Virgo male suddenly distanced?

i'm new to this board...i'm a virgo and i just recently ( about a month and a half a go) starte dating a virgo male who is 3 weeks younger than me. we get along great when we are with each other and he wanted to see me EVERY day for the first month (except for 2 weekends we were each out of town). other than that we were inseperable. but for some reason starting last wednesday he's been distant...i havn't actually spent time with him since last tuesday when i spend the night there. i've seen him 3 of the 5 days we havn't spent time together but they were brief passing on the street on our way to class, he stops and says hi, sometimes asks how my day is and then gives me a kiss/peck on the lips and we go our seperate ways to class (since we are in opposite directions). he keeps on saying he's busy which i know is true but he was busy before and still made all of the time for me.

this weekend i didnt' see him at all, which is abnormal. one night he went out with friends and didn't even think of inviting me (and no it wasn't a guys night so that wasn't the issue) even though i always invite him to be with my friends with me or go to parties with me. all of the next day he did the same thing. when i mentioned it he said "i didnt' think it was that big of a deal". this situation hasn't actually happened before because normally we are either alone or with my friends and he always says how he doesnt' really like his friends in town. i understand he need to be with his friends but i don't understand why he wouldnt' want to invite me along, considering how much he adored me before and always wanted me around.

can anyone give me some insight on this? oh and we are both 20 if that helps at all.

I don't think your age has much to do with it. I dated a Virgo guy MUCH older and basically the same scenario occurred. Got all this attention for a month and a half and then........BAMM he suddenly didn't have time. After the second week of trying to connect with him I finally sent him an email telling him I wasn't interested in pursuing a relationship any further.

THAT got an email response. All it said was "that bad huh?".

That experience (and reading the Virgo forum) made me NOT want to ever date a Virgo again. Although I wouldn't mind having one as a friend I just would not date another one. Who needs that constant rude disappearing thing—

Sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear but.........rudeness and disrespect are not something I want to be treated like in my life especially by someone who has been "acting" like they care and then suddenly they don't.

He may have things going on and needs to focus. In your case,it's been less then a week but....he may need to pull back and just think about things. Including how he feels about you. Give him some more time. Don't chase after him (that's the hard part) just keep busy and wait for him to come back around.

If you aren't exclusive, and you're only "assuming" that you are.....you should still be dating others until you BOTH have agreed to not see other people. I'm not suggesting you rush out and start dating someone else. Just saying be cautious of getting too emotionally attached to someone after only a month and a half and neither of you have agreed to seeing each other exclusively. Guys at that age can get distracted very easily and often do. They still do when they're older...... just "not as much".

He's young, insensitive, and stupid -- being Virgo doesn't alter any of that. Keep him at arm's length, and don't sit home alone when he isn't!

VirGuys aren't ready for serious stuff until their mid-20's, with a few exceptions, and some aren't ready in their 30's...

Sometimes, with any two people .. after a period of time, we just make the decision that this isn't Mr./Mrs. Right.

It could be that simple. Just because he was into you then, doesn't mean he will continue to be. Life just works that way.

It doesn't have to mean that somebody is immature, rude, stupid or insensitive .. sometimes, it only means they went through an experience with somebody and it wasn't what they were looking for.

Well I guess you guys were right...I talked to him on the phone a couple nights ago and basically he said he doesnt' think he can give me his 100% because he's so busy with classes and not doing well in them...and because he's studying abroad the entire year next year with no money to come back and visit over breaks. He wasn't sure if was going to go...but now maybe he is sure. I told him i don't need 100% and no one in college can give that and i'm okay with having a smaller percentage but he said he isnt' okay with that...that i deserve 100 and that he believe relationships should 100 or nothing. He said he cares and wants to be with me but just isn't sure he can do it.

I didn't understand...why would someoe want to be with you but not want to even try?! I continued to ask him questions the next day about it...eventually he said it wasn't a matter of if he CAN do it but if he WANTS to. He would get mad at me when i asked him if it was cuz he cares less and say he never said that. But then he said at the end "is it my fault if i dont' care as much?" I'm not sure if he said that to make me stop asking questions or if he really means it...he cared SO much while we were together that I just don't understand how that coudl be true. And if it is true I feel like I did something wrong to push him away...something to make him dislike me. This sucks because i'm really depressed about it...I know it may seem immature of me to be depressed over sucha short relationship but we were inseperable...and he is the first of numerous men to ever treat me well and with respect...and to actually make me feel wanted. And in the end...the one man that didn't act like a jackass to me was the one who didnt' want to be with me.

