i don't know what to think, should i let him go
This topic was created in the Relationships & Astrology forum by IsabelScorpia on Sunday, August 23, 2009 and has 14 replies.
maybe it's obvious (i'm sorry if i am in denial) but when libra, or a man in general, goes back and forth, is it really over and he just can't let go? or is it possible he will come back? honestly, truthfully, why is this? you can be brutal. i need to know if there's a chance or not.
my libra ex and i were together for almost 10 months and we decided to break up. one day he randomly said he had some concerns when he thought about our future, that he could be with me for years and thought of a future with me but that these things may not change, as they are significant incompatibilities between who we are (logically we are not right for each other). nonetheless we have feelings. he is scared of being with me if it's going to end because we're not right for each other and it won't work, he does not want to feel what he feels if it doesn't have a future. He is ready to get married in the next couple years, he wants something with a future (he's in his late 20's).
i ask if that means he wants to end things with me, he says no. but these concerns stay in my mind and i get scared and so
i push him to break up with me.
since then he still calls me saying he is checking on me because he cares about me and i have done destructive things after the break up. he tries to make plans with me and talks about us spending time together as if nothing has changed, asks me to come over and hang out with him (I have twice, and we behaved as if we were still together, nothing had changed).
But I don't want this in-between, it's painful. so I push him to make a decision about me and he won't.
We don't talk for almost three weeks and then he calls me again and wants to "check on me to see if [I'm] ok." i ask him if he is trying to be just friends with me, he doesn't answer. I tell him I can't be just friends with him and I ask him why he is really calling me when he knows how I feel, he says to check on me, I say but really why, he doesn't answer.
I ask him to tell me that he doesn't want to be with me so that I can let go, I ask him to help me let go by telling me that. He doesn't say anything. I ask him to tell me loud and clear that I should move on from him, because if he doesn't than I will still keep holding on. He doesn't say anything.
what does he want? is this just indeciveness, he's not sure he made the right choice but he still wants to keep me as an option, or does he truly care, or?
my libra ex and i were together for almost 10 months and we decided to break up. one day he randomly said he had some concerns when he thought about our future, that he could be with me for years and thought of a future with me but that these things may not change, as they are significant incompatibilities between who we are (logically we are not right for each other). nonetheless we have feelings. he is scared of being with me if it's going to end because we're not right for each other and it won't work, he does not want to feel what he feels if it doesn't have a future. He is ready to get married in the next couple years, he wants something with a future (he's in his late 20's).
i ask if that means he wants to end things with me, he says no. but these concerns stay in my mind and i get scared and so
i push him to break up with me.
since then he still calls me saying he is checking on me because he cares about me and i have done destructive things after the break up. he tries to make plans with me and talks about us spending time together as if nothing has changed, asks me to come over and hang out with him (I have twice, and we behaved as if we were still together, nothing had changed).
But I don't want this in-between, it's painful. so I push him to make a decision about me and he won't.
We don't talk for almost three weeks and then he calls me again and wants to "check on me to see if [I'm] ok." i ask him if he is trying to be just friends with me, he doesn't answer. I tell him I can't be just friends with him and I ask him why he is really calling me when he knows how I feel, he says to check on me, I say but really why, he doesn't answer.
I ask him to tell me that he doesn't want to be with me so that I can let go, I ask him to help me let go by telling me that. He doesn't say anything. I ask him to tell me loud and clear that I should move on from him, because if he doesn't than I will still keep holding on. He doesn't say anything.
what does he want? is this just indeciveness, he's not sure he made the right choice but he still wants to keep me as an option, or does he truly care, or?
yes ian, i mean he did. i was the one that initiated the break up. i didn't want to break up, but i suppose i did at the same time because the way he talked about these issues between us and the future, i felt his withdrawl, maybe because he just needed time to think about things and maybe it's just because he's never been emotionally expressive (he has HUGE issues expressing his emotions) and maybe i placed emphasis on something that wasn't really happening but he didn't want to talk about any of it after he made those statements. he even regretted mentioning it because it disrupted our relationship (very libra, huh?). which is wrong, because those things are important. he didn't want to break up, but i felt that he knew those issues were important but he didn't want to talk about it and i couldn't let things go on if he wasn't going to even talk about it, let alone make an effort to overcome those things or decide with me that we would work on things. i wanted him to tell me certain things to assure me, and he was being very passive, so i pushed the breakup.
