Forgiveness from my Sagittarius ex?

I'm a virgo and I have been dishonest with my Sagittarius, I've been with her for 6 years and have 3 kids with her (2 are from a previous marriage of hers but I count as mine as I have brought them up) I had real issues throughout the relationship of opening up to her, I would keep things to myself and if she found out from another source she would go mad, but always made up quickly however last summer I broke her heart by hurting her trust in me, I didn't cheat on her but my actions affected her family. We split up but in November she asked me back to try again, it was great she was sending me lovely messages of fresh starts etc but never went as far as saying she loved me except a ditto when I said it to her, then February this year she said she needed space from me and asked me to move out, a week later she ended it saying she can't forgive me as it's too big. Since then she said she doesn't want the kids to know about us and doesn't want to introduce another man in to their lives ever, I took this as a positive, so we pretend I'm still living there and she is great in regards to letting me be there with the kids, a few weeks ago she text me saying she missed me and missed sex with me, she then apologised in the evening for leading me on, I have found out now that she is seeing someone else, if I don't see her or speak to her for more than a day she texts me to ask if I'm ok, is she still hoping for reconciliation or is she using me? I've read the way Sagittarius can shut off all feelings but my ex seems to be keeping me around, sometimes I catch her looking at me and it's the old look of love and intensity we once had, our relationship was outstanding in every aspect and I ruined it, I'm holding on to hope that I will be part of this family again, just want some advice I'm 08-09-77 she is 25-11-77 thanks

she still probably feels attached to you and quite possessive of you.

she has a venus in scorp, but my moon is in scorp. There are quite a few sag ladies who have venus in scorps. try the sag board.

Thanks guys, deep down I think she wants me because she is giving me so many signals or am I being an analytical virgo and believing what I want to believe?
The fact she is seeing someone else has shocked me but she is beautiful so I don't expect her to be single for long, what I did was bad, I was in heavy personal debt due to a failed business, I had people chasing me for money, I was scared for myself and the family, stupidly I took money from her mothers business while I worked there to pay the debts, I was replacing the money I took when I had it however the accountant found that the money was irregular and I was found out, since this happened I have made myself bankrupt and seeked therapy for my behaviour, got myself a good job and I'm paying people back for what I did. Her mother has forgiven me and wants us together, I'm just so confused at what she wants, I think there is too many signals for me to walk away however I know I need to give her space but I try and do that and she asks me to come around for the kids while she pops out to the gym, I love helping her out because I was always aware of a Sagittarius need for freedom, I'm so upset about what's going on, I hope I can see a light for us

I was gonna say, yeah she's def. seeing someone else. That's not an astrology thing though. You can always tell when there's another man in the equation b/c your woman's feelings towards you run hot & cold & the explanation for it either isn't given at all or isn't rational.

She probably feels that the relationship has run its course. i.e. too much damage has been done.

Just b/c she may feel that way doesn't mean that her love for you turned off like the flip of a light switch. It's very common for a person to want out but yet still want some aspect of that person around. Why? Well there's a few reasons.

1. She wants to do just enough (the minimum) to keep you around as Plan B just in case her fling with this new guy doesn't work out

2. You are what's familiar. You are her comfort zone, even though things b/w you two aren't technically comfortable. And b/c people are creatures of habit, it makes more sense than not that she would keep her comfort zone somewhat close to her within arm's reach

3. She doesn't want you but she doesn't want anyone else to have you either. She knows that if she leaves you high & dry for too long that you may end up seeking out emotional/physical attention elsewhere too. Men are guilty of this all the time. They wanna do their own thing but then can't handle it even thinking about their partner doing the same. It should be no surprise that women are fond of this double standard too

4. She's just doing this to get your attention. Women sometimes pull away on purpose b/c it gives her reassurance that she actually meant something to the guy. Reassurance that she may have felt she wasn't getting from you when she actually was attached to the hip with you. She'll get an ego boost out of seeing you sweat & go crazy without her, especially if she felt somewhat irrelevant & unimportant to you beforehand. She just wants to see you sweat. Sometimes she likes it & other times she feels guilty about it, thus the reason she won't stay away for too long

One thing is for sure...you need to take some of the control back. I get that you love her but don't act like a helpless victim who can't control whether or not he gets lead on. If she's dangling your heart with puppet strings, then do what you've gotta do to protect yourself, give her some space & let go for a second. That doesn't mean go sleep with someone else, treat her like sh***t or play the same hot/cold games with her.

