Thoughts needed on an email from a Virgo male
This topic was created in the Relationships & Astrology forum by LovesGrandma on Monday, April 28, 2008 and has 19 replies.
Hello All
I need your thoughts/perspective on an email I received from a Virgo man.
We have been seeing/emailing each other since March. We went out on three dates so far and one date resulted in us making out and him shutting down.
Here's the play by play:
Tuesday, 4/20 ? he sent an email to cheer me up because I was having a bad day; later that day he called me to see if I was okay and then asked me out for Friday (couple setting) & Sunday (group setting) since he couldn't wait to see me for our date on 5/24 (side note: we planned the 5/24 date in early April! ? I guess that's a Virgo thing?)
Wednesday, 4/21 ? we exchanged ?I can't wait to see you? emails
Thursday, 4/22 ? we finalize the details on our Friday date
Friday, 4/23 ? the big date
-Included great conversation, good food, laughter, a lot of ?I'm so glad that you are here!,? he opened the car door and even gave me a compliment (he did not do this on our previous dates)
-We spent time on the deck where the silence was golden and refreshing and the landscape impeccable; he spent the time holding and caressing me and staring at me constantly; I felt very well taken care of and even spoiled a bit, which I mentioned throughout the night and his reply was ?good ? I want to spoil you.?
-After a significant time of cuddling we began making out which I thought he was too shy and too reserved to do but he passionately kissed me and although I was shocked, I loved it! He mentioned his satisfaction while I caressed him and even talked about being on a high.
-Later that evening I met his parents and they were warm and welcoming and they knew a lot about me which took me back a little but it also made me feel special because he was talking about me.
-In addition, he took my picture which I thought was odd ? perhaps this is in the same vein as the Virgo stare? He asked me out for Friday, 5/2 and said throughout the night that he wished I lived closer.
-After his parents left we began cuddling some more and he passionately led me to the bedroom. More cuddling continued however, I physically and mentally felt him shut down and then he began saying he was sleepy and gently escorted me to the car. I didn't address his immediate shut down but I felt it, because it literally felt like a wall. See the second post for more...
I need your thoughts/perspective on an email I received from a Virgo man.
We have been seeing/emailing each other since March. We went out on three dates so far and one date resulted in us making out and him shutting down.
Here's the play by play:
Tuesday, 4/20 ? he sent an email to cheer me up because I was having a bad day; later that day he called me to see if I was okay and then asked me out for Friday (couple setting) & Sunday (group setting) since he couldn't wait to see me for our date on 5/24 (side note: we planned the 5/24 date in early April! ? I guess that's a Virgo thing?)
Wednesday, 4/21 ? we exchanged ?I can't wait to see you? emails
Thursday, 4/22 ? we finalize the details on our Friday date
Friday, 4/23 ? the big date
-Included great conversation, good food, laughter, a lot of ?I'm so glad that you are here!,? he opened the car door and even gave me a compliment (he did not do this on our previous dates)
-We spent time on the deck where the silence was golden and refreshing and the landscape impeccable; he spent the time holding and caressing me and staring at me constantly; I felt very well taken care of and even spoiled a bit, which I mentioned throughout the night and his reply was ?good ? I want to spoil you.?
-After a significant time of cuddling we began making out which I thought he was too shy and too reserved to do but he passionately kissed me and although I was shocked, I loved it! He mentioned his satisfaction while I caressed him and even talked about being on a high.
-Later that evening I met his parents and they were warm and welcoming and they knew a lot about me which took me back a little but it also made me feel special because he was talking about me.
-In addition, he took my picture which I thought was odd ? perhaps this is in the same vein as the Virgo stare? He asked me out for Friday, 5/2 and said throughout the night that he wished I lived closer.
-After his parents left we began cuddling some more and he passionately led me to the bedroom. More cuddling continued however, I physically and mentally felt him shut down and then he began saying he was sleepy and gently escorted me to the car. I didn't address his immediate shut down but I felt it, because it literally felt like a wall. See the second post for more...
