Relationships: Who Holds the Power Men or Women?

This topic was created in the Relationships & Astrology forum by natural25 on Sunday, August 4, 2013 and has 56 replies.
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Thoughts?
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Posted by BikerCh1ck
If it is a power game then the one that has NO feelings..


+100
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I look at the boards and notice that it is mostly women who come to the boards to seek advice about relationships.
Why is this?
Does this speak to a certain power dynamic inherent in many relationships? Or, are women simply more verbal about their confusion/distress when it comes to matters of the heart?
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totally depends on the individuals, some are submissive and tend to prefer the dominant one has the majority of the power and responsibility. The submissive person can either be male or female, its subjective.
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On average I'd say its about equal. People tend to look to dominate a situation for a variety of reasons. To most successful relationships however, are ones tat each person controls certain areas because they have a natural talent for it. Because it is that way, there is room for growth and experience because you learn from each other.
I'm sorry but there's no room for bullshit games. Saying you want a partner or what not but yet you try to dominate the other. Bu if that your mentality because you're used to feeding of fear and tension...love/hate as they say, have at it. I'm about peace and growth. They can have that.
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Smh@ anyone thinking they have "power" over anyone. ijs... Most often even when you "think" you have power...you don't.
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Posted by Fire-Water
totally depends on the individuals, some are submissive and tend to prefer the dominant one has the majority of the power and responsibility. The submissive person can either be male or female, its subjective.


True, but is the more powerful position the preferred position?
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Posted by beautifulsoul74
On average I'd say its about equal. People tend to look to dominate a situation for a variety of reasons. To most successful relationships however, are ones tat each person controls certain areas because they have a natural talent for it. Because it is that way, there is room for growth and experience because you learn from each other.
I'm sorry but there's no room for bullshit games. Saying you want a partner or what not but yet you try to dominate the other. Bu if that your mentality because you're used to feeding of fear and tension...love/hate as they say, have at it. I'm about peace and growth. They can have that.


Regardless, if a person wants to play games or not is it realistic for a relationship to be completely 50/50?
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Posted by tiziani
It depends on the stage in life both are at. Assuming both are relatively at the same ages, girls tend to have all the power from adolescence till around 24. Then it shifts to men having all the odds in their favour until middle age.
From middle age onwards most women struggle to see what they even need a man for, so generally the husband had better treat her right if he wants company until the grave.
That's the biological view anyway.
I believe the person who has the feelings has the power. Not the other way around. Anyone who thinks someone with no feelings has true power is probably working on a short-term view.


Can't feelings sometimes cloud things?
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I think in a good relationship the power shifts back and forth.
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Posted by IrresistableScorp
Both.


Posted by Stuckinpurgatory
I am about equality. I don't want either to have more power than the other.
click to expand


I agree.
There's no satisfaction if one has to have the "power" over the other.
Sure there are people who are higher up in power who have the monetary means to keep relationships with people intact; or to keep loyalty intact via means of money or extortion. That has nothing to do with love really.
But in a loving relationship, it should be equal, with both having their own special abilities or special touch to make it magical.
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Posted by starlover
My seemingly macho Aries father said one that women held the power
over men ~~ i was quite surprised to hear this. When i asked him why
he said he couldnt have survived without my mother. He also said women
pull all the strings where sex was concerned as they had the ability to say
yes or no
I guess he is right, but i like to think in terms of *equal*
Balance is good for a Scorpio to strive for
smile


Although I would love to think complete equality is possible at all times, I don't. At least not based on my own experiences.
I think it ebbs and flows. I also don't think a certain power dynamic is a bad thing. I think sometimes, the man or woman may need their significant other to take over the reigns. It's only when individuals misuse their power, it becomes a problem.
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Posted by natural25
Posted by Fire-Water
totally depends on the individuals, some are submissive and tend to prefer the dominant one has the majority of the power and responsibility. The submissive person can either be male or female, its subjective.