i don't know. logically, i think so. emotionally, no.
logically we know we're not right for each other but emotionally we don't want to let go.
logically we know we're not right for each other but emotionally we don't want to let go.
don't depend on him in what ur gonna do with ur own life. figure out what u want and he'll have to accept it. if u've already told him that u want to be together, and he gives u the silent treatment, then there is ur answer. tell him u don't have the emotional capacity to play these head/heart games. if he can't answer u then his silence surely spoke for him and leave him be. i've been there and sometimes this is the only way. i know it's very painful to break away from someone u have such a strong connection with but u'll be ok. nothing in life lasts forever and all we can do is understand and accept. u'll have ur memories and the good times that were shared. they are more important than u know. be glad for the time u did get to spend with him and grow from the experience.
If you push a Libra man for a breakup, he'll give it to you.
If you regret it, he'll keep bouncing back and forth for awhile...
Until you're tired of the same things that got you pushing for a breakup in the first place.
It will mess up your mind, your sleeping and eating patterns.
You want to let go, find some peace of mind, but you CAN'T.
You miss so much of the wonderful things about Libra,
And you begin to justify the bad things about him.
The ONLY way you'll get clarity is to make the final CLEAN break.
Otherwise, it will stay this way indefinitely.
Is that what you want?
Personal experience with a past Libra guy before I met my beloved Libra.
There's a reason Libra guys have the bad rep they do.
If you regret it, he'll keep bouncing back and forth for awhile...
Until you're tired of the same things that got you pushing for a breakup in the first place.
It will mess up your mind, your sleeping and eating patterns.
You want to let go, find some peace of mind, but you CAN'T.
You miss so much of the wonderful things about Libra,
And you begin to justify the bad things about him.
The ONLY way you'll get clarity is to make the final CLEAN break.
Otherwise, it will stay this way indefinitely.
Is that what you want?
Personal experience with a past Libra guy before I met my beloved Libra.
There's a reason Libra guys have the bad rep they do.
yes. you all are right.
i feel like he is still holding on to me and he won't tell me to move on because he wants me to hold on to him too. is it because he just doesn't want me to move on yet, is it a jealousy thing, or, he doesn't want me to be over him if he's not over me, or is there a chance he still thinks we can be together?
he told me his emotions and his thoughts are conflicted. he has deep feelings for me, but logic telling him to break things off. i tell him that i can move on if that's what i should do but i really need to hear that from him, because as i said, something in me will still hold on to him and well, he refuses to say that to me. i guess he doesn't want me to move on, and he keeps acting as if we're still together but then for example, i'll see him one evening and then a couple days later he he says things like: we shouldn't get back together, we're not right for each other, and so we don't talk for a couple weeks and i'm using this time to move on with my life and then he calls or texts and starts acting as we're together again and wants to see me and etc etc. and it all just comes right back.
i know that the best thing to do would be to just not respond next time he contacts me, to give him the message that it's over.
b/c he will keep doing this if i keep allowing it right?
and he's not going to suddenly decide that we should be together again, right?
at least not now. we should probably be apart for a while and let time show us if we belong together? i don't know. i feel that i should do that but i always cave in. actually i almost didn't respond when he made contact this last time, this weekend, but then i gave in. and he asked if he could see me again. i am proud of myself that i did refuse to see him, i told him i wanted to but that i didn't think it was the best idea, that i was afraid it would ruin my progress. i want him to decide what he wants from me, and he won't make a statement either way. i know he told me he can't be friends, and yet he doesn't think it's right we're together again, but he is still trying to be my boyfriend in his behavior, and he says that he has no intention of looking to be with anyone else (i guess that means, at least for now right? ). it's as if he wants us to be as we were before, and avoid all the seriousness of the future. but i can't go back with him that way because it was time to go forward or end it and he just wants to pause or something.
i feel like he is still holding on to me and he won't tell me to move on because he wants me to hold on to him too. is it because he just doesn't want me to move on yet, is it a jealousy thing, or, he doesn't want me to be over him if he's not over me, or is there a chance he still thinks we can be together?
he told me his emotions and his thoughts are conflicted. he has deep feelings for me, but logic telling him to break things off. i tell him that i can move on if that's what i should do but i really need to hear that from him, because as i said, something in me will still hold on to him and well, he refuses to say that to me. i guess he doesn't want me to move on, and he keeps acting as if we're still together but then for example, i'll see him one evening and then a couple days later he he says things like: we shouldn't get back together, we're not right for each other, and so we don't talk for a couple weeks and i'm using this time to move on with my life and then he calls or texts and starts acting as we're together again and wants to see me and etc etc. and it all just comes right back.
