Lust or Love? Test :-)

This topic was created in the Relationships & Astrology forum by SilentPsycho on Tuesday, April 16, 2013 and has 21 replies.
Hello guys and girls out there!
So today I was thinking about my sweetheart, and many other things while laying down on bed leisurely. While browsing simultaneously I found some pics regarding whether it's lust or it's love that fires your relationship.. there were some questions given in that and something more verbal.. I got bored.
But it sure plucked my interest and I kept thinking on that topic and A new idea come up to my mind, which was, A test to see if it's lust or love, it seems quite simple, and I guess many might have applied it to themselves in past.
Best part of this test is, you can do this all by yourself and there are absolutely no mind games and spooky stuff involved(ahem.. err... yeah.. if you are comfortable with what I am about to write..).
I honestly dont know what you should interprete or think out of the result or how accurate this thing is.. it has come up from my mind and I am writing it off fresh on dxpnet! I am just going to express my views, and you guys are free to do the rest!
Here we go>
1>choose any time, a comfortable place, preferrably night.. I would suggest testing in afternoon too.
2>make sure you have had a light-good meal and you are not starving. Less food affects on thinking.
3>You can see if next day is holiday (Dont know applies to how many)
4>Ok, so all set. Now, think about that person and think.. note how much you are missing that person.. just think and keep yourself a mental note of the degrees of the thoughts you are creating while thinking about that special one.
5>Now, the tricky wierd stuff...
6>If you can, switch the thoughts towards sexual side. Think of the time you spent in bed, some naughty time and like that
7>Now comes the weird part. I dont know how many will find this appropirate thing to do or not, but nonetheless, I am gonna write it..
8>See if you can get yourself "off" while thinking about that... in short, hit an orgasm with mastrubation.
9>IMPORTANT: Dont float into the plasures of orgasm after you finish off.. instead concentrate your thoughts and keep about the same person.. this is important.. dont go floating in to the pleasure for this one time. Just keep thinking.. think of that person having in your arms or other things
details
10>Now comes the conclusion part: After a while, when the wave washes off, you can measure the difference between the intensities of feelings towards that person before orgasm and after orgasm. If the difference is drastic, according to me, its lust driving the realationship.
The thoughts intensity is going to change for sure, question is how much do you really feel it has changed? you can judge yourself.
I am eager to hear comments on this : )
details
WOW, thanks sugaries for opening up the conversation :_) Nice nick name by the way smile
Its great to hear that you just did that last night and here I posted the same thing!
details
If you love someone you actually like talking to them and care about what happens to them, even if they're being a complete asshole.
That's how you know if you love someone.
Your test is just a test of infatuation. You can be infatuated with someone and still be interested in them after sex. Derp.
details
Seriously guys, love is about commitment, trust, security, and being able to tolerate someone's bullshit for the long haul.
It is not about how hot they are, or even obsessively thinking about them.
Infatuation involves an IDEALIZED view of a person. Here's a hint: if you've only known someone for a few months, you don't love them, you are infatuated with them.
Real love is something that lasts YEARS. It's based on things like friendship, and understanding, and caring and overcoming bad things and getting through fights with each other, and seeing the worst of each other and still caring about that person.
You're talking about the difference between lust and infatuation, not the difference between lust and love.
You're young, though, so you don't know yet, I guess.
details
hmmmmmm I am considering that, Marmotini.. hmmm yeah thats why I posted it here... to get it more polished
details
How to Recognize True Love
1
Examine whether you treat the object of your interest as a person or a thing. You care for this person even knowing his or her faults. You are committed to sticking together even through the most difficult circumstances. You can tell this person anything about yourself, even if the truth doesn't flatter you, and you know that your partner will accept you.
2
evaluate how secure you feel. You know that your partner will stand by you no matter what, and you are prepared to commit to your partner for the rest of your life.
3
Think about how long you've been in the relationship. You have known the person for a long time, and you can't imagine life without him or her.
4
Observe how sex affects your feelings. After you have sex with your partner, you feel closer to him or her. For you, affection and post-coital cuddling are just as important as sex, although you love to keep the flame alive.
5
Analyze the way that you're thinking about the other person. Something funny has happened to you at work, and you can't wait to tell your partner. Alternatively, you've had a bad experience, and you want to talk to someone who will understand. If your partner is the first person that you think about when you want to share your innermost thoughts, then you may be in love.
6
Look at how you handle conflict. When you have an argument with your partner, you keep working until you're able to find some common ground. No argument can erase your commitment to one another, and you appreciate your partner speaking the truth even when it's painful.
details
How to Know if You're Infatuated
1
Examine whether you treat the object of your interest as a person or a thing. When you experience infatuation, your mind is consumed by thoughts of the other person. You're thinking not only about the other person but also about how you want to reveal yourself to the other person. You have an idealized vision of what this person is like, and your vision may or may not be accurate.

