Political Jokes
This topic was created in the Politics forum by looneybird on Wednesday, March 2, 2005 and has 23 replies.
50 hilarious quotes of President Bush Said in His First Term:
50. "I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." ?at the President's Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002
49. "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." ?Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001
48. "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' ?Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001
47. "We both use Colgate toothpaste." ?after a reporter asked what he had in common with British Prime Minister Tony Blair, Camp David, Md., Feb. 23, 2001
46. "Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a ? you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities." ?Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004 (Watch video)
45. "I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves." ?Washington, D.C., Sept. 21, 2003
44. "I'm the commander ? see, I don't need to explain ? I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." ?as quoted in Bob Woodward's Bush at War
43. "I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport." ?Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001
42. "The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself." ?Grand Rapids, Mich., Jan. 29, 2003
41. "I saw a poll that said the right track/wrong track in Iraq was better than here in America. It's pretty darn strong. I mean, the people see a better future." ?Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004
40. "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties." ?discussing the Iraq war with Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson, as quoted by Robertson
39. "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." ?presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004
38. "Haven't we already given money to rich people? Why are we going to do it again?" ?to economic advisers discussing a second round of tax cuts, as quoted by former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neil, Washington, D.C., Nov. 26, 2002
37. "We need an energy bill that encourages consumption." ?Trenton, N.J., Sept. 23, 2002
36. "After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army. And yet, this week ? we will have an all-volunteer army!" ?Daytona Beach, Fla., Oct. 16, 2004
35. "Do you have blacks, too?" ?to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001
34. "This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." ?as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002
33. "I got to know Ken Lay when he was head of the ? what they call the Governor's Business Council in Texas. He was a supporter of Ann Richards in my run in 1994. And she had named him the head of the Governor's Business Council. And I decided to leave him in place, just for the sake of continuity. And that's when I first got to know Ken and worked with Ken." ?attempting to distance himself from his biggest political patron, Enron Chairman Ken Lay, whom he nicknamed "Kenny Boy," Washington, D.C., Jan. 10, 2002
32. "It is white." ?after being asked by a child in Britain what the White House was like, July 19, 2001
31. "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." ?at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001
30. "For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. An
50. "I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." ?at the President's Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002
49. "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." ?Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001
48. "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.'' ?Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001
47. "We both use Colgate toothpaste." ?after a reporter asked what he had in common with British Prime Minister Tony Blair, Camp David, Md., Feb. 23, 2001
46. "Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a ? you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities." ?Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004 (Watch video)
45. "I glance at the headlines just to kind of get a flavor for what's moving. I rarely read the stories, and get briefed by people who are probably read the news themselves." ?Washington, D.C., Sept. 21, 2003
44. "I'm the commander ? see, I don't need to explain ? I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." ?as quoted in Bob Woodward's Bush at War
43. "I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport." ?Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001
42. "The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself." ?Grand Rapids, Mich., Jan. 29, 2003
41. "I saw a poll that said the right track/wrong track in Iraq was better than here in America. It's pretty darn strong. I mean, the people see a better future." ?Washington, D.C., Sept. 23, 2004
40. "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties." ?discussing the Iraq war with Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson, as quoted by Robertson
39. "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." ?presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004
38. "Haven't we already given money to rich people? Why are we going to do it again?" ?to economic advisers discussing a second round of tax cuts, as quoted by former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neil, Washington, D.C., Nov. 26, 2002
37. "We need an energy bill that encourages consumption." ?Trenton, N.J., Sept. 23, 2002
36. "After standing on the stage, after the debates, I made it very plain, we will not have an all-volunteer army. And yet, this week ? we will have an all-volunteer army!" ?Daytona Beach, Fla., Oct. 16, 2004
35. "Do you have blacks, too?" ?to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001
34. "This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." ?as quoted by the New York Daily News, April 23, 2002
