Isn't this Cancer selfish??

This topic was created in the Relationships & Astrology forum by TxOgal on Friday, April 2, 2021 and has 23 replies.
I am at loss of what to do with my Cancerian cousin/best friend/sister.. We are very close, but she has this habit of disappearing on me when she finds a love interest (same thing that my other Cancerian best friend does!)


So we were supposed to meet up last weekend when she came back to her home country (after 2 whole years) but we postponed it to this weekend (supposed to be today or tomorrow) bec. she was feeling bit sick from allergy. Over the past week, we went from talking almost daily, even if it is only checking up on eachother briefly to total silence with only like 2 texts of (I was with my parents doing so n so, I will call u after a while) and then Silence. She only called me today so early in the morning and it's the weekend she knows I'd be asleep.


So, why is she so busy? her bf is coming over to propose the coming week. She was telling me how she's very worried about telling her parents cause he's of a different culture..etc. She disappeared on me when she first started meeting him and I felt that there's a new love interest, but she told me only some months later?? I was patient, but honestly I felt used. bec. she used to call me alot and specially when she was feeling depressed, getting over a break up or just sad and anxious cause of her studies. I was the shoulder to cry on until she found a new interest! ok we are like sisters but I cant help feeling used. I don't even feel like meeting up anymore. Missing her turned into "I just don't care anymore".


I don't understand how could someone be so close to you and suddenly too distant cause of a guy?


It isn't the first time, but it is getting worse everytime.


How do I tell her to cut the crap nicely? Cancers are sensitive but obviously only to their own emotions.


Her placements: Cancer Sun, Leo Moon & Mercury, Gemini Venus, Cancer Mars
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I thought you wrote asking if cancer was a shellfish...


people will disappear on you when it comes to their love interests. hard to tell if she's being selfish, other things would have to factor in, but you know she will at least choose this over you. I know she is family but I would do something else in the meantime or find another friend to hang with.



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Posted by rabidtalker

I thought you wrote asking if cancer was a shellfish...


people will disappear on you when it comes to their love interests. hard to tell if she's being selfish, other things would have to factor in, but you know she will at least choose this over you. I know she is family but I would do something else in the meantime or find another friend to hang with.


It's funny that only my cancer friends who do that. And it is not about hanging out with a friend. I dont really meet up with many cause of covid but she just came back after 2 years, so this is why I was meeting up. I am already busy with so much work and other things in my life, I am just disappointed that after giving her so much of my time listen to her whining she neglects me in an instant cause of a guy. I'm not sure if you see my point here


by the way she has met up with her friends once she came back the first 2 days, they dont care about quarantine. So she can make time if she wants
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You sound like a possessive friend.

True friends can go weeks months and years without seeing each other but when they get together it’s like only yesterday when they saw each other. Maybe you need other interests.
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Posted by sweethearts

You sound like a possessive friend.

True friends can go weeks months and years without seeing each other but when they get together it’s like only yesterday when they saw each other. Maybe you need other interests.


This is like a sister to me, we used to stay at eachother's places, she was the one who'd call me daily to cry or talk. I am not really into meeting up so much or talking that much. I was only there for her. It is just normal that after her being away for 2 whole years, that we'd meet up when she comes back.


My friends who are not even close to me, call me to meet up once they get back to our country (meeting with one tomorrow). So this is normal and humane, this is called relationships/friendships not posessiveness
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As others have said she is involved with her man and dick takes precedence over you. Sorry but that's just the way it is. She's trying to cultivate a relationship and doesn't have the time to see you right now. If you are bothered by the fact that you were there for her emotionally when she needed you, don't do it again. Just move on. Do you have a boyfriend to hang out with?
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Posted by DonnaLibra

As others have said she is involved with her man and dick takes precedence over you. Sorry but that's just the way it is. She's trying to cultivate a relationship and doesn't have the time to see you right now. If you are bothered by the fact that you were there for her emotionally when she needed you, don't do it again. Just move on. Do you have a boyfriend to hang out with?