Thank you so much, that's really helpful, I did try to move on and go on a date, but I called it off with the girl because my head was consumed with guilt towards my ex even though we're not together!
I'm going to the gym a lot to occupy my mind, I guess I need to limit me visiting the kids because she is there for the time being, shirt term pain equals long term gain hopefully?
It's hard when I'm in such an emotional state that I can't think straight or logically, but I know I need to step back, in mid may I bought tickets last year to see our favourite comedian in London, I reminded her of this not long after we broke up and she said she would love to go but let's see how we feel closer to the time, it will be interesting to see if she comes with me.
I was over there last night and after I tucked the kids in bed she was chatting to me about everyday stuff like old times, joking and laughing, she even joked about me stalking her because I saw her with this guy?! It freaks me out, but space is needed and I have to commit to it

I'm not stopping seeing the kids I meant see them away from her so she doesn't see me

When someone leaves you, it's just you & yourself now. It's honorable that you wanna be her lover & best friend, but you oughta be that for yourself too.

It doesn't matter how much history 2 people have or how much they love each other. When someone starts to take you for granted, you two having history or feelings for eachother does NOT give her a free pass to dangle puppet strings. If you can't handle it, then back off for a sec. If she's confused, you refusing to give her space is gonna add more confusion. Not to mention, you'll just drive yourself crazy & continually feel an enormous sense of rejection each & every time she pulls closer just to push back all over again.

As the saying goes...if you really love someone, let them go. If it's meant to be, they'll come back. Trust me, you don't want her only reason for wanting to start over with you being b/c she felt bad for you OR b/c she felt guilted, pressured, or manipulated into wanting the relationship to work.

You want her back. You want her to want you. So you've trained your emotions to only see the things she IS doing/saying b/c it supports what you WANT to believe. This is why her simply having civil conversation with you seems so significant.

I'm on the outside looking in so I'm paying more attention to what she's NOT saying

What she's NOT saying is that she wants to get back with you & try again
What she's NOT saying is that she's done seeing other people
What she's NOT saying is that although she feels the need to go back down memory lane every blue moon, none of those good memories outweigh her feelings of wanting to be done

Na, don't go dating other people. Don't bring innocent women into that trap. You're not over your ex. You're emotionally unavailable. If you want to step out for strictly sexual purposes, that's fine and fair AS LONG as you make that clear to any new women. That way nobody gets hurt. That way you don't have to face the unnecessary drama of another female being upset with you ON TOP OF the mess you're already going through

Just take a step back, stop over-analyzing everything & assume that if she really wanted to make things work, she'd say that AND show that. Women get told all the time that it doesn't matter how much time he's spending with you or being nice to you IF he's not willing to commit. All the talking & hanging out in the world isn't a symbol for "I want to be with you" until/unless those words actually come out of his mouth. The same advice applies to men too

You'll know when she's ready to start over b/c she'll tell you. She'll stop seeing other men. she'll stop playing the push/pull game with you. She'll come back to you only AFTER (not during) her confusion streak is over. Right now, you're just the puppet that she knows isn't going anywhere. She has no incentive to come out of that phase b/c there's no real consequences for it

So do you. Put some distance there. Distract yourself. Focus on your own emotional well-being & health. Reflect on whether or not you truly want her so bad only b/c you can't have her. Sometimes it's possible to still love someone & appreciate the good times with them while at the same time realizing that the relationship has run its course. Maybe if you reflected, you'd come to the same conclusion. But you can't truly reflect unless you remove all pride, ego, fear of rejection & fear of the raw truth 1st

Thanks guys, really good advice, to be honest I have told a girl that I'm emotionally not right to look at a new venture, I know I need to step back and I hope she misses me, it's really hard but has to be done

Posted by Stryker77
Thanks guys, really good advice, to be honest I have told a girl that I'm emotionally not right to look at a new venture, I know I need to step back and I hope she misses me, it's really hard but has to be done

Ohhhh you'll be fine. The world won't end, I promise =)

3 things can happen:
1. She may not miss you at all
2. She may miss you a lot & yet still NOT want to rekindle things with you or
3. She may miss you a lot & decide to rekindle things

Only time will tell. In the meantime, do you! You probably need just as much space & time to reflect as she does. You just don't realize it. Keep us updated! Good luck!

