I cant decipher what libra male meant, help

This topic was created in the Relationships & Astrology forum by nautiekitie on Sunday, January 16, 2011 and has 34 replies.
Posted by QLIbraMale
your giving him mix signals, telling him no, than getting intimate when hes 1/2 asleep. if you like him tell him, explain your emotions and go from there. cause right now all your doing is playing games without defining your reasons to him. This would confuse anyone with common sense lol.


ok let me explain. I already explained to him that i like him. It was him who last said he didnt want a relationship. AND we have been intimate this whole time. this is what we do. also, he knew the reason for me going over there. and anyone with common sense would see i like the dude! so how am i killing him? lol hes killing me!
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Why are you intimate with a guy you have feelings for, even AFTER he said he's "not ready" for a relationship? That's mixed signals.. in HIS mind, you must be okay with the FWB/NSA thing you have going.. then you flip flop.. makes no sense to him.. if HE wasn't okay with things, he'd LEAVE, so thinks you would do the same!! Most guys say what they mean, esp early on.. he DOESN'T want a relationship right now.. but you're still giving him all the good stuff that comes with one (so he'll take it, like any man would hell yeah!).. so it must be cool with you too, right? WRONG! You have to be honest about what you feel and what you want.. and if he says he can't deliver.. BE STRONG and don't SETTLE for this half-assed crap you're doing now.. going along with it won't make him change his mind.. it'll just make him think you're a lot of drama and game-playing when your emotions and growing feelings that you're TRYING to hide keep showing up. You can't PRETEND anything.. it still shows up in your VIBE, in what it feels like to be around you.. it doesn't feel fun and easy to be with a girl who is stuffing down her feelings for you and pretending to be "cool".. it feels PHONY, FAKE.. something's not right. He'll stick it out for awhile (esp if he's getting sex once in awhile).. but eventually, being around you will feel draining and stressful, and you'll see less and less of him.
You want to help yourself? You don't want this half in, half out shit to continue? Stop sleeping with him, and almost sleeping with him. It's confusing him.. one second you're fine with things, next one you aren't. Feels like emotional manipulation to a guy. Get busy in your life, doing things that FEEL GOOD to you... he'll either come around or he won't. You said you like him, you said you'd like to give it a shot. He said no. Walk proud, and walk away. It's the only way he'll respect you and maybe want to be around you more.
But do it FOR REAL.. never FAKE ANYTHING.
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skip to a half an hour later and we got a little intimate. while being psychical we stopped for a second, he paused looked at me and said "i dont know what to do with you, youre killing me"
To me, that reads like, "He's half asleep but since we're FWB and that's what I came there for, I start giving him head.. but then I paused ..and he said that. What's it mean?"
Yeah? *sigh* Well.. you KNOW what that means then. It meant, "Don't stop, don't tease me. Why do you blow so hot and cold? What the hell do you want from me? I SAID I don't want a relationship.. thought we were cool with this. NOW what's the problem?!"
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Posted by Nefer
skip to a half an hour later and we got a little intimate. while being psychical we stopped for a second, he paused looked at me and said "i dont know what to do with you, youre killing me"
To me, that reads like, "He's half asleep but since we're FWB and that's what I came there for, I start giving him head.. but then I paused ..and he said that. What's it mean?"
Yeah? *sigh* Well.. you KNOW what that means then. It meant, "Don't stop, don't tease me. Why do you blow so hot and cold? What the hell do you want from me? I SAID I don't want a relationship.. thought we were cool with this. NOW what's the problem?!"