True, but is the more powerful position the preferred position?
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Not necessarily it all depends on that individuals desire. Some crave dominance others prefer to sit back while someone else does the heavy lifting.
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Posted by natural25
Posted by beautifulsoul74
On average I'd say its about equal. People tend to look to dominate a situation for a variety of reasons. To most successful relationships however, are ones tat each person controls certain areas because they have a natural talent for it. Because it is that way, there is room for growth and experience because you learn from each other.
I'm sorry but there's no room for bullshit games. Saying you want a partner or what not but yet you try to dominate the other. Bu if that your mentality because you're used to feeding of fear and tension...love/hate as they say, have at it. I'm about peace and growth. They can have that.


Regardless, if a person wants to play games or not is it realistic for a relationship to be completely 50/50?
click to expand


It absolutely can. You have to change how you view/approach things...your mentality. Your partner has to also. Don't look at 50/50 in hard terms or equal contribution. Its like a pizza that's half sausage and half pepperoni...the two halves can be be composed of whatever you want but it makes the whole relationship. People fight all the time over roles, responsibilities, whatever because...well sorry...their mentalities are limited and they're operating on one level based on what they've learned and haven't learned.
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Posted by tiziani
It depends on the stage in life both are at. Assuming both are relatively at the same ages, girls tend to have all the power from adolescence till around 24. Then it shifts to men having all the odds in their favour until middle age.
From middle age onwards most women struggle to see what they even need a man for, so generally the husband had better treat her right if he wants company until the grave.
That's the biological view anyway.
I believe the person who has the feelings has the power. Not the other way around. Anyone who thinks someone with no feelings has true power is probably working on a short-term view.


I don't think in terms of short term, but agreed with the person with no feelings has power in the sense that they are in a perfect position to use and manipulate the person with feelings. Of course, that is assuming the person with feelings is a push over and the person without feelings is a sociopath.
I truly believe in a healthy relationship that equality is present, or at least as close as possible. In every relationship each person will lack something and contribute something. Hopefully they make up for their partner and learn from each other at the sane time.
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it's cancer moon people.
nostalgia running around here and idealising the perfect harmonious union.
power dynamics....pfft.. for myself, he can have ALL the power. It suits him anyway. I'll just worship him.
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Of course, power should be shared, but when it's not, and to be really cynical (and one dimensional) about it....the one whose better looking and/or richer will have more power over the other. I know men who put up with a woman's "butter" because she's so hot and women who put up with crazy controlling men because they have the money (ie power) in the relationship. We'd like to think we're more evolved than these cliches but we're not. Men find status in a woman's look. Women find status in a man's career and bank account. In the words of Metallica, "sad but true."
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Posted by starlover
Posted by lisabethur8
it's cancer moon people.
nostalgia running around here and idealising the perfect harmonious union.
power dynamics....pfft.. for myself, he can have ALL the power. It suits him anyway. I'll just worship him.


Ewwwwww that is so unbalanced!!
why you wanna give your power away lady?
what bout him worshipping you....?


LOL i'm just teasing you.
Posted by Este8
Of course, power should be shared, but when it's not, and to be really cynical (and one dimensional) about it....the one whose better looking and/or richer will have more power over the other. I know men who put up with a woman's "butter" because she's so hot and women who put up with crazy controlling men because they have the money (ie power) in the relationship. We'd like to think we're more evolved than these cliches but we're not. Men find status in a woman's look. Women find status in a man's career and bank account. In the words of Metallica, "sad but true."
click to expand


heeey good song!
< width="420" height="315" ="
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Posted by DonJohnson
the ultimate power is in the woman's hand. they say about 70% of women end long term relationships and 73% of women file for divorce.

that is the ultimate power. the power to end the union. let's also think about how she wants to decorate the place, use the car for make the decision on real estate, raise the kids, tea/dinner parties with friends.... etc etc etc.....

all the man has nowadays is a painful shriek in the middle of the night as he's awoke by the snoring of the beast next to him.
then he's quickly told to stfu and go back to sleep.





