about not inviting more than being hurt over her actions, seems this is not the first time she's been this way so why not just ask her about her actions before allowing your feelings to take over and make it messy.
Inlaws and immediate family...
You know it's okay to feel left out but something tells me this isn't just another party. It's very rare I get invited to some sort of family function, no reasons needed.
In some ways I really don't know what you're complaining about because you admitted you wouldn't go. Maybe it comes to show how well she knows you.
You know it's okay to feel left out but something tells me this isn't just another party. It's very rare I get invited to some sort of family function, no reasons needed.
In some ways I really don't know what you're complaining about because you admitted you wouldn't go. Maybe it comes to show how well she knows you.
Wow...
First of all I agree with Impulsv & Este.
If you are secure in the friendship this wouldn't bother you at all and it would be COMMON SENSE that it's all married couples. If I were in your shoes I'd be praying I wouldn't get an invite. I'd also resent a "fake" invitation with the host knowing you're gonna say no for obvious reasons.
So, what's this really about?
First of all I agree with Impulsv & Este.
If you are secure in the friendship this wouldn't bother you at all and it would be COMMON SENSE that it's all married couples. If I were in your shoes I'd be praying I wouldn't get an invite. I'd also resent a "fake" invitation with the host knowing you're gonna say no for obvious reasons.
So, what's this really about?
Posted by jengoesboom
@basari
I don't get how people can forget people. When I think about the parties I throw, I invite everyone I know both people I've known for years and people I've just met. I don't like leaving people out so I don't want it to happen to me either.
But I'm pretty sure I've forgotten about someone at some point or another, I haven't been told but I'm sure I have.
I just can't imagine why it happens.
That's your parties^^you describe. She didn't forget. She is inviting married couples. Big difference. All this just so you can decline to go? Doesn't make sense.
I'm sorry, but why on earth would a single person be excluded? That doesn't seem like a given to me (what about family members who are single for whatever reason? It can't all be couples, surely? And surely a close friend could mingle easily with family/other close friends?) Parties are about inclusivity, and if a friend didn't invite me to an important occasion I would expect to have been told & have it explained to me beforehand - because I can see perfectly good reasons why a family party might be a more limited affair. To have not made any mention of it seems to me odd. If I was throwing a party for one group of friends, I'm quite sure I would feel a need to explain my thinking to uninvited friends & reassure them that it was not a reflection of my feelings toward them... etc etc...
..seriously? You think she should demand she be invited? Maybe the conversation why she wasn't invited is still yet to come...In fact this poster has already said this:
Maybe, just maybe this friend ALREADY KNOWS THAT? Still...I agree, a conversation should be had, and since this causing sadness by this poster, she should initiate it. When something bothers me, I don't assume, I go straight to the horses mouth and ask. But that's me. I don't like drama and I don't like assuming. It's a waste of energy.
Posted by jengoesboom
Granted I wouldn't go becuase its all married couples but it was the thought that would have counted.
Maybe, just maybe this friend ALREADY KNOWS THAT? Still...I agree, a conversation should be had, and since this causing sadness by this poster, she should initiate it. When something bothers me, I don't assume, I go straight to the horses mouth and ask. But that's me. I don't like drama and I don't like assuming. It's a waste of energy.
*this IS
Posted by icepisces
I'm sorry, but why on earth would a single person be excluded? That doesn't seem like a given to me (what about family members who are single for whatever reason? It can't all be couples, surely? And surely a close friend could mingle easily with family/other close friends?) Parties are about inclusivity, and if a friend didn't invite me to an important occasion I would expect to have been told & have it explained to me beforehand - because I can see perfectly good reasons why a family party might be a more limited affair. To have not made any mention of it seems to me odd. If I was throwing a party for one group of friends, I'm quite sure I would feel a need to explain my thinking to uninvited friends & reassure them that it was not a reflection of my feelings toward them... etc etc...
This logic doesn't really apply to family gatherings and this was almost exclusively a family event. Single family members are still part of the family so of course they will be invited. You're free to throw a party and invite everyone. Your friend is also free to throw a party and invite who she wants to invite and not have to apologize for not inviting everyone. What are we in junior high? Have people lost the ability to see anyone's but their own self interest? The 4th is one of those traditional family holidays.
Posted by jengoesboom
I felt hurt becuase I was never asked if I wanted to go to the party, I wasn't even told about the party.
It's a person's right, as a person, to decide who's company they want to keep at any given time.
Why dont' you know that? How old are you exactly?
Posted by jengoesboom
To my knowledge she only invited two people to it (married couples like she is) ....
You make the assumption here and below that the intention for selected invites was dependent upon marital status .... when in reality, you don't know that because you don't know every person she invited.
You've planted a seed here, and the young people who are gullible jumped right on that bandwagon to make a comment about party dynamics as relative to marital status.
Truly .... school, please hurry up and start back !!!!
Posted by jengoesboom
.... its all married couples but it was the thought that would have counted.
Posted by jengoesboom
.... I'm still sad about it and I'll get over it eventually and I'm pretty sure she wonders what's wrong with me ...
for you to say you're still sad, while saying that she has likely noticed your sadness is a pretty firm indication that you're sulking in her presence ... probably to get an emotional reaction out of her.
how juvenile
I wouldn't invite you either if you played games with me.
Posted by jengoesboom
When I think about the parties I throw, I invite everyone I know both people I've known for years and people I've just met. I don't like leaving people out so I don't want it to happen to me either.
click to expand
This isn't your party, so what you would do is irrelevant.
Looks like you have expectations on her to handle her own goddam party YOUR way.
::::: shakes head :::::
A bunch of kids entered dxp about 2/3 weeks ago .... you sound like one of them
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