um..yeah thats not what happened Nefer. He was doing all the work. and we both just paused for a second. I dont know why you assumed that THAT was the scenario! also why am i intimate with him? well, see, its pretty simple. I like him!!! you need to relax a little all i wanted to know was what the hell the comment even meant! fuck the mixed signals! if he came out and asked me directly what i wanted, i would tell him. so if im killing HIM, he should say something, dont you think?! if hes the one getting something out of this and he doesnt want a relationship, then once again how am I killing him?
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yeah, but whatever, its not like i dont agree with you on what i SHOULD do. its just a little hard (no pun intended) because were both attracted to each other. and we do like each other. but his way of showing it is different from mine.
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With the mixed signals. And no, he won't ASK you what you want.. he assumes you'll TELL him AND you'll DO what you want.. you know, like he told YOU that he doesn't want a relationship AND is DOING a "not-relationship"? And AFTER he said he "wasn't ready".. you continue as you were.. to him that's acquiescence and acceptance of the terms... otherwise, you'd walk (like he would). You're confusing him ("killing" him). A man isn't going to open up first (esp with that Taurus/Cap influence.. girl, that's an uphill battle anyway).. so if you're waiting on that, pack a lunch. You aren't being HONEST and STRONG about what you do/don't want.. you're accepting a situation that may feel "okay-ish" to you, but isn't ACTUALLY what you know you want, but won't stand strong on, going along with things and waiting to see if they'll change. But going along with WON'T change anything. Men don't fix what ain't broken.
Read what I posted again, this time without your indignation at my mentioning how your words read to me. I wasn't trying to be cruel or call you stupid. After all, my advice is for YOUR benefit, not my own... and I know what I'm talking about.
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Posted by nautiekitie
yeah, but whatever, its not like i dont agree with you on what i SHOULD do. its just a little hard (no pun intended) because were both attracted to each other. and we do like each other. but his way of showing it is different from mine.


