Cheating Virgo boyfriend.

This topic was created in the Relationships & Astrology forum by LibraLove on Sunday, September 11, 2011 and has 38 replies.
Two nights ago, it was my boyfriend's birthday. I took the trip over to his house (which takes two hours), hauling a heavy bag of gifts with a card I spent ages making for him, and helped him set up and barbecue everything before his friends arrived for his party. After a night of drinking, he repays me by calling me last night to tell me that after I left the club we went to, he was so drunk and that even though it's no excuse, he ended up kissing another girl. Now this is coming from a dark/bitter part of me, but the girl he kissed is quite unattractive and callous, because on several occasions, I'd been introduced to her as his girlfriend. If she had done it without any knowledge that my boyfriend was in a relationship, I think it would be slightly more forgivable; but she did it knowingly and with intent.
Anyhow, it's not the girl I care so much about. Too often women tear one another apart over a cheating man without addressing the real perpetrator. At the end of the day, she was single and he was not, and HE is the only one responsible for his actions. This girl is known for being touchy-feely and going after other people's boyfriends, but that should have been incentive enough for my boyfriend to distance himself from her in the first place. He called me last night crying and begging me to forgive him and not break-up, but I'm having a difficult time. The one thing I've made a point of to reiterate from the beginning of this relationship is how unforgivable I find cheating. Ironically enough, I joked about him kissing a girl at the club the morning of his birthday and he asked "would you break up with someone if they did that" and I said "of course!" His response was "that's understandable."
All he could do last night was cry and say he "fucked up" and that he loves me, but I don't know if I can compromise myself for someone who I feel has disrespected both me and our relationship.The one promise I made to myself and made sure he knew that I made to myself was that I COULD NOT stay with a cheater. Easier said than done because this guy is my first love and basically my first everything. Either way, I feel it's lose-lose for me. On the one hand, I remain in a relationship with someone who I know has the capacity to cheat while breaking my OWN promise to myself, or on the other, I breakup with someone I love so much and who, outside of this incident, I have an amazing relationship with.
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I just feel so angry and embarrassed. University starts tomorrow and I'm in classes with 3 of his friends, and granted how close-knit they all are, I know word has already gotten around. I don't want my first day to be peppered with awkward exchanges and sympathetic questions because people feel sorry for me or want to know what happened. And I certainly don't want to be known as the idiot who stayed with her cheating boyfriend.
I'm so confused. If anyone can shed any shred of light on my situation, I'd really appreciate it.
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i think you're very insightful.
Posted by LibraLove

Anyhow, it's not the girl I care so much about. Too often women tear one another apart over a cheating man without addressing the real perpetrator. At the end of the day, she was single and he was not, and HE is the only one responsible for his actions. This girl is known for being touchy-feely and going after other people's boyfriends, but that should have been incentive enough for my boyfriend to distance himself from her in the first place. Either way, I feel it's lose-lose for me. On the one hand, I remain in a relationship with someone who I know has the capacity to cheat while breaking my OWN promise to myself, or on the other, I breakup with someone I love so much and who, outside of this incident, I have an amazing relationship with.


you need time to process how you feel, i would recommend no contact with him until you're ready. you need to take space for yourself. the questions you raised about compromise & respect are good ones. i think his behaviour is extremley immature. why jeopardise your relationship for a petty kiss in some club? maybe he's weak, maybe he's selfish.
one good thing is he told you. you didn't hear it from some third party...the ball's in your court. can you get past this?
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Posted by LibraLove
And I certainly don't want to be known as the idiot who stayed with her cheating boyfriend.
.