I can't really argue on your take here. Women are responsible for the vast majority of divorces. I think men have a higher tolerance for pain & misery. Plus, I think you have a better handle on how the divorce will effect you in the real world than many women. I know 2 women who ended their marriages and regretted it mainly because they don't have a solid career (were house wives and/or worked out of the home to support family biz) and can't qualify for a mortgage on a new house or condo. They then realize what they lost and may never get back. Then the start to remember the good times. So even when we win, we ultimately lose...sometimes.
Love the photo! How do you post pictures on this? Haven't figured that one I'm. I'm pretty new here.
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Posted by DonJohnson
the ultimate power is in the woman's hand. they say about 70% of women end long term relationships and 73% of women file for divorce.
that is the ultimate power. the power to end the union. let's also think about how she wants to decorate the place, use the car for make the decision on real estate, raise the kids, tea/dinner parties with friends.... etc etc etc.....
all the man has nowadays is a painful shriek in the middle of the night as he's awoke by the snoring of the beast next to him.
then he's quickly told to stfu and go back to sleep.


lmao. you know that the lion is the KING of the beast though. He rules his kingdom.
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Posted by lisabethur8
Posted by starlover
Posted by lisabethur8
it's cancer moon people.
nostalgia running around here and idealising the perfect harmonious union.
power dynamics....pfft.. for myself, he can have ALL the power. It suits him anyway. I'll just worship him.


Ewwwwww that is so unbalanced!!
why you wanna give your power away lady?
what bout him worshipping you....?


LOL i'm just teasing you.
Posted by Este8
Of course, power should be shared, but when it's not, and to be really cynical (and one dimensional) about it....the one whose better looking and/or richer will have more power over the other. I know men who put up with a woman's "butter" because she's so hot and women who put up with crazy controlling men because they have the money (ie power) in the relationship. We'd like to think we're more evolved than these cliches but we're not. Men find status in a woman's look. Women find status in a man's career and bank account. In the words of Metallica, "sad but true."


heeey good song!
< width="420" height="315" ="

click to expand


Thanks and rock on! smile
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Este, those women should have their own money if they're going to be stepping out of their relationship because they just aren't happy.
Even so, it's a good rule to have your own money aside for rainy days. But those rainy days are usually for the family.
Bottom line, If you're insecure as a woman and as a wife, then you're not suited for marriage long term. That's how it is.
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But you know, in retrospect,
we need to, as women help other women I guess, to help give them confidence. I suppose many women today help others to do that.
you see so many self help articles do that for people all the time. Or even talk show hosts, even dr. phil helping marriages stick together through troubled times.
But how much is confidence? sometimes women have an overblown confidence...that they don't need a man. that's good for them too.
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Posted by lisabethur8
Este, those women should have their own money if they're going to be stepping out of their relationship because they just aren't happy.
Even so, it's a good rule to have your own money aside for rainy days. But those rainy days are usually for the family.
Bottom line, If you're insecure as a woman and as a wife, then you're not suited for marriage long term. That's how it is.


Honestly, I think the go-to response when a woman gets dumped is she is being a) too needy b) too insecure c) too jealous c) manipulative or d) a just being a plain old bitch. Okay but there are two people in a relationship and men aren't perfect either. I think we're harder on each other than we are on men. Do you notice how men can say the most outrageous things here & get a pass. Women try that and the knives come out and it's almost never a man whose going at it with her. Just saying. We're too hard on our fellow ladies. And as I've said b4, you can be happy single or miserable in a marriage. Being married is no guarantee of being happy but rest assured there if there is an unhappy marriage out there, it's the woman's fault. She was being one of the following four acceptable options listed above or, more likely, a perfect storm of all four! I think we're all limited, all working things out and trying our best, no matter how crazy that looks to other. Just my opinion.
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Posted by starlover
Best thing i ever did was becoming *unmarried* ~ sadly i had become somewhat
conditioned to believe *that is what women did*
When women put SO much store on marriage/a man (as i did for too long) it can
come as a shock when it all falls apart
We can change and grow so much, i went from being the overly dependent (gotta have
a man to be happy kinda girl) to *men are fun to have around but not necessary for
happiness and growth*
Live and learn, i guess ladies
And one thing i have learned along the way is how very valuable my female friends are
I dunno why but i believe you need e-hugs. *e-hug*
I'm glad that you've grown from your past relationships and into something better.
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Posted by Este8
Posted by lisabethur8
Este, those women should have their own money if they're going to be stepping out of their relationship because they just aren't happy.Even so, it's a good rule to have your own money aside for rainy days. But those rainy days are usually for the family.
Bottom line, If you're insecure as a woman and as a wife, then you're not suited for marriage long term. That's how it is.


