How would you handle this?

I know what I want to do, but, I also know that I"m pretty hard core at times. My Virgo husband is very passive aggressive, so he can't even think on it, he just leaves it up to me to do the right thing. Well, he's like that on most issues.

But, anyway ... we have a group of poker players. We have a little league of sorts, in where every Sat night we get together at one of our houses to play cards. One of these players has a birthday Monday, Sept 7th. On Sunday afternoon he is having a poker game/birthday party.

So, last Sat, at our house, he made sure to tell us all several times that it's his birthday .... so this means he wants us all to recognize that he is the birthday boy when we go over to play cards. And likely, his wife will have a cake and the whole nine.

So, here's the dilemma, he's just a person in the poker league. He's not a friend, per se. None of us poker players hang out with each other outside of a card game. The ONLY time we are in contact is during the game, or organizing who's turn it is.

How can we go to his house to play cards without a gift? That's not appropriate. Obviously, the right thing to do is to buy him a gift. Yet, at the same time, he's not even a friend, really. Just an acquaintance.

It was very inappropriate of him to even put us against the wall like this, and only goes to show how much of an attention whore he really is for this to the poker group. I'm sure none of the guys in the group are worried about it, and only the women are thinking in terms of proper.

So, what do you think? A gift? Just a card? Or nothing at all?

The group has been together for about 6, maybe 7 years .. this particular man (and his wife) joined about 2 years ago.

I don't even mind buying a person a gift. It's not even that, really. It's more about the principal. My whole issue is that I don't want to send a message to him in that we're a push over. Because to me, for an acquaintance to expect a gift registers as user in my mind.

But, again ... I'm extremely critical and suspicious by nature, so I may be thinking on this from the wrong angle.

What I want to give him, if I have to ... is fucked up.


He sings a lot, he does karaoke all the time, and is constantly bragging about how he's a singer ... and he doesn't sing very well at all. He's not the worst I've heard, but, not he's not good enough to be considered a singer. In fact, there is one girl in our group that has an amazing voice, and everytime she is singing along with the radio, he kind of tries to out sing her. So, in his mind, he is fantastic at singing.

I remember watching American Idol auditions one time and Simone told a person to put his finger in his ear and sing that again. The man did as Simone said and only got a few bars out and stopped singing. Simone said something like, "Yeah, that's what we hear when you sing". The man was quite embarrassed and scurried out of the room.

I was thinking ... I wonder if there is a device that singers put in their ears, so they can keep themselves on key? If so, that's what I would want to buy him, since he is practically forcing people to buy him a gift.

That would be so mean to do. My husband just shrugged his shoulders when I told him that. He doesn't really care one way or the other.

I'm certain that all the single men in the league aren't going to buy anything.

This Virgo birthday man isn't playing tonight with the group. Tonight is Sat, so we will see everyone. Since he won't be there, I will probably ask a few of the others what they are doing about it.

There's a couple people who seem to be the leaders of the group, in where most people listen to them ... so maybe I should talk with them, and go along with the majority.

I don't even want to give him a card.

Posted by P_Ands
flake on it

That's my desire ... but, the side of me that recognizes etiquette is screaming, "buy him a gift"

All the shit you talk to people about ACTUAL, REAL-LIFE issue and you can't even figure out where or not to go to a fucking party. For Christ sakes: DON'T GO. If he asks why just tell him what you basically told us: we aint cool like dat. happy bday tho. see you at the next game. Period.

Why show up to something you're not interested in? The whole time you'll be in your head like "I don't even fuck wit dis nigga like that. Why am I here—". I'd rather be true to myself than fake. He'll live, shit. And if he doesn't, oh well. *shrug*

Why would you appease him? Teach that attention whore a lesson. Show up empty handed and sit down and play cards.

Isn't that the advice you would give all these other women on here with attention whore men. RESPECT YOURSELF P.

Posted by Vanish

How old is he?

Why would you think he expects a gift?

He will be 70

I don't even know how to answer your second question because it's seem silly. Why would you even ask that?

Every person who keeps reminding others that it's their birthday has expectations. Why don't you know that?

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by Vanish

How old is he?

Why would you think he expects a gift?

He will be 70

I don't even know how to answer your second question because it's seem silly. Why would you even ask that?

