Polyamorous relationships.

This topic was created in the Relationships & Astrology forum by AriesandProud on Thursday, September 26, 2013 and has 20 replies.
I need people to share their thoughts/experience on this love life style . I have a boyfriend of three years, and I love him so. I couldn't imagine my life without him. I've heard so many people say that if you really love someone you won't want for anyone else, but I'm finding this is not true for me. I genuinely love and adore my boo. HOWEVER, I tend to develops feelings for other people (women and men alike), as well as attraction...which is to be expected no matter the relationship status. I'm hurting because I could not stand to lose him...but I want to experience other amazing people in and out of the bedroom.
I want to be honest about my coming to terms with him. It just seems that most people aren't very accepting of this idea. We've already been monogamous for so long, I simply don't feel that I'm cut out for the traditional way of things.
I think me being an aries has it's contributions to my poly tendencies. Because I'm often flirty with people I like, which typically leads to stronger interest. I'm also a lunar Piscean, so I have this uncontrollable love for everyone! I love loving people, and showing affection (I'm also pansexual). Lastly, I'll state that my rising sign is Gemini making me extremely socially interactive, especially open minded. I have so much fun mingling and getting inside peoples heads. I have so much I want to experience and learn from others. I just don't want my relationship to be ruined. It's so important to me.
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A couple would have to be absolutely confident in themselves and their relationship to avoid burning up in flames over it, but I think it can be done with the right people and circumstances. And don't worry too much about what other people think. Unless they're getting invited to the party it's none of their business or their place to judge what makes others happy. And frankly, I think a lot of people grow up watching too many Disney movies and seriously overdevelop romanticized notions about what love, partnership and long-term relationships are supposed to be like.
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Posted by cheekyfaerie
One of them would almost definitely get more side action which i think would cause resentment over time.


I believe they call that one "a woman". Winking
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I'm struggling with the concept of monogamy as well, and I've been playing with certain ideas in my head but nothing that's left me satisfied. So I can relate to everything the Aries says, but my need for security is way too strong, plus there are no guarantees-- no matter how good you are, there is always someone out there who's better than you, be it in or outside the bed.
What if she starts to like him better than she likes me, even if it's only for a brief period of time. And the same thing goes with the next person, and the next... I mean where do I fit in? Fuck love . Old, boring couples love eachother, I'm more concerned about LUST. That shit has broken more hearts and limbs than love!
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Posted by tw1nk1e
You need to separate love from attraction.


Well in this scenario I think I'd rather be lusted for than loved :-/
I always identify with "the other man", not with the husband.
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I guess I should add that my guy is a Scorpio. I've joked about this with him, but he always reacts with distaste. I just don't know how to go about breaking the ice.
Another important thing: there's nothing wrong with our relationship. We have an extremely healthy one. About every other thing we've both been honest and open with each other. This is just an obstacle. The point of my topic was not to say that our relationship is lacking something. I would like for us both to be able to explore other people. It's not a double standard. I'm so confident that our love is pure, true, and strong that no one could replace him or come in between us. If anything, expanding our availability to connect with others could give us new perspective on how to improve our relationship.
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Posted by AriesandProud
I I would like for us both to be able to explore other people. It's not a double standard.


It's interesting how it always seems to be the woman in a relationship who after a while feels the need to see or, "explore" other people.
What does that say about men, I wonder? Are we more insecure than women? Do we feel we have more to prove than women?
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have you seen the recent stat that women are more likely to cheat after marriage?
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Another reason not to get married Winking
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Posted by AriesandProud

I need people to share their thoughts/experience on this love life style .
I have a boyfriend of three years, and I love him so. I couldn't imagine my life without him. I've heard so many people say that if you really love someone you won't want for anyone else, but I'm finding this is not true for me. I genuinely love and adore my boo. HOWEVER, I tend to develops feelings for other people (women and men alike), as well as attraction...which is to be expected no matter the relationship status. I'm hurting because I could not stand to lose him...but I want to experience other amazing people in and out of the bedroom.
I want to be honest about my coming to terms with him. It just seems that most people aren't very accepting of this idea. We've already been monogamous for so long, I simply don't feel that I'm cut out for the traditional way of things.
I think me being an aries has it's contributions to my poly tendencies. Because I'm often flirty with people I like, which typically leads to stronger interest. I'm also a lunar Piscean, so I have this uncontrollable love for everyone! I love loving people, and showing affection (I'm also pansexual). Lastly, I'll state that my rising sign is Gemini making me extremely socially interactive, especially open minded. I have so much fun mingling and getting inside peoples heads. I have so much I want to experience and learn from others. I just don't want my relationship to be ruined. It's so important to me.


