almost dumped
This topic was created in the Relationships & Astrology forum by daligogh on Thursday, December 27, 2007 and has 14 replies.
I was over my bf's place alone and I was bored as everything he has entertainment wise is very macho. I noticed a his old cell phone and I proceeded to look at pictures and videos (he has not problem with me going in his phones ... so there's no privacy issue here) I found 6 short videos of a woman naked and being fondled by my bf and other men voice as well as other mens voices on the videos. I was hurt. Then I checked the date of the videos And I realized this occured white we were together.shortly after this he came back and I confronted him. He said his friend had hired a dancer and he did not have sex with her. I believed him but I was still hurt so I said "I believe you " and remained silent. Then he starts yelling at me and asking me if I am still gonna be with him. I'm hurt and shocked and can't believe he's yelling at mewhen he did wrong...I remain silent. I get up to leave and tell him I can't talk to him right now ...I need to think
(I'm a cap) He runs behind me and continues sccreaming at me if asking Im breaking up with him. I jump in my car and he gets in also. And he refuses to leave until I talk 2 him I tell him I'm not like him I need to think...he's screaming that if I won't tell him .....that its over. I couldnt believe what I heard. My heartbroke. He left and since I was unable to drive comes back 5 mins later apolgizing telling me how he loves me and by now I'm so emotional and confused i m just glad he's back. Then the next day after some make up sex he tells me no matter what he says....he loves me more than ill ever know.
I've had some time to think and I just can't figure out.....was he trying to dump me and then just felt bad and switched up? Does he really even care? If so how could he play with my emotions and hurt me like that? Was he just trying to avoid giving me the details of the encounter with the dancer? did I just let him walk on me?help
(I'm a cap) He runs behind me and continues sccreaming at me if asking Im breaking up with him. I jump in my car and he gets in also. And he refuses to leave until I talk 2 him I tell him I'm not like him I need to think...he's screaming that if I won't tell him .....that its over. I couldnt believe what I heard. My heartbroke. He left and since I was unable to drive comes back 5 mins later apolgizing telling me how he loves me and by now I'm so emotional and confused i m just glad he's back. Then the next day after some make up sex he tells me no matter what he says....he loves me more than ill ever know.
I've had some time to think and I just can't figure out.....was he trying to dump me and then just felt bad and switched up? Does he really even care? If so how could he play with my emotions and hurt me like that? Was he just trying to avoid giving me the details of the encounter with the dancer? did I just let him walk on me?help
No he has never put his hands on me or made me think he would. I'm just trying to sort things out
I'm really not sure what or if I should do anything....I mean people argue and make up all the time....maybe I'm over analyzing....any thoughts or experiences would help.
I kind of agree with what Mystical said on the Aries board ... if this was just a dancer and no big deal, then why video tape it? And if someone video taped it without his knowledge or consent on his phone, then why not delete it? And if he knew that you looked on his phone often, then why leave it on there for you to see it?
It all sounds so suspect to me .. and not just one innocent taping, but .... SIX
It all sounds so suspect to me .. and not just one innocent taping, but .... SIX
Maybe I should provide more background.
The videos are regular camera phone videos and they are from 06. We were together in 06 but not on the level we are now. The videos hurts me but wasn't really going to hold hit against him as thing have progressed with us really well and that was a long time ago even if he is lying and did sleep with her. To be honest we've never had a serious fight b4. He treats me like a queen on a regular basis and this is the only incident of its kind that has occured between us. We have no children or ties. And my confidence level is quite high(in general) I'm just inexperienced with this kind of thing. My true concern was the way he reacted when I confronted him. This is what's keeping me up at night....his total disregaurd for my feelings. I just can't let that go but I feel its wrong to let one arguement ruin a really good thing. But then on the other hand what if he feels he can do that to me anytime he screws up?
The videos are regular camera phone videos and they are from 06. We were together in 06 but not on the level we are now. The videos hurts me but wasn't really going to hold hit against him as thing have progressed with us really well and that was a long time ago even if he is lying and did sleep with her. To be honest we've never had a serious fight b4. He treats me like a queen on a regular basis and this is the only incident of its kind that has occured between us. We have no children or ties. And my confidence level is quite high(in general) I'm just inexperienced with this kind of thing. My true concern was the way he reacted when I confronted him. This is what's keeping me up at night....his total disregaurd for my feelings. I just can't let that go but I feel its wrong to let one arguement ruin a really good thing. But then on the other hand what if he feels he can do that to me anytime he screws up?
Atlantic
that was harsh and somewhat true....and I appreciate it.
that was harsh and somewhat true....and I appreciate it.
Dali .. I think I'm starting to get the full picture here. These quotes were pulled over from the Aries board ..
"So he's guilty and was afraid I would leave him so he stabbed me in the heart and then ran to mend it back and I went 4 it....so far."
".. aries guys hurt the ones they so called care for to protect themselves from hurt even when they are clearly in the wrong?"
Being an experienced woman, you clearly realize that men will be boys and find thrills in watching naked women .. that really isn't that big of a deal, since it happened long before the two of you moved closer to each other.