Again.. it's not about hanging out 🤦🏻‍♀️ nevermind.
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I know but that is how women are when they are really into a guy. I've had friends disappear too when they get with a guy. I just hang out with other friends until/if they come back around.
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Posted by Sailor_Mars

I wouldn't call you possessive. Based on the aspects you wrote, I am pretty sure that she is a self-absorbed person, and that she is not avoiding you, just living our her priorities. This is how most people function I think. Following their inner drive, not thinking how it affects others. From my experience, Water signs are usually very emotional about themselves. The best You can do is to continue with Your life and stop contacting her. Take time to process how You feel and simply see with Yourself if You are willing to let her back into Your life if she initiates contact in the future. This is what I am practicing...to not get involved into thinking about what I did wrong and what is wrong with that person. I started listening and asking myself how I feel and process things.
Yes, it is bothering me how I feel about all this. Probably, I do need to chill and not bother myself
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Are you upset that she's not calling you anymore or not depending on you anymore and has replaced confiding in you, to confiding to her fiancé?

You said you are like sisters, which is family, so how do you feel used? Is it that now you are feeling unused and pushed to the side or replaced?

She is expecting an engagement to happen, and I would assume there is some ort of planning that needs to be taken care of in order for it to happen. Why don't you reach out and offer your services for that? See if she needs any help with arranging anything and spend time with her? Be there for her in a different way, instead of waiting for her to come to you with a problem that she isn't having at the moment.

People have lives, and she's just busy atm, even though you two haven't seen each other in a while, she is still your family and hasn't gone anywhere. She is just consumed with her own world right now. It doesn't seem selfish that she doesn't have time for you because she is planning a major part of her life right now.

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Posted by saggurl88

Are you upset that she's not calling you anymore or not depending on you anymore and has replaced confiding in you, to confiding to her fiancé?

You said you are like sisters, which is family, so how do you feel used? Is it that now you are feeling unused and pushed to the side or replaced?

She is expecting an engagement to happen, and I would assume there is some ort of planning that needs to be taken care of in order for it to happen. Why don't you reach out and offer your services for that? See if she needs any help with arranging anything and spend time with her? Be there for her in a different way, instead of waiting for her to come to you with a problem that she isn't having at the moment.

People have lives, and she's just busy atm, even though you two haven't seen each other in a while, she is still your family and hasn't gone anywhere. She is just consumed with her own world right now. It doesn't seem selfish that she doesn't have time for you because she is planning a major part of her life right now.


Well what bothers me is that she said we will meet up to prepare for this before she even tells her parents and she did need my help and then disappeared.

What bothers me is she keeps saying she will call me and she doesn't.. and it makes me feel forgotten? I did call her once or twice and she didnt pick up. So she knows I'm there for her still. I'd rather prefer if she hasn't said that she will call everytime she texts me. I'd prefer she just saying that she is ok and that's it. But not make me get worried like this. Her family isn't easy and it is a big deal to tell them about this issue, so that got me worried. Feeling neglected while I am actually worrying about her got me feeling "used". I am human after all.


We were both in similar situations before, and we always talked about it and planned it together. This time, she is acting strange.
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Posted by TxOgal
Posted by saggurl88

Are you upset that she's not calling you anymore or not depending on you anymore and has replaced confiding in you, to confiding to her fiancé?

You said you are like sisters, which is family, so how do you feel used? Is it that now you are feeling unused and pushed to the side or replaced?

She is expecting an engagement to happen, and I would assume there is some ort of planning that needs to be taken care of in order for it to happen. Why don't you reach out and offer your services for that? See if she needs any help with arranging anything and spend time with her? Be there for her in a different way, instead of waiting for her to come to you with a problem that she isn't having at the moment.

People have lives, and she's just busy atm, even though you two haven't seen each other in a while, she is still your family and hasn't gone anywhere. She is just consumed with her own world right now. It doesn't seem selfish that she doesn't have time for you because she is planning a major part of her life right now.


