Red Flags

This topic was created in the Relationships & Astrology forum by Trillian on Sunday, November 30, 2014 and has 25 replies.
What are instant turn-offs or warning signs for you in potential romantic interests? (Or someone you've been dating for awhile, and only just discovered certain habits or characteristics of theirs).
One of mine is when I see that someone has a very close friend of the gender to whom they're attracted. This kind of 'friendship' often wreaks havoc on relationships. You, the new S.O., end up being the third wheel.
(I don't want that, I want my lover all to myself.)
details
Childish/naive/patronising attitudes and/or badly-dressed. For me to have a second date with somebody she must be dressed OK - not necessarily "classy", but clean clothes and not frumpy. The only exception to this is Cancer females 90% of whom are irresistible in all circumstances!
details
Whiny/crappy/critical and the only conversations about mostly exes and those officemates he hates so much. Talk bout sloppy eater as well without table manners or at least eat while keeping their mouth shut. Lol
details
Fickle/flighty
Drug users
Alcoholic
Sex addict
Prisoner
Cheating
Too critical
Yeah have a lover all to myself. It's hard now..unfortunately air and mutable are notorious for having multiple lovers at one time.
Too much debt
details
So you go out with a guy and all is fantastic and you like him and thinking positive then, BAM. The drink is not served fast enough, so he likes to comment the waitress as slow dumb bitch/fat cow etc.
Straight Face

When she then serves him his drink, he doesn't say thanks - no matter if she apologized or not. No interaction. Makes me throw up... Honestly. That is a such a turn off for me. He can look like a good himself and treat me personally delightfully. But to see him treating other people like a trash makes me disgusted to the core.
details
Pretty much same things thats mentioned here.
I dislike constant bragging and cockiness /yawn. That's MY job to compliment you.
details
co*ckiness
details

This is a man question entirely .... because it's irrelevant for females, due to the fact that if they sniff a crumb, then they stop using brain cells and jump right in, appearing to be completely ignorant of any truths.
details
People who have kids check their phones on dates. It's ok to do that you know.
details
It's perfectly ok to go to outback before going to a five star restaurant..on the first date..
I don't get pissed about my drink being served right away. Cause the waitress has five other tables. I have patience but some people don't.. but never disrespectful them. They would spit in your food. Be nice.
details
Posted by RainDancer88
Red flags?
Every man has a red flag for me. They have to work to prove to me they are worth it.
But yup. If it's gotta dick it's gotta red flag.


Ha! Good answer.
I agree with pretty much everything that has been posted so far. More of mine:
??Not over the ex, still talks about them
??Excessively self-conscious and neurotic. I'd rather not hear a running commentary on the things you dislike about yourself, not during the first couple dates or the first few weeks of texting (I mean c'mon, I'm not starring in a Woody Allen film).
?? Jealous friend. Even if it's not an extremely close friend like I already mentioned, beware of possessive platonic friends who will try to sabotage the relationship. Best to avoid that kind of drama entirely. I don't hang around with possessive platonic friends and I don't want my romantic interests to do so either.
?? Flirty. I don't mean "friendly" I mean the type of flirting that involves sexual banter. If all I'm looking for is a one-night stand, no problem. But if I'm looking for something long-lasting, I want them to keep it to themselves (and in their pants) until we've gotten to know each other well enough and feel comfortable enough to take it to the next level. (Tasteful compliments on attractiveness are fine though, we have to know we're into each other.)
?? Like others have said here, anyone who treats other people rudely or disrespectfully. Even if they're sweet as pie to me, that obviously wouldn't last. So yeah, I want someone who treats all people with respect (but is not a pushover and stands up for their fair rights).
?? And yeah, no Momma or Daddy issues. I'd prefer if they're on amiable terms with their family, but don't hang out with them too often. The independent type.
details
Posted by lucyL
So you go out with a guy and all is fantastic and you like him and thinking positive then, BAM. The drink is not served fast enough, so he likes to comment the waitress as slow dumb bitch/fat cow etc.
Straight Face

When she then serves him his drink, he doesn't say thanks - no matter if she apologized or not. No interaction. Makes me throw up... Honestly. That is a such a turn off for me. He can look like a good himself and treat me personally delightfully. But to see him treating other people like a trash makes me disgusted to the core.


This is usually a big indicator of their true personality.
Recently, I've come across a few guys who are out on dates and they try to act like some savvy restaurant goer and treats going out like they're in some movie. I'm rolling my eyes because he's clearly trying too hard to impress her when he looks like an idiot trying to be all "wordly"in how he orders his food.
*doesn't look at the menu.* "So, what's good?" said in an overly cocky/confident tone.
...do guys really think this works? I'd be embarrassed if the guy I was out with was doing something like that.
...just be normal. Don't be a douche, but don't do that stupid shit to "impress" her. BE NORMAL.
details
And before anyone gets shitty- I only have an issue with that question when they don't look at the menu at all. Your "good" may not be what my "good" is. It's a terrible question to ask servers. :/
In regard to the OP- any form of douchebaggery, tbh.
details
Posted by starlover
...i am down with the Mother issues......never date a guy that has them...woooohh...never again!!


++1
details
Posted by RainDancer88
Red flags?
Every man has a red flag for me. They have to work to prove to me they are worth it.
But yup. If it's gotta dick it's gotta red flag.


Brilliant!
details
Posted by rockyroadicecream
Posted by lucyL
So you go out with a guy and all is fantastic and you like him and thinking positive then, BAM. The drink is not served fast enough, so he likes to comment the waitress as slow dumb bitch/fat cow etc.
Straight Face

When she then serves him his drink, he doesn't say thanks - no matter if she apologized or not. No interaction. Makes me throw up... Honestly. That is a such a turn off for me. He can look like a good himself and treat me personally delightfully. But to see him treating other people like a trash makes me disgusted to the core.