Every person who keeps reminding others that it's their birthday has expectations. Why don't you know that?

click to expand

Damn. He has one foot out the door. Maybe you should buy a gift lol

Posted by dixie
I don't think that's a mean gift. I think it's appropriate given what you said lol

I know. I think I might do it.


He's be like all happy and shit ... because I recognize him as a singer enough to buy him a singers device.

But, then my motive is fucked up.

just literally give him a card from the deck In an envelope then hand it to him and say I got you a card

Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
just literally give him a card from the deck In an envelope then hand it to him and say I got you a card

I love it !!!!!



Smooches to you, you saved the day ... that is exactly what I'm going to do.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
just literally give him a card from the deck In an envelope then hand it to him and say I got you a card

I love it !!!!!



Smooches to you, you saved the day ... that is exactly what I'm going to do.

click to expand

So, you are basically showing up with no gift. That is fake as hell. I would look at you (if I was a bystander) like you were lower than whale shit. In no way shape or form would you be invited to my bday party. Would skip right over ya.

Who had the thread about fake ass people and friends?

Posted by retrogradexy

Make food

And that is the obvious answer and I wish it was a solution.

It's been established that whoever is hosting the game, feeds everyone. Because we shift around from house to house, then it's fair, since everybody takes a turn at feeding us. Of course, someone could make hotdogs, while another is doing shrimp and that hardly sounds even. But, you know that, so whatever you make is on your expense if you go overboard. People do bring cakes sometimes. One woman (the singer) works pt at a catering company, so she brings things to other houses. So, it's not uncommon to bring something ... but, it has to be a "treat" kind of thing, and not an entre item, like chili, etc.

And I make the assumption that his wife will make a cake, so, I'm not able to take food. Boy, wouldn't that be my Ace in the Hole

Posted by seraph

Posted by P-Angel

How can we go to his house to play cards without a gift? That's not appropriate. Obviously, the right thing to do is to buy him a gift. Yet, at the same time, he's not even a friend, really. Just an acquaintance.

It was very inappropriate of him to even put us against the wall like this, and only goes to show how much of an attention whore he really is for this to the poker group. I'm sure none of the guys in the group are worried about it, and only the women are thinking in terms of proper.

So, what do you think? A gift? Just a card? Or nothing at all?

Just buy a gift and carry on with life. It's not a big deal, and certainly not worth any consternation.

A bottle of wine or cognac and a card will do.

Enjoy.

click to expand

You obviously missed the point.

Every year, all of us have birthdays, and none of us announce them, as they come. And surely by now a time has passed where a Saturday was one of our birthdays.

During a typical poker game, we don't talk to each other outside of the game. We don't talk about life: vacations, children, work, etc. Our aren't friends with each other, nor do we act like it.

The only time we have a game on Sunday is if something happened to make the game cancel on Sat night. There is a game tonight, so we wouldn't typically have a game tomorrow.

He is having a game tomorrow. This is a poker game, not a birthday party .. so we're told. We're not told by him that this is a birthday party. This is a poker game. I guess I didn't make that clear enough.

We use texts to communicate the organization of our games. But, usually we already know because we talk about it at the game, to decide who is next. However, since this game is an oddball - on Sunday - he reminds us of the game. And in doing so, he says something to the affect of, "don't forget it's my birthday".

In my opinion, I believe he is taking advantage of the group. And I feel that to bring him a gift is stepping way out of bounds for the proper terms and conditions of our poker league.

But, at the same time, I recognize proper etiquette, regardless and in here lies my conundrum.

Which voice in my head do I listen to?

The point is that she has been put into a situation to where she now feels obligated to bring a gift of some sort. If she were a true friend this would not even be an issue. Shes looking for validation to her not bringing a gift.

Read between the lines people.

I do thank everyone for their input

Posted by seraph
The point is to default to decorum, even when the other party can't quite manage it, rather than trying to teach someone a lesson which they won't learn anyway, and which will just be taken as amusement at their own expense. Do you honestly think someone who announces their birthday expectations like that will even *get* the message? They obviously don't know any better. So it isn't worth any effort beyond getting something for someone on their birthday.

This isn't something that even requires a thread, unless you want to complicate the issue with mind games. The easiest thing is to just get the man a gift and then drop the issue. None of this will matter a month from now.

You've missed the point ..... still

Posted by retrogradexy
Hat or new poker table

Poker supplies is actually a very good idea.