it's not about other people. or do their opinions matter more than what you might want for yourself?
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Thank you, nimbue.
The reason I care about being portrayed as the idiot girlfriend is because I respect myself and feel that staying with someone who has exhibited some form of disrespect reflects badly on who I am and who I want to be. I grew up with a father that constantly cheated on my mom and developed some resentment towards her for staying as long as she did (of course, I resented him much more, but I couldn't overlook that she stayed). I promised myself that if something like this happened to me, I would leave, but it's not so easy to part when you become this emotionally entwined with somebody else.
The struggle I'm having is my one motto that's come to surface throughout the past years is "if you can't keep a promise to yourself, you can't keep a promise to anybody else." I feel like I'd really have to readjust my inner self and maybe redefine what integrity means to me to stay. I do think the relationship is worth salvaging, but I don't know if my resentment for my boyfriend will subside-and there's no promise it won't swell and lead to an even more devastating breakup.
But you're right, I just time to process it all.
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I mean, I think regardless, tomorrow will be awkward because I'll be running into his friends. I just don't want to feel like I owe them an explanation or have to put up with both them me and exchanging some facade and that "everything's okay, no one bring up what happened the other night" placid smile lol.
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Posted by LibraLove
Thank you, nimbue.
The reason I care about being portrayed as the idiot girlfriend is because I respect myself and feel that staying with someone who has exhibited some form of disrespect reflects badly on who I am and who I want to be. I grew up with a father that constantly cheated on my mom and developed some resentment towards her for staying as long as she did (of course, I resented him much more, but I couldn't overlook that she stayed). I promised myself that if something like this happened to me, I would leave, but it's not so easy to part when you become this emotionally entwined with somebody else.
The struggle I'm having is my one motto that's come to surface throughout the past years is "if you can't keep a promise to yourself, you can't keep a promise to anybody else." I feel like I'd really have to readjust my inner self and maybe redefine what integrity means to me to stay. I do think the relationship is worth salvaging, but I don't know if my resentment for my boyfriend will subside-and there's no promise it won't swell and lead to an even more devastating breakup.
But you're right, I just time to process it all.


you're very welcome. i see where you're coming from, so much. you've seen cheating in action and you don't want the same for yourself, it's understandable. this is where you decide how far you want to take that standard you set for yourself. like you said, maybe redefining integrity-when we make ultimatums for ourselves, they don't always play out in a real life scenario. i think it's more important to have boundaries. if you do decide you want him back, that's something to work on...
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The title says ..... Cheating Virgo Boyfriend

However, he didn't cheat ... perhaps, you need to fix your head because you don't even know how to define kiss, nor know how to seperate that from what cheating really is.
Your father was a cheater ... so you are associating tramatic feelings of your childhood onto this situation which isn't even close to being the same .. because he didn't cheat.
You think the girl he kiss is ugly ... so you have taken that as an insult to be pissed about, rather than having any understanding that a drunk kiss is as equivelant to a fart .. it slips out, you can't help it, and it's funny

Three weeks ago at poker, a drunk male friend of ours leaned over and kissed my husband on the head .. he was fucked up and didn't even know he was doing it until he did it, and then laughed his ass off.

why the fuck would you attempt to place such a heavy guilty verdict on him as if he's some kind of unfaithful cheater ... when alls he did was get drunk and kiss someone ?????
That's crazy .. you sound crazy for taking to heart .. nothing
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Of course it's not the first time you've talked and done crazy ass shit .. I remember you from the Virgo board, and quite frankly, I'm surprised he hasn't checked your ass yet ... you're a crazy bitch when it comes to being a freaking paranoid nut.

It's only a matter of time before he realizes your constant paranoia that you inflict upon him .. is too much for him to bare, and so he kisses a woman sober just to get you to take a hike.

In fact, he might be at that point already ... it might be why he checked with you first (before the kiss) to make sure you're still going to leave.
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Posted by LibraLove
We've been together for 10 months now and I feel like we're in a relationship slump. Neither of us have yet to exchange "I love you"s, which is kind of a relief, because I don't love him yet.





After 10 months, you haven't cared enough for him to love him .... so what's the fucking problem?
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Posted by LibraLove

At the end of the day, she was single and he was not, and HE is the only one responsible for his actions.


Bullshit, fool.
Both the bitch and your ex are at fault for ruining an otherwise normal relationship, and you are wrong to excuse her "man stealing" behavior.
You may as well tell me that Kristin Cavallari is a good person, and that she is not responsible for all the normal relationships that she either wrecked or attempted to wreck.
Man stealers are just as real as Woman stealers, and both are bottom-feeding scum because they do not have respect for other human beings. They only steal or otherwise take for themselves, without giving an iota of thought to the emotional destruction that they cause.
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Posted by LibraLove

At the end of the day, she was single and he was not, and HE is the only one responsible for his actions.


Bullshit, fool.
Both the bitch and your ex are at fault for ruining an otherwise normal relationship, and you are wrong to excuse her "man stealing" behavior.
You may as well tell me that Kristin Cavallari is a good person, and that she is not responsible for all the normal relationships that she either wrecked or attempted to wreck.
Man stealers are just as real as Woman stealers, and both are bottom-feeding scum because they do not have respect for other human beings. They only steal or otherwise take for themselves, without giving an iota of thought to the emotional destruction that they cause.
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Posted by Reason
P-Angel ???


lol
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Posted by P-Angel

In fact, he might be at that point already ... it might be why he checked with you first (before the kiss) to make sure you're still going to leave.


someone said this on your other thread, libralove...i think it was beautifulstruggle, and it definitely rings true.
that's dodgy. why would he ask about your reaction to a hypothetical kiss...then go out and act on said hypothetical kiss, knowing what your reaction would be? he doesn't want to be in a relationship. that drunken kiss was a get out clause.
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Posted by LibraLove
After a night of drinking, he repays me by calling me last night to tell me that after I left the club we went to, he was so drunk and that even though it's no excuse, he ended up kissing another girl. Ironically enough, I joked about him kissing a girl at the club the morning of his birthday and he asked "would you break up with someone if they did that" and I said "of course!" His response was "that's understandable."


yeah app, looks like he knew what he was doing! i mean, he was drunk. not possessed. a passive-aggressive way to get someone to dump you.