This is usually a big indicator of their true personality.

click to expand


Yeah, that's right.
I know that nobody is flawless, but that ^ is a sign of a huge ego and overall shitty personality.
People give them self away so easily in such situation.
One who is or was a waiter/ess in life will recognize these signs better and faster.
Being a waiter at least some time in life is actually good for one's personal development imo. I'd put every person through that.
details
Posted by Trillian
??Not over the ex, still talks about them



Or, talks about them, but like every single of them were some sort of a crazy psychotic witch and he was the martyr.
Mmm yeah, I'll surely believe that.
That's also a turn off for me. That kind of a guy often is scared/intimidated by a women. Such guys don't like to be in a relationship with dominant women or women with strong individuality.
details
Posted by lucyL

Being a waiter at least some time in life is actually good for one's personal development imo. I'd put every person through that.


I hear that all the time- "everyone should at at least work some sort of customer service/wait tables. Maybe people would be less douchey."
I had an RN tell me the other day about how she used to be a server while in school and that she thought it was harder than nursing, haha.
details
Posted by starlover
choc...there is a lot of it around! scary stuff.....


True that. bad moms or don't get along with parents or moms is no problem of mine just dont talk shit about your own birth mother to me on a date. that is just too personal for me. regardless of anger-hate relationship you have with your mom...
Posted by rockyroadicecream
Posted by lucyL

Being a waiter at least some time in life is actually good for one's personal development imo. I'd put every person through that.


I hear that all the time- "everyone should at at least work some sort of customer service/wait tables. Maybe people would be less douchey."
I had an RN tell me the other day about how she used to be a server while in school and that she thought it was harder than nursing, haha.
click to expand



Wise words rockyroadicecream
true that, I always here at most 50 bells ringing all at once when the guy I date wont even smile at the waiter/s when he/she serves the food. I have always been pleasant with the servers or even tip. LOL

details
Posted by chococream

Wise words rockyroadicecream
true that, I always here at most 50 bells ringing all at once when the guy I date wont even smile at the waiter/s when he/she serves the food. I have always been pleasant with the servers or even tip. LOL




Yeah, when people have an attitude toward anyone in any sort of customer service, it speaks a lot about who they really are. Why are you going to go out and look down on those who are just doing their jobs and helping you with whatever it is you need? What is your personality malfunction that you think this is okay to do?
Sometimes people seem to confuse the terms "server" and "servANT."
details
1.Exes still in the picture(especially the most recent)
2.A "friend" or "bff" of the opposite sex that they onc dated or has sexual relations with, or had feelings for in the past.
3.Lying
4.Being unreliable
5.Financial irresponsibilty
6.Being a mama's boy to an extreme degree
details
Posted by rockyroadicecream
Why are you going to go out and look down on those who are just doing their jobs and helping you with whatever it is you need? What is your personality malfunction that you think this is okay to do?


Critical ego problems. Either they are frustrated themselves so they like to stress out on someone at hand who is there to provide service to make them feel better or they think of themselves as a higher human specimen, so they expect others to serve them. Either way it is a sign what you can expect from such a person in a relationship.
Definitely this is my top red flag.
details
Posted by lucyL
Posted by rockyroadicecream
Why are you going to go out and look down on those who are just doing their jobs and helping you with whatever it is you need? What is your personality malfunction that you think this is okay to do?


Critical ego problems. Either they are frustrated themselves so they like to stress out on someone at hand who is there to provide service to make them feel better or they think of themselves as a higher human specimen, so they expect others to serve them. Either way it is a sign what you can expect from such a person in a relationship.
Definitely this is my top red flag.
click to expand


LOL ... sounds like a virgo that I used to know. Big Grin
details
I agree with you ladies about the server or customer service thing. I work in customer service, and it always seems to me like they are being so rude because you really shouldn't be rude back. Like it's a power thing. They get no respect or people shit on them all day so they come to my job and try to push me around. That shit don't fly with me though lol. I'm here to help you, but if you wanna be rude I have an attitude also. I hate those kinds of people honestly.
My red flags are too many female friends, too social media. That's a cheater, or at least too much potential to cheat.
Bad relationship with mother. Maybe more specifically disrespectful to the mother. Def a sign of how they view women and how they will treat them.
No job or no steady job. Unreliable, no inner drive is such a bad quality for me. IME, that will never change, it either is there or isn't.
Liars. Catching them in little stupid lies. Catching them lying to others.

details
1. Any kind of arrogance/picking at me/ trying to change the way I view something too much. One guy I thought I was going to fall in love with started randomly trying to correct my way of thinking when I was venting to him (as if he knew the better way to approach the situation he wasn't involved in...and I wasn't asking advice... I could tell it was him trying to make me a 'better person.' Forget it.)
2.Once dating, any sign of two-facedness. Definitely any flirting via social media. Any lying. Trying to make me jealous with other women to any degree - I can always tell when that's a tactic.
3. Major partying/frat boy behavior. No job. Immaturity, in general.
4. Sexism/racism (like, for real, not kidding around).
5. Not taking care of himself/ drug use/ poor hygiene.
details

Leave Your Feedback

We'd love to hear your thoughts! If you're not logged in, you can still share your feedback below. Your input helps us improve the experience for everyone. To post your own content or join the conversation, please log in or create an account.

Home Astrology Comments Forums Search

©1997-2025 dxpnet.com. All Rights Reserved.
Advertising Contact Terms of Use Privacy Policy