33. "I got to know Ken Lay when he was head of the ? what they call the Governor's Business Council in Texas. He was a supporter of Ann Richards in my run in 1994. And she had named him the head of the Governor's Business Council. And I decided to leave him in place, just for the sake of continuity. And that's when I first got to know Ken and worked with Ken." ?attempting to distance himself from his biggest political patron, Enron Chairman Ken Lay, whom he nicknamed "Kenny Boy," Washington, D.C., Jan. 10, 2002
32. "It is white." ?after being asked by a child in Britain what the White House was like, July 19, 2001
31. "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." ?at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001
30. "For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. An
Late-Night Jokes About Bush From 2005
Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman
"President Bush just got back from Europe. He brought along a team of interpreters with him. It's the same guys he uses when he travels around America." --Jay Leno
"Bush spoke of the diplomatic progress he was making with Europe. [Clip of Bush: 'When we talk about Iran that's a place that I am getting good advice from European partners.'] Ohhh good advice? What did you learned from your European partners. [Clip of Bush: 'Iran is not Iraq.'] Although they do sound very similar. Are you sure you bombed the right one?" --Jon Stewart
"President Bush said when he goes to Europe, he's looking forward to talking about how we can extend peace even further around the world. Then the Pentagon told him, 'You know, Mr. President, we really don't have enough ammunition left to do that.'" --Jay Leno
"President Bush, bless his heart, is trying to cut the federal budget. Do you know what it is? Two and a half trillion dollars! And he's trying to cut wherever he can. As a matter of fact he is going to try and get rid of unnecessary White House employees. So apparently he is resigning." --David Letterman
"Tonight in his speech, President Bush introduced his plan for Social Security. His plan: take the security part out of it." --Jay Leno
"President Bush has been working on his inauguration, not the actual speech but the word inaugural." --Jay Leno
"Historians say the most commonly used phrase at inaugurations is 'My fellow citizens.' However, the most commonly used phrase at President Bush's inauguration is expected to be 'My fellow United Statesers.'" --Conan O'Brien
Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman
"President Bush just got back from Europe. He brought along a team of interpreters with him. It's the same guys he uses when he travels around America." --Jay Leno
"Bush spoke of the diplomatic progress he was making with Europe. [Clip of Bush: 'When we talk about Iran that's a place that I am getting good advice from European partners.'] Ohhh good advice? What did you learned from your European partners. [Clip of Bush: 'Iran is not Iraq.'] Although they do sound very similar. Are you sure you bombed the right one?" --Jon Stewart
"President Bush said when he goes to Europe, he's looking forward to talking about how we can extend peace even further around the world. Then the Pentagon told him, 'You know, Mr. President, we really don't have enough ammunition left to do that.'" --Jay Leno
"President Bush, bless his heart, is trying to cut the federal budget. Do you know what it is? Two and a half trillion dollars! And he's trying to cut wherever he can. As a matter of fact he is going to try and get rid of unnecessary White House employees. So apparently he is resigning." --David Letterman
"Tonight in his speech, President Bush introduced his plan for Social Security. His plan: take the security part out of it." --Jay Leno
"President Bush has been working on his inauguration, not the actual speech but the word inaugural." --Jay Leno
"Historians say the most commonly used phrase at inaugurations is 'My fellow citizens.' However, the most commonly used phrase at President Bush's inauguration is expected to be 'My fellow United Statesers.'" --Conan O'Brien
An older couple had a son, who was still living with his parents. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career ... so they decided to do a small test.
They took a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table ... then they hid, pretending they were not at home.
The father's plan was: "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."
So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive ... the son saw the note they had left.
Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the bible, flicked through it, and took it.
Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality ... then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.
The father slapped his forehead, and said: "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined ... Our son is going to be a politician!"
They took a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and put them on the front hall table ... then they hid, pretending they were not at home.
The father's plan was: "If our son takes the money, he will be a businessman, if he takes the bible, he will be a priest - but if he takes the bottle of whiskey, I'm afraid our son will be a drunkard."
So the parents hid in the nearby closet and waited nervously. Peeping through the keyhole they saw their son arrive ... the son saw the note they had left.
Then, he took the 10-dollar bill, looked at it against the light, and slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the bible, flicked through it, and took it.
Finally he grabbed the bottle, opened it, and took an appreciative whiff to be assured of the quality ... then he left for his room, carrying all the three items.
The father slapped his forehead, and said: "Darn, it's even worse than I could ever have imagined ... Our son is going to be a politician!"