I know a very open-minded young woman who allowed another man into her marriage-- for the benefit of her husband.
Apparently, he was curious or something, and she wanted him to be able to "explore" that option.
However, being 'polyamorous', they were *all* in a relationship, together.
Long story short, it broke up her marriage-- but the guys are still in a relationship.

All in all-- I think this is a case of 'wanting to have your cake, and eat it, too.'
And I also think that, for the most part, polyamory is a big, fat sham-- as is the notion that Lunar Pisceans have uncontrollable love for everyone.
I don't. smile

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Posted by AriesandProud
I guess I should add that my guy is a Scorpio. I've joked about this with him, but he always reacts with distaste. I just don't know how to go about breaking the ice.
Another important thing: there's nothing wrong with our relationship. We have an extremely healthy one. About every other thing we've both been honest and open with each other. This is just an obstacle. The point of my topic was not to say that our relationship is lacking something. I would like for us both to be able to explore other people. It's not a double standard. I'm so confident that our love is pure, true, and strong that no one could replace him or come in between us. If anything, expanding our availability to connect with others could give us new perspective on how to improve our relationship.


Maybe your relationship isn't lacking anything, but maybe there is lack? I am not trying to judge you, but I feel that something is lacking somewhere for you to wanting to have a relationship with other people. I have a favorite grocery store that I shop at. I love this grocery store because I get discounts there and it is never crowded. Perfect for me. The one thing they don't have is the big bottles of green Tabasco sauce that I love. I can go without it for a while but then I end up going to WalMart supercenter to buy it because I have to have it. I mean if my favorite grocery starts selling the big bottles, I will never step inside WalMart ever again because there is no need to.
Not trying to compare your relationship to a grocery store trip, but it was the first thing that came to my mind. smile
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Posted by GeorgiaPeach
Posted by AriesandProud
I guess I should add that my guy is a Scorpio. I've joked about this with him, but he always reacts with distaste. I just don't know how to go about breaking the ice.
Another important thing: there's nothing wrong with our relationship. We have an extremely healthy one. About every other thing we've both been honest and open with each other. This is just an obstacle. The point of my topic was not to say that our relationship is lacking something. I would like for us both to be able to explore other people. It's not a double standard. I'm so confident that our love is pure, true, and strong that no one could replace him or come in between us. If anything, expanding our availability to connect with others could give us new perspective on how to improve our relationship.


Maybe your relationship isn't lacking anything, but maybe there is lack? I am not trying to judge you, but I feel that something is lacking somewhere for you to wanting to have a relationship with other people. I have a favorite grocery store that I shop at. I love this grocery store because I get discounts there and it is never crowded. Perfect for me. The one thing they don't have is the big bottles of green Tabasco sauce that I love. I can go without it for a while but then I end up going to WalMart supercenter to buy it because I have to have it. I mean if my favorite grocery starts selling the big bottles, I will never step inside WalMart ever again because there is no need to.
Not trying to compare your relationship to a grocery store trip, but it was the first thing that came to my mind. smile
click to expand


+1
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I think you are bored and want something else.
But truth be told not everyone is naturally monogamous.
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Posted by tiziani
Adding another person into an already toxic situation isn't going to solve things, it'll just bring another person into your pre-existing problems.




toxic situation?
what the fuck are you reading here?
she hasn't mentioned, nor insinuated anything that even resembles being toxic.

you got to watch out for these people OP .... once they get a notion in their head, all logic escapes them, and they are prone to making shit up
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Posted by AriesandProud
... I love him so. I couldn't imagine my life without him
... I want to experience other amazing people in and out of the bedroom.
I want to be honest about my coming to terms with him.
We've already been monogamous for so long ...




