Hi!
Me: sun-sag,moon-gem,venus-sag, Virgo rising
Him: sun-scorp, moon-cancer ,venus- virgo, cap rising
Where to begin? This has drug on for so long. I am otherwise attached, and have at times wondered if this guy has feelings for me. I know I shouldn't care, but he is a friend, and I don't want to hurt him, and yes, I am attracted but keep trying to push away the feelings for fear of uncertainty. Sometimes I think he instigates these desires and feelings to have a bed buddy. (Nothing physical has ever happened.) Other times I think I'm delusional and mistaking platonic love for romantic or lustful desires.
In the beginning there was sexual tension through jokes, head games, and whatnot. Now that we've gotten to know each other better, that's been replaced by stares. I can feel his eyes on me, and I love it, but when our eyes met, I was with my SO and astonished at the boldness. Now when my eyes graze to his, he suddenly looks away.
He does sweet kind things for me, like help me with stuff or washing my car for me even though I try to stop him. Small gifts that are meaningful and not just the let me get her something kind that I am used to. I mentioned his wardrobe (all black) once and he always adds color when we plan to hang out now.
He has even said the words, "I love you." I was so shocked that I gawked at him and said, "Well WE love you too!" He said it once after that and I responded more or less the same out of respect for my SO. Now he retreats to using the words only when we are all three together. And he says, "I love you guys."
I love his presence. We get along great usually. He spends about half of his free time with me, but now I feel like we are mirroring each other. I don't even know whose feelings are whose anymore. All I know is being around him makes me happy, and I feel like a better person when we are in each other's presence. But he won't tell me how he feels. I don't trust that he isn't playing me. He is always making me jealous, anyway. And we communicate so differently. And when I look at it from the outside in, I guess my fears and mistrust in him makes me send him mixed signals with my actions. Maybe I should cut ties? Is he trying to accept and respect that I am attempting to fix my empty relationship? Platonic love? Lust? Playing with me?
Any help?