Our biggest concern at our poker games, are the cards. Anywhere you go, if you plan on playing poker, the cards are the one thing that must be scrutinized, they must be replaced often, they must be cared for.

If something gets spilled on or near a poker table ... we all flip out and go batshit. Cards are that important.

And we don't use cheap ones ... usually Kem or Copag


So, to bring a set (they come in two) of new cards is probably the solution. It's bringing a gift, but, the gift is for the league. And not wrap them or anything because I don't want to send the message that it's a birthday present ... just hand him the cards in front of everyone.

I like this, I think I will run this idea by the ole man.


Thanks all, I'm out now .... you were a big help.

Posted by seraph

Posted by Happygolucky
The point is that she has been put into a situation to where she now feels obligated to bring a gift of some sort. If she were a true friend this would not even be an issue. Shes looking for validation to her not bringing a gift.

Read between the lines people.

Remove feelings from head that are making a big production out of something minor (and over a 70 year old man, at that.)

Get gift and card and present the old guy with it. Make him happy anyway.

Put feelings back into head and move on.

And if it's some attempt to show the rest of the group that she's not one to give in to that sort of thing (rather than the other motive of teaching an old man a lesson - which is pointless), then it's just power games that are best left at the door. I assume she's beyond the need for that kind of validation of her ego.

click to expand

If she was past the point needing validation of her ego she wouldn't need to post this topic on this board and clearly bring up the fact that he stated it was his birthday and she was feeling the need to buy him a gift. Right? But, she did in fact post about it and she is in fact looking for validation on it.

She will not reply to you. She wants to be the predator and strike first. Retaliation is not a Pisces trait. They punch and run.

Posted by seraph

Posted by P-Angel

How can we go to his house to play cards without a gift? That's not appropriate. Obviously, the right thing to do is to buy him a gift. Yet, at the same time, he's not even a friend, really. Just an acquaintance.

It was very inappropriate of him to even put us against the wall like this, and only goes to show how much of an attention whore he really is for this to the poker group. I'm sure none of the guys in the group are worried about it, and only the women are thinking in terms of proper.

So, what do you think? A gift? Just a card? Or nothing at all?

Just buy a gift and carry on with life. It's not a big deal, and certainly not worth any consternation.

A bottle of wine or cognac and a card will do.

Enjoy.

click to expand

That's what I was going to suggest. Doesn't have to be very expensive.
Just make sure if he decides to drink it right there, to leave before he starts singing.

BTW, the guy sounds like a piece of work.
I'd probably continue to treat him as "member of the poker group" and not an iota beyond that.

Naked lady playing cards

Posted by ellle
I don't think she's looking for your conventional this-person-is-not-that-important-to-me-but-I-don't-want-to-be-rude gift ideas.

She's looking to give a gift that has a hidden meaning that says "You are an idiot".....that he figures out later and cries himself to sleep at night.

She could always dump a bottle of syrup of ipecac into the bottle of wine....

P- Angel don't be a cheapskate...a six pack and a new set of playing cards is a good gift to give grandpa.He could be dead by the next game, atleast let him remember how much of a kind and sweet lady such and such wife is for gettinf him a gift.Its not like you're gonna be buying him a gift everyday.Anyways hepprobably just mentioned his birthday because one he's a newbie in the league and don't wanna feel left out in case you guys forget and two he probably wanted to celebrate his birthday with his poker buddies thats all.He just wanna be accepted.The End.

Update: My husband really likes the idea of bringing a new poker supply, but, that cards are too much, and he's right. The only set we have that aren't open are Kems, and cost us $ 35.00, maybe we got it on sale ... anyway, that is too much.

He only has one button, and we typically run cash and tourney's simultaneously, so really he needs another button. Walmart has those for a couple bucks.

I'm so glad I asked you guys, because this hadn't dawned on me.


Hope you all enjoy the holiday weekend. 🙂

Posted by beautifuldiaster

Posted by Happygolucky
The point is that she has been put into a situation to where she now feels obligated to bring a gift of some sort. If she were a true friend this would not even be an issue. Shes looking for validation to her not bringing a gift.

Read between the lines people.

Well perhaps.

But I also post some ridiculously stupid shit that is like, "DUH!"

I think I over look things and just need a push in the right direction sometime.


I like giving the benefit of the doubt. Never hurts.

click to expand

You are still overlooking the hidden details.

Slow your Sag brain down and read it a few times. You will see it.