Well what bothers me is that she said we will meet up to prepare for this before she even tells her parents and she did need my help and then disappeared.

What bothers me is she keeps saying she will call me and she doesn't.. and it makes me feel forgotten? I did call her once or twice and she didnt pick up. So she knows I'm there for her still. I'd rather prefer if she hasn't said that she will call everytime she texts me. I'd prefer she just saying that she is ok and that's it. But not make me get worried like this. Her family isn't easy and it is a big deal to tell them about this issue, so that got me worried. Feeling neglected while I am actually worrying about her got me feeling "used". I am human after all.


We were both in similar situations before, and we always talked about it and planned it together. This time, she is acting strange.
click to expand


Maybe this is what you should be saying to her. Not that you think she is being selfish, but that she keeps saying one thing and not keeping her word. That you were looking forward to hanging out with her, made time for her in your schedule and she has disappeared.

Let her know you are busy in your life too, so when she is really able to fit you into her busy schedule, to give you a call and plan something that's concrete.

Let her in on your boundaries and feelings of her wasting your time by passively lying to keep you at bay.- Don't say this part to her, of course, lol Just put the boundary in place.
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Posted by TxOgal
Posted by saggurl88

Are you upset that she's not calling you anymore or not depending on you anymore and has replaced confiding in you, to confiding to her fiancé?

You said you are like sisters, which is family, so how do you feel used? Is it that now you are feeling unused and pushed to the side or replaced?

She is expecting an engagement to happen, and I would assume there is some ort of planning that needs to be taken care of in order for it to happen. Why don't you reach out and offer your services for that? See if she needs any help with arranging anything and spend time with her? Be there for her in a different way, instead of waiting for her to come to you with a problem that she isn't having at the moment.

People have lives, and she's just busy atm, even though you two haven't seen each other in a while, she is still your family and hasn't gone anywhere. She is just consumed with her own world right now. It doesn't seem selfish that she doesn't have time for you because she is planning a major part of her life right now.


Well what bothers me is that she said we will meet up to prepare for this before she even tells her parents and she did need my help and then disappeared.

What bothers me is she keeps saying she will call me and she doesn't.. and it makes me feel forgotten? I did call her once or twice and she didnt pick up. So she knows I'm there for her still. I'd rather prefer if she hasn't said that she will call everytime she texts me. I'd prefer she just saying that she is ok and that's it. But not make me get worried like this. Her family isn't easy and it is a big deal to tell them about this issue, so that got me worried. Feeling neglected while I am actually worrying about her got me feeling "used". I am human after all.


We were both in similar situations before, and we always talked about it and planned it together. This time, she is acting strange.
click to expand

Let me take a crack at this by explaining what is bothering you in my words.

Your friendship has a lot of history to the point she is family to you. You guys have a routine going on. Her disappearing when a love interest pops up is her pattern but you are use to that. However she still makes time to see and talk to you under certain circumstances. Those circumstances are your place in her life. Which I believe you are ok with. But this time it's different.

She made plans with you and broke them and you feel it. You are not just worried about her but your friendship as a whole.

The wedding planning you also consider part of your friendship, your time with her & relationship, and now you are worried about not talking with her and planning her wedding with her like last time. Your place in her life being violated again.


That sound about right to you?
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Posted by Lostthoughts
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by saggurl88

Are you upset that she's not calling you anymore or not depending on you anymore and has replaced confiding in you, to confiding to her fiancé?

You said you are like sisters, which is family, so how do you feel used? Is it that now you are feeling unused and pushed to the side or replaced?

She is expecting an engagement to happen, and I would assume there is some ort of planning that needs to be taken care of in order for it to happen. Why don't you reach out and offer your services for that? See if she needs any help with arranging anything and spend time with her? Be there for her in a different way, instead of waiting for her to come to you with a problem that she isn't having at the moment.

People have lives, and she's just busy atm, even though you two haven't seen each other in a while, she is still your family and hasn't gone anywhere. She is just consumed with her own world right now. It doesn't seem selfish that she doesn't have time for you because she is planning a major part of her life right now.


