cancer man issues.

This topic was created in the Relationships & Astrology forum by sagittarius843 on Monday, January 20, 2014 and has 13 replies.
recently on friday, i found out he hung out with his ex, who is his neighbor, a few times because i saw a heart next to her name on his phone. he said it was no big deal and that she put the heart there and all that. so friday night we had a huge talk about everything and he apologized and i forgave him and we were fine again. that's not the problem right now. saturday i didn't really talk to him at all and we didn't hang out so i was left alone thinking... and i started to think about everything and sunday comes, and he comes over. i told him we need to talk and we took a walk and i tried to talk to him about the whole issue we had on friday. turns out i really didn't need to talk to him about everything because that just made him upset. so we get to my driveway and he goes into his car and he won't come out. i'm standing there asking him to come inside or something and he won't and then i get upset. i start crying and i end up having a panic attack and it's around 6:30 pm and he says he needs to go. and i KNEW he was lying so my big sagittarius mouth says you're a liar, you're lying. and earlier when i was trying to talk to him, he kept playing around with me physically like poking me and stuff trying to make me stop talking i'm guessing? and i got mad and when i get mad i just say random things. so anyways, it didn't end well. he yelled at me and i broke down crying. and then he left. today we talked and he said he doesn't trust me and he never did. that really hurt me. he also said his apology didn't mean anything to him since yesterday i was trying to talk to him about it again. i wrote him a huge text message telling him how i feel about him and all this, and his reply was "I just need to take a step back and think about things." & btw, we've been dating for almost a year. and i'm a sagittarius sun, moon in leo, rising in gemini & he's a cancer sun with a moon in sagittarius. help?
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I mean, I don't know much about Cancer men because I try to stay away from them (they're too emotional for me) but I think bringing up an issue that was already discussed and that you already forgave him for was a bad idea and could cause anyone to act the way he's acting. You don't want to have to explain yourself multiple times, it just seems like the person doesn't trust you if you do. So maybe taking a step back is a good thing. You need to really ask yourself if you do forgive him. If it only took you a day to change your mind then you're probably not so sure.
And side note, the heart on her name in his phone? Ummm no. That would not fly with me. It would have taken more than one conversation for me to get over that.... As a fellow sagittarius, I'm just sayin.
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He doesn't trust you but he's the one hanging out with his ex and has a heart next to her name in his cell....hmmm
I'm curious as to why he doesn't trust you? Can you elaborate on his statement?
Also why talk again after you already had a long talk about the ex?
I'm curious as to why you didn't dump his ass for sneaking around with his ex?
At this point the ex is winning b/c you just didn't handle this situation well at all which can make an ex appear more grounded and more attractive to be with.
My suggestion is pull yourself together.
Don't act/be desperate. Don't do desperate acts like call a dozen times and send long text messages, and talk and talk the same issue the d to death b/c that's all acts of desperation and will only make things worse and make you appear needy and desperate which will fuel his desire to not be with you/distance himself.
Best thing you can do is get some self control and be quiet, silence can lure a person in much quicker than berating a person, let him be with the ex, he'll be back and if he doesn't come back he was never yours to begin with.

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yeah, i mean he knew in the first place that i didn't like her so i just didn't understand any of this. so yeah, i started to think about it more and it got to the point where i felt a need to talk about it again. which was a bad move. but now, i do forgive him & i do trust him. i messed up on my part i think because i forgot he IS a cancer and you just dont do that shxt with cancer men!
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to tiki33-- my previous relationship was 15 months long and it was abusive. i started hanging out with my current boyfriend when i was still in that relationship. but i ended up leaving my ex for him.
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and i sent a long text message to him because i know cancers need reassurance and all that and he was the one who came onto me saying he doesn't trust me so i just freaked out. i love this boy to death.
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Posted by sagittarius843
to tiki33-- my previous relationship was 15 months long and it was abusive. i started hanging out with my current boyfriend when i was still in that relationship. but i ended up leaving my ex for him.