HI Guys, Just to keep you updated, we have been getting on well, Ive stepped back from her and this seems to have intrigued her, for example I get the "are you ok?" texts more often, we end up chatting and she tells me that she isnt happy on the path she is following, she was happy on our path but she doesnt want to be the person who forgives me for what i did.

I then get another "are you ok?" this morning and we start talking again, I ask her how she is feeling and she says that she is on edge or nervous all the time, I ask why and she says its not me but she just feels nervous, I tell her i'm here for her if she needs to talk etc.

From what I have seen of her in the last few days she doesnt seem 100% and maybe she is wondering if she made the right decision, she said to me last night that single life sucks, I agreed! just wanted to scream at her "well lets get it on then!!"

I'm seeing the kids later and she seemed excited and happy about this because she was playfully flirting on text about it, but she is flirty anyway and I dont want to get ahead of myself, basically ive been playing it cool and loving myself again, this seems to work but its a long way back.

Good for you!!

You're doing the right thing!! Being receptive to any hint that she's coming back to you but at the same time, not assuming "Hi, how are you today?" is the same as "Baby let's get back together" lol

It seems that she's having a midlife crisis. She's confused, she's trying to find herself & she's trying to figure out how she can live with her decision to leave you.

Some women think that once they realize a relationship has run its course that it's supposed to be easy moving on & never looking back. Unrealistic. Even if you're truly done, you're still going to have moments where you miss them, or reminisce about the good ole days. Some people even still think of their ex's & have those "moments" many years & many relationships later.

I think she's leaning more towards not coming back to you though. It doesn't seem so much that she's playing games with you as I originally thought. If she's naturally a flirtatious person like you said, then it would be unfair to imply that her current flirting is manipulative.

I think she's trying to figure out the short cut way of sticking with her decision & not having to endure any of the natural breakup moments that most people have lol She's not mad that the relationship is over. She's mad that despite it being over on HER terms that it wasn't so easy to just ride off into the sunset with someone else. She's upset that the transition hasn't been as smooth as she thought/wanted it to be

She realizes that there is some relief & freedom that comes with being single again. And it sounds like she hasn't forgotten that just b/c she misses you or just b/c the fling with the other guy didn't work out.

She just needs space. She justs needs to figure things out. She's no good for you if she's not even clear about why she'd take you back to begin with. Trust me, you WANT her to be sure lol

Who knows what the future will hold for you two though. She may come back in the way you want. She may not. Sounds like you guys will always at least be respectful with co-parenting though which is awesome!

Thanks krysrenee7, I've decided to have a 2 week no contact rule, I'm not helping by being there hand on foot for her which doesn't give her the space she needs to miss me or the good things we had, I will see the kids at set times without her around and just no contact for 2 weeks to see how I feel and how she feels, I've got a strong gut feeling we will be together one day but I want her to want it not do it because it's forced upon her etc, I will ignore any texts that are not to do with kids and just keep myself busy, it's going to be super tough but it has to be done for both of out sakes

So I tell her that I need space from her etc and she was so angry, she said she gets space from me now so she doesn't need anymore, she doesn't understand what I want and why, I tried explaining but she was firing all sorts back at me like "you shouldn't have messed up in the first place" etc, kept reminding me what I did wrong, she said she would love her 2.4 family back but her head says no, heart yes, she is in massive conflict with herself. Anyway I left the house in a cloud of animosity so I text her to say I didn't want to come across like that etc, we got chatting and I said that I just think about us all day and wanted to put the wrongs right, she said at the moment she doesn't believe what I stand for, I said as long as she sees the change in me then I'm sure she will tell me if she wants to try and she agreed.

Then she said I look well!! I said thanks and that she looked hot, so it was a weird flirting interlude!

I've got a confused girl here and I'm just going to be relaxed, subtle and be there for her, it maybe wrong but my gut and heart are telling me there is a fighting chance, we have a huge connection which she admits is still there.

