Please help me figure this out. :'(

This topic was created in the Relationships & Astrology forum by confusedarian on Friday, February 21, 2014 and has 19 replies.
Aquarius men are notorious for their lack of commitment. I live 12 blocks from an aquarius man I dated for 8 months and I couldn't even get him to make weekend plans with me (He is 50, never married and no kids) Always leaving his options open till late on a Friday or Saturday night in case a better date came up. You are an option, as was I. I've Iced mine and I would suggest you do your version of the same.
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I would love to be able to give you some answers that would appeal to you. Unfortunately you are caught in a situation that you will fight for, cry for, and feel like shit for .... for as long as it takes for you to decide that you can't take a single thing more. When you get to that point and you feel like nothing you will have to pick yourself up and put yourself back together. It is an empowering experience and I would not take it from you.
As far as the 'Assclown' goes? He is a boring rendition of a man from my perspective.
I really do not mean to sound harsh to you. I am blunt because I have lived this and talking in fluff won't help you at all.
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Posted by FixedWater
I would love to be able to give you some answers that would appeal to you. Unfortunately you are caught in a situation that you will fight for, cry for, and feel like shit for .... for as long as it takes for you to decide that you can't take a single thing more. When you get to that point and you feel like nothing you will have to pick yourself up and put yourself back together. It is an empowering experience and I would not take it from you.
As far as the 'Assclown' goes? He is a boring rendition of a man from my perspective.
I really do not mean to sound harsh to you. I am blunt because I have lived this and talking in fluff won't help you at all.


Thank you so much for your time. ANd for caring enough to write back. This means a lot to me. smile I'm trying to frame my plan of action. I don't believe in dragging things for long. I just don't want to make the wrong decisions. I have been disappointed in him more times than one but I didn't want to let that get in the way.
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Your Welcome, and deciding to find your own Happy is a great start. Don't worry about him, there are plenty more where he comes from if you should decide you like to be treated that way and want another. (Not! Lol)Just consider how this experience made you feel and remember it. It is a great life lesson to help pick out the next -yawn- boring ass that comes your way. smile
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Posted by starlover
Aquarian men are the polygamists of the zodiac...uranus is quirky and kinky..if you are into experimental sex and the possibility of unconventional r.ships go for it.
He is 50 and never married? Isnt that quite telling?


I know! I was an idiot and should have seen that one coming a MILE away but he would not quit pursuing damnit! Just for fun one day I did a search of Aquarius men on the dating site I was on just to see how many had been married and/or had kids. The results were all I needed to see to never, ever talk to an Aqua again. It's ridiculous because they are so fascinated with a Scorp's depth yet for love nor money cannot bring themselves to commit.
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Posted by FixedWater
Posted by starlover
Aquarian men are the polygamists of the zodiac...uranus is quirky and kinky..if you are into experimental sex and the possibility of unconventional r.ships go for it.
He is 50 and never married? Isnt that quite telling?


I know! I was an idiot and should have seen that one coming a MILE away but he would not quit pursuing damnit! Just for fun one day I did a search of Aquarius men on the dating site I was on just to see how many had been married and/or had kids. The results were all I needed to see to never, ever talk to an Aqua again. It's ridiculous because they are so fascinated with a Scorp's depth yet for love nor money cannot bring themselves to commit.
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***** commit as in "What! You want to plan a Saturday Night on a Thursday? Are you a Lunatic?" Lmao!
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My Aries mom met an Aqua man online and they dated for several months. He had never had children, btw. He was 70- SEVENTY!- and wasn't sure he could commit to just one woman. When he told her he also had feelings for an old friend of his, she cut him loose immediately.
They still have conversations online, and she considers him a friend of sorts, but her Aries pride will NEVER allow her to let him back in in any other capacity. She is now happily dating another man who isn't confused (or pretending to be confused) about what he wants...he wants HER and no other. I think you should take a cue from her and not put yourself through this emotional turmoil.
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Posted by confusedarian
We wanted to be together except we live on separate continents.we were making plans.And then suddenly he blocked me out.
After a few months he again re surfaced and told me how he thought he had nothing to offer me He had started talking with someone else and dated her too( he later admitted it).
After a few months again he's back. Tells me he's dated a few women but every time he's with one of them he thinks of me of us together. I still have feelings for him. So I thought I'd give this one last shot.
However he was again looking to date( on a dating site ) and I reacted.He said he was only looking for friends on there. .