Divert Your Course
This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a
US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland
in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval
Operations 10-10-95.
Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees the South
to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees the
North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course
15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say
again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE
SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND
THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN,
THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call!
http://www.jokecenter.com/jokes/Politics/1736.htm
This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a
US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland
in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval
Operations 10-10-95.
Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees the South
to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees the
North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course
15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say
again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE
SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE
ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND
THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN,
THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call!
http://www.jokecenter.com/jokes/Politics/1736.htm
Yeah know it. Papa had told me log time ago. Just came across it today so thought would share it. 
Hey Parallax how about giving your profile on this site? Dont hide your light. Comeon
Hey Parallax how about giving your profile on this site? Dont hide your light. Comeon
AAAwwww Parallax get over it. Glad to know you are considering it. Will you put up your birth date on the profile to begin with? You are an artist--- painter, photographer, theatre-- care to specify?
P.S. Pardon my ignorance. Whats' a stugatz?
P.S. Pardon my ignorance. Whats' a stugatz?
Wow Parallax,I didn't know you were an artist. I think that's beautiful. What medium do prefer?
Are you a professional writer? What is your area of interest?
ON A PRESSING MATTER OF STATE
President Boris Yeltsin called President Bush with an emergency:
"Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried; "My people's favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"
"Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you.", replied the President.
"I do need your help," said Yeltsin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tie us over?"
"Why certainly! I'll get right on it!", said Bush.
"Oh, and one more small favour, please?", said Yeltsin.
"Yes?", replied the President.
"Could the condoms be red in colour and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Yeltsin.
"No problem," replied the President and, with that, Bush hung up and called the President of Trojan . "I need a favour, you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia."
"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.
"Great! Now listen, they have to be red in colour, 10" long and 4" wide."
"Easily done. Anything else?"
"Yeah," said the President, "Print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one."
President Boris Yeltsin called President Bush with an emergency:
"Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the Russian President cried; "My people's favourite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!"
"Boris, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you.", replied the President.
"I do need your help," said Yeltsin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tie us over?"
"Why certainly! I'll get right on it!", said Bush.
"Oh, and one more small favour, please?", said Yeltsin.
"Yes?", replied the President.
"Could the condoms be red in colour and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Yeltsin.
"No problem," replied the President and, with that, Bush hung up and called the President of Trojan . "I need a favour, you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to Russia."
"Consider it done," said the President of Trojan.
"Great! Now listen, they have to be red in colour, 10" long and 4" wide."
"Easily done. Anything else?"
"Yeah," said the President, "Print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one."
A Bushim
"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."?Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005
"We expect the states to show us whether or not we're achieving simple objectives?like literacy, literacy in math, the ability to read and write."?on federal education requirements, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005
"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."?Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005
"We expect the states to show us whether or not we're achieving simple objectives?like literacy, literacy in math, the ability to read and write."?on federal education requirements, Washington, D.C., April 28, 2005
PRESIDENT BUSH'S STATEMENT FOLLOWING LONDON BOMBING
THE PRESIDENT:
Good afternoon. This morning, a series of bombs were detonated across the horse-drawn subway system of London. At this time, I just want to say to the people of England that even though America still holds the record for the biggest, most giganticest and most eye-popping terror attack, we nevertheless sympathize with you in your hour of pain because you folks always seem to do things in a smaller way that still seems important to you.
I realize that today's events change things in Britain. For instance, in the future, in addition to Nine-ElevenTM, you'll also talk about the all-new "Seven-Seven." And that will be hard, especially if you're like me, a guy for whom two sevens has always meant an invigorating beverage that mom slugs from a crystal tumbler every morning at breakfast. But we will adapt. Because circumstances demand we must. Maybe next time it will be "Seven-Eleven," which will be a whole lot easier to remember. Every "Big Gulp" will be like a really convenient and refreshing memorial service.
I also think I speak for all English-speaking persons when I say, it's days like this make all of us so confident in the wisdom and effectiveness of our strategy to "take the battle to the terrorists." Clearly, by killing tens of thousands of their civilians over the past four years, we have weakened our enemies to the point where they can never again fly planes into New York's World Trade Center. We have driven them underground. Or, more precisely, into your Underground.