Let's see how it goes, it's no coinsidence that I have started to take pride in myself and love myself again and maybe that prompted the I look well compliment, maybe not! Ha!

I will see the kids because I love them, it's day 1 of no contact, I was around the house last night and as I put the kids to bed she was ushering me out of the house with haste, as I leave a car turns up so I guess she is still seeing this guy, she texts me to apologise for ushering me out with haste and said she didn't want to come across as being rude, I didn't reply, I picked my son up this morning and I didn't step in the house and I didn't look at her, it kills me seeing her, already she is texting but about my boy, which I reply too, she then calls me to ask If I have something of his but I can tell from her voice she is confused from the happy chatty guy last night to me ignoring her, it's going to be a long 2 weeks but it's got to be done now for my own self worth.

This is the perfect example of why you should mean what you say & stick to your guns. You preached to her about wanting space & needing time to reflect yourself, but yet the minute she poked at you, you fell for it, gave in & then got jerked around all over again.

Again, when she is ready to forgive you & start all over with you, she will TELL you. If you notice, she only gets emotional, says all the right things & says what you want to hear when she gets the sense that you are walking AWAY from her. THIS IS A MIND GAME.

How so? B/c the minute she got you back in her web, she was just as quick to release you & throw back at you alllllllllll the things she still clearly has NOT forgiven you for, in addition to mentioning how she is STILL NOT anywhere near wanting you back.

Next time, stick to your guns. If you give in every time she pulls out the guilt/manipulation tactics, she'll never take you seriously, nor will your attempts to show her what she's "missing" actually work in the future. If you keep pulling false alarms, she won't be at home stressing & believing that you're really moving on. She'll be at home like ha! He's not going anywhere so he might as well stop pretending! LOL

That is NOT what you want. The minute she's on to your game, it won't work on her anymore, which would then make the "I'm gonna walk away to make her realize what he's missing out on" game pointless, ineffective & counterproductive.

Stick to your guns. I know you love her. I know it's easier said than done. I know how easy it is to just want to melt in her arms & open up about how you feel about her emotionally & about how much you just miss her sooooo much, BUT if you're 2 steps ahead of her games, you won't fall for it.

As long as she knows she can manipulate you, she'll have NO incentive to get it together. If you continue to allow it, she'll keep playing you like a fiddle. She can't get away with what you don't allow. She is NOT ready to forgive you yet so for every day she throws up the past in your face, that's another day you know she's NOT ready to try again. What she says in between those arguments is NOT coming from a genuine place & won't matter if she's not ready or willing to forgive you yet.

Don't give in so easily

I know, your right and I'm annoyed with myself, I felt like a switch was turned off last night inside me, yes I love her, yes I miss her, yes it makes my heart bleed when I see her but I feel good about myself, I've got on with things today without having that horrible gut feeling I've had. I've not spoken to her bar about the kids but that's it. I will take control back and regain my confidence

Posted by Stryker77
I know, your right and I'm annoyed with myself, I felt like a switch was turned off last night inside me, yes I love her, yes I miss her, yes it makes my heart bleed when I see her but I feel good about myself, I've got on with things today without having that horrible gut feeling I've had. I've not spoken to her bar about the kids but that's it. I will take control back and regain my confidence

You'll get there. Just stick to your guns!

Easier said than done, I know. But you can do anything you put your mind to.

This is the reason it's always best to take your emotions out of it for a second & be 2 steps ahead of the game. Be aware of the tricks/tactics people use when they're in this exact scenario. That way, when she pulls out the typical tricks/tactics you knew she would, you won't be so caught off guard & end up feeling like a manipulated puppet the next morning lol

i'm guessing things will never be right between you because you did a horrible thing to a sag, you lied and created distrust and made her look like a fool.
i bet she sees you as very weak.
she is probably, at this point, just trying to make things as smooth as possible while she does what she needs to do to completely separate herself
from you.
if you have a temper, she'll try to pacify you with what you like, like sex, just so that she won't have to hear you bitch while she is working on things.
also, if your sex is good, she may want some more in the meantime, but even that will fade quickly.

see, once we are done, we are done.