People change, people grow up, people discover things about themselves ... people are in a constant state of flux .... but, the problem isn't that you morph, it's that others don't necessarily change with you.
If you and your boyfriend have been in a monogamous relationship since the entire time you've been together, then it would be safe to assume that he likely wouldn't be receptive to this truth you want to spring on him.
The logical course of action for the two of you is for you to break up with him, and at this break up, tell him your desires, and tell him that you won't act on them until he has had time to chew on everything because you love him, and owe him that respect.
Then wait it out (for a reasonable time period) .... you can't change him, you can only present your true self, and let him decide if his love for you will allow him to learn to love your dreams.
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Posted by tiziani
Yes she has. Case closed.



where?
another thread? ... if so, then how does that close the case?
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Posted by AriesandProud
I've joked about this with him, but he always reacts with distaste. I just don't know how to go about breaking the ice.
Another important thing: there's nothing wrong with our relationship. We have an extremely healthy one.




I'm unclear how these people took your post to mean that your relationship is in trouble because nothing you posted here suggested it in the least bit.
Be careful in here ... people hear what they want, then they are off on their agenda.
You've already stated that you tell him in jest, and he reacts with distaste .... so, I don't see a point in trying to break this ice with him. You say it to him joking, but, you're not kidding. From that, you already see that he won't be receptive to it.
so, what is your point then? You don't appear to be stupid, so, since you already know he won't be tolerant of this desire you have ... then what's the point in asking people in here how to break it to him?
You're asking a question you already know the answer to.
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I understand why you're upset & fearful of his reaction.
It's b/c you wanting a polyandrous relationship is a part of WHO YOU ARE
And other people judging or rejecting who you are doesn't actually change WHO YOU ARE!
I think you should SPEAK YOUR TRUTH! Don't give him an ultimatum or demand that he convert to that life style , BUT at least respect yourself AND him enough to speak your truth.
Not speaking your truth about who you are & what you truly want will NOT get rid of the desires you have to experience other people
If you don't speak your truth, you are denying a part of who you are & doing that only leads to resentment & other problems down the road.
Stop apologizing for who you are just b/c who you are or what you want may not fit the "status quo" in society. Who started the rumor that you can't love someone & be who you REALLY are at the same time?
He may not accept that. You may lose him just by simply "discussing" it with him. BUT I think it's far more tragic to lose your soul & sense of being moreso than it's tragic to lose someone you love. Why? B/c YOU should be someone you love TOO.
Just talk to him & explain to him your reasoning behind things. Sometimes educating others on things that are forbidden or misunderstood by society, helps a situation & gives the person the opportunity to be open-minded simply b/c they were educated about it
Take the risk & be who you are!
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Trust me, beloved. You are NOT the only person who desires to live that life style .
Many many people want this, as evident by the # of people who just go live "that life style " behind their partner's backs (i.e. cheating)
Unfortunately, this is a topic that no one wants to talk about. It's like homosexuality. For so long, millions of people being gay, BUT that didn't change the fact that people were & still are forbidden to talk about it
So now you've gotta make a decision. You know that your husband won't accept this. And don't fault him for not accepting this b/c he has a right to be who he is & stand firm in his beliefs just like you do.
Is living this polygamous life style so important to you that it's worth losing your husband, or is that polygamous desire something you can tame?
Even if your answer deep down is that NO you cannot tame this nor ignore your urge to be with/connect intimately with others, then let that be your truth & have no shame in that! Doesn't mean you love him any less or that you're not a good woman.
If the answer is that you have no desire to be 100% monogamous, then I suggest that you respect him enough to leave the marriage & allow him to move on to someone who shares his same beliefs on monogamy. Don't be selfish & try to have both b/c you'll end up losing him or resenting him if you can't truly be who you are or do what you want, anyways.
Make a decision
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Posted by AriesandProud
I guess I should add that my guy is a Scorpio.



..lol
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