Moving forward, despite today's events, I have confidence in Britain's future. Why? Because unlike your age-old, swarthy enemies the Spanishese, you Limeys will not blink and promptly stage an electoral coup just because of a few measly transit bombs. And why not? Because your elections already happened!
And that means one thing: even if you're now too afraid to commute to work, you're still riding the USA Crusader Express for the foreseeable future. And as such, I'd like to offer five America-tested tips on how to make the coming months and years of post-terror living as productive and meaningful as possible:
1. Rally behind your suddenly non-poodly leader, and DO NOT QUESTION HIM.
2. Refrain from any and all analysis of events which are more complex than "THEY HATE FREEDOM."
3. Turn in droves to jingoistic, Rupert Murdoch-owned media outlets.
4. Smother your funny-looking Rovers and MGs and Minis with plenty of "We Will Not Forget" and "I Support..." ribbons.
5. Thirst for the blood of the oil-hoarding sand heathens.
Yes, just follow those simple steps, and before you know it, everything will be peachy keen. Because haven't you heard? We're WINNING the super-successful War on Terror, and the enemy is in its weak and powerless death throws. It's true! Would I lie to you? (Winks.)
Oh, and to all those Englandish people who died today for my inerrant decision to blow the crap out of Iraq, I want to extend a throaty Texas "THANKY, PARDNER!" (Thumbs Up.)
THE PRESIDENT:
Good afternoon. This morning, a series of bombs were detonated across the horse-drawn subway system of London. At this time, I just want to say to the people of England that even though America still holds the record for the biggest, most giganticest and most eye-popping terror attack, we nevertheless sympathize with you in your hour of pain because you folks always seem to do things in a smaller way that still seems important to you.
I realize that today's events change things in Britain. For instance, in the future, in addition to Nine-ElevenTM, you'll also talk about the all-new "Seven-Seven." And that will be hard, especially if you're like me, a guy for whom two sevens has always meant an invigorating beverage that mom slugs from a crystal tumbler every morning at breakfast. But we will adapt. Because circumstances demand we must. Maybe next time it will be "Seven-Eleven," which will be a whole lot easier to remember. Every "Big Gulp" will be like a really convenient and refreshing memorial service.
I also think I speak for all English-speaking persons when I say, it's days like this make all of us so confident in the wisdom and effectiveness of our strategy to "take the battle to the terrorists." Clearly, by killing tens of thousands of their civilians over the past four years, we have weakened our enemies to the point where they can never again fly planes into New York's World Trade Center. We have driven them underground. Or, more precisely, into your Underground.
Moving forward, despite today's events, I have confidence in Britain's future. Why? Because unlike your age-old, swarthy enemies the Spanishese, you Limeys will not blink and promptly stage an electoral coup just because of a few measly transit bombs. And why not? Because your elections already happened!
And that means one thing: even if you're now too afraid to commute to work, you're still riding the USA Crusader Express for the foreseeable future. And as such, I'd like to offer five America-tested tips on how to make the coming months and years of post-terror living as productive and meaningful as possible:
1. Rally behind your suddenly non-poodly leader, and DO NOT QUESTION HIM.
2. Refrain from any and all analysis of events which are more complex than "THEY HATE FREEDOM."
3. Turn in droves to jingoistic, Rupert Murdoch-owned media outlets.
4. Smother your funny-looking Rovers and MGs and Minis with plenty of "We Will Not Forget" and "I Support..." ribbons.
5. Thirst for the blood of the oil-hoarding sand heathens.
Yes, just follow those simple steps, and before you know it, everything will be peachy keen. Because haven't you heard? We're WINNING the super-successful War on Terror, and the enemy is in its weak and powerless death throws. It's true! Would I lie to you? (Winks.)
Oh, and to all those Englandish people who died today for my inerrant decision to blow the crap out of Iraq, I want to extend a throaty Texas "THANKY, PARDNER!" (Thumbs Up.)
Four surgeons are discussing who makes the best kind of patient to operate on.
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second surgeon responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
But the fourth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable."
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second surgeon responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
But the fourth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable."