Hi msX yes she has said to me that I made a fool out of her, I still think it's worth fighting for, recently I've been happy around her and just being consistent, this has helped her warmth towards me, for the first time in months we sat down in the house and she happily watched a film with me and since then she has no issues me staying there after the kids go to bed but I obviously go home, she said to me the other day that she wants what we had back but because she doesn't trust me she knows it can't, I guess I need to prove trust is there for her and it will over time but I guess patience is needed and why would she give me patience after last year.

She also said her head is telling her to get back with me but her heart says no way, I'm not sure if that's a positive or not, I did actually reply to her by saying that I would rather she got back with me because she wanted to not because she has too.

She has asked me about going away next weekend with her and the kids staying away in a caravan, she joked about where I would sleep because she didn't want me accidentally touching her in the night! She said this with a wink and her usual flirty smile. So she wants me to stay with her but I'll treat this as a friendship thing rather than anything else.

We haven't had sex since we split but we have spoken about how awsome it was and how much we both missed it, sex was unbelievable with us so that has left a huge void in both of our lives but I think it affects her more than she lets on.

I feel it's getting better with us but very slowly, me being the happy person she remembers has helped I guess and it's breaking down the angry side of her, we chat like mates and she phones me up with any important things that happen in her life, she invited me out with our youngest tomorrow night to hang out, which will be nice, I did ask her to the cinema last week but her response was "I'm not ready for that" is this a good sign to take forward?

Your input is appreciated

the whole situation sounds volatile, like a slumbering volcano.
i would move on if i were you.
she will never forget.

Guys, I'm really struggling with this, I caught her last night sending sexual pictures of herself to someone via snapchat, I felt sick to the core...... Especially after having a wonderful couple of days as a family, don't know what to do, she still swore blind she isn't seeing anyone to me and she isn't in a relationship and not in love with anyone, why the hell is she sending pics of herself to randoms, she isn't the girl I know and I feel sick, I think I need to make a decision about what my next step is, the kids are still oblivious to us splitting up and I don't know how long I can keep this up pretending were together, she was sexting late last night with this guy and then had the gall to ask me to come round before work to mind the kids while she slept because she was tired, like a mug, I did, I felt worthless, it's like she has a million passes to treat me like a door mat because of what I did. I love her but I'm starting to break up inside, help!

How did you know she was sexting someone?

I'm sorry you're feeling like this but it will not get better if you just keep giving into her. It is time to cut her loose.

I came back to the house to collect some things and as I went to open up the door and I could see her naked on the sofa with her phone taking pictures, I left at that point rather than make a scene........... I'm gutted

no...he IS weak to her because of what he did initially.
i told you it was a lost cause.

Guys, really appreciate your comments, msX you maybe right and it is a lost cause but I wouldnt be true to myself if I dont fight for us until the very end.
I hand wrote a letter to her yesterday and told her that I respect her decision and apologised for the way I have reacted during this break up, I also told her that she has changed my world for the better and I am thankful for it, I said I will always love her but its time for us to move on.

I'm taking a break form beimng this weak guy that she is using at the moment, taking time to find myself, she is going away with 2 of the kids this weekend and I'm going away with my youngest, it will be a good break for us, I'm not going to pop over to the house and basically do the boyfriend thing but without the intimacy.

She text me after getting the letter quite agitated that I had sent it because it brought up memories of us, she said that she doesnt need reminding that were over, just because she doesnt cry all the time doesnt mean she is suffering, she doesnt need reminding of what she has lost.

I dont know how to take that to be honest, is it panic from her because i'm moving away from her grasp? at the moment like you have all said she is in control but now she isnt?

I feel like a back up for her, she knows when were together were amazing and happy and the kids are happy etc, yet she feels the need to get gratification elsewhere but also wants me to be around as a back up? I dont want to be a back up I have more self respect than that, I did what I did and I have taken huge steps in the right direction to exorcise thos demons, she is afraid to give me her heart which is understandable because she doesnt want pain again.

I need this time alone to build again.......

yep...it's a great idea for you to be alone.
i believe that trying to look closer at the meanings behind her actions and responses are useless.
taking a closer look at your own, however, is what you need to be doing.
good luck!