+1 to what Tiki said. I'm a Sag male also with a Leo moon and that placement can get us into a lot of trouble. Honestly, after being in an abusive relationship for 15, you really shouldn't be dating and should spend a good deal of time to heal yourself. Him saying he doesn't trust you and never did is a direct reflection of who he is and his mentality. He may have been there when you were in need, but those gestures were not altruistic. Otherwise, he wouldn't treat you the way he did given what you'd just bern through. Most likely, he doesn't trust you because your were trying to date each other while your were committed to someone else abusive relationship or not. He's thinking only of his interests. "She'll eventually leave me for someone else." That demonstrates his paranoia. Hence, him seeing his ex. He doesn't trust himself, therefor he doesn't trust you but he won't take responsibility for his own feeling and lays blame at your feet. But he's the one messing around. He knows you know this now, so he's trying to push you away. Lastly, him and his ex never broke up...at least not spiritually. Him spending time with her means he's still feeding that connection with his intent being romantic. He may say that they've broken up otherwise, but ones actions demonstrate their intent and the truth. And miss me with "she put that in my phone" crap. Does he really want you to think he's that weak? It doesn't look good regardless. Either he is weak or he doesn't respect you enough to not allow his ex to do that. Either way, you see the truth...leave him be.
Good luck
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@beautifulsoul74 how can that placement get us in a lot of trouble? lol sorry i'm just curious!
i love your advice btw.
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+1 beautifulsoul
Great insight....
I too believe she should stop dating for awhile and heal. Even a good guy can turn toxic with you because you're struggling with creating structure and boundaries which includes trusting yourself.
I can almost predict this relationship will turn toxic and maybe even abusive. If he's cheating then dump him, don't reassure a cheater and a liar.
If you remained in a 15 month abusive relationship you are struggling emotionally and mentally to keep it together and being with a man whose shown he has the capacity to cheat will only make matters worse.
What I'm sensing is you love him more than you love yourself and that won't work long term but loving him more than you love yourself can invite in neglect of some type be it emotional, mental etc...
If you accept his behavior/cheating then you love him more than you love yourself and that's not a good message to send to a man, also displaying love for him so much so that you'll accept his poor behavior gives him the green light to go ahead and continue the poor behavior you don't want.
Either way it won't be a fairy tale ending for you if you stay attached to a cheating lying ass man.
This is where you love you more and back up before it turns bad and becomes toxic.
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Posted by tiki33
+1 beautifulsoul
Great insight....
I too believe she should stop dating for awhile and heal. Even a good guy can turn toxic with you because you're struggling with creating structure and boundaries which includes trusting yourself.
I can almost predict this relationship will turn toxic and maybe even abusive. If he's cheating then dump him, don't reassure a cheater and a liar.
If you remained in a 15 month abusive relationship you are struggling emotionally and mentally to keep it together and being with a man whose shown he has the capacity to cheat will only make matters worse.
What I'm sensing is you love him more than you love yourself and that won't work long term but loving him more than you love yourself can invite in neglect of some type be it emotional, mental etc...
If you accept his behavior/cheating then you love him more than you love yourself and that's not a good message to send to a man, also displaying love for him so much so that you'll accept his poor behavior gives him the green light to go ahead and continue the poor behavior you don't want.
Either way it won't be a fairy tale ending for you if you stay attached to a cheating lying ass man.
This is where you love you more and back up before it turns bad and becomes toxic.



Thank you Tiki and you always come with great insight and I've learned a lot from you! _??_ +2 to what you just said! I completely agree!
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Posted by sagittarius843
@beautifulsoul74 how can that placement get us in a lot of trouble? lol sorry i'm just curious!
i love your advice btw.


Thank you and I'm glad to give it. Just a little advice _??_ As for our moons, we tend to see the best in someone even when the truth constantly smacks us in the face. Thus, we try to become saviors and stay too long when we should leave. Its the thing with fire moons. You looking at his phone and arguing with him is trying to "get to the bottom" and nip it in the bud lol. This is further enhanced by being a Sag sun as those are traits as well...a lot of fire and impulse.
Sit back a relax a little. This is what I meant by being by yourself. Take ownership of you. Look yourself in the mirror and see what's good and bad. Its not about achieving perfection, but developing good habits and rebuilding your spirit. When you do this, you'll develop patience and confidence. Find achievable goals to set and work on them no matter how boring it gets and follow through. Do healthy things and stay positive until you do it without thought and its an instinct.
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haha that's all very true about me. and thank you.
update: last night he texted me around 1 am saying he doesn't know how he feels about us. i think it's funny he's saying that because friday night he was saying he doesn't plan on leaving me anytime soon and that he loves me so much and all this. so i'm going to school today and i'm leaving my phone at home because i don't want to put myself through all that where i'm checking it every 4 seconds. i'm just ready for him to come out and talk to me.
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Posted by sagittarius843
haha that's all very true about me. and thank you.
update: last night he texted me around 1 am saying he doesn't know how he feels about us. i think it's funny he's saying that because friday night he was saying he doesn't plan on leaving me anytime soon and that he loves me so much and all this. so i'm going to school today and i'm leaving my phone at home because i don't want to put myself through all that where i'm checking it every 4 seconds. i'm just ready for him to come out and talk to me.


I understand that. My instincts tell me that he's about to run the ol' push in pull. Don't want you and says things to demonstrate that but as soon as you begin to pull away he comes a runnin because he doesn't want to lose you. Bringing more confusion and it will only set you off because like Leo suns, we Leo moons want someone who is consistent and reliable...something I don't think he can give anytime soon.
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