I can't believe Elle didn't get it. She just slapped everyone in the face and nobody caught it.

Get him a bottle of wine and a treat to accompany it. Put it in a gift bag. Go to the party and stay for an hour or two, then leave early.

Maybe after two years he really just wants to reach out and be friends with the other members. A party sounds like a goo ice breaker for someone who is nervous or isnt sure how to really make friends.

You might even enjoy yourself! AND, fun trick here, you can suggest he open the wine during the festivities. Then you get to drink it. So it's like a treat for you, too!

Get a one dollar scratch off, tape it to an 8x11 colored copy paper and write happy birthday on it.


Add:

PS...whatever you win I get half!

😄

Issue resolved itself last night ... I merely had to wait and talk to the other league members. They aren't going to the poker game today. They all agree last night that the weekly game is being conducted at that very moment, so the game on Sunday isn't really league play.

They all made the assumption, also, that this was a ploy to get people to buy him gifts.

He may still have this gathering today, but, none of the league players will attend. That includes my husband and I.

I'm unclear how is going to be with us next week at the ring, since none of us are attending today .... but, nobody is concerned about it because we aren't friends, so there is nothing to worry about. If he cannot handle that we didn't come, he can quit the league at any time.

Anyway, thanks to those who actually read the thread before responding, to help me.

Come to think of it, I don't think Ive been to a birthday party where presents were involved for quite a few years now. (Unless it's a child or family member reaching 50.) I give gifts to my closest friends, and immediate family, in private, but with my social circle and family's social circle a birthday is usually a big cookout in which everyone brings craptons of alcohol, games and musical instruments. And maybe some gag gifts for the lolz.

Posted by Arielle83
It's like you wondering his reaction, the next time you see him, is more of a reward than to put a smile on someone's face for their birthday.

Your poker friends sound paranoid and cheap.

I guess you know you can't invite them to any of your future birthdays because they all might think you're scamming them for their shit presents.

What the fuck is wrong with all of them? You're in a league for x amount of years and you don't make ANY sort of bond or friendship while doing so? That's just bizarre and proves what a socially retarded asshat P, and the people she associates with are.

P needs some fucking help. She's paranoid as shit, accuses everyone of something underhanded, and thinks it's her place to teach them lessons, much as she does here on DXP with her cuntbag rants.

Dude is extending an invite to his poker buddies and you immediately assume something underhanded. Go take some goddamned lithum you freak.

Posted by buyonegetone
Come to think of it, I don't think Ive been to a birthday party where presents were involved for quite a few years now. (Unless it's a child or family member reaching 50.) I give gifts to my closest friends, and immediate family, in private, but with my social circle and family's social circle a birthday is usually a big cookout in which everyone brings craptons of alcohol, games and musical instruments. And maybe some gag gifts for the lolz.

click to expand

The go to for any of these instances is booze or gift cards. It's a nice gesture, but it doesn't put most people out, you know?

I've invited people to my birthday things who were individuals I wasn't entirely close to, but they were within our circle of friends. I'm all about inviting everyone because the more the merrier, you know? If they wanna come, by all means, join in. But if they don't then whatever. Presents were not an expectation, so when some of these people gave me a gift card, it's like wow, cool thanks. The gesture was appreciated but not expected.

If anything, this guy she's whining about likely just wanted to extend the invite out to everyone because he plays poker with these people regularly. She and the league sound like grade A assholes, all cranky and "get off my lawn" status. :/

Posted by P-Angel
Anyway, thanks to those who actually read the thread before responding, to help me.

Shows class when they do, doesn't it?

we are all iving in different cities and circles. are of different ages. not sure if we could help her.

like sometimes even flowers and chocolates could be wrong?

I personally would stay out of it but since you are assuming responsibility you might well.
He has been a member long enough to warrant a very small birthday acknowledgement.
Not a huge party as if he were a member with equal time.

Besides you getting that gift will make you feel much better about yourself later.

Posted by P-Angel

Every year, all of us have birthdays, and none of us announce them, as they come. And surely by now a time has passed where a Saturday was one of our birthdays.

During a typical poker game, we don't talk to each other outside of the game. We don't talk about life: vacations, children, work, etc. Our aren't friends with each other, nor do we act like it.

The only time we have a game on Sunday is if something happened to make the game cancel on Sat night. There is a game tonight, so we wouldn't typically have a game tomorrow.