Honestly, I think the go-to response when a woman gets dumped is she is being a) too needy b) too insecure c) too jealous c) manipulative or d) a just being a plain old bitch. Okay but there are two people in a relationship and men aren't perfect either. I think we're harder on each other than we are on men. Do you notice how men can say the most outrageous things here & get a pass. Women try that and the knives come out and it's almost never a man whose going at it with her. Just saying. We're too hard on our fellow ladies. And as I've said b4, you can be happy single or miserable in a marriage. Being married is no guarantee of being happy but rest assured there if there is an unhappy marriage out there, it's the woman's fault. She was being one of the following four acceptable options listed above or, more likely, a perfect storm of all four! I think we're all limited, all working things out and trying our best, no matter how crazy that looks to other. Just my opinion.
click to expand


i find myself always agreeing with you. You have such really intelligent insights and compassion.
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Posted by starlover
Best thing i ever did was becoming *unmarried* ~ sadly i had become somewhat
conditioned to believe *that is what women did*
When women put SO much store on marriage/a man (as i did for too long) it can
come as a shock when it all falls apart
We can change and grow so much, i went from being the overly dependent (gotta have
a man to be happy kinda girl) to *men are fun to have around but not necessary for
happiness and growth*
Live and learn, i guess ladies
And one thing i have learned along the way is how very valuable my female friends are

I hear you, in stereo. Yeah, you really don't need a man to make you happy. Granted I go thru my moods and feel lonely. But the loneliest I ever felt was tethered to a relationship that held me back and made me sad. Like you, I stuck it out long past its expiration date. Life is complicated and appearances are deceiving. In other words, nobody has it all or has it all figured out. How boring would that be anyway?
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Posted by lisabethur8
Posted by Este8
Posted by lisabethur8
Este, those women should have their own money if they're going to be stepping out of their relationship because they just aren't happy.Even so, it's a good rule to have your own money aside for rainy days. But those rainy days are usually for the family.
Bottom line, If you're insecure as a woman and as a wife, then you're not suited for marriage long term. That's how it is.


Honestly, I think the go-to response when a woman gets dumped is she is being a) too needy b) too insecure c) too jealous c) manipulative or d) a just being a plain old bitch. Okay but there are two people in a relationship and men aren't perfect either. I think we're harder on each other than we are on men. Do you notice how men can say the most outrageous things here & get a pass. Women try that and the knives come out and it's almost never a man whose going at it with her. Just saying. We're too hard on our fellow ladies. And as I've said b4, you can be happy single or miserable in a marriage. Being married is no guarantee of being happy but rest assured there if there is an unhappy marriage out there, it's the woman's fault. She was being one of the following four acceptable options listed above or, more likely, a perfect storm of all four! I think we're all limited, all working things out and trying our best, no matter how crazy that looks to other. Just my opinion.


i find myself always agreeing with you. You have such really intelligent insights and compassion.
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Ah, that's so kind of you to say. You have a lot of good insights too. I agree that women need to be emotionally and financially independent. And, I learn a lot from others on this site. That's why I come here. Head bumps, Este
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You ladies are so sweet. ^_~
Love comes to those who patiently wait. And your own self worth and company is much more rewarding than having a man who doesn't make you feel like a billion and a half.
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Posted by CluelessCancer
Men.


Agreed. Men determine the speed of a relationship. They do all intiating.
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Posted by lisabethur8
Este, those women should have their own money if they're going to be stepping out of their relationship because they just aren't happy.
Even so, it's a good rule to have your own money aside for rainy days. But those rainy days are usually for the family.
Bottom line, If you're insecure as a woman and as a wife, then you're not suited for marriage long term. That's how it is.


