How long to wait b4 getting married?

This topic was created in the Relationships & Astrology forum by gya on Saturday, November 27, 2010 and has 13 replies.
Let's say you're dating someone who is illegal alien in your country who doesn't have documents to live or has lost a right to get a permanent visa and that person is forced to go back to their motherland. But you know the only way that person could come back and stay is if you two get married. Do you think 3 months of dating is enough?
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Thx for responce, i see... how long would u think is enough?
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Yeah, I'm kinda stuck at making choices now. I'm confused about someone as you can tell from my other posts and I'd also like to know why you think no? I appreciate.
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You aren't being sensible because your feelings are crippling your sense of reasoning.

Marrying a person is a serious commitment .... you are just missing the man you broke up with because of a fight, and that's not a reason to marry.

You broke up with him for a reason ... do you think that just because you miss him that the reason has vanished?

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He had asked me to marry him and I told him sorry I can't... because I don't want such thing to be rushed and it has to be something special. Then later he started talking that he doesn't want to ruin my future that I have to seek for my education and he understands that I can't marry him. Yes I miss him and I broke up with him over something stupid. I was really frustrated at work that day and plus I've been calling him all day a day before and his phone was off. He sent me a text saying sorry babe, ill call you in a bit and I texted him not to bother anymore, we're over. Of course I shouldn't of done it and especially that way. I should of talked to him first. Because there has never been a time during our relationship that he wouldn't text me or call me for a day. As we talked a week later he told me he's been working alot lately and that's why I broke up with him because he was working for almost 2 days in a row and his phone died.
As he told me yesterday, what's meant to be will be and if someday we'll be together again. I know he's going through a very hard time now so I'm just giving him space but again as I do always. He really didn't want to go back to Brazil but it wasn't his choice. He has to take care of his dad's business and he hasn't seen his family for 7 yrs.
As any sane person would tell me - Let it go, if he really loves you, he'll come back. Except I screwed up this time, so...
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Yeah I knew from the beginning he wasn't legal and yeah ellessque, I know what you mean, there are many people who play the game to get the green card, I also know people who pay money for the marriage. It costs tons of money. Why pay when you can spin someones head and actually get it the easy way? But he never begged me to get married or anything. I asked him how come if he has so many female friends, no one could help him out with this just for the sake of papers and he told me he doesn't wanna just marry for papers but also so to create family. I trust him because I've learned a lot about him, from his friends circle, he'd let me scroll through his phone, would leave his emails, facebook, myspace open when we're together, give me his wallet and let me pay for things with it smile lol. And believe me I've gone through so much shit in my life that I've learned a lot about men. That's why I liked him because even if he might say harsh words sometimes, he's never gonna lie. I don't have to go around bothered not knowing what's wrong because he always updates me. And only few people can understand him. I do.
I mean dealing with papers, or not.... Isn't it that so many regular marriages don't work out nowadays anyway? It takes love and trust to work it. If he only had intentions to marry me for papers, trust me he would have already found some other dummie long time ago and got his deal fixed.
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First of all, you're going about things all wrong! Hell even the people who are all for arranged marriages, ATLEAST take longer than 3 months to get to know someone! And I used arranged marriages for an example b/c the people who believe in that aren't necessarily marrying b/c they genuinely love the other person. And you marrying someone just b/c they need to use you for a visa to the US is in the same boat/category.
The very fact that you're asking if 3 months is long enough says alot. Forgive me for being so rude, but you know good and DAMN well 3 months is not long enough. Hell, 3 months may not even be long enough for 2 people to get into a regular relationship, let alone have sex and get married!
If marriage means nothing to you & if you can handle someone conveinantly claiming to like/love you around the SAME time they just so happened to need a visa to the US, then do whatever you want. Do what you can live with. BUT it's apparent that your conscious is trying to tear you a new ass too, that's why you're asking such a question.
HELL no 3 months is not long enough! Hell, even employers make you wait longer than 3 months sometimes just to get benefits! Hell, they'll make you wait even though they don't have to go home with you every night! So you know good & damn well the standard should be higher for someone who actually wants to get married and/or come home with you every night.
Plus, don't forget that marrying someone for the reasons you've stated is considered ILLEGAL. You can get in BIG trouble for that; and with the ways they go about doing their research & weeding out the people who are engaging in such bogus marriages, they WILL find out.
If you really love/like this guy, you won't have anything to lose by waiting/being patient. But you have EVERYTHING to lose by rushing. Hell, for all you know there might be a perfectly GOOD reason why this guy can't seem to make his way over to the U.S!
I say DON'T DO IT!
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I just hate waiting and I don't think I'd be able to be in a distance relationship for 2 years :/ too long...
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Well I figured now i'm just keeping a friendship with him, since I know he needs to get over the emotional tantrum he's going through right now. I really like him. Most of the guys I've dated never really 'got' me. We click as much as intellectually as spiritually. I love how we always have something new to talk about or we two just seem to find fun stuff to do, It's never boring with him! It's hard to find someone you can get along with so well, I tell you..
but wow 10 years! what happened?
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I waited 4 years and still wish I waited
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Posted by krysrenee7
HELL no 3 months is not long enough! Hell, even employers make you wait longer than 3 months sometimes just to get benefits!



LOL!
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Whoa!
Do not allow yourself to be treated like some kind of meal card!
You are a human being, and as such, you should use your common sense that God granted you and watch out for vampires.
Yes, you read that right.
Vampires, who often prey on people's good will in order to attain something for themselves: US Passports.
Watch out, and please get away from these illegal alien types.
Sounds like nothing but trouble!!!
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Posted by Scubafish
Whoa!
Do not allow yourself to be treated like some kind of meal card!
You are a human being, and as such, you should use your common sense that God granted you and watch out for vampires.
Yes, you read that right.
Vampires, who often prey on people's good will in order to attain something for themselves: US Passports.
Watch out, and please get away from these illegal alien types.
Sounds like nothing but trouble!!!


Lol.. Edward didn't smile
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