i know that the best thing to do would be to just not respond next time he contacts me, to give him the message that it's over.
b/c he will keep doing this if i keep allowing it right?
and he's not going to suddenly decide that we should be together again, right?
at least not now. we should probably be apart for a while and let time show us if we belong together? i don't know. i feel that i should do that but i always cave in. actually i almost didn't respond when he made contact this last time, this weekend, but then i gave in. and he asked if he could see me again. i am proud of myself that i did refuse to see him, i told him i wanted to but that i didn't think it was the best idea, that i was afraid it would ruin my progress. i want him to decide what he wants from me, and he won't make a statement either way. i know he told me he can't be friends, and yet he doesn't think it's right we're together again, but he is still trying to be my boyfriend in his behavior, and he says that he has no intention of looking to be with anyone else (i guess that means, at least for now right? ). it's as if he wants us to be as we were before, and avoid all the seriousness of the future. but i can't go back with him that way because it was time to go forward or end it and he just wants to pause or something.
Hmm, I think you know all the answers to your own questions very well and there is no need to answer them for you. From what you are writing seems to me like deep down you also feel this relationship has no future (for whatever reasons which you call "significant incompatibilities"), but you have difficulties of accepting it and moving on. See, no man (no matter what sign) likes to be pushed to the wall and forced to make decision "here and now". You did your part- expressed clearly your feelings and what you need from him. And this is very important, it takes a lot of courage. He didn't. If man (any man) has really deep feelings for you, I mean really deep, he will find the way to give you want you want/need. Usually on his own time condition, but he will.
I believe in clear cut endings (the "friends" thing never worked for me - to big emotional baggage) and no between situations. From my experience, it's better to move on. I mean, really move on (no phone calls, no meetings, no text etc.) I don't like unclear endings, so I usually solve it with very calm and honest conversation and ask not to contact me as a favor. If the other side notice you are serious and you really need to move on, they will let you (if they are mature) and you will find the peace of mind. Eventually. In my case it takes long time so the sooner I start, the better. Don't expect any man to tell you - move on. Forget about me. Most will not. This is a pride issue and way to keep you "on hold" if nothing better comes around.
If he is your destiny - he will take a few months break and find you. But don't hope for that. Just move on and live your life. Good luck.
I believe in clear cut endings (the "friends" thing never worked for me - to big emotional baggage) and no between situations. From my experience, it's better to move on. I mean, really move on (no phone calls, no meetings, no text etc.) I don't like unclear endings, so I usually solve it with very calm and honest conversation and ask not to contact me as a favor. If the other side notice you are serious and you really need to move on, they will let you (if they are mature) and you will find the peace of mind. Eventually. In my case it takes long time so the sooner I start, the better. Don't expect any man to tell you - move on. Forget about me. Most will not. This is a pride issue and way to keep you "on hold" if nothing better comes around.
If he is your destiny - he will take a few months break and find you. But don't hope for that. Just move on and live your life. Good luck.
yes i suppose i do know the answers, i just don't like them. 
and i guess i was looking for anything that might reveal a new insight so that i can give myself an excuse to keep holding on.
i know what i should do. but i do care about him so much, possibly more than the pain i have being with him and not being in a relationship. i feel that i will try to see him again, and see if i can just be friendly with him. i care about him more than i need to be in an exclusive romantic relationship with him. but i only know this in theory to be true. if in reality i can do this than maybe i will stay in his life. i don't know yet though. i will give myself some more time and maybe try to hang out with him again and see. i know i like my life better when he is in it, even if only as a friend.
and i guess i was looking for anything that might reveal a new insight so that i can give myself an excuse to keep holding on.i know what i should do. but i do care about him so much, possibly more than the pain i have being with him and not being in a relationship. i feel that i will try to see him again, and see if i can just be friendly with him. i care about him more than i need to be in an exclusive romantic relationship with him. but i only know this in theory to be true. if in reality i can do this than maybe i will stay in his life. i don't know yet though. i will give myself some more time and maybe try to hang out with him again and see. i know i like my life better when he is in it, even if only as a friend.
