Either Do or Do Not: Was I wrong?
This topic was created in the Relationships & Astrology forum by Aubry on Monday, October 28, 2013 and has 2 replies.
My boyfriend and I had discussed moving in together back in July, since my lease is up in November we started to look in September. We found a place, and applied for it, we got it but then something
unforeseen happened and we were unable to go through with it. I noticed after this happened he did not seem into moving in together as much as he was. So I called him out on it and he said he wanted to be together a little longer before we move in. At first I was a little set back by this but accepted it for what it was and did not bring it up again. In the beginning of October he ran into some trouble and I was there for him, even helped where I could. He was very grateful and said he has had a lot of time to think about things and he wants to "slowly" move in with me when I get a new place in November. I did not say much to this at the time. Then a few days later we got into an argument and I told him not everything was on his terms. He asked me what I felt were on his terms, I gave the moving in as an example. I told him that he either needed to move in or not but there was no "slowly" moving in, and that I do not want any back and forth. I told him he did not have to even give me an answer right there but that if he decides he wants to move in then we BOTH can decide on a time that is good for the BOTH of us for him to move in. I said until then there was no reason to discuss it. The week after this I did find myself a new place and will be moving in 3 weeks. Neither one of us have brought up moving in since I put my foot down on it. Was I wrong for telling him he either does or does not move in and No back and forth, in the middle nonsense?
unforeseen happened and we were unable to go through with it. I noticed after this happened he did not seem into moving in together as much as he was. So I called him out on it and he said he wanted to be together a little longer before we move in. At first I was a little set back by this but accepted it for what it was and did not bring it up again. In the beginning of October he ran into some trouble and I was there for him, even helped where I could. He was very grateful and said he has had a lot of time to think about things and he wants to "slowly" move in with me when I get a new place in November. I did not say much to this at the time. Then a few days later we got into an argument and I told him not everything was on his terms. He asked me what I felt were on his terms, I gave the moving in as an example. I told him that he either needed to move in or not but there was no "slowly" moving in, and that I do not want any back and forth. I told him he did not have to even give me an answer right there but that if he decides he wants to move in then we BOTH can decide on a time that is good for the BOTH of us for him to move in. I said until then there was no reason to discuss it. The week after this I did find myself a new place and will be moving in 3 weeks. Neither one of us have brought up moving in since I put my foot down on it. Was I wrong for telling him he either does or does not move in and No back and forth, in the middle nonsense?
You basically gave him an ultimatum. Your heart & intentions were in the right place, but he's not responding to it in the way you'd like b/c he perceives your words as an ultimatum. And no one likes an ultimatum.
I agree with you that it's frustrating for a person to expect you to actually like being in the middle. No one likes being in the middle. Sometimes you've just gotta make a decision b/c floating in the middle is probably worse than him flat out saying no lol
Maybe he thought he was ready to move in with you but when things didn't work out, he realized that maybe he wasn't ready. People are allowed to change their mind, ya know
I agree with you that it's frustrating for a person to expect you to actually like being in the middle. No one likes being in the middle. Sometimes you've just gotta make a decision b/c floating in the middle is probably worse than him flat out saying no lol
Maybe he thought he was ready to move in with you but when things didn't work out, he realized that maybe he wasn't ready. People are allowed to change their mind, ya know
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