Well what bothers me is that she said we will meet up to prepare for this before she even tells her parents and she did need my help and then disappeared.

What bothers me is she keeps saying she will call me and she doesn't.. and it makes me feel forgotten? I did call her once or twice and she didnt pick up. So she knows I'm there for her still. I'd rather prefer if she hasn't said that she will call everytime she texts me. I'd prefer she just saying that she is ok and that's it. But not make me get worried like this. Her family isn't easy and it is a big deal to tell them about this issue, so that got me worried. Feeling neglected while I am actually worrying about her got me feeling "used". I am human after all.


We were both in similar situations before, and we always talked about it and planned it together. This time, she is acting strange.

Let me take a crack at this by explaining what is bothering you in my words.

Your friendship has a lot of history to the point she is family to you. You guys have a routine going on. Her disappearing when a love interest pops up is her pattern but you are use to that. However she still makes time to see and talk to you under certain circumstances. Those circumstances are your place in her life. Which I believe you are ok with. But this time it's different.

She made plans with you and broke them and you feel it. You are not just worried about her but your friendship as a whole.

The wedding planning you also consider part of your friendship, your time with her & relationship, and now you are worried about not talking with her and planning her wedding with her like last time. Your place in her life being violated again.


That sound about right to you?
click to expand
How you explained our friendship is right, but this is not bothering me that she is planning a wedding (if we even reach that far) I am bothered by the fake promises even if as little as "I will call you and then doesn't" .. The way I see myself and value myself doesn't allow me to stand this sort of carelessness towards me. She is taking me for granted and I do not accept it. And I want to let her know this. Not to treat me this way. I do respect myself and I respect others' space so when I make a promise I keep it.


well @saggurl88 put it right about boundaries and I will actually do that when I talk to her and set these boundaries.
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Posted by sweethearts

You sound like a possessive friend.

True friends can go weeks months and years without seeing each other but when they get together it’s like only yesterday when they saw each other. Maybe you need other interests.
Mostly this.


But if you genuinely feel that she only calls you when things aren’t going right, and you’ve somehow become her dumping ground then you should address it directly.
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Posted by TxOgal
Posted by Lostthoughts
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by saggurl88

Are you upset that she's not calling you anymore or not depending on you anymore and has replaced confiding in you, to confiding to her fiancé?

You said you are like sisters, which is family, so how do you feel used? Is it that now you are feeling unused and pushed to the side or replaced?

She is expecting an engagement to happen, and I would assume there is some ort of planning that needs to be taken care of in order for it to happen. Why don't you reach out and offer your services for that? See if she needs any help with arranging anything and spend time with her? Be there for her in a different way, instead of waiting for her to come to you with a problem that she isn't having at the moment.

People have lives, and she's just busy atm, even though you two haven't seen each other in a while, she is still your family and hasn't gone anywhere. She is just consumed with her own world right now. It doesn't seem selfish that she doesn't have time for you because she is planning a major part of her life right now.


Well what bothers me is that she said we will meet up to prepare for this before she even tells her parents and she did need my help and then disappeared.

What bothers me is she keeps saying she will call me and she doesn't.. and it makes me feel forgotten? I did call her once or twice and she didnt pick up. So she knows I'm there for her still. I'd rather prefer if she hasn't said that she will call everytime she texts me. I'd prefer she just saying that she is ok and that's it. But not make me get worried like this. Her family isn't easy and it is a big deal to tell them about this issue, so that got me worried. Feeling neglected while I am actually worrying about her got me feeling "used". I am human after all.


We were both in similar situations before, and we always talked about it and planned it together. This time, she is acting strange.

Let me take a crack at this by explaining what is bothering you in my words.

Your friendship has a lot of history to the point she is family to you. You guys have a routine going on. Her disappearing when a love interest pops up is her pattern but you are use to that. However she still makes time to see and talk to you under certain circumstances. Those circumstances are your place in her life. Which I believe you are ok with. But this time it's different.