He is having a game tomorrow. This is a poker game, not a birthday party .. so we're told. We're not told by him that this is a birthday party. This is a poker game. I guess I didn't make that clear enough.

We use texts to communicate the organization of our games. But, usually we already know because we talk about it at the game, to decide who is next. However, since this game is an oddball - on Sunday - he reminds us of the game. And in doing so, he says something to the affect of, "don't forget it's my birthday".

In my opinion, I believe he is taking advantage of the group. And I feel that to bring him a gift is stepping way out of bounds for the proper terms and conditions of our poker league.

But, at the same time, I recognize proper etiquette, regardless and in here lies my conundrum.

Which voice in my head do I listen to?

I wish I had read this first.
If this is outside the bounds then there is nothing to worry about except say happy birthday.

What happened?

Posted by LunarMaiden
I personally would stay out of it but since you are assuming responsibility you might well.
He has been a member long enough to warrant a very small birthday acknowledgement.
Not a huge party as if he were a member with equal time.

Besides you getting that gift will make you feel much better about yourself later.

Yeah, but she's just proving she's as manipulative as she accuses everyone and their dog of. She sees the situation in a weird way and insists on being the one to "teach" him a lesson in making such an assumption about their prestigious poker group. They don't give a shit about anyone and play and go home. This guy wanted to include everyone to come join in on his birthday festivities and he was fucked up for asking, rawr!!!

She wasn't in any sort of bind, she wanted validation for being a total bitch to the guy because she felt put out. She was here asking for ways to be shitty and underhanded so she could make him feel bad.

Class act right here, ladies and gentlemen.

It's nobody's problem that she assumes obligation from a simple invite. All you have to do is say no.

Posted by starlover

Posted by Koniucha
I would be embarrassed to even post something like this. Geez

Me too. I actually think it tops the *will he come back to me* threads


😛

click to expand

Or the "he went through my phone, he's such a loser and what do I do" threads

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by P_Ands
flake on it

That's my desire ... but, the side of me that recognizes etiquette is screaming, "buy him a gift"

click to expand

Yeah, that's a tough one. The duality of the situation, a mutable delimma, will or won't.

A group of poker players prepared to go to great lengths to avoid any form of friendship and humanity? Preoccupied for the safety of their cards instead?

There is only one way to end this depravity and misery: GET THE F_KING INTERNET POKER SITES LEGALISED ALL OVER THE US!

GVC will acquire the Bwin Party early next year and ready to take over wee overseas gamblers!

I would wait till next year. They just stopped their high earning dividend for entire 2016...😢.

Sold them last week for a small profit.

Cheers, Tiz! For success!

Posted by LunarMaiden

What happened?

We didn't go.

Saturday night, the league had a discussion about it, and we all decided that this game was a ploy to try and get us over to his house for a birthday gathering. Since none of us are friends, nor do we socialize outside of our league .... we all decided not to go. So, I only had to wait until last Sat to talk to the other league players to find out how to proceed.

but, I do thank everyone for their ideas 🙂

I dont even buy my bestfriend a gift half the time hehe

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by LunarMaiden

What happened?

We didn't go.

Saturday night, the league had a discussion about it, and we all decided that this game was a ploy to try and get us over to his house for a birthday gathering. Since none of us are friends, nor do we socialize outside of our league .... we all decided not to go. So, I only had to wait until last Sat to talk to the other league players to find out how to proceed.

but, I do thank everyone for their ideas 🙂

click to expand

The P in your name must stand for PUSSY. Can't even tell the man to his face. But, you can have secret meetings behind his back. Yep, pussies the whole group is.

TBH, I think the only gift he's looking for is acknowledgment. You all showing up on/near his birthday - regardless of whether or not it's really the poker game you're showing up for - is all that matters to him. At least, that's my take on it.

Disclaimer : I didn't read the entire thread; only the first three pages or so.

Posted by Andalusia

...... he's looking for is acknowledgment.

Then he should have gone to his friends.

We're not his friends, and have no desire to be. These games aren't for fun. You cannot be friends with the players, because then that causes collusion which is illegal play in Texas Hold'em.

There are several couples, and though we draw for seats at each table ... couples are not allowed to sit at the same table, so couples are assigned to draw from certain stacks.

If a couple makes it to the final table ... they are strictly observed. In fact, we assign people to watch and make sure no gestures are made, no chip dumping.

this is series play