2
evaluate how secure you feel. Instead of feeling secure, you are thinking more about how to impress the other person. Your focus is on how to get the other person to like you, and you feel nervous because you don't know how the other person feels.

3
Think about how long you've been in the relationship. Your relationship is pretty new, and while you're constantly thinking about the other person, you're not confident that he or she has what it takes to go the distance.
4
Observe how sex affects your feelings. Sex is exciting, but you feel tentative afterward. You worry about whether your partner found you appealing, and you worry about what the next step after sex will be.
5
Analyze the way that you're thinking about the other person. You think constantly about the way that the person smiles, the way he or she says your name or the way that your partner looks at you. You think obsessively about these details, and you try to decide how the person feels about you based on these somewhat trivial qualities.
6
Look at how you handle conflict. The person you like disagrees with you, and you wonder if the relationship is over. You wonder whether you know the person at all or whether your impressions have been wrong all along.

details
Posted by sugaries
Posted by Marmotini
Seriously guys, love is about commitment, trust, security, and being able to tolerate someone's bullshit for the long haul.
It is not about how hot they are, or even obsessively thinking about them.
Infatuation involves an IDEALIZED view of a person. Here's a hint: if you've only known someone for a few months, you don't love them, you are infatuated with them.
Real love is something that lasts YEARS. It's based on things like friendship, and understanding, and caring and overcoming bad things and getting through fights with each other, and seeing the worst of each other and still caring about that person.
You're talking about the difference between lust and infatuation, not the difference between lust and love.
You're young, though, so you don't know yet, I guess.



You can't quantify love. Not by years. Not by the number of obstacles you overcome. Not by anything. Infatuation can turn into love.
click to expand


Infatuation can turn into love, but yes, you can quantify love.
Love is a verb, not a noun, and love takes time to be real love.
Most people are infatuated.
Love does last years. It does not last two months. Or eight months.
Most therapists and priests would agree you shouldn't marry a person you've known less than a year, some people say two years.
Infatuation does turn to love, love usually begins at some point as infatuation, but people who have long term relationships know how to give and receive love, and it's not something based on impulse.
details
Posted by Marmotini
How to Recognize True Love
1
Examine whether you treat the object of your interest as a person or a thing. You care for this person even knowing his or her faults. You are committed to sticking together even through the most difficult circumstances. You can tell this person anything about yourself, even if the truth doesn't flatter you, and you know that your partner will accept you.
2
evaluate how secure you feel. You know that your partner will stand by you no matter what, and you are prepared to commit to your partner for the rest of your life.
3
Think about how long you've been in the relationship. You have known the person for a long time, and you can't imagine life without him or her.
4
Observe how sex affects your feelings. After you have sex with your partner, you feel closer to him or her. For you, affection and post-coital cuddling are just as important as sex, although you love to keep the flame alive.
5
Analyze the way that you're thinking about the other person. Something funny has happened to you at work, and you can't wait to tell your partner. Alternatively, you've had a bad experience, and you want to talk to someone who will understand. If your partner is the first person that you think about when you want to share your innermost thoughts, then you may be in love.
6
Look at how you handle conflict. When you have an argument with your partner, you keep working until you're able to find some common ground. No argument can erase your commitment to one another, and you appreciate your partner speaking the truth even when it's painful.