It's simple, he's on his continent enjoying his life and moving on after he told you he has nothing to offer you. (you didn't listen)
You are on your continent miserable.
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Posted by confusedarian
Yes as an aries woman I expect my man to be exclusive to me because I would do that too. Except initially this aquarius man said he has found the woman he's been looking for ( meaning me). And he was ACTUALLY not letting me breathe alone for a few months there.


Maybe ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^THAT was what had you to deaf ears when AFTER he said he has nothing to offer you and began dating other people, that you just don't want to grasp.
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Posted by confusedarian
Resolution to me would be to KNOW where I stand. What does "good friend" and "MAYBE if we someday meet this could lead to somewhere because I do have feelings for you" mean?


It means he's enjoying his life right now and seeing other people, because at this time he has NOTHING to offer you. MOVE ON!
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Come on. Be realistic. You're putting WAY too much thought and energy into someone you've never met who lives on another continent. If you haven't met them in real life, they really don't exist as far as a boyfriend or an exclusive relationship. That's just dumb to put all the relationship restrictions on an on-line relationship when you haven't even had face to face, in person communication.
Okay. So what if you do meet? What if you felt nothing when he kissed you. Why waste all this mental energy and time and emotions on someone you might not even have chemistry with?
It's not love until you have a real life relationship with someone. Oh, you think it can be love because yall jive so well on line, but it's not. It is a fantasy you've built up in your head.
He is dating local women and he should be. He is being realistic. There is nothing wrong with on-line friendships where it is somewhat safe to share you personal stories and thoughts with. People are more comfortable sharing things with someone far away, because that person is not in their day to day life and the chances of that personal information being thrown publically in their face is not likely to happen.
You're doing yourself a disservice by getting all hyped up with someone you don't even know in real life. Get out and meet some local folks. Go on a date. Find someone to love who you can actually spend time with.
He's basically told you this is going no where. So keep the friendship, but find someone in your proximity. Stop cheating yourself and making yourself crazy about someone you don't even know in person.
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Posted by LetltB
Posted by confusedarian
Resolution to me would be to KNOW where I stand. What does "good friend" and "MAYBE if we someday meet this could lead to somewhere because I do have feelings for you" mean?


It means he's enjoying his life right now and seeing other people, because at this time he has NOTHING to offer you. MOVE ON!
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+1
He told you where you stand.
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Posted by LetltB
Posted by confusedarian
Resolution to me would be to KNOW where I stand. What does "good friend" and "MAYBE if we someday meet this could lead to somewhere because I do have feelings for you" mean?


It means he's enjoying his life right now and seeing other people, because at this time he has NOTHING to offer you. MOVE ON!
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smile I'm not miserable and he's not dating anyone right now. Only looking to. I had already decided to move away from the situation and talking about it on here is helping me do it. I already feel better. You needn't be harsh about it. But thank you for your time and opinion anyway. smile
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Posted by confusedarian
Posted by LetltB
Posted by confusedarian
Resolution to me would be to KNOW where I stand. What does "good friend" and "MAYBE if we someday meet this could lead to somewhere because I do have feelings for you" mean?