Saturday, 4/24 ? the email
-In the morning he sent me the following email:
I just wanted to write to thank you for a wonderful evening. It was great spending all that time with you. I am glad you enjoyed the place we ate. I enjoyed the rest of the evening also. You're a great cuddler. But, I think things did go a little fast. Since I am not sure whether I want any more than a good friendship between us, I would like to take it slower. The last thing I want to do is loose you as a good friend. I just don't want things to get ahead of themselves and I get to a point where I start to feel uncomfortable. Just like you, I think I was caught up in the evening. Since, I am fairly new to the whole dating scene, my emotions took over a little more than I wanted. Also, since I am just in the dating stage I have been dating others.
-My response:
I understand and agree whole heartedly. As always, thank you for your honesty.
-My second response:
I feel the need to apologize...although I had a wonderful time, I did not want things to go as fast as they did. So I'm sorry for not practicing self control physically and/or emotionally. Ultimately I do not want to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable. That's not my goal, that's actually my fear. So I apologize again. Chat with you later!
-In addition, he canceled our group date on Sunday
So my questions (btw, I'm a gemini) for you are:
-What are your immediate thoughts?
-How do I proceed?
-I feel rejected, should I? Or am I making a big deal out of nothing.
-Do you think he will cancel our date this Friday?
-How do you read this Virgo male?
Thanks All!
-In the morning he sent me the following email:
I just wanted to write to thank you for a wonderful evening. It was great spending all that time with you. I am glad you enjoyed the place we ate. I enjoyed the rest of the evening also. You're a great cuddler. But, I think things did go a little fast. Since I am not sure whether I want any more than a good friendship between us, I would like to take it slower. The last thing I want to do is loose you as a good friend. I just don't want things to get ahead of themselves and I get to a point where I start to feel uncomfortable. Just like you, I think I was caught up in the evening. Since, I am fairly new to the whole dating scene, my emotions took over a little more than I wanted. Also, since I am just in the dating stage I have been dating others.
-My response:
I understand and agree whole heartedly. As always, thank you for your honesty.
-My second response:
I feel the need to apologize...although I had a wonderful time, I did not want things to go as fast as they did. So I'm sorry for not practicing self control physically and/or emotionally. Ultimately I do not want to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable. That's not my goal, that's actually my fear. So I apologize again. Chat with you later!
-In addition, he canceled our group date on Sunday
So my questions (btw, I'm a gemini) for you are:
-What are your immediate thoughts?
-How do I proceed?
-I feel rejected, should I? Or am I making a big deal out of nothing.
-Do you think he will cancel our date this Friday?
-How do you read this Virgo male?
Thanks All!
I have read that Virgos are always so "busy". Dont hang on the shirt tails. They do their thing and at this point, he's already stated that he is seeing others... love the honesty, although it sucks...but seriously- do your own thing as well. Hopefully you have good friends to tangle with if he is not available.
Well to me its obvious that he likes you and it might even be more than that since he already told his parents about you and he introduced them to you. My brother is a virgo and he never introduces his women to us, only if he is really really feeling them...As for the guy shutting down, my brother once told me that before he makes love to a girl he needs to know that she is into him because his feelings will get caught up in that and he'll get hurt. It's possible that this guy wants something real from you and isn't sure if you want the same thing. he knows that he has probably already fallen and once he lets you into his heart he's going to let you all the way in but before he does he has to know that you feel the same for him. they're such sweet guys and it feels so bad to see them hurt. So i say just take it slow. don't think too much on what he said about dating other people. Even if he is, i think he just said that as a way to "front" and virgos do that a whole lot. He's trying to throw you off the trail and make it seem like he's not as into you as he really is..I say continue to call him and don't treat him funny or anything. don't feel rejected even though i know its hard but don't...the guy is just trying to protect his feelings..He sounds like a winner...
yeah don't make it so that you're only dating him, but don't cut him off either. time will tell.
Thank you for your advice, insight and encouraging words. Plenty of Blessings!
No problem..just keep us posted..
is virgo one of those signs that do the disappearing act? i think i have read something about it.
