Problem with Libra GF - advice needed

This topic was created in the Relationships & Astrology forum by startreks on Thursday, May 27, 2010 and has 16 replies.
Hello,
I'm a Scorpio and I'm deeply and crazily in love with my Libra girlfriend. She is the love of my life. I've known her for four years and I stupidly lied to her about something big in our relationship. However, she decided not to talk about it when we started seeing each other (I used to talk to her online). We were OK first but then I started doing things that made her upset, like being too intense or too sensitive. She started complaining that I'm sulky all the time and that I'm always trying to start a fight. Anyway, at that point she started bringing up the mistake that I've made at the beginning of our relationship (i.e. lying to her). She also started pointing out my faults and started being more intolerant to whatever I do or say. This kept going on for a long period of time and I've tried everything possible to fix this, nothing worked. I apologized, tried being an extremely nice guy, I even did actually forgive her when she started being rude and mean to me, calling me names and laughing at me. Most importantly, she stopped saying "I love you" to me even when I begged her to say it. The problem is that she won't deny it but still will refuse to say it!
I could see that she was losing interest in me. We would hang out but I would always feel that she is forcing herself to do so. I even tried to kiss her but she would never let me do so, saying that she doesn't want to regret allowing me to kiss her when she goes back home. We had other arguments after that and then she would never return my calls, my sms or my e-mails, and even when she accidentally picks up the phone, as soon as she hears my voice she just hangs up.
We have not been in touch for about a month now but a few days ago she sent me an e-mail telling me that someone else is using her e-mail so she doesn't want me to send her anything.
Well, as you can see, I am just totally in love with her and I don't know what to do. I told her that I'm ready to do whatever she wants me to do. Sometimes I have my doubts and feel that she has stopped loving me but doesn't want to admit it because she still enjoys the attention. Other times I think that she is still in love with me but she's too hurt to admit it.
I have sent her an e-mail yesterday telling her that it's obvious that she has stopped loving me and that it's not right for me to keep trying to get her back if she doesn't really want me anymore.
Could you please help? I'm totally stuck here and I'm crazily in love
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I lied about my sexual orientation at the beginning of our relationship. I'm a butch and I couldn't open up so easily to her as a stranger when I first knew her. I got stuck because I fell in love with her. I know I made a horrible mistake and I've always been willing to do anything to make it up for her. When I first told her the truth she seemed OK with it and she told me that she is OK with that because she is in love with me and that she still wants to be with me. What really makes me wonder is why didn't she even mention it when we got together and started doing so only we started having arguments? I understand that she's hurt but that also makes me wonder whether she hates being with me for that or for something else. And whenever I ask her if this is the reason why she's not liking me anymore she says NO. And I swear I've tried almost everything possible to please her.
My e-mail yesterday was not manipulative at all. I meant every word I said and I still believe that I should stop contacting her if she doesn't want me anymore.
The help I need here is on the Libra thing. I'm not sure if she still loves me or not and I am not sure too if Libras generally behave the same way (e.g. constantly making me wonder and refusing to answer questions like whether she still loves me or not).
It's just that I don't want to make another mistake and leave when she still loves me. No one can tell if she still does but at least I could learn from you if Libras can be this mysterious or not.
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Thank you Lauren, I see your point. I also think that she has moved on and does not want me back in her life. I just wanted to make sure whether this has anything to do with her sign, especially that she's a Libra and I saw how undecisive she can be. Perhaps at some point she felt undecisive about being with me and that's why she couldn't answer my question of whether she stopped loving me.
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startreks -
I think that your lie was a large part of her loss of interest in you, but I must say, that for a Libra, her reaction to your mood, your personality, moodiness and "starting fights" is a VERY NORMAL Libra reaction to a Scorpio.
Whatever Scorpios do, they do it with intensity. Libras are very sensitive to that, so while the connection between these two is magnetic and deep and intense, it is this quality in particular that rubs at the Libra the wrong way.
We are much more optimistic and "flighty" than you - we are air, you are water. We crave freedom, you love possesion. It is a very hard combination to make last any length of time.
Don't doubt for once that your connection was legitimate and real...it just takes maturity to see beyond our own reactions to things - to work things out between these two signs.