Wendy williams calls that FU Money
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Posted by DMV
Posted by lisabethur8
Este, those women should have their own money if they're going to be stepping out of their relationship because they just aren't happy.
Even so, it's a good rule to have your own money aside for rainy days. But those rainy days are usually for the family.
Bottom line, If you're insecure as a woman and as a wife, then you're not suited for marriage long term. That's how it is.


Wendy williams calls that FU Money
click to expand


don't know who she is. if she's happy where she is great.
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The biggest mouth next to howard stern.
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Posted by Este8
Posted by lisabethur8
Este, those women should have their own money if they're going to be stepping out of their relationship because they just aren't happy.
Even so, it's a good rule to have your own money aside for rainy days. But those rainy days are usually for the family.
Bottom line, If you're insecure as a woman and as a wife, then you're not suited for marriage long term. That's how it is.


Honestly, I think the go-to response when a woman gets dumped is she is being a) too needy b) too insecure c) too jealous c) manipulative or d) a just being a plain old bitch. Okay but there are two people in a relationship and men aren't perfect either. I think we're harder on each other than we are on men. Do you notice how men can say the most outrageous things here & get a pass. Women try that and the knives come out and it's almost never a man whose going at it with her. Just saying. We're too hard on our fellow ladies. And as I've said b4, you can be happy single or miserable in a marriage. Being married is no guarantee of being happy but rest assured there if there is an unhappy marriage out there, it's the woman's fault. She was being one of the following four acceptable options listed above or, more likely, a perfect storm of all four! I think we're all limited, all working things out and trying our best, no matter how crazy that looks to other. Just my opinion.
click to expand



Oh please lol. When it comes to this site, real life is mirrored. Let a woman start a "hey fellas what do you think" thread and before three responses are made, the ladies either come in and joke about what we say or "tell us what we think" or play some interpreter role. Its the reason why guys say outrageous things because we know you don't take us seriously any way..."oh he's just being a male."
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Posted by natural25
I look at the boards and notice that it is mostly women who come to the boards to seek advice about relationships.
Why is this?
Does this speak to a certain power dynamic inherent in many relationships? Or, are women simply more verbal about their confusion/distress when it comes to matters of the heart?


Women tend to make things a lot more complicated than they need to be.
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I need to be able to express power, yet feel like he holds all the power.
If he fully takes care of me, but let's me feel like he needs me from time to time ... I am happy.

I want to be taken care of yet needed ... I guess that makes since.
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Posted by starlover
Posted by DMV
Posted by CluelessCancer
Men.


Agreed. Men determine the speed of a relationship. They do all intiating.


Not in my world they don't...I DO! Big Grin
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A man asks u 2 b his girlfriend, chances r ud say yes. A man asks u to marry him, chances r u say yes. If it was the other way around, it wouldnt make sense. The woman chooses the man, but the man has to initiate.
I agree with someone who posted that if b4 sex, woman has the power.
I dont want all the power n a relationship, the man should take the wheel. I dont want to marry a pussy who I just bark orders 2. I want to be his teammate but he should run the plays.
I want my man to be a man.
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Posted by starlover
What if you are as equally assertive or powerful ?
smile


Someone has to lead, trying to share that role makes things more confusing.
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Posted by beautifulsoul74
Posted by Este8
Posted by lisabethur8
Este, those women should have their own money if they're going to be stepping out of their relationship because they just aren't happy.
Even so, it's a good rule to have your own money aside for rainy days. But those rainy days are usually for the family.
Bottom line, If you're insecure as a woman and as a wife, then you're not suited for marriage long term. That's how it is.


Honestly, I think the go-to response when a woman gets dumped is she is being a) too needy b) too insecure c) too jealous c) manipulative or d) a just being a plain old bitch. Okay but there are two people in a relationship and men aren't perfect either. I think we're harder on each other than we are on men. Do you notice how men can say the most outrageous things here & get a pass. Women try that and the knives come out and it's almost never a man whose going at it with her. Just saying. We're too hard on our fellow ladies. And as I've said b4, you can be happy single or miserable in a marriage. Being married is no guarantee of being happy but rest assured there if there is an unhappy marriage out there, it's the woman's fault. She was being one of the following four acceptable options listed above or, more likely, a perfect storm of all four! I think we're all limited, all working things out and trying our best, no matter how crazy that looks to other. Just my opinion.