She made plans with you and broke them and you feel it. You are not just worried about her but your friendship as a whole.

The wedding planning you also consider part of your friendship, your time with her & relationship, and now you are worried about not talking with her and planning her wedding with her like last time. Your place in her life being violated again.


That sound about right to you?


How you explained our friendship is right, but this is not bothering me that she is planning a wedding (if we even reach that far) I am bothered by the fake promises even if as little as "I will call you and then doesn't" .. The way I see myself and value myself doesn't allow me to stand this sort of carelessness towards me. She is taking me for granted and I do not accept it. And I want to let her know this. Not to treat me this way. I do respect myself and I respect others' space so when I make a promise I keep it.


well @saggurl88 put it right about boundaries and I will actually do that when I talk to her and set these boundaries.
click to expand

I've recently had a similar situation come up with a cancer woman.

She completely ghosted. Didn't even bother to take the time to cancel or return my messages for similar reasons. Empty & broken promises as well as not keeping your word has always been a big deal to me and just as much from those that matter to me. Didn't even bother to cancel or return my messages for 3 days now. That is straight salt in the wound for me and it hurt proportionately to the strength of my feelings and love for her.

Wanna trade?😁
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Posted by Lostthoughts
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by Lostthoughts
Posted by TxOgal
Posted by saggurl88

Are you upset that she's not calling you anymore or not depending on you anymore and has replaced confiding in you, to confiding to her fiancé?

You said you are like sisters, which is family, so how do you feel used? Is it that now you are feeling unused and pushed to the side or replaced?

She is expecting an engagement to happen, and I would assume there is some ort of planning that needs to be taken care of in order for it to happen. Why don't you reach out and offer your services for that? See if she needs any help with arranging anything and spend time with her? Be there for her in a different way, instead of waiting for her to come to you with a problem that she isn't having at the moment.

People have lives, and she's just busy atm, even though you two haven't seen each other in a while, she is still your family and hasn't gone anywhere. She is just consumed with her own world right now. It doesn't seem selfish that she doesn't have time for you because she is planning a major part of her life right now.


Well what bothers me is that she said we will meet up to prepare for this before she even tells her parents and she did need my help and then disappeared.

What bothers me is she keeps saying she will call me and she doesn't.. and it makes me feel forgotten? I did call her once or twice and she didnt pick up. So she knows I'm there for her still. I'd rather prefer if she hasn't said that she will call everytime she texts me. I'd prefer she just saying that she is ok and that's it. But not make me get worried like this. Her family isn't easy and it is a big deal to tell them about this issue, so that got me worried. Feeling neglected while I am actually worrying about her got me feeling "used". I am human after all.


We were both in similar situations before, and we always talked about it and planned it together. This time, she is acting strange.

Let me take a crack at this by explaining what is bothering you in my words.

Your friendship has a lot of history to the point she is family to you. You guys have a routine going on. Her disappearing when a love interest pops up is her pattern but you are use to that. However she still makes time to see and talk to you under certain circumstances. Those circumstances are your place in her life. Which I believe you are ok with. But this time it's different.

She made plans with you and broke them and you feel it. You are not just worried about her but your friendship as a whole.

The wedding planning you also consider part of your friendship, your time with her & relationship, and now you are worried about not talking with her and planning her wedding with her like last time. Your place in her life being violated again.


That sound about right to you?


How you explained our friendship is right, but this is not bothering me that she is planning a wedding (if we even reach that far) I am bothered by the fake promises even if as little as "I will call you and then doesn't" .. The way I see myself and value myself doesn't allow me to stand this sort of carelessness towards me. She is taking me for granted and I do not accept it. And I want to let her know this. Not to treat me this way. I do respect myself and I respect others' space so when I make a promise I keep it.


well @saggurl88 put it right about boundaries and I will actually do that when I talk to her and set these boundaries.

I've recently had a similar situation come up with a cancer woman.

