Scorp here needing help understanding male cancer

This topic was created in the Relationships & Astrology forum by Ms. Mystery on Monday, August 27, 2007 and has 22 replies.
Hi, this is my first post here . . . I'm hoping someone could help me out.
First I guess I should explain my problem. I have been dating a cancer on and off going on two years now. I'm a bit over 3 years older than him and I'm about 21 so yeah . . . he's really younger than me. But other than the age difference we are very close. When we first met was in high school and the day we started talking I was attracted to him like I've never been to anyone and we just clicked instantly. From the start we had a very strong bond and i can honestly say that I love him with all my heart. (Sorry so corny lol) Anyways I wanted to date him right off the bat I really came on strong (he's got the most amazing blue eyes you could imagine) but he took it slowly . . . he likes to think stuff out and he was really hesitant because of the age difference. But finally i got my way and he asked me out. the first 8 months were the best in my life. . . we never fought once . . .we used to brag about it . . . everyone thought it was sickening how well we got on and i must say we were very adorable as a couple lol . . . it was a very sexual relationship as well .. . we liked sharing that with each other and it brought us even closer. All i can say it was very passionate. You should also know we were each other's first (well he had other girlfriends before but not sex) while for me he was my first everything . . . so I have to admit I fell hard and deep from the very beginning and didn't prepare myself at all for what happened next.

Eight months in things got a bit rocky. I had graduated high school and he was going back. His dad really wanted him to stop seeing me . . . I mean he had thought it was cute at the beginning you know . . his son go himself an older girl . . . kinda masochism like look at my son go . . . lol anyways . . . As my boyfriend got more serious about me his dad saw a red flag and I understand. We were going too fast for how young we are. He would used to tell me how he wanted me to have his baby and rub my belly . . . Personally in my head i was like wow um hold on a second what the heck would we do with a baby . . . but another part of me was wholly satisfied as i saw him look at me with the thought of me in that way. It was a feeling I can't describe and it scared me. Though turns out not as much as it scared him.




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I guess he did, like i've read around here, a disappearing act. He started acting really weird and he ended up dumping me out of the blue. NOt within two days he was dating this other girl. Can the word pain describe the way this felt? I dunno it was as if my best friend had died and left this earth. It felt like the ultimate betrayal. I went briefly mad when i packed up all of the stuff that i ever kept of his and all our pictures and dumped them on his lawn and had a very very very heated fight with him . . . he pushed me up against the car and he had like a crazy look in his eyes and one of my girl friends I had in the car with me stepped out and pretty much made me to get into the car. That was it. i thought we'd never talk again. I went on with my life the best I could. I started college and went to parties and all that stuff. But everyone who knew me before I met him knew that i was totally different. I was sad all the time . . .even when i was happy i was sad if that makes any sense. I had no closure on any of what had happend. I waited for him to call me and to say it was all a mistake but every day that he didn't i just felt deader inside. I guess i really believed that he loved this new girl more than me and that i never crossed his mind and here i was not being able to get it out of my head. I had a few guys approach me . . . I even harbored a crush on one of them. It had been two month (Which looking back feels like that two months spanned a whole years worth of months) and me and this other guy was very very very on the verge of starting a relationship when . . . it happened. He called me. He apologized for the way things happened. He wanted me in life and he missed me a lot. We both agreed on a friendship but every feeling i had for this new guy disappeared and him and the girl he had been dating broke up. Well honestly its a lot more complicated than all of that . . . even after we starting talking again he tried to make one last shot at making it work with this other girl . . . i don't know why though . . . he even told me he had loved her but in a different way than he had me. I dunno that sounded like some major bullsh!t to me but i just bought into it cause I had missed him so much. But even to this day I wonder what his true feelings are. But anyways we got back together a week or so later when I picked him up at his house one morning and he made a move and we ended up having sex and that was it we were back.
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This time around things were always rocky . . . I didn't trust him anymore and i was always wondering in my head about things. My jealous side really came out. But he was very understanding . . . he knew exactly what he had done and stayed with it and always made me feel better and appease my hurt feelings. This time around we lasted 4 months before he ended it . . . again He had his reasons. Our relationship was complicated .. . he had to hide if from his parents he was having a lot of problems with school and his father. He just couldn't deal with the pressure of it all. We ended but we still talked to each other and we still had sex whenever we would see each other. I knew I was letting myself be put into a very bad position . . . he knows i love him and he takes full advantage of that fact.