Yes, I'm learning that from reading these boards. To me it's unbelievable.
lovesgrandma, do you know his birthplace and exact date of birth? much better if you can get the exact time, too.
Hey Deux
All I know is 9-8-74. Thanks for helping me.
All I know is 9-8-74. Thanks for helping me.
I don't know about disappearing..do they?? i've never heard that before...i'll ask my brother...
virgo is naturally slow in love because he thinks too much. sexual attraction is not enough basis for him to fall for someone. he needs compatibility in some other things, like communication. he may have gone very cold on you because it went too fast and he cannot trust that. to him love should take time, like planting a seed and nurturing its growth. he needs to see first if you can offer reliability. he likes being useful. so try to ask him for help on some mundane matters and he will gladly oblige.
Okay, it's Wednesday and I haven't heard from him. I guess by tomorrow if he does not reach out, then our Friday date is cancelled. I feel like I'm dying a slow death. But I have to be patient, right?
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Here's the latest...I would really like to know your thoughts...
I sent the following email to him after the social group:
Yesterday more than ever I realized that I want to be more than friends with you. After a few sleepless nights, thinking and getting mad at myself about how I begged for 24 minutes of your time, I realized that I wanted and desired more from you. As you know I am a reader and one of the many books I am reading is called ?Boundaries in Dating.? The first chapter talks about requiring and embodying truth, all of which I want to incorporate in all areas of my life. With that said, I wanted to write to let you know that I have been deceiving you. I have been deceiving you in my heart and with my actions?I have been pretending to be your friend but in reality, I simply can not be friends with you because I desire more. To further help in my explanation here's a quote from the book:
?There is nothing wrong with being friends and getting to know another person to see what kind of relationship you are going to have. Sometimes relationships that begin as friendships turn into more and are some of the best long-term relationships. But that is different than having clear designs on someone and deceiving them long-term while you have another agenda. Don't act like a friend that you are not. The best way is to ask yourself, ?What will happen if this does not end like I desire?? If you can honestly say that you will be very happy continuing to be friends and will love the person as a friend, then you are being honest. If you say, ?If they do not want me back like I want them, I do not care about being ?friends' at all, then your friendship is a scam.?
In reading this paragraph, I realized that my friendship/relationship with you is a scam and I no longer want to mislead you or myself. I do desire more and that's okay but what's not okay is to pretend and deceive myself and you that I can handle being a ?good friend? when I secretly can not.
**please read more of the email below**
I sent the following email to him after the social group:
Yesterday more than ever I realized that I want to be more than friends with you. After a few sleepless nights, thinking and getting mad at myself about how I begged for 24 minutes of your time, I realized that I wanted and desired more from you. As you know I am a reader and one of the many books I am reading is called ?Boundaries in Dating.? The first chapter talks about requiring and embodying truth, all of which I want to incorporate in all areas of my life. With that said, I wanted to write to let you know that I have been deceiving you. I have been deceiving you in my heart and with my actions?I have been pretending to be your friend but in reality, I simply can not be friends with you because I desire more. To further help in my explanation here's a quote from the book:
?There is nothing wrong with being friends and getting to know another person to see what kind of relationship you are going to have. Sometimes relationships that begin as friendships turn into more and are some of the best long-term relationships. But that is different than having clear designs on someone and deceiving them long-term while you have another agenda. Don't act like a friend that you are not. The best way is to ask yourself, ?What will happen if this does not end like I desire?? If you can honestly say that you will be very happy continuing to be friends and will love the person as a friend, then you are being honest. If you say, ?If they do not want me back like I want them, I do not care about being ?friends' at all, then your friendship is a scam.?
In reading this paragraph, I realized that my friendship/relationship with you is a scam and I no longer want to mislead you or myself. I do desire more and that's okay but what's not okay is to pretend and deceive myself and you that I can handle being a ?good friend? when I secretly can not.