Oh please lol. When it comes to this site, real life is mirrored. Let a woman start a "hey fellas what do you think" thread and before three responses are made, the ladies either come in and joke about what we say or "tell us what we think" or play some interpreter role. Its the reason why guys say outrageous things because we know you don't take us seriously any way..."oh he's just being a male."
click to expand


Well, I haven't been here as long as you. But what you described I'd consider teasing a man, not getting nasty and personal. That's really what I'm talking about. Anyway, thanks for sharing!
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Posted by starlover
Posted by Fire-Water
Posted by starlover
What if you are as equally assertive or powerful ?
smile


Someone has to lead, trying to share that role makes things more confusing.


Do you think so? Is it really that black and white, as in the man's role and the woman's role.
That seems like quite a narrow view to me?
I think it is fun to take turns smile.....when two very strong people are together, it can work
In the sex department it would be the equivalent to *switch* ?
smile
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it's less complicated when someone takes the lead
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Posted by starlover
Some people like complicated though......like a challenge you know?
Maybe you dont, which is fair enough? My man is an Aries, his chart is very dominant
and so is mine, so you can imagine the challenge of that
Very exciting!
smile


I have enough challenges at work, i prefer my personal time to be full of TLC.
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I'd like to say it's 50 / 50 for the power in a Vanilla relationship .
but I think it's 60% for the men and the rest for the women .
it depends always . the way you conceive things and point of view .
after a year into the bdsm as a Dominant. I say : women have more power . even a submissive women , she have more control . that is how I see things .

a Dom is nothing without her sub .
and a sub is a lost puppy without her Dom ...
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Posted by starlover
So are you happy for the woman to take the lead Fire-Water?



For me no, i prefer to take the lead personally. I think way too much to be comfortable with someone else steering the ship.
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Posted by Fire-Water
Posted by starlover
So are you happy for the woman to take the lead Fire-Water?



For me no, i prefer to take the lead personally. I think way too much to be comfortable with someone else steering the ship.
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I love this about u
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Posted by DMV
Posted by Fire-Water
Posted by starlover
So are you happy for the woman to take the lead Fire-Water?



For me no, i prefer to take the lead personally. I think way too much to be comfortable with someone else steering the ship.


I love this about u
click to expand


Thanks, its good to see that you understand
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If a man leaves you out of the blue then he's just irresponsible and didnt/wasn't loyal to you in the first place. It's the same with the woman. It's not even a relationship anymore because both or one of you are already setting the "one foot out the door" scenerio.
If a woman wants to be independent and POWERFUL, go at it. In the end, it's what makes you happy right?
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Posted by starlover
Maybe the words empowerment and independence would make more sense?
Men can leave for all kinds of reasons...death, moving on, other women/men etc...none of us know when we maybe left without another person in our life
I watched quite a few women who made their man so much in their life fall apart when they left (death one of
the main reasons). What i feel is, if you allow any other person in your life to take the lead, it is not always a good thing?
smile


Mmm yeah I get you. That would be horrible: death.
At least if a man left because he's just a disloyal, irresponsible jerk, then it's easier to get over cause he never loved you in the first place. And it's a great betrayal. But death, that is the worst and way too traumatic.
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i trust my man to lead me in the right direction. i wouldnt be with him if i didnt trust him to take the wheel.
that doesnt mean that im not financially independent or im not empowered.
i just trust his judgement.
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Financially secure is fine, but the rest....empowerment...Pfff. I could give a rat's ass about empowerment.
What does that do for women who are alone and empowered?
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Posted by starlover
Yeah the death thing is tough!! Sad. My dad was totally lost when my mam died, he depended on her so much
emotionally and never got over her passing
I love it when you can trust a partners' judgement, that is cool! i bet he trusts yours just as much too DMV
Seems like you have a good balance there
smile


see? i dont care what anyone says. That's love right there. All the way to the end.
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