In fact there is a whole dark side to him . . . a side i had only a hint of from that first eight months. When we got back he really started messing with my emotions and playing with my head. It's like he would set up these situations to test me . . . to see how far he could push me. I guess I always excused it away because of his childhood . . . which was awful . . . or at least the way he's always told me about it was. I always felt really sorry for him and i just . . . somehow i wanted to always be there to take care of him though he's never really shown that he cares with his actions . . . only with his words that i desperately cling to. A lot of stuff happened which makes me fight this inner struggle . . . is he really what he says he is or what I see him as through his actions. I know he must love me. When we broke up this last time he cried and I have only ever seen him cry one other time when his grandmother was dying in the hospital. But other times he just acts like im nothing and calls me every horrible thing under the sun . . . no one has ever been so cruel to me as him but at the same time I've never felt so loved by anyone else. So all the time Im confused. By no means can I fully trust him . . . he's dated this other girl, I've caught him in lies (though he always finds a way to worm out of responsibility) He knows how to turn the tables on me in a flash. It's like I know he's got me brainwashed kinda and I see it happening to myself yet i just cling on to him because always . . . there's always the fact that he loves me. But it's just a totally fu*ked up situation . . . even i see that it is unhealthy.
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But other than the dark stuff he's just everything to me. And at times i want out . . . i want to forget all of this . . . but the things holding me back are the memories and love that i hold so deep for him. And he will never let me go . . . really, he'll always have a hold of me. I guess cause I let him.
So yeah . . . I really don't know what ya'll could say to help me. Im just confused. Maybe a bit crazy cause I've just been driven there honestly. I guess i posted this here cause we would always read about the cancer/scorpio stuff and it fit us so perfect . . . when things are going good. I could never get better than when things are going good between me and him. The problem is that things are rarely good anymore and im just . . . lost. Sad

ps sorry my posts are so long i got carried away
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This doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. He is still so young, he may be looking for "greener pastures". I dated my Cancer ex after reading that we were supposed to be a good match. Maybe this particular Cancer guy isn't your ideal mate. I think you should just pack your bags and move on.
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I know i really need to end things . . . but he knows how to manipulate me. There is no doubt in my mind that there is a part of him that is looking for 'greener pastures' as you said . . . he is too young for what we've tried to make this. But no matter how many times he says it's done he always makes sure he's got a hold on me. He gets extremly jealous over me . . . he doesn't even like me going out with friends. And I don't know what to do because I love him so much. I just wish we could have met later in life.
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yeah he really is confused . . . the other night i asked him what he really feels about me and he said i love you but i hate you at the same time.
so yeah, I just don't know if i have the strength to say no to him cause he always ends up coming back to me. I just need to make up my mind and stick to it.
But my downfall is i have faith that once he gets over this phase that we'll be able to be together again. But I know if i keep letting him mess me around like he is that he's never going to respect me. does this sound like a cancer/scorpio dynamic??? I know that if i really move on ill never really want him back so I'm scared to do it really. i'm confused myself.
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Sucks reading that things aren't working out between a scorp and a cancer.. at least not yet that is..
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Don't listen to leokitten, you don't need any counseling. Relax, give it some time and don't second guess yourself.
At least there's a cancer out there that is loved my a scorp.. if I ever find that again with a scorp.. i'm never letting her go.
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by a scorp that is
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thanks srg
I dunno, it comes down to the fact that my heart wants to believe that he loves me but things are just really complicated right now and I need to back off and let him grow up (not that i have a choice in that anyways) But there is always the part of me that will always second guess his intentions cause of the past and I have lost my ability to trust him. Whats crazy is that the reason i was able to love him like I did was because I trusted him so much. They say Scorpios can't love someone they don't trust? Well what happens when you fall in love someone then they muck it up? You're just expected to discard the feelings just like that? I dunno, I can't trust him as he is now. I do trust in the love i feel for him so I'm just going to let go. Let him go on with life and go with life myself. If we are meant to reconnect later on then I'll still believe in happily ever afters . . .if not i just pray that I will find this again in someone who is ready for me lol . . .
I don't need counseling I have to many friends with opinions and mouths lol . . .
and yeah srg . . . I hope someone will love you like I love my guy . . . everyone deserves it though a lot of people are to scared to feel this deep. I dunno if i'll ever manage it again
peace
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Just don't think that we cancers forget.. we don't.. ever.