Posted by IsabelScorpia
yes ian, i mean he did. i was the one that initiated the break up. i didn't want to break up, but i suppose i did at the same time because the way he talked about these issues between us and the future, i felt his withdrawl, maybe because he just needed time to think about things and maybe it's just because he's never been emotionally expressive (he has HUGE issues expressing his emotions) and maybe i placed emphasis on something that wasn't really happening but he didn't want to talk about any of it after he made those statements. he even regretted mentioning it because it disrupted our relationship (very libra, huh?). which is wrong, because those things are important. he didn't want to break up, but i felt that he knew those issues were important but he didn't want to talk about it and i couldn't let things go on if he wasn't going to even talk about it, let alone make an effort to overcome those things or decide with me that we would work on things. i wanted him to tell me certain things to assure me, and he was being very passive, so i pushed the breakup.
Logic and common sense has no place in Love or relationships..
"wanted him to tell me certain things to assure me, and he was being very passive, so i pushed the breakup"
I think, he wanted or expected you to assure him, re-assure him that those fears are just that fears.. And dont ever let you fear come in the way of something... but since you pushed for the break up.. being a libra he will just follow you.. They say libras mirror themselves in your reflection, so maybe if you showed him you werent afraid of those differences and the logic side where you are not compatible, he would feel the same way..
Good luck, I know libras are hard to understand, but dayum they are worth it.. (most of them
)Still think you two could make it work or wanna give it a chance.. next time he contacts you, be assertive, and act as if you know you guys are meant to get together and tell him straight out.. I think its time when got together again and make it work this time..
See what his reaction is..
1. if he is silent then move on.. and let him go once and for all-- it could be that maybe he was just waiting this from you
2. if he goes along with it, then this is what he had been waiting for.. for you to make the choice and then he would too.
Good luck, you cant loose anything with trying, at least if it doesnt work you'll know that you really tried and wont wonder what could've been in the future..
See what his reaction is..
1. if he is silent then move on.. and let him go once and for all-- it could be that maybe he was just waiting this from you
2. if he goes along with it, then this is what he had been waiting for.. for you to make the choice and then he would too.
Good luck, you cant loose anything with trying, at least if it doesnt work you'll know that you really tried and wont wonder what could've been in the future..
thanks guys, and i think you are right amly.
i posted this many months ago and since then he has tried to keep things going with me and i kept things up as well, but i have stopped it all since in the meantime i have been thinking it all over and know that we are not right for each other and to be fair to him and myself, we need different things out of relationships.
i told him that we should be just friends, and he agreed to it but he still tries to have me come over and stay over for nights. I am not interested in being friends with benefits with him, since i want to move on completely and knowing myself i will not be able to move on if i am still seeing him this way. so i have made it clear to him that i am only interested in being just friends, and not friends with benefits. but he still calls me to see him and stay over. it kind of bothers me that he does that but i just ignore it and maybe he will get the point.
i posted this many months ago and since then he has tried to keep things going with me and i kept things up as well, but i have stopped it all since in the meantime i have been thinking it all over and know that we are not right for each other and to be fair to him and myself, we need different things out of relationships.
i told him that we should be just friends, and he agreed to it but he still tries to have me come over and stay over for nights. I am not interested in being friends with benefits with him, since i want to move on completely and knowing myself i will not be able to move on if i am still seeing him this way. so i have made it clear to him that i am only interested in being just friends, and not friends with benefits. but he still calls me to see him and stay over. it kind of bothers me that he does that but i just ignore it and maybe he will get the point.
Well one, honey you're putting too much power into his hands. It's unfair of you to give him the job of figuring out what's best for you. Only YOU know that. And yes, it sounds like he IS being indecisive. But you can't necessarily be upset, b/c you're giving him all the power & control over what happens b/w the two of you at a time when his mind is going back and forth. So you shouldn't be suprised that your situation with him is literally going back & forth like this thoughts. If this Libra was very exclusive with JUST you then him not letting you go could be b/c he does not yet have a plan B or another woman he can fall back on just in case things don't work out. He's literally done the "Libra thing" by examining all options & possibilities, the good & the bad. BUT, he's already told you that he doesn't think you two will work out in the future & it's fair to say that he has a legitimate concern here. Sometimes 2 people can have tons of fun, really like eachother but YET not be good for eachother. The fact that he fully examined all the negatives about you that he KNOWS deep down he won't be able to deal with if you 2 decide to turn this into a commitment, means that he's atleast considering you. The problem is, this Libra might go back & forth with you forever OR atleast until he finds someone else. And the mistake you're making is that you're telling him that he has all the power & control, thus you're getting exactly what he asked for. Don't commit just for the sake of commiting. You two can't ignore or bury the issues you two have with eachother & you shouldn't just for the sake of being in a relationship b/c we all know that suppressed emotions & problems ALWAYS come to the surface. Let's say, he DOES decide to shrug everything off & make a commitment with you. Well, he's always going to be true to who he is, regardless of how much he loves or cares about you or another person. What bothers him now will bother him later, thus you two will just end up miserable together vs. miserable w/o one another. You might have to chalk this one up. Relationships don't thrive off of just like/love alone. It may be frustrating but you have to love yourself enough to know what you deserve. A title with him aint worth a crap if you 2 will just have to face these issues later on down the line & once you two REALLY love eachother. It'll be harder to get out & move on if you let this thing linger. Take some control back & YOU make the decision of whose right for you!