It means he's enjoying his life right now and seeing other people, because at this time he has NOTHING to offer you. MOVE ON!


smile I'm not miserable and he's not dating anyone right now. Only looking to. I had already decided to move away from the situation and talking about it on here is helping me do it. I already feel better. You needn't be harsh about it. But thank you for your time and opinion anyway. smile
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That's not harsh. It's just honest. You don't want people to lie to you, do you?
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Posted by confusedarian
smile I'm not miserable and he's not dating anyone right now. Only looking to. I had already decided to move away from the situation and talking about it on here is helping me do it. I already feel better. You needn't be harsh about it. But thank you for your time and opinion anyway. smile



Why is it today when someone is being logical and truthful it's defined as "harsh"?
I spoke the truth based off of what you shared with us - the CORE of what you were choosing not to see.
Look around, I can be harsh and pretty direct especially to the bullshitters here. I was far from that here. I'm going to assume that since you took it as harsh it was (like your friend) something you didn't want to hear. I won't apologize for that.
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Posted by LetltB
Posted by confusedarian
smile I'm not miserable and he's not dating anyone right now. Only looking to. I had already decided to move away from the situation and talking about it on here is helping me do it. I already feel better. You needn't be harsh about it. But thank you for your time and opinion anyway. smile



Why is it today when someone is being logical and truthful it's defined as "harsh"?
I spoke the truth based off of what you shared with us - the CORE of what you were choosing not to see.
Look around, I can be harsh and pretty direct especially to the bullshitters here. I was far from that here. I'm going to assume that since you took it as harsh it was (like your friend) something you didn't want to hear. I won't apologize for that.
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Thank you. I'm sorry you're right. I should never have taken this seriously. He had booked the tickets and was coming over to see me in 3 weeks. ( Sent pictures of his tickets too.) Maybe I got too attached to the plans. So it was like...hmm kind of like a slap to have him cancel at the last moment. *shrug* I didn't know what to do. Thats all.
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Posted by confusedarian
Posted by LetltB
Posted by confusedarian
smile I'm not miserable and he's not dating anyone right now. Only looking to. I had already decided to move away from the situation and talking about it on here is helping me do it. I already feel better. You needn't be harsh about it. But thank you for your time and opinion anyway. smile



Why is it today when someone is being logical and truthful it's defined as "harsh"?
I spoke the truth based off of what you shared with us - the CORE of what you were choosing not to see.
Look around, I can be harsh and pretty direct especially to the bullshitters here. I was far from that here. I'm going to assume that since you took it as harsh it was (like your friend) something you didn't want to hear. I won't apologize for that.


Thank you. I'm sorry you're right. I should never have taken this seriously. He had booked the tickets and was coming over to see me in 3 weeks. ( Sent pictures of his tickets too.) Maybe I got too attached to the plans. So it was like...hmm kind of like a slap to have him cancel at the last moment. *shrug* I didn't know what to do. Thats all.
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And talking about it is REALLY helping me. smile
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I totally missed the detail that you had not even met with him yet. My apologies, it was early. I have a little more advice for you and then I'm out ...
I think you are probably just one of us many mixed up Women (myself included) with little real life experience or knowledge of what a Real Man looks like, or a Loving Relationship.
Some of the things that helped me and remember to take each with a grain of salt as this is Your Journey, and Not Mine:
The Site called 'Baggagereclaim' There is so much advice there but remember each article is written from the perspective of one Woman with no real education to back what she says. I have to say that it has helped me immensely anyway, even if it was hard for me to read.
Start listening to your Gut Instincts and know what your Boundaries Are. Who Are You? What do you Want from a Relationship. Make those boundaries and do not let anyone cross them. This gets better with practice, as do all things.
Find things that help you feel "Empowered" and "Strong" like a song (Roar by Katy Perry does it for me everytime) and use them when you feel that confusion settling in.
Last but not least.... Make a List of Everything that is Awesome About You. Read it every morning for at least a month straight. Read it throughout the day as well. In fact Read it as much as you need to read it so you can retrain your autopilot thinking. Sentences that start with "I Am" are perfect.
I hope this helps you to see you are a beautiful person that deserves the best Love.
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Thank you smile I will check this right away. I know you didn't have to reply or give your time to this. But I really appreciate it. smile Like I said we had FIXED plans to meet in a few weeks. All set plans made and he backed out at the last moment. And I didn't know what to do. Its been a week now and we're not texting each other anymore. i don't even know what to say to him. So I decided to spill it out on here.
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