Awesome!!! thanks a lot for that valuable reply.. it sure has added more weight to this thread and the facts you told are more grounded than what I had said... anyways it was just a random thought of mine and now I see, sharing it has earned benifit. smile
details
Posted by sugaries
Posted by Marmotini
Seriously guys, love is about commitment, trust, security, and being able to tolerate someone's bullshit for the long haul.
It is not about how hot they are, or even obsessively thinking about them.
Infatuation involves an IDEALIZED view of a person. Here's a hint: if you've only known someone for a few months, you don't love them, you are infatuated with them.
Real love is something that lasts YEARS. It's based on things like friendship, and understanding, and caring and overcoming bad things and getting through fights with each other, and seeing the worst of each other and still caring about that person.
You're talking about the difference between lust and infatuation, not the difference between lust and love.
You're young, though, so you don't know yet, I guess.



You can't quantify love. Not by years. Not by the number of obstacles you overcome. Not by anything. Infatuation can turn into love.
click to expand


I second this. I either fall in love very quickly or not at all. It only takes a few weeks to tick all 6 boxes presented by Marmotini under "love", whereas none of those under "infatuation" usually applies to me.
As for "things like friendship, and understanding, and caring and overcoming bad things and getting through fights with each other, and seeing the worst of each other and still caring about that person".
This is not love. It's called marriage or long term relationship. Done both but did not fall in love. The essential ingredient was missing.
details
Posted by Undine
Posted by sugaries
Posted by Marmotini
Seriously guys, love is about commitment, trust, security, and being able to tolerate someone's bullshit for the long haul.
It is not about how hot they are, or even obsessively thinking about them.
Infatuation involves an IDEALIZED view of a person. Here's a hint: if you've only known someone for a few months, you don't love them, you are infatuated with them.
Real love is something that lasts YEARS. It's based on things like friendship, and understanding, and caring and overcoming bad things and getting through fights with each other, and seeing the worst of each other and still caring about that person.
You're talking about the difference between lust and infatuation, not the difference between lust and love.
You're young, though, so you don't know yet, I guess.



You can't quantify love. Not by years. Not by the number of obstacles you overcome. Not by anything. Infatuation can turn into love.


I second this. I either fall in love very quickly or not at all. It only takes a few weeks to tick all 6 boxes presented by Marmotini under "love", whereas none of those under "infatuation" usually applies to me.

This is not love. It's called marriage or long term relationship. Done both but did not fall in love. The essential ingredient was missing.
click to expand


As for "things like friendship, and understanding, and caring and overcoming bad things and getting through fights with each other, and seeing the worst of each other and still caring about that person".
Yes, that^^^ is love. If you're married to someone or in a long term relationship & can go to hell & back but come out stronger in the end, THAT'S LOVE. What else could it be? Money? Security? Sex? That essential ingredient was missing from your relationships because you we're probably in them for all the wrong reasons.
details
Posted by Marmotini

Real love is something that lasts YEARS. It's based on things like friendship, and understanding, and caring and overcoming bad things and getting through fights with each other, and seeing the worst of each other and still caring about that person.




Yup.
details
The sex is very different when you love some one . You feel the passion & careness & happy ness when u have sex with someone that you love . And you exspress it by showing the love to them . And when you have sex with someone that you don't love its not the same ! #FACTSS ??
details
Posted by RealTalk
Posted by Undine
Posted by sugaries
Posted by Marmotini
Seriously guys, love is about commitment, trust, security, and being able to tolerate someone's bullshit for the long haul.
This is not love. It's called marriage or long term relationship. Done both but did not fall in love. The essential ingredient was missing.


As for "things like friendship, and understanding, and caring and overcoming bad things and getting through fights with each other, and seeing the worst of each other and still caring about that person".
Yes, that^^^ is love. If you're married to someone or in a long term relationship & can go to hell & back but come out stronger in the end, THAT'S LOVE. What else could it be? Money? Security? Sex? That essential ingredient was missing from your relationships because you we're probably in them for all the wrong reasons.



Errr.....I was in them for the friendship, understanding, caring and fighting! None of which helped me fall in love, as much as I tried to. I did experienced love before and I knew what I was missing.
click to expand
details
^^^That essential ingredient was missing from your relationships because you we're probably in them for all the wrong reasons. Like I said...
details
Posted by RealTalk
^^^That essential ingredient was missing from your relationships because you we're probably in them for all the wrong reasons. Like I said...