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ur experience with the libra sounds exactly like my reaction 2 scorpios. i dnt think the lie is y she fell out of love bcuz wen we really love sum1 we're usually pretty 4giving. ur intensity is prob what pushed her away. sumtimes we jus need 2b left alone with our thoughts and scorpios dnt kno how 2 do that. that usually leads 2 the libra gettin so annoyed and irritated that everything scorpio does and says work our nerves. once u get on dat nerve its usually game over. not 2 b harsh but rite now shes prob really sick of u becuz shes pushin u away and u keep comin. we lik people who r alittle more of a challenge. and as bad as it is 2 admit sum1 who gives us their butt 2 kiss every once n awhile (lik how we do them) my advice is 2 leave her alone. giv her complete space. trust me she'll b callin eventually becuz her libra pride is gon wanna kno y ur not chasing n e more. then preceed as nessessary from there...but when she does b unavailable 4awhile. u nd 2 strike her curiosity again. hope this helps
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Thanks everyone! That was really, really helpful.
As you said, she definitely has a problem with my intensity and she's totally and utterly sick of me. Maybe just bored and I'm interesting to her anymore? I don't know. Even when I, for example, tell her that I'm crazy about her she gives me a disgusted look! And whenever I help her with something, she thanks me in a 'formal' way.
I'm sorry but I'm going to ask one more question please. Is there a chance that a Libra may be manipulative and tries to hold onto the relationship (i.e. to talk to me whenever she needs something but still keeps me away and ignores my needs) just to get pampered every once in a while? Because whenever I sweet talk her, she gives me the silence treatment and I can feel that she's enjoying being pampered but whenever I try to talk about us or get closer to her, she snaps at me. Has this to do anything with her sign?
I told her that I'm leaving but if she needs anything I'll be there for her. To be honest, I don't want to give her the chance to manipulate me.
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*has this got anything to do with her sign?
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you sound way too intense and possessive for any libra to handle, regardless of the lie you told.
libras love handing over some control to those they love. the problem is when people start taking it, start demanding it, start abusing it. a libra has to feel free to leave. they might not want to leave, but they want to know that they can. you were to bossy and too moody and just plain too difficult. she gave you chances. you could've acted cool and just been pleasant company...she probably would've made a move of her own after a little bit of that. but you weren't able to do that. instead you got all pushy and demanding. that doesn't work with libras.
do you know what you can do? you can accept it and move on. if she's going to come back, she'll come back on her own. and if she does, you'll have to start from scratch. you can't just start where you left off the last time things were good. but from what you described, i wouldn't expect her to come back.
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a libra would take advantage of being pampered if sum1 offers itm but i think thats a charater of n e sign. i argee wit curious visitor. those times that i did spend 2gether u should hav jus been gd company and left it as that. being needy is such a turn off (especially for libras) u hav got 2 chill out becuz eventually she'll cut u off all 2gether. pushing is only making it worse
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Posted by startreks
We were OK first but then I started doing things that made her upset, like being too intense or too sensitive. She started complaining that I'm sulky all the time and that I'm always trying to start a fight. Anyway, at that point she started bringing up the mistake that I've made at the beginning of our relationship (i.e. lying to her). She also started pointing out my faults and started being more intolerant to whatever I do or say. This kept going on for a long period of time and I've tried everything possible to fix this, nothing worked. I apologized, tried being an extremely nice guy, I even did actually forgive her when she started being rude and mean to me, calling me names and laughing at me. Most importantly, she stopped saying "I love you" to me even when I begged her to say it. The problem is that she won't deny it but still will refuse to say it!
I could see that she was losing interest in me. We would hang out but I would always feel that she is forcing herself to do so. I even tried to kiss her but she would never let me do so, saying that she doesn't want to regret allowing me to kiss her when she goes back home. We had other arguments after that and then she would never return my calls, my sms or my e-mails, and even when she accidentally picks up the phone, as soon as she hears my voice she just hangs up.
We have not been in touch for about a month now but a few days ago she sent me an e-mail telling me that someone else is using her e-mail so she doesn't want me to send her anything.



this to me is her weighing up whether she wants a relationship with you and it doesn't look by her actions that she does. As a Libran though she doesnt want to hurt you so the way she is doing it in her mind is letting you go gently...it may not feel like that to you but as a libra we dont like to make enemies of anyone, esp ex-lovers & friends. Sorry
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Thank you all! I found your answers to be very helpful.