However, you have witnessed how this man will be quick to stick a stake in your heart, if he ever fucks up. Let's face it .. we all fuck up in our lives, don't we? So, your concern isn't the fact that he was being male with this dancer .... it's because he made you feel like a piece of shit for him to save his own feelings.
I see how you're feeling (if the above is the correct interpretation), for it would be a sign to me saying that everytime he screws up, which he will do because he's human, then it's your heart that will have to pay the price, while he walks away with no emotional injuries.
Wow .. I'm sorry. I know it's not my fault, but, I could imagine how horrific it must make you feel.
(((hugs)))
"So he's guilty and was afraid I would leave him so he stabbed me in the heart and then ran to mend it back and I went 4 it....so far."
".. aries guys hurt the ones they so called care for to protect themselves from hurt even when they are clearly in the wrong?"
Being an experienced woman, you clearly realize that men will be boys and find thrills in watching naked women .. that really isn't that big of a deal, since it happened long before the two of you moved closer to each other.
However, you have witnessed how this man will be quick to stick a stake in your heart, if he ever fucks up. Let's face it .. we all fuck up in our lives, don't we? So, your concern isn't the fact that he was being male with this dancer .... it's because he made you feel like a piece of shit for him to save his own feelings.
I see how you're feeling (if the above is the correct interpretation), for it would be a sign to me saying that everytime he screws up, which he will do because he's human, then it's your heart that will have to pay the price, while he walks away with no emotional injuries.
Wow .. I'm sorry. I know it's not my fault, but, I could imagine how horrific it must make you feel.
(((hugs)))
P-angel you've hit the nail on the head that's precisely what I'm trying to say. I spoke to him and sorted out the fact , and separated my feelings from the equation. He admitted his wrongs and apologised in his way. He admitted he was afraid to lose me. I told him if he ever did that to me again it would really be over for good. I mean right now he's on his best behavior. But I guess the only way to see if he understands is to put myself out there again. Love is pain.
Very manipulative individual...He does wrong, attacks you and makes you feel bad, so you self doubt..Whats he doing fondling another woman anyways, even in the beginning of a relationship...get rid of him...
my concern would be as you said - his reaction...especially if he USUUALLY treats you like a queen....that is definately an innapropriate response to his own bad behavior to begin with.... but to over react like that in one situation where as [it seems?] he is usually level headed and treats you right? Often one would think that someone who has a atemper and gets emotional ALL the time has a problem...truthfully I'm more concerned about someone who acts like this - because that person is unpredictable...that is the sort of person where you say NOW "oh he has never a laid a hand on mne and never would" but prior to this confrontation would you have thought he would act like this?..... You need to question whether you can truly say he would NEVER [physically] harm you...are you so sure?......
XangelfishX
There's somethings I'll take and some things I just won't. If he ever put his hands on me I probably go crazy and fight him right back and then clean myself up and call the police and call self defense and press charges and see him locked up. I've seen relationships like that, I was in one very briefly (I got him locked up) I love myslef too much to let a man beat on me. When I said love is pain i did not mean Physical pain!... I also did not mean that the one you love hurts you emotionally and repeatedly....I just mean that 4 me putting my feelings out there is quite painfull....waiting to see how the other will react, if they'll meet you emotional needs...if the care at all, and especially communicating what I need emotionally is just excruciatingly painful for me I just never know quite what or how to say what it is I need, I mean even in this post I find myself explaining my self a lot.
There's somethings I'll take and some things I just won't. If he ever put his hands on me I probably go crazy and fight him right back and then clean myself up and call the police and call self defense and press charges and see him locked up. I've seen relationships like that, I was in one very briefly (I got him locked up) I love myslef too much to let a man beat on me. When I said love is pain i did not mean Physical pain!... I also did not mean that the one you love hurts you emotionally and repeatedly....I just mean that 4 me putting my feelings out there is quite painfull....waiting to see how the other will react, if they'll meet you emotional needs...if the care at all, and especially communicating what I need emotionally is just excruciatingly painful for me I just never know quite what or how to say what it is I need, I mean even in this post I find myself explaining my self a lot.
I was only using physical abuse as an example...the main point I'm trying to make is that he's unpredictable...in a bad way. Regardless, that'[s how most family anihilators start out - they're sweet loving people who think they're doing the right thing for their family by saving them the pain and suffering fo life by killing them...and they just snap one day and do it and no one expected it... but again I'm not necessarily trying to say that that's what will happen - I'm just saying after this episode I would be VERY careful with him...watch out for anymore strange behavior and the first sign something's not right get your pretty little ass out of there ! You don't need that kind of stress, especially when you're not the one who did anything wrong. If this was a precursor to life with this man - basically you could be PERFECT and he would still act like this because he's taking it out on you when HE does something wrong....
xangelfishX
I get your point.
thats scary.
I get your point.
thats scary.
"The best thing to do if you ever split buy a plant, reason you can touch a plant and it won't get the wrong impression."
LMAO
LMAO
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