Bill Maher's closing remarks from his show on HBO
>>
>>"Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you any more. There's no more
>>money to spend--you used up all of that. You can't start another war
>>because you used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your
>>term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to
>>your Mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit cards maxed out. No one's
>>speaking to you. Mission accomplished.
>>
>>"Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk
>>away. Like you did with your military service and the oil company and the
>>baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job.
>>How about cowboy or space man? Now I know what you're saying: there's so
>>many other things that you as President could involve yourself in. Please
>>don't. I know, I
know. There's a lot left to do. There's a war with
>>Venezuela. Eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space program
>>over to the church. And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the
>>vote.
>>
>>"But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern
>>like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you
>>haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a
>>man. Herbert Hoover was a @#% $ president, but even he never conceded an
>>entire city to rising water and snakes.
>>
>>"On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four
>>airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New
>>Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't love this
>>country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the
>>other side.
>>
>>"So, yes, God does speak to you. What he is saying is: 'Take a hint.' "
>>
>>"Mr. President, this job can't be fun for you any more. There's no more
>>money to spend--you used up all of that. You can't start another war
>>because you used up the army. And now, darn the luck, the rest of your
>>term has become the Bush family nightmare: helping poor people. Listen to
>>your Mom. The cupboard's bare, the credit cards maxed out. No one's
>>speaking to you. Mission accomplished.
>>
>>"Now it's time to do what you've always done best: lose interest and walk
>>away. Like you did with your military service and the oil company and the
>>baseball team. It's time. Time to move on and try the next fantasy job.
>>How about cowboy or space man? Now I know what you're saying: there's so
>>many other things that you as President could involve yourself in. Please
>>don't. I know, I
know. There's a lot left to do. There's a war with
>>Venezuela. Eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space program
>>over to the church. And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos the
>>vote.
>>
>>"But, Sir, none of that is going to happen now. Why? Because you govern
>>like Billy Joel drives. You've performed so poorly I'm surprised that you
>>haven't given yourself a medal. You're a catastrophe that walks like a
>>man. Herbert Hoover was a @#% $ president, but even he never conceded an
>>entire city to rising water and snakes.
>>
>>"On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four
>>airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New
>>Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky. I'm not saying you don't love this
>>country. I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the
>>other side.
>>
>>"So, yes, God does speak to you. What he is saying is: 'Take a hint.' "
> So where do you stand morally?
>
>This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand
>morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.
>
>THE SITUATION You are in New Orleans to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe
>flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are photo journalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught
>in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people
>swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive
>fury.
>
>THE TEST Suddenly you see a man in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It's the President, George W. Bush. At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever. You have two options- you can save the life of the President, or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most famous men.
>
>THE QUESTION
Here's the question, and please give an honest answer....... Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?
>
>
>
>This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand
>morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.
>
>THE SITUATION You are in New Orleans to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a hurricane with severe
>flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are photo journalist working for a major newspaper, and you're caught
>in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people
>swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive
>fury.
>
>THE TEST Suddenly you see a man in the water. He is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It's the President, George W. Bush. At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever. You have two options- you can save the life of the President, or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most famous men.
>
>THE QUESTION
Here's the question, and please give an honest answer....... Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?
>
>
Bush (Senior) was in his front yard mowing his grass when little W.came out of
the house and rushed straight to the mailbox. Little W opened it, looked in,
then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
As Bush (senior) was getting ready to edge the lawn, looking his son, little
W. came back out to the mailbox, opened it, felt all the way to the back, and
then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by his son actions George (senior) asked him, "Is something wrong
son?"
To which he replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps
saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
*****************************
"President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that
democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a
good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq? We can't
even get this in Florida."
*****************************
"The president boasted at the top of his press conference that we have the
support now of Britain and Spain for our attack on Iraq. You know, when you want
to make it perfectly clear to the world that you're not an imperialist, the
people you want in your corner are Britain and Spain."
*****************************
"A lot of students around the country protested the war today. The National
Youth and Student Peace Coalition sponsored an anti-war organization called
'Books Not Bombs.' President Bush's response: 'Why do you want to drop books on
them?'"