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Yeppers. A passive-aggressive way to get rid of you. It's funny that he would ask you a hypothetical situation and then by the end of the day, he would execute the scenario. lol. That sounds intentional. Even if it wasn't, it's VERY INSULTING that he would go and do something you told him earlier would ruin your relationship!!!
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i were in a relationship with a virgo male for 1 1/2 to 2 years and i wish i had never met him i don't think i were even attracted to him anywho he was my first i lost my virginity to him he cheated on me alot of times and when i confronted him about he'd get mad and make me feel bad for accusing him so one day he got caught up and still tried to deny it called me childish i didn't care "i caught you cheating you got caught up and it's over". one day i called him up i really didn't want to talk to him i told him i didn't want to talk to him anymore a month or two had passed and he calls me asking why i havent been calling him and i told him again i dont want to talk to you anymore i dont want to be with you anymore and that's when he started whining and asking me why saying he didn't do anything wrong, he never admitted the things he had done to me and never appologized. and when he had said he never done anything wrong to me i started crying because he made me think he really didn't care. i would never go back to him even til this very day he thinks we'll get back together i don't eeeeever want to go back to him. he acted like a big baby bitched and whined about everything, he cheated on me, he was disrespectful to me, he used me, he was unappreciative, sex was not good, and he was irresponsible i wasted my time with the wrong person, i'm still recovering, i still beat myself up about how dumb and stupid i was to have still talking to him and being with him i made a mistake and need to let it go........anywho i'm dating an aries right now he's not perfect but i love him sooo much and i care for him alot and he knows it not very expressive of his feelings but we'll just have to work on that.
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When someone who say's they love you, after they have been caught out, don't mean jack sh.i. in my book. When you cross the line with me it's over. You should sit back and think about what you want, not about what other's think or say. I will say one last thing and I am not trying to change your mind only you can do that. People do make mistake's in life, not everyone is a bad apple. Peace!
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I apologize for abandoning this thread in the midst of school starting, but I'd just like to update anyone who cares/bothers to read this! And thank you for all of those who commented.
Following the night my bf revealed to me what happened on his birthday, I asked him to give me time to think things through and sort out my feelings. At the time, I was so swallowed up by emotion that I couldn't distinguish what it was I was feeling, other than confused. The next night, he came over with flowers and a card that he had made which read "Please let me be a part of your life still." He explained to me that he tried to deduce what happened the night of his birthday because he, himself, didn't remember so when someone else told him he had kissed another girl, he assumed it to be true. To make certain, though, he contacted this person to further investigate the matter. When he did, this individual said that THEY never personally saw my bf kiss anybody but were told by someone else that it happened. This "someone else" incidentally was a guy who had a crush on the girl that my bf supposedly kissed. He saw the other girl's head close to my bf's, assumed they were sharing a kiss, and went and told the individual that ultimately wound up telling my bf he "cheated." The only person who claims to have witnessed the kiss is the guy who has a crush on the girl he alleges the kiss happened with (confusing use of pronouns, I know! Sorry!). As a final attempt to clear up the matter, my bf even contacted the 'touchy-feely' girl and asked what happened. According to her, she and my bf never kissed. Anyhow, long story sho-...still long, he did everything I would have wanted him to do in this situation, thus, we've resolved matters and are now happier than ever.
Tonight he came over for my birthday and had bought me really thoughtful gifts. One was relevant to something I mentioned in brief passing which I never expected him to remember! Later in the night, he said "I'm still really sorry for being an idiot on my birthday. And not to be weird, or make you feel weird, but I really see us together long-term. Very...very long-term...if you know what I mean." I thought that was quite sweet. All-in-all, things are great for now and I am thankful smile
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I am happy for you LL, remember, young guys do stupid shit, you kept your cool and didn't cause drama like most women do. And down the road, you find he doesn't appreciate that, then you move on...
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Don't worry about everything being fine for now ... other things will come up in which you can fly off the handle over to satisfy your desire to make mountains.
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yah, you shouldn't dump for being a cheater..you should dump him for being an overly-dramatic idiot. I don't even think I had that much lameness drama in high school.
There's nothing wrong with having parameters (I was answering in the context that he accepted those parameters), but the whole situation gearing toward a source he wasn't aware of?? And then Encyclopedia brown gets on the case to track down the events of the entire night..AFTER he tells you? What is this, The Hangover: Teen Edition???
But hey, if your happy, i'm happy....if he managed to rationalize a way to make things okay in that silly head of yours by all means accept it.
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What's harsh? I didn't act on hearsay once I discovered more of what happened. He asked that I forgive him, even though I explained in retrospect it really wasn't as big of a deal as it first appeared, and so I forgave him. As I told him earlier, the one thing that irked me slightly was that I feel I've gone out of my way to distance myself from boys who I know are interested in me as more than just friends and I never humor people who hit on me. However, conversely, he seems either oblivious or weak to swatting away the girls that express an interest in him. Or at least he used to. Lately, he's become MUCH better at it.
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Posted by everevolvingepithet
But if he didn't kiss the girl and the douche who was jealous cos he was talking to the no-kiss girl, that's a bit harsh don't you think ?