I am letting it go now and I am much more confident about it.
Thanks again.
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Hon,
I think she is busy getting over you.
* I told her that I'm ready to do whatever she wants me to do.
Libras don't like this. Not at all. It tells me you would do anything. Libras don't like this. We want our partners to have dignity and pride. We DO NOT want to walk all over them because we lose respect for them when we do.
Libra is always looking for their perfect, equal partner. We also need a lot of space in our relationship. You are smothering her. Not so much the constant need for validation, but you have also put on her the burden of telling you what to do. This isn't attractive.
I am really sorry honey but I suspect this relationship is over. It is hard. In truth, you didn't really do anything wrong. Sometimes people just need different things. Don't beat yourself up for anything. Just know, the right person will love you as you are.
hugs.
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2: scorpio
4rm:libra girl
Hey there scorp well i know im alil late on this i just seen ur post and wanted to help u if its not to late...so u say that u lied to her and let me tell u something me as a libra girl theres only 2 things i hate in this world 1. A liar, 2. And a married man we rather u tell us the truth so we can forgive and forget but we as libras we are very forgiving as stupid as it sounds its true we forgive anything and everything but only if she truely loves u or cares about u dearly an also from what ur saying that she would send u emails telli g u not to text them she defentily cares about u she uses that as any excuses to talk to u we love wen u guys begg us however we are very prideful ladies and will not tollorate ur childish acts like how u say that she was ok with u lien to her but then u went off and messed up again thats where our pride from there takes full control we dont have the power to do as our heart desires any longer fool me once shame on me fool me twice shame on u thats how we feel we just cant nomore but let me tell u something if she at one point told u she loves theres no dout in mind that she still does cuz another things about us libra girl is that we never ever forget no man in our past live we always have them in mind we reminice all the time even my first love from first grade i still ask myself if hes still alive does he have a family lil things like that and me as a libra will never let u go we will always come bk wen we want to in reality we want to be with u all thetime but we cant our pride is to strong we cant forget wat u did i hope this helps even tho im so super late
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Posted by angelbabi19
2: scorpio
4rm:libra girl
Hey there scorp well i know im alil late on this i just seen ur post and wanted to help u if its not to late...so u say that u lied to her and let me tell u something me as a libra girl theres only 2 things i hate in this world 1. A liar, 2. And a married man we rather u tell us the truth so we can forgive and forget but we as libras we are very forgiving as stupid as it sounds its true we forgive anything and everything but only if she truely loves u or cares about u dearly an also from what ur saying that she would send u emails telli g u not to text them she defentily cares about u she uses that as any excuses to talk to u we love wen u guys begg us however we are very prideful ladies and will not tollorate ur childish acts like how u say that she was ok with u lien to her but then u went off and messed up again thats where our pride from there takes full control we dont have the power to do as our heart desires any longer fool me once shame on me fool me twice shame on u thats how we feel we just cant nomore but let me tell u something if she at one point told u she loves theres no dout in mind that she still does cuz another things about us libra girl is that we never ever forget no man in our past live we always have them in mind we reminice all the time even my first love from first grade i still ask myself if hes still alive does he have a family lil things like that and me as a libra will never let u go we will always come bk wen we want to in reality we want to be with u all thetime but we cant our pride is to strong we cant forget wat u did i hope this helps even tho im so super late


...it's been 4 years. Are you serious?
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Okay.. I will take a try.. I am a cusp- Libra and Scorpio.
You are Scorpio and he is a Libra. Libras do not handle betrayal well. If there is anything to salvage, it will take time for her to trust you again. She will see your lie as lack of proper etiquette also. Libras want that "you and them against the world" and that she could trust you 1000% . I will tell you though it will never be the same if you het back together, and for Libras it is hard to get back together if the damage has been suffice.
Little Sparrow is right in "Libra is always looking for their perfect, equal partner. We also need a lot of space in our relationship. You are smothering her. Not so much the constant need for validation, but you have also put on her the burden of telling you what to do. This isn't attractive."
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This post is 4 years old, dear. The OP hasn't back here in 4 years, either.
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