LOL Don't I know it?! Absolute truth right there! It IS hard, esp when you really like a guy, and are really attracted to him, and the sex is really good and you love being with him!
Not for one SECOND am I saying it's going to be easy.. oh, girl.. might be the hardest thing you'll ever do, resisting that Libra charm, wooeeee! But if you want things to be different, you can't continue this way. You have to MAKE yourself be strong.. 5 mins at a time, if you must.. "I WON'T text him for the next 5 mins!"... for a day.. "I WON'T call him today!".. for a week.. "He hasn't called me all week.. I WILL be strong!".. saying no, you won't settle for something that isn't what you want, that you respect yourself too much.. it gets easier, the more you say it, the more you feel it and live it. Men RESPECT women who refuse to accept less than what they want.. and respecting a woman makes a man intrigued, she's different, not like other girls.. she's strong.. plus.. the chase is fun for them, the push-pull, the wanting what's NOT easy to get/have.
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ok, i see what youre saying now.
however, hes insane! he really wanted one at first, but i didnt know him well enough to commit myself to him. then after a while of this shit, i made it clear that i wasnt having fun with this anymore. and then HE threw it in my face that i didnt want one, and that he was only following my lead. which is true, but things change! is he following my lead or does he not want one? which one is it? and NOW that i'm showing i want more, is he going to follow my lead again? so hopefully you can see why hes confusing the shit out of ME! LOL. its really his libra thats hot and cold. and if you want more details, ill tell you this. I distanced myself from him a week ago, because i didnt want to get hurt and i didnt call him for 4 days. he then called me up and oh boy was he angry that he hasnt heard from me! i couldnt believe he was that angry. if he doesnt want a relationship why does it matter why i'm not around for days? friend with benefits shouldnt care. its hard to just walk away when hes actually the one giving me mixed signals!
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Oh.. and another thing.. in a 3 month span, you went from not wanting a relationship (at first) when he acted like he did... and now you want one, after he decided he didn't... Now, I know we women can "catch feelings" fast, esp with a really great guy we're sleeping with.. but to a guy (esp a Leeb).. that's like a sudden, too-fast 180 degree turn, hard to wrap his mind around... he might be wondering how sincere you are about yes/no to a relationship, since to him it seemed like you switched gears pretty fast.. maybe he's wondering if you REALLY know what you REALLY want, and he's getting mixed signals from you, so he's being careful...
Advice is still the same, though. I know you guys like each other.. but the changes of turning a FWB into a meaningful relationship are slim to nil. So cut out the FWB.. no benefits of having a gf unless you want a gf.. date him if you want and he agrees and understands why you want to slow down THAT part of the (not) relationship.. be HONEST about your intentions and motives.. but expect him to balk at no sex.. most guys do.. they don't WANT to give up a good thing, they fight it tooth and nail.. but nothing will change if nothing changes, see what I mean?
And if all he really wants it some good sex for a bit, at least until he finds a girl who intrigues him more and he fades from your life... you don't want that, right? Not with a guy you have feelings for. Don't set yourself up for that.
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I distanced myself from him a week ago, because i didnt want to get hurt and i didnt call him for 4 days. he then called me up and oh boy was he angry that he hasnt heard from me! i couldnt believe he was that angry. if he doesnt want a relationship why does it matter why i'm not around for days? friend with benefits shouldnt care.
Um, no. Libras love attention, they do. And they HATE being ignored, period. Yes, even if it's the FWB ignoring them. Even if they DON'T want a relationship. You're thinking like a girl, you know. He's a guy... it doesn't HAVE to mean love and relationship to a guy. To him, he's NOT sending mixed signals.. he made it clear.. no relationship, but he digs this fun FWB you've got going, period. It's not necessarily deeper or more complex than that, I'm afraid. YOU send mixed signals when you stuff down your growing feelings and pretend you're still "cool" with the way things are.. guys might be a bit clueless sometimes, but they aren't stupid.. he keeps picking up on your inner struggle, on you not being honest and strong about what you want... sometimes you manage to tell yourself it's fine, it's cool, it's exactly what you want right now.. other times it gets to you and you don't FEEL GOOD about having only FWB with a guy you're really starting to care about.. and it shows up.. and then he's confused. To him, YOU are hot and cold.. YOU can't make up your mind... he SAID and DOES what he wants.. you just aren't listening, or you're waiting for it to change. It's confusing.
And it'll only get worse Sad
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oh, good lord! lol. it sure is complicated. and the last thing i want him to think is that i'm like every other girl. Hes just not the type of guy i usually like, so its hard for me to read him. libra or no libra. i'm gonna be smart about it, even though its going to be really really hard to give up the fwb. emphasis on benefits! grazi.
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"you're killing me" translates into WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?!?! in man-Leeb language.
Confused is an understatement really. You're frustrating him too.
He just wanted to get down, he must have sensed something was wrong. Like you were changing your mind AGAIN...he must feel like you don't know what you want - and at the time didn't even know if you wanted to do him or not. & he's like OH FOR FUCKS SAKE *pulls hair out*
I don't blame him.

Also, offering a little different perspective: although YES, men generally mean almost exactly what they say...Leebs are also people pleasers, they're very diplomatic and compromising sometimes. His whole change of heart in regards to the relationship may very well be to please you because this is what you said you wanted.
I think you need to sit down and talk to him.
Tell him you want to be with him. He's probably going to blow you off a little at first because he's already convinced you are fickle and don't know what you want...but this is where consistency pays off.
Show him you do know what you want - HIM - by your actions matching your words...
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These women know us Libras too well...
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Posted by LibraSid
These women know us Libras too well...



Are you being a dick right now?
REALLY though. Libra men are some of the simplest men. They're content with whatever you want. They just want everyone to be happy and have a good time.

Peace-loving hippies. Tongue
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Posted by brianafay
Posted by LibraSid
These women know us Libras too well...