Did you not read the same thing she wrote?

BEcause from what I read it seemed like...
Virgo Boyfriend was told from someone else that when he was drunk he kissed a girl.
Virgo boyfriend after finding this info out and couldn't remember and instead of investigating it further(like most normal people would do)in a fit of distress...he tells his girl?!
After he tells his girl who's understandably upset because they JUST had a conversation about this exact scenario, decides THIS would be a good time to investigate because he isn't sure...to which he then goes on a caper of espionage/lies and deceit, which then ends that he was a pawn in a diabolical scheme of a jealous man and the woman that will never be his....to then he explains this graciously to his ex-girlfriend to never fear...he never broke their sacrilegious bonds of hand-holding and whatever it is these teens do nowadays.
I'm insulted by reading the whole scenario..it's offensive.
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*Disclaimer..i dont REALLY find her words offensive..just thinking that after reading it, it's just downright silly....and i'm just going off from there because i'm bored. but seriously..if the guy was telling the truth, her virgo boyfriend is an idiot. I'm just sayin.
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Posted by blueribbons
Quick question... why weren't you with him at the club on his birthday?

I read everything here... was it that you left early or..? Just curious.


Yes, I just left earlier than he did.
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Posted by everevolvingepithet
Posted by LibraLove
What's harsh? I didn't act on hearsay once I discovered more of what happened. He asked that I forgive him, even though I explained in retrospect it really wasn't as big of a deal as it first appeared, and so I forgave him. As I told him earlier, the one thing that irked me slightly was that I feel I've gone out of my way to distance myself from boys who I know are interested in me as more than just friends and I never humor people who hit on me. However, conversely, he seems either oblivious or weak to swatting away the girls that express an interest in him. Or at least he used to. Lately, he's become MUCH better at it.


I was talking about BEautifulstruggle's comment.smile
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Oh, woops haha.
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Just to clarify, I appreciate the fact that he told me immediately, even though he didn't know all of the details at first. We're very open with one another and I always tell him that I'd rather be hurt by the truth than be lied to or kept in the dark. We're pretty good with communicating and have an understanding that both of us prefer to be told the truth even if the truth may be awkward/upsetting/etc.
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:-/
If you say so...if you think that my comments are about being against the guy's honesty...than I really have nothing left to say.

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Definitely glad it's over. I think much of the drama transpired from neither of us knowing all of the facts at first.
We could only act on what we thought we knew, which turned out to be pretty damn silly.
Alas, you learn and sheepishly move on haha.
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Posted by LibraLove
I think much of the drama transpired from neither of us knowing all of the facts at first.
We could only act on what we thought we knew, which turned out to be pretty damn silly.




No .. that's not why the drama was presnt, and he isn't the one who reacted badly ... you are.
You made several threads in here to cry about how your boyfriend is a cheater ... he created no threads in here .. you did.

A woman who trusts her man, would have never turned on him like you did in here ... you didn't have to "act" on what you didn't know to be the truth at all, as you are attempting to excuse now as insinuating you couldn't help yourself.
You won't even face your own reality in that you didn't make a silly goog ... you actually turned on him and accusing him of something he never did due to you not believing in him, based off of what your father did.
So, since you cannot even face yourself ..... nobody else is going to be faithful to you, since you don't even honor yourself.