*****************************
"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."
- George W. Bush
*****************************
"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the
future."
- Governor George W. Bush
*****************************
the house and rushed straight to the mailbox. Little W opened it, looked in,
then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
As Bush (senior) was getting ready to edge the lawn, looking his son, little
W. came back out to the mailbox, opened it, felt all the way to the back, and
then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by his son actions George (senior) asked him, "Is something wrong
son?"
To which he replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps
saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
*****************************
"President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that
democracy can exist in Iraq. They can have a strong economy, they can have a
good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq? We can't
even get this in Florida."
*****************************
"The president boasted at the top of his press conference that we have the
support now of Britain and Spain for our attack on Iraq. You know, when you want
to make it perfectly clear to the world that you're not an imperialist, the
people you want in your corner are Britain and Spain."
*****************************
"A lot of students around the country protested the war today. The National
Youth and Student Peace Coalition sponsored an anti-war organization called
'Books Not Bombs.' President Bush's response: 'Why do you want to drop books on
them?'"
*****************************
"The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."
- George W. Bush
*****************************
"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the
future."
- Governor George W. Bush
*****************************
3 questions...!!!
Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an Elementary school.
After the typical civics presentation, he announces,
"Alright, boys and girls, you can all ask me questions now."
A young boy named Bobby raises his hand and says,
"I have three questions:
1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore?
2. Why are you using the USA Patriot Act to limit Americans? civil
liberties?
3. And why hasn?t the U.S. caught Osama Bin Laden yet?"
Just then the bell sounds and all the kids run out to the playground.
Fifteen minutes later, the kids come back in class and again.
Ashcroft continues, "I?m sorry we were interrupted by the bell.
Lets continue with the questions."
A young girl raises her hand and says, "I have five questions:
1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore?
2. Why are you using the USA Patriot Act to limit Americans? civil
liberties?
3. Why hasn?t the U.S. caught Osama Bin Laden yet?"
4. Why did the bell go off 20 minutes early?
5. Where?s Bobby?"
Attorney General John Ashcroft was visiting an Elementary school.
After the typical civics presentation, he announces,
"Alright, boys and girls, you can all ask me questions now."
A young boy named Bobby raises his hand and says,
"I have three questions:
1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore?
2. Why are you using the USA Patriot Act to limit Americans? civil
liberties?
3. And why hasn?t the U.S. caught Osama Bin Laden yet?"
Just then the bell sounds and all the kids run out to the playground.
Fifteen minutes later, the kids come back in class and again.
Ashcroft continues, "I?m sorry we were interrupted by the bell.
Lets continue with the questions."
A young girl raises her hand and says, "I have five questions:
1. How did Bush win the election with fewer votes than Gore?
2. Why are you using the USA Patriot Act to limit Americans? civil
liberties?
3. Why hasn?t the U.S. caught Osama Bin Laden yet?"
4. Why did the bell go off 20 minutes early?
5. Where?s Bobby?"
The Commander and Chief?
href=http://www.bitoffun.com/weirds-Bush_Binocular.htm
I guess our fearless leader figures that if night goggles turn night into day then these must be day goggles cause he can't see a thing.
href=http://www.bitoffun.com/weirds-Bush_Binocular.htm
I guess our fearless leader figures that if night goggles turn night into day then these must be day goggles cause he can't see a thing.
The Commander and Chief?
I guess our fearless leader figures that if night goggles turn night into day then these must be day goggles cause he can't see a thing.
I guess our fearless leader figures that if night goggles turn night into day then these must be day goggles cause he can't see a thing.
Religion Jokes? Oral Roberts, Pat Robinson, All the leaders of religion who follow the false Gods and the people who fall in line. The end is near pick your side go fight the holy wars. I will be at the pub wating for the end perhaps I am the biggest joke of all.
o you are ben i think
George W. Bush begins his speech to open the Olympic Games.
"Ooooooo! Ooooooo! Ooooooo! Ooooooo! Ooooooo!"
An aide comes over and whispers: "Ahem, Mr President, those are the Olympic rings. Your speech is underneath."
"Ooooooo! Ooooooo! Ooooooo! Ooooooo! Ooooooo!"