Are you being a dick right now?
click to expand


Confused
What! Me?
...
No, this time I was being serious. You and nefer are right on the $ $ .
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Nef is like a genius I'm convinced. smile
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I know I couldn't do a fwb thing. I'm too sappy, I'd get attached and it would end bad.
To the OP,
He goes in wanting a relationship but you say you can't/won't/aren't ready to commit so he backs off the relationship angle. But he still likes you so why back off anything else? He put it out there what he wanted, you said no. He accepts that and drops the idea of bf/gf and just goes along for the ride. I know that I'd still be getting attached during those months though. You said things change and asked why he doesn't understand that... have you told him this?
Does he know you want a relationship now? I know you said he is the last one that said he didn't want a relationship but you did first so he is just following your lead. Have you actually told him that you want more or are you just expecting him to know?
If you told me you weren't ready for a relationship I would go with that until you actually said otherwise. If he stopped and said you are killing him it sounds like he may still be wanting a relationship but thinks you still don't. He'll see you actions (laying in his bed, making out) and be confused when its compared to the words that were said.
I know that would kill me.
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Nefer is a brain eating zombie?!?!
I knew there had to be something wrong with her Tongue
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lol you guys are funny. Nefer knows her shit, because its appears shes with a libra?! I'll take advice for sure from someone who snagged a libra! lol. they are harder to get than a pisces, almost...i think. Yeah i have kinda expressed i want more. I think hes a little scared of something. He would rather have a "one on one" with my close friend about me, then come to me and tell me something. I think him and I are going back and forth here. or perhaps going in circles. We are on a see-saw. When I'm up hes down and then vise versa. i think the only time we meet in the middle is during sex. I dont want to scare him off so i take his lead, but hes really taking mine?! like, wtf? i think we need to take a few steps back to see the picture more clearer. because we both miss how each other used to be when we first started talking. sigh/
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Posted by brianafay
"you're killing me" translates into WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?!?! in man-Leeb language.
Confused is an understatement really. You're frustrating him too.
He just wanted to get down, he must have sensed something was wrong. Like you were changing your mind AGAIN...he must feel like you don't know what you want - and at the time didn't even know if you wanted to do him or not. & he's like OH FOR FUCKS SAKE *pulls hair out*

uh oh...i was a little tipsey. and my mind runs 10 miles per minute as is. Hes reading into me too much if this is the case. is this how libra men are typically? hes really receptive and sees EVERYTHING!
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Posted by nautiekitie
Posted by brianafay
"you're killing me" translates into WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?!?! in man-Leeb language.
Confused is an understatement really. You're frustrating him too.
He just wanted to get down, he must have sensed something was wrong. Like you were changing your mind AGAIN...he must feel like you don't know what you want - and at the time didn't even know if you wanted to do him or not. & he's like OH FOR FUCKS SAKE *pulls hair out*


uh oh...i was a little tipsey. and my mind runs 10 miles per minute as is. Hes reading into me too much if this is the case. is this how libra men are typically? hes really receptive and sees EVERYTHING!
click to expand