The problem is..all of this time that you guys are sitting idle & going back & forth just allows for more negative things he dislikes about you to come to the surface. Idle hands are the devil's playground. The more & longer it takes you two to make a decision on what you two will officially be (rather it's friends or in a relationship), the more time allowed for more negativity & destruction to become of the friendship/relationship. I can understand where he's coming from. Hell, he's a Libra. He desires a companion & has a hard time straying from something that feels so good. BUT, when he's facing a battle b/w his heart & his head, he'll inevitably end up going along with his heart (which is saying that you are NOT right for him). It may take him a while BUT he will eventually make the decision that has his best interest in mind. And hey, can you blaim him? Like you said, it wouldn't make sense for him to focus all of his energies on someone he already knows deep down he won't end up with; after all, he's reaching that age where he's ready to settle down & ready to stop playing all the dating games. Sounds like this guy is starting to emotionally detach from you & the sucky thing about Libras is that, the people dating them usually don't have their answer until the day their Libra literally gets up, walks out the door & never turns back. And what usually happens? The person that put the power in their hands is left feeling used, lead on, confused & starts to resent their Libra & themselves. He's not answering any of your questions 1. B/c he already knows the answers BUT just isn't sure you can handle it (and he might be doing this b/c he cares alot for you & wants to protect your feelings) or 2. He literally does NOT know the answers & thus decided to be fair & not open his mouth until what will come out will be sincere & official. The ball is in your court. If you keep depending on him to take the control, you'll be waiting for a longgggggg time! Take some control back. Demand answers! Change the tone of what you're saying & make it known that you're not someone whose going to wait forever or continue to chase after someone who doesn't know or won't chase after your true worth. Leave him alone. Take some responsibility for why you 2 are where you are. When he's ready, he'll come back. But stop appearing so desperate & dependent on him. Pay attention to what he's NOT saying, moreso than what he's saying. He'll respect you more. Libras don't like pressure
thanks for the comments, what you guys said was very true, and i have realized all this (sometimes it takes longer for your rationality to overpower your emotional ties and help you break free) i'm not sure if you guys read my last message, but i did take back control, a few months ago. this is kind of an older post and i tried to update in the last message on here: i finally told him that i am moving on and would like to remain friends with him but truly just friends, no more in between. i'm deciding for myself that this is not right, we're not right, and i want to move forward. and i'm not waiting for him to decide, as i have to do what's best for me. i thought the same as what you said: he probably would have contemplated the pros and cons and kept things going for as long until he knew for sure, or found someone else.
so no i haven't seen him in over two months now, and although he keeps calling to see me and basically has not respected the just friends rule, i have not let him have his way, i have stayed true to what i decided, and as i said, i have tried to keep things friendly by catching up with him over the phone every now and then when he calls, and i would be willing to see him if he made a legitimite attempt to have me over as a friend, but he has only been asking me over with more intimate/romantic/sexual interests. i have not gone to see him. I am actually doing really well moving forward and spending time with other people.
so no i haven't seen him in over two months now, and although he keeps calling to see me and basically has not respected the just friends rule, i have not let him have his way, i have stayed true to what i decided, and as i said, i have tried to keep things friendly by catching up with him over the phone every now and then when he calls, and i would be willing to see him if he made a legitimite attempt to have me over as a friend, but he has only been asking me over with more intimate/romantic/sexual interests. i have not gone to see him.
I am actually doing really well moving forward and spending time with other people. Related Topics
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