She completely ghosted. Didn't even bother to take the time to cancel or return my messages for similar reasons. Empty & broken promises as well as not keeping your word has always been a big deal to me and just as much from those that matter to me. Didn't even bother to cancel or return my messages for 3 days now. That is straight salt in the wound for me and it hurt proportionately to the strength of my feelings and love for her.

Wanna trade?😁
click to expand
Looks like they're twins lol


Sorry you felt this way, it sucks
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Posted by sweethearts

You sound like a possessive friend.

True friends can go weeks months and years without seeing each other but when they get together it’s like only yesterday when they saw each other. Maybe you need other interests.
This right here.


If it was emotionally draining for you to be her shoulder to cry on then set better boundaries. And communicate you feel a certain way when her communication is hot and cold. Give her the opportunity to do better towards your friendship.


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You Cancers out there better take notes. Don't take low maintain Taurus people for granted.
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Rule of thumb that applies to everyone:

People prioritize those that matter. There is no ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ about this. This rule is not subject to sign but rather to all humans.


You know where you stand with her. From now on, observe this rule and don’t ever go out of your way for those who do not prioritize you. I’ve been where you are and you feel thrown aside. Mirroring people’s effort is the best way to live without getting your feelings hurt.
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Lol Idk why people are calling you possessive. You sound very normal to me.

Classic case of those girls in high school that dump their friend group for a guy and then when he shits on her, they come running back.


Funny enough I’ve been in a similar situation with a cancer friend. I just laugh when she comes back and have now made her less of a priority. Idk why some women cannot manage/balance both platonic and romantic relationships. Especially if you and her are the bestest of friends. Men come and go.
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Posted by ImperfectStorm

I think I might be this type of friend, I’m a scorp sun with cancer moon and I’m mostly introverted, so a lot of interaction with people drains me. I would just express how you feel, she may not realize she’s doing it but I’m sure if she realizes it’s hurting you she will make more of an effort. Delivery is everything though.. don’t go into attack mode with the dramatic and blaming “you, you, you” comments, instead just tell her how it makes you feel.
I really don't wish to hurt anyone. She is not being her normal self. Like 2 days ago she texts me if im ok and I responded that I'm fine and was busy then now she texts are you ok? are you angry at me? (as if she has no idea that we have not yet met since she came back from 2 years of traveling?! ... as if she did not flake out on me telling me empty plans) I really don't know what to respond with to her "in a text" she is not even trying to call me, and I know she is avoiding me, it's like suddenly our sisterhood bond is insignificant. All I know, is I cannot stand her careless actions now. And by the way, she is not drained from people, she is the type who likes to socialize with her friends and family, likes to get busy. There is no room for me and I do not want it either. She cannot even make a simple call, while when she was traveling, she'd call daily complaining or just "filling a void" it seems.
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Update: So she called me at the weirdest times, one of them was at 2 am, she called my mom cause my phone was off (well I was asleep). She messaged me several times and did not try to call until it was like 1 am the other day (I was about to sleep but picked up)..


She started playing victim that how much it saddens her that I chose not to respond to her texts and where I disappeared to.. said why I'm treating her in a "cruel" way. However, I did not buy her words.. it really did not affect me. I told her "isnt it sad that I didnt see you since you came back?" and told her how I made time for her last weekend and chose not to travel cause we were going to meet up and then I heard nothing from her. After several trials of her to turn the tables and blame me for being not understanding and "cruel" and how I should know my place in her life already, she finally said that it's her fault and that she didnt mean it, getting caught up in her bfs meetings with her father (she seemed crying..sniffing.. I didn't feel it's genuine but who knows..maybe she was emotional about it) We ended the call very formally.. and I really feel weird now, maybe it will take sometime for things to get back to normal..


After we hanged up she sent me a very long text apologizing again, saying she feels that I dont want to talk to her and that she needs me at this time and when I feel like talking to her, to do it. Said how 2 of her friends sensed that she was too stressed out and visited her at home (so she is in touch with her friends but she never responded to my text saying im worried about her lol) ..... anyway


Thanks everyone for your input
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