Until you face yourself ... you will likely struggle in all relationships you have your entire life.
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The only harsh thing about this thread is the fact that this Libra turned on her boyfriend, and drug his character through the mud, without any facts to base it on, and didn't even attempt to get to any facts.
The moment she heard "gossip" she turned on him.

That's fucking harsh, dude ..... be prepared for the beds you make, is all I can say at this point
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LibraLove, you are sooooo beautiful- dump his butt and find someone that will treat you the best smile
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Posted by P-Angel
The title says ..... Cheating Virgo Boyfriend

However, he didn't cheat ... perhaps, you need to fix your head because you don't even know how to define kiss, nor know how to seperate that from what cheating really is.
Your father was a cheater ... so you are associating tramatic feelings of your childhood onto this situation which isn't even close to being the same .. because he didn't cheat.
You think the girl he kiss is ugly ... so you have taken that as an insult to be pissed about, rather than having any understanding that a drunk kiss is as equivelant to a fart .. it slips out, you can't help it, and it's funny

Three weeks ago at poker, a drunk male friend of ours leaned over and kissed my husband on the head .. he was fucked up and didn't even know he was doing it until he did it, and then laughed his ass off.

why the fuck would you attempt to place such a heavy guilty verdict on him as if he's some kind of unfaithful cheater ... when alls he did was get drunk and kiss someone ?????
That's crazy .. you sound crazy for taking to heart .. nothing


I would define kissing someone else as cheating. If someone I was dating tried to tell me that "a kiss slipping out when drunk is equal to a fart" I would consider them "crazy".
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If you all care enough to post a comment ... then care enough to read the whole saga ..

As it turned out, no kiss took place at all .... she reacted off of gossip, and her reaction was to lay a guilty verdict of cheating on a man who did nothing wrong.

Of course .... to be completely informed might be too much to ask.

this woman betrayed her man, in not only accusing him of something he never did ... she also came in here and splattered his reputation and character. And this isn't even her real life, one could only imagine how much she slandered him to real people who know him. She even said they have mutual friends who attend school and she didn't want to see them because they might want to talk to her about his cheating.
So, this means ... she reacted to lies in the most worst way possible .... she took them as gospel without finding out the truth, and then crucified him for it.

Waht a fucking cunt.
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Posted by P-Angel
If you all care enough to post a comment ... then care enough to read the whole saga ..

As it turned out, no kiss took place at all .... she reacted off of gossip, and her reaction was to lay a guilty verdict of cheating on a man who did nothing wrong.

Of course .... to be completely informed might be too much to ask.

this woman betrayed her man, in not only accusing him of something he never did ... she also came in here and splattered his reputation and character. And this isn't even her real life, one could only imagine how much she slandered him to real people who know him. She even said they have mutual friends who attend school and she didn't want to see them because they might want to talk to her about his cheating.
So, this means ... she reacted to lies in the most worst way possible .... she took them as gospel without finding out the truth, and then crucified him for it.

Waht a fucking cunt.


First off she's not a ****. She simply had an issue and wanted to discuss it. Your view of her actually reflects more about you, then her. Moving on.
Secondly, I did read the "entire post", here is a direct quote- " a night of drinking, he repays me by calling me last night to tell me that after I left the club we went to, he was so drunk and that even though it's no excuse, he ended up kissing another girl." Now perhaps I did miss something along the way, but I don't think so.
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Posted by tryandguess
Secondly, I did read the "entire post", here is a direct quote- " a night of drinking, he repays me by calling me last night to tell me that after I left the club we went to, he was so drunk and that even though it's no excuse, he ended up kissing another girl." Now perhaps I did miss something along the way, but I don't think so.




I'm talking about the whole fucking saga, not just this thread ... you think this is it?
You think I come here and say something like that based on one fucking thread?

Seriously .. where did all these idiots come from, because a normal person with even just a fraction of a brain would determine saga to mean a continuing story.
Stupid people irritate the fuck out of me ... guess what category you're in now.
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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by tryandguess
Secondly, I did read the "entire post", here is a direct quote- " a night of drinking, he repays me by calling me last night to tell me that after I left the club we went to, he was so drunk and that even though it's no excuse, he ended up kissing another girl." Now perhaps I did miss something along the way, but I don't think so.




I'm talking about the whole fucking saga, not just this thread ... you think this is it?
You think I come here and say something like that based on one fucking thread?

Seriously .. where did all these idiots come from, because a normal person with even just a fraction of a brain would determine saga to mean a continuing story.
Stupid people irritate the fuck out of me ... guess what category you're in now.
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I guess my only advice for you then, is to avoid looking in the mirror. I wouldn't want you to get too upset at all the stupidness you'll encounter.
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