An aide comes over and whispers: "Ahem, Mr President, those are the Olympic rings. Your speech is underneath."
A U.S. Marine squad was marching north of Basra when they came upon an Iraqi terrorist, badly injured and unconscious.
On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in similar but less serious state.
The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife, scumbag, and he yelled back that Senator Ted Kennedy is a good-for- nothing, fat, left wing liberal drunk. So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean spirited woman!"
He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well so does Hillary Clinton!"
"And, there we were, standing in the middle of the road shaking hands, when a truck hit us."
On the opposite side of the road was an American Marine in similar but less serious state.
The Marine was conscious and alert and as first aid was given to both men, the squad leader asked the injured Marine what had happened.
The Marine reported, "I was heavily armed and moving north along the highway here, and coming south was a heavily armed insurgent. We saw each other and both took cover in the ditches along the road. I yelled to him that Saddam Hussein is a miserable, lowlife, scumbag, and he yelled back that Senator Ted Kennedy is a good-for- nothing, fat, left wing liberal drunk. So I said that Osama Bin Laden dresses and acts like a frigid, mean spirited woman!"
He retaliated by yelling, "Oh yeah? Well so does Hillary Clinton!"
"And, there we were, standing in the middle of the road shaking hands, when a truck hit us."
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Just wanted to say a quick hi, hope all is well at your end.... how is your new job coming along. Sad to hear about your virgo friend... Virgo's too have dilema's :)
Keep in touch,
take care
Reka
Keep in touch,
take care
Reka
@reka
Joined: Jan 18, 2005 · Topics: 2 · Posts: 92
Gas is so high ?
$50.00 cash gets you only one bag of grocerys. {a bag of taters and 1 pound of hamberger meat}
A pair of cheap shoes are lest then a fuel tank of gas.
Think it could get worst?
$50.00 cash gets you only one bag of grocerys. {a bag of taters and 1 pound of hamberger meat}
A pair of cheap shoes are lest then a fuel tank of gas.
Think it could get worst?
@C-B
Joined: Jan 18, 2005 · Topics: 71 · Posts: 474
every taurus man that I was with have been boring and Im a taurus. sexually I mean, the only thing I enjoy is oral but everything else seems so pratical!!! do somethin else besides moan!!! I have to engage everything.
@taurus g
Joined: Mar 01, 2005 · Topics: 2 · Posts: 6
does any one becides me have trouble working this site?
@OLD JAKE
Joined: Jan 18, 2005 · Topics: 80 · Posts: 1600
I'm a Taurus my rising sign is gemini and my mom is a scorpio. Sometimes I liked more like a gemini than a taurus. Is it possible that some of my mom's actions could've passed on to me?
@taurus g
Joined: Mar 01, 2005 · Topics: 2 · Posts: 6
Source:
http://www.angriesout.com/couples6.htm
THE BEST WAY TO FIGHT
John Gottman is the foremost researcher in the world on marriages and relationships. He puts add in the classified pages asking couples to come in an
http://www.angriesout.com/couples6.htm
THE BEST WAY TO FIGHT
John Gottman is the foremost researcher in the world on marriages and relationships. He puts add in the classified pages asking couples to come in an
@Qbone
Joined: Jan 18, 2005 · Topics: 756 · Posts: 13612
What on earth can I be talking about? My ex-cancer thats what. After all the stuff about him seeing someone else not being the truth, I find out it has been true all along.
Its been going on since a little before christmas and she is still marrie
Its been going on since a little before christmas and she is still marrie
@twinflame2
Joined: Jan 18, 2005 · Topics: 66 · Posts: 756
Hi, I just wanted to introduce my self. I just joined today, through a referral of a close friend. I wanted to say hello to all :)
AK
AK
@AquarianKisses
Joined: Feb 28, 2005 · Topics: 22 · Posts: 200
One of the MUST SEE movie of the year?This film take your soul and belief beyond the imaginations and make your heart bleed and cry as hell, a true story with true hero?. I wonder why it didn?t won any award..?
Really..??
@Qbone
Joined: Jan 18, 2005 · Topics: 756 · Posts: 13612