**please read more of the email below**
So in conclusion, I realize that if I expect someone to embody the truth, I have to as well?so here goes?while I have appreciated your honesty, I have to be honest in stating that I was hurt by your ?let's slow down ? I have been dating others? email. For one, I didn't see it coming. Your actions and words the night before were contradicting to your email. Second, I wasn't sure if you were blowing me off. As a result, I felt rejected. Third, I wished you would have expressed what you wrote in the email before we made out and perhaps I wouldn't be wounded emotionally and/or spoiled rotten. I'm not blaming you, I'm just being honest (and embodying the truth) about my feelings which you deserve to know and are mature enough to handle. Fourth and most important, until I can truly be your friend without any hidden agenda or hope, I rather us not get together alone but continue to meet in a group setting.
As I stated in a previous email my goal is not to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable so please receive this in the spirit of maturity, responsibility, self-awareness, honesty and hopefully one day friendship!
His response:
First off I wanted to apologize for Thursday. I really needed to get back to work on a computer that I had gotten from someone Sunday. I did end up spending the rest of the evening working. When I planned to go for an hour (and ended up there for 2 hours) and come back to work, I honestly hadn't thought it would work out the way it did.
Thank you for your honesty. I hope you know I am being just as honest. I am very sorry about the evening you were here. For someone who is just getting out more and dating really for the first time ever, I did not want to get serious right away. I think also because of how new an experience of dating and meeting women, I did not (but should have) set some personal boundaries. The last thing I wanted to do was get into a situation like this one. I do enjoy laughing and talking with you, but if I had set those personal boundaries, I wouldn't have misled you like I did.
One last thing. I am aware of what you said about just meeting in a group setting, but do you still want to keep the 24th and 31st on the calendar?
**Now...what are your thoughts?**
As I stated in a previous email my goal is not to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable so please receive this in the spirit of maturity, responsibility, self-awareness, honesty and hopefully one day friendship!
His response:
First off I wanted to apologize for Thursday. I really needed to get back to work on a computer that I had gotten from someone Sunday. I did end up spending the rest of the evening working. When I planned to go for an hour (and ended up there for 2 hours) and come back to work, I honestly hadn't thought it would work out the way it did.
Thank you for your honesty. I hope you know I am being just as honest. I am very sorry about the evening you were here. For someone who is just getting out more and dating really for the first time ever, I did not want to get serious right away. I think also because of how new an experience of dating and meeting women, I did not (but should have) set some personal boundaries. The last thing I wanted to do was get into a situation like this one. I do enjoy laughing and talking with you, but if I had set those personal boundaries, I wouldn't have misled you like I did.
One last thing. I am aware of what you said about just meeting in a group setting, but do you still want to keep the 24th and 31st on the calendar?
**Now...what are your thoughts?**
Hey Mike
Thanks for your post. This guy is not really old. However, he is 33 and sometimes his behavior does not mirror a 33 year old. I'm 28 and sometimes I do not act my age either. So who knows?! I do agree that I need to cut him loose. However, I'm uncertain of how. Actually, I'm clueless about this whole process. In certain ways, I am just as green when it comes to dating besides I never expected to be caught up but what can I say, I'm human.
Thanks for your post. This guy is not really old. However, he is 33 and sometimes his behavior does not mirror a 33 year old. I'm 28 and sometimes I do not act my age either. So who knows?! I do agree that I need to cut him loose. However, I'm uncertain of how. Actually, I'm clueless about this whole process. In certain ways, I am just as green when it comes to dating besides I never expected to be caught up but what can I say, I'm human.
Yeah I think that he just wants to date and play the field. There's nothing wrong with that, atleast he was honest and told you that he wasn't ready to get serious..If he's just getting out of a serious relationship maybe he just needs time. It depends on what you really want. If you're cool with just "hooking up" than do that, but if you seriously want more than don't take it there. either cut him off or talk to him from time when you're ready to be "just friends" and don't give him any.
Anyone who over-analyzes a situation (virgo!) will surely kill anything good that existed. Looks like that is what he did and will do until he's 'ready'. The question is are you willing to stick around long enough to be approved or rejected once again?
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