Cancer/Librian reunion?

My 1st love is the cancer in question. I was 13 and he was 14... 25 years later we were bought together by the death of a mutual friend. Even though I was married for 20 years with 3 kids( an unhappy marriage for the last 6 years) and he was on the verge of moving out of town to live with a girlfriend he contacted me via email.

He moved in with his gf and we chatted through emails daily for the 1st year in which I left my husband. Yes he helped me make up my mind that I wasn't going to live that way anymore...unhappy.

Our contact started with texting and emailing while he worked and we were together all day long. Everything was talked about except his situation with gf. I don't feel it's my right to try and split them as much as I want to be with him. To me he has to make that decision on his own. In saying that we met up at Xmas for a couple of days to express our love for each other.(It was explosive!) He has told me that he loves me but I'm not sure if he meant in love or just love...

I won't play 2nd fiddle to anyone and so after he returned home I told him that I won't come 2nd in his life. What do I do? Do I cut him off completely even though we haven't cleared everything up, he's stil so willing to keep in contact but I feel that's allowing him to it both ways. Am I just an idiot—

Please if you're a cancer male could you help me out.

OK can anyone out there give me some feed back?

Thankyou dancing bread. I've entered an extended version to the cancer site, a flamming book almost and hope to get some feed back there.