So .... are you suggesting now that "friendship, understanding, caring and overcoming bad things" are the wrong reasons for being in a relationship? Someone even claimed that these may add up to love.
I can certainly exclude money, security and sex as my motivations for being in a relationship, since I've earned well, had a secure job and could get sex whenever I wanted for my entire adult life. I've got everything I need, except for being in love with a man. Completely, passionately and eternally. This is what I expect from myself.
details
Posted by Undine
Posted by sugaries
Posted by Marmotini
Seriously guys, love is about commitment, trust, security, and being able to tolerate someone's bullshit for the long haul.
It is not about how hot they are, or even obsessively thinking about them.
Infatuation involves an IDEALIZED view of a person. Here's a hint: if you've only known someone for a few months, you don't love them, you are infatuated with them.
Real love is something that lasts YEARS. It's based on things like friendship, and understanding, and caring and overcoming bad things and getting through fights with each other, and seeing the worst of each other and still caring about that person.
You're talking about the difference between lust and infatuation, not the difference between lust and love.
You're young, though, so you don't know yet, I guess.



You can't quantify love. Not by years. Not by the number of obstacles you overcome. Not by anything. Infatuation can turn into love.


I second this. I either fall in love very quickly or not at all. It only takes a few weeks to tick all 6 boxes presented by Marmotini under "love", whereas none of those under "infatuation" usually applies to me.
As for "things like friendship, and understanding, and caring and overcoming bad things and getting through fights with each other, and seeing the worst of each other and still caring about that person".
This is not love. It's called marriage or long term relationship. Done both but did not fall in love. The essential ingredient was missing.
click to expand


It's actually a disease in Western culture for people to believe in fairy tales and romantic comedies about infatuation.
Infatuation is an emotionally immature form of love. Of course "falling in love" has a sexual component that often requires limerence, but the reason the divorce rate is so high in the U.S. is because culturally, people have been duped by the mythology of infatuation, which is a selfish and changeable state.
I know a great deal about psychology and sociology, and I actually didn't make up those charts on love and infatuation that I listed here.
I've also been in a six year relationship, so I do know the difference.
I mean if you want to go through your
details
I mean if you want to go through your adult life believing infatuation is love, that's your problem, not mine.
Take care!
details
Posted by Undine
Posted by RealTalk
^^^That essential ingredient was missing from your relationships because you we're probably in them for all the wrong reasons. Like I said...


So .... are you suggesting now that "friendship, understanding, caring and overcoming bad things" are the wrong reasons for being in a relationship? Someone even claimed that these may add up to love.
I can certainly exclude money, security and sex as my motivations for being in a relationship, since I've earned well, had a secure job and could get sex whenever I wanted for my entire adult life. I've got everything I need, except for being in love with a man. Completely, passionately and eternally. This is what I expect from myself.
click to expand


I'm not suggesting shit. You're producing thought bubbles in your head, but you're a Pisces...I'd expect that from you.
details
For SilentPsycho smile

You don??t need to test yourself: when it is true love, you??ll know it. I would recommend resisting the temptation to test someone else??s feelings too. If she fails your test, what do you do? Dump her? Improve your skills? Get advice? Wait?
When researchers analyzed love, a sort of pattern emerged. Take this with a pinch of salt, because the ability to fall in love and enjoy love differs widely between individuals. You??ve got to get out there and find out what you??re made of.
Be warned though: if you find out you are able to fall in love passionately and hold this feeling for a very long time, it will become very difficult to settle down for anything less.
I??ve seen a BBC programme in which long-term couples were asked this question: ???Are you each other??s best friend??? Most of them said something on the line ???Yeah, but??_" And the nagging started. One woman looked flirtatious at her husband and said: ???Best friend?? No way! We are not even friends!?? I liked her attitude. The chemistry shared by this couple was the most obvious too.
details
Home Astrology Comments Forums Search

©1997-2025 dxpnet.com. All Rights Reserved.
Advertising Contact Terms of Use Privacy Policy