Yes, I over analyze everything. My mind never stops thinking about stuff. If I'm getting mixed signals from a romantic interest it's even worse. I want to know what everything means.
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LOL @ brain-eating zombie.. ohnoez - they're onto me!
...Yes, I'm with a Libra, and haven't bashed him with a skillet yet! So is Briana (and she's a Sag, and is a Libra Magnet!)... And Q and Pigeon and Sid ARE Libra males and give FANTASTIC insight to the elusive Libra guy. I don't know piranhaparadise yet, but the advice was short, sweet, and dead on.. similar to my advice, but I ran my mouth a whole lot longer LOL (Shaddup, pige! I know, I know!)
Wow.. you got the GOOD stuff in this here thread, no rude and misogynistic Libra Kings.. no rude and insane burned Aqua chicks... no bitter and angry Scorp chicks. Just wow. Three Leebs and two girls with Leebs, and a brand new piranhaparadise who dropped a smart bomb and exited!
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haha. I guess it was a good idea to register and post my question here. Yahoo was getting a bit too vague for me. sooo, there are bitter scorps here, huh! Hopefully i wont be one of them =p. i shouldn't though. everything happens for a reason.
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Yeah i have kinda expressed i want more.
NO! No "KINDA".. half-assed effort will get half-assed results!
I think hes a little scared of something. He would rather have a "one on one" with my close friend about me, then come to me and tell me something.
YOU are sending out confusing, mixed signals. He doesn't know what you want, but he's TRYING (as Leebs do). YOU aren't fully open and honest (and strong) about what you feel and what you want (it's scary, I get it!), so he can't talk to YOU about it. YOU seem back and forth, wishy washy.. he can't get a handle on what to do, and it's "killing" him!
I dont want to scare him off so i take his lead
Fear is holding you back.. YOUR FEARS are mucking this up and causing this confusion. Yes, it's SCARY to open up and risk the pain of rejection.. but is it REALLY better being on this emotional roller coaster and FEEL so confused, scared, frustrated? You can't wait for HIM to open first; he WON'T. YOU have to open first. A huge risk.. but the alternative sucks worse!
Plus, a truly open, honest, real and VULNERABLE woman is a very FEMININE and ATTRACTIVE woman that he can CONNECT to. Sex hormones BOND a woman to a man; that's nature and science. It DOESN'T work for MEN that way. MEN bond through EMOTIONAL CONNECTION. You will NOT trigger his bonding until you CONNECT emotionally on HIS level.. and that CANNOT happen while you are scared and closed off and just going along with everything and waiting for a miracle. All that will happen is YOU will get MORE hormonally/emotionally bonded to him.. and he can't connect/bond that way!

we both miss how each other used to be when we first started talking.
You mean like how it was fun and open before you got all tangled up and bonded and FEELING crazy trying to hide your real feelings? Before your mixed signals confused him? Before your fears froze you up emotionally and are holding you back and disconnecting you from him? Before you ignored him and didn't call for 4 days to get a reaction from him? To see if he noticed and cared? (That's a no-no. That's a game. Be REAL or be GONE!)
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"we both miss how each other used to be when we first started talking.
You mean like how it was fun and open before you got all tangled up and bonded and FEELING crazy trying to hide your real feelings? Before your mixed signals confused him? Before your fears froze you up emotionally and are holding you back and disconnecting you from him? Before you ignored him and didn't call for 4 days to get a reaction from him? To see if he noticed and cared? (That's a no-no. That's a game. Be REAL or be GONE!)"
listen missy, lol. Hes not perfect. there were weird signals from him as well. but i dont want to get into that. its not important. it doesnt help that hes still has a picture of him and his ex in his room and that he still has her listed as "his love" in his phone. I mentioned these things and he has a really quick excuse for all these. maybe these things are reasons why i myself am being cautious.

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Say this:
"Libra, I really love spending time with you and my feelings are growing for you - as scary as that feels to say aloud. When we first started dating, I felt so worried about getting hurt I wanted to move slowly, and feel afraid that may be giving you the impression that this is still casual to me. I don't want to give that impression, I want to be very honest with you. What do you think?"
He will answer generally one of two ways. He'll open up (cuz YOU did first!) and say he feels the same way.. or he'll say he does not. If he doesn't feel the same.. girl, LISTEN TO ME... if he does NOT want to change anything, does NOT feel stronger for you.. you DO NOT SETTLE for more of the same confusing crap you're going through.
"Oh, I'm sorry you don't feel the same, and I will miss you a lot. But I don't feel good about continuing intimacy without any sort of relationship to back it up. I feel too strongly about you to JUST have sex with you and be your buddy. I don't want things to be like they have been, and I won't settle for something that feels so confusing and sad to me anymore. What do you think?"
We can do this all day, gf. Stay calm, strong, centered. This ISN'T about HIM and making HIM happy.. this is about YOU and getting YOUR needs met.. and if HE cannot meet those VERY BASIC NEEDS.. being strong enough to walk away and refuse to sell yourself short and take less than you want and deserve.
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and i wasnt playing a game when i didnt call for 4 days. I swear I wasn't. I wanted to give him space because last i saw him he was very cold and was acting weird. So, i backed away a little bit. If someone were to act uninterested would you call them and be up their ass?
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Posted by nautiekitie

listen missy, lol. Hes not perfect. there were weird signals from him as well. but i dont want to get into that. its not important. it doesnt help that hes still has a picture of him and his ex in his room and that he still has her listed as "his love" in his phone. I mentioned these things and he has a really quick excuse for all these. maybe these things are reasons why i myself am being cautious.