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he is not ready for what you are looking for...so, you need to let go. and it is going to hurt, but it will hurt more for you to stay with him and be in these horrible situations that you describe. it is your first of many loves...so, it will probably be very hard for you. LOL!!! i remember my first love was a cancer and your story sounds very similar! but, now i look back (now i am 29)and i am like, "what did i ever see in him!". and i am sure one day, you will do the same smile
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I really appreciate everyone here . . . thank you for trying to help me, reading your guys comment has helped me to focus my thoughts and find the strength to try and let go.
this has been one of the hardest experiences of my life Sad
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yeah it was really really weird . . . but he honestly had no clue. Im glad though because even though i did like that guy he woulda been a rebound cause i was and still am pretty much emotionally unavailable and he deserves better than that.
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okays . . . so i have a update to all ya'll who helped me out with your advice =)
It's been a month and me and my ex haven't talked at all except once or twice (he always calls not me to him) the last time we talked it was for like 10 minutes and he just filled me in on things at his work and i told him about getting my eyebrow pierced and that was it . . . it kinda annoyed me that it was like we were just being nice to eachother when i know there is a lot we should talk about and things that need to be said . . . he ended it with "it was nice talking to you' I wanted to say yeah next time you decided to call don't be so fake . . . lol but I am very proud of myself . . . it's going to take time but I'm letting go of this and it has gotten easier and easier . . . i still have times when thinking about some good times i want to call him so bad cause I miss him . . . but then i just stop, count to ten, and think of one of the many crappy things he's done and then i just say screw it and go get my mind off of it . . .
so yeah just thought id share with you guys and let you all know that i really appreciated the advice and that I'm doing better. =)
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Good story.......I wished i could have heard the story from his side as well......U never know his side of the story might be even more dreadful........Cancerians never let out their sorrows or insecurities in public or even to those whom they love.......while u were going through all this even he must have been going through family pressure,insecure abt u whn ur not around him,mixed feelings frustrating him even more........list goes on........would be waiting for your next update......
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An immature and insecure cancer isn't a treat. Some sort of insecurity will always remain, but it's the way you deal with it that makes the difference. Glad to see you are able to let go. He has been the problem to getting it to work. There is a lot more fish (and crabs) in the sea so don't worry.
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Ms. Mystery- this all sounds so familiar...I was with a Cancer on and off for over two years too- and it ended horribly (my moon is scorpio and his as well)
All can tell you, because your relationship sounds so similar to mine-
He will likely always have a hold on you. But you need to disconnect. Slam the door in his face, hang up the phone. Surround yourself with friends. It will fade, over time. But my man has over the past few years always looked me up- called information for my phone number, searched for me on the internet, and then he'll call and want to revisit the past. The thing is, he never wants to do anything about it. He doesn't want to be together. And even though our relationship was over 7 years ago, I still feel strongly for him. But he will never change. I even contemplated getting back together this last time, moving to be in the same city with him- but once he realized I was serious, he started screwing someone else again, playing games. Don't let him back in again once you are successful shutting him out. Otherwise the pain you are in right now will be experienced again years later. Just know that you can find that intensity again. I thought I never would. But I have. But you have to separate yourself from him, or he'll always find a way back in.
I hope that helped somewhat. My cancer left scars emotionally I'm still trying to work through, all this time later. It is what it is, though. Live and Learn. Move on. Love is out there, and you will find it. Don't let what he did with you reflect on all of 'em.
smile
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spot on Mamaquilla, i have been in a situation like this for 3 years, and now i am fed up, it is so identical i cannot even begin to tell you. you are right, we need to obe strong and shut that door in his face, at the moment i am gathering all the energy i can to be able to do that......even if braking up with him is a slow process at least i will give him a piece of my mind.....he has to take it, i know he will chase me, he does that very skillfuly, but he is only coming back on my terms or not at all....
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scorpio 978- Be strong sister! When you do gather the strength to go through with it, I hope you have a good friend or two that can be willing to spend time with you so that when he does come by, and you are successful slamming that door in his face- (that is the easy part) they can stop you from chasing after his ass down the sidewalk while you watch him walk away. (this actually happened, and without my girlfriends, I would've done just that! They literally held my arms preventing me from opening that door. I think that speaks volumes to strength of the connection and how hard it is to break.)
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i know it is not easy, i do have friends but they seem to think that i shouldn't let him go, since he hasn't done anything to hurt me he is just not ready.....i will never ever chase him, even if he was never coming back, but he always does, stronger and stronger with every time.....
thanks for your message Mammaquilla
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