HA! I'm WITH a Libra. You think I think they're perfect?! Not even close, and most gf's murdering their bf's.. probably Libras (LOL)... But girl, me pointing out all the flaws in what he says and does.. NOT going to help you. Why? Cuz you can't do anything about that. YOU are the ONLY thing you have any control over. I'm pointing out things YOU can change, things YOU are doing to contribute to this problem... I could give you a laundry list of crap HE needs to be doing better... won't help you at all. I'm helping YOU get what you need.. I don't even KNOW him. Unless his name is Rick and he's from Michigan.. he sounds like a Libra I once dated haha!
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Posted by nautiekitie
and i wasnt playing a game when i didnt call for 4 days. I swear I wasn't. I wanted to give him space because last i saw him he was very cold and was acting weird. So, i backed away a little bit. If someone were to act uninterested would you call them and be up their ass?


But that's what I'm saying.. you trying to control, hide, stuff down your growing feelings (cuz you're afraid) is whacking YOUR vibe.. he sees hot and cold, she doesn't know what she wants, back and forth, fine one minute but weird about it the next... and when a guy senses all that confusion from you and then you don't call for 4 days.. that FEELS like games to him. And no, I'm NOT saying call him.. trust me, I'm ALLL about the man being the man and doing HIS job with a woman... but I'm telling you what to watch out for from a confused Libra male's pov. I'm telling you what HE might be seeign and feeling from you.. so you can correct what YOU are doing that isn't helping the situation.
Him? You correct the things you're doing that are making things harder and more confusing, and he will EITHER.. follow along and help improve things.. or he'll be done and therefore not dragging you along like this. Because you WILL NOT allow him to keep having sex with you and all that fun stuff.. you CAN'T DO THAT with a guy you have feelings for.. it HUUUURTS.. it messes you up.. and it keeps messing you up until you get HONEST, get REAL, and GET STRONG.
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yeah, well i agree with you. I've been through enough bullshit with men and people in general to stick around to allow this to happen. SO, i'll try this approach because it sounds sensible and reasonable and MATURE. hopefully he will come eat with my friends and I this week, they invited him out. ( he complained i never invite him anywhere) and maybe that night, i will have a real one on one with him. and if he says no. then he says no. cant force something on someone if they dont want it.
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I think you're getting it. Please re-read the whole thread, maybe a few times. Get a feel for what we're trying to accomplish here. This isn't about forcing him to change or putting any of this on him.. this is about YOU doing what YOU need to do to get YOUR needs met. It won't fall into your lap.
Be OPEN and REAL and VULNERABLE, no matter how scary it it cuz it's the ONLY way you might turn this around. Speak your truth, do not FAKE or HIDE. Be strong. You DESERVE love and respect and a good relationship. And if he can't/won't step up, then he will step aside and make room for another guy who can/will.
It's going to be HARD to resist him if you have to walk away (believe me, I know)... but do you want a few more months of this sort of thing? Do you want to be the girl he's boinking right up until he disappears cuz he met/found another girl he'd rather spend time with and connect with? I say no, I say you don't. Who wants that?? That's crazy!
He'll be IN.. or he'll be OUT.. the only thing he will no longer be is HALF-ASSED IN AND OUT. And either way is better than the way it is.
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yeah, re-reading. check.
smile thanks.
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Nefer, when are you going to run away with me?
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Posted by LibraSid
Nefer, when are you going to run away with me?


When you come pick me up, you fabulous Libra guy you! lol
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