I'm starting to lose faith in relationships.

in addition...i told him we have both done long distance before and we were both the people in the relationship that could do it...it was the other party that couldn't. and i said we could decide when the time comes if we want to make it work or not depending on how we feel and he said he just wasn't sure if he wanted to do a long distance thing. I asked him what he wanted to do and he said he wans't sure...and i asked him if he wanted time to figure it out and he said no...that he doesnt' want to be in limbo. tho he kept on saying he didnt' know what he wanted. so i said he needs to tell me if he doesn't want to be in limbo and eventually he said we shuld be friends...i told him i don't know if i can do that and he genuinely said "that sucks...".

i can tell he's been really depressed lately and the start of the stressfulness and the depression is when he started to distance from me.

Javagirl, you've made the fatal mistake of giving a guy too much of yourself too soon and too fast. All men come on strong in the begining and get disinterested if you go along with every time they want to see you . They can be like vampires and suck up your life and then drop you when they've gotten their fill.

Girls, you need to play things slow and smart. Don't give it up so soon no matter how much he begs. This is because you know that anything a guy gets that is too free and easy, they will not appreciate.

javagirl,

He made it plain: He doesn't want to attempt a long distance relationship with you for an entire year. Doesn't mean he doesn't care, just in his honest opinion, it's not workable.

I'm speaking from experience: I was deeply in love with a VirGirl my junior year of high school. We were crazy about each other, and if it had just been one year later, we would've graduated, and probably would've married, and would probably still be married today. But, her Dad was Army, and they had to move out west. We tried to stay in touch, but that only made it worse!

I understand you're upset, but it is probably for the best over the long term -- though I'm sure it hurts right now...

Some men like desperation for their attention ... try an Aries or Leo next time.

dyar,

that is really sad...though that makes me think you don't really believe in there being a right person for each person? a true love? not saying this is what i have...because we didnt' get the chance long enough to find out but i feel like there could have been great potential. but do you not believe that she was your only real love and you have lost her, or that she wasn't and you will find your real love later?

it's tough because i feel as though he was burned in his last long distance relationship by his ex...and that is unfortunate because i think long distance relationships can be a good thing to become closer to someone. i wonder if he knew i was actually a decent partner in long distance if he would change his mind.

javagirl,

I definitely believe in True Love -- got that with my Scorp! But, I don't believe it's a One Time Only Deal... There are lots of people in this world, and if you take a chance, you can find true love again (even when you're middle-aged!)...

"...he was burned in his last long distance relationship by his ex..."

Ah! You're a Virgo, you should understand his caution, then. We try to avoid repeating mistakes.

"i wonder if he knew i was actually a decent partner in long distance if he would change his mind."

Perhaps. But it doesn't sound like y'all had enough time together to build that trust...

Timing can be everything!

Yea...unfortunately he may never see that in me. Even if I tell him he can. I'm starting to lose faith in relationships. Not to sound immature or anything...but I keep trying things out and i go from one jerk to another, they treat me well in the beginning and then just emotionally abuse me. And then the one person I find that treats me the way someone should be treated he doesnt' want to make it work. It really makes me lose hope in the fact that i'll eventually find someone i'm interested that holds all the qualities i want in a person that also treat me well AND wants to be with me...he was so close...besides the last part. He's raised the bar so high for me for other men and the sad thing is that I don't think I can accpet less...and I also dont' think i'll ever find it again.

i wrote him a letter before i leave to go out of town for a week...basically saying that we should cut ties for a couple of weeks and if we still have feelings i seriously think we should consider sitting down and talking about it because i feel we can get through tough times that he thinks we can't. becuase if we still want to be with each other than we'll regret not trying...

do you think 2 weeks time is a good time for us to either decide we still want to be with each other or get over each other?

"Virgo male suddenly distanced?"

what else is new...that should be their motto...

OneSexyGem,

Check my thread on the Scorpio Board... I think that should be their motto, too!

"This is why a female should not get carried away by a man's initial interest so quickly and instead keep things going slow and keep options open."

I agree. Pacing should build up over time, and not the other way around...

"that is really sad...though that makes me think you don't really believe in there being a right person for each person? a true love? not saying this is what i have...because we didnt' get the chance long enough to find out but i feel like there could have been great potential."

Its a mistake to fall for a mans potential, I know Ive done it myself . Ive learned so many lessons from dating. the biggest one is to let the man persue you and to make sure you have your own happy life so you dont get hurt.. if it dosn work out. If its meant to be it will.. Good Luck to you.

but letting the man pursue you. i hate having to play the helpless female game. if i like someone and wanna be with them i'll tell them. it sucks that it comes across and being too dominant or can scare people off

unusualcancer: i get where you're coming from though i don't really know if this applies to me because i'm still a virgin and take things slow when it comes to being physical (and no he had no problem with that because he goes slowly as well) and we are both firm believers that you should give everything you can to a relationship before it's too late to figure out how you really feel about each other. you don't want one person becoming disinterested because they think the other is also disinterested because of the lack of wanting to be with them (especailly since he was going to be gone in 4 months for a year as it is it just made sense to try and spend a lot of time together.)

i have been in tons of relationships where i only hung out with them 2 times a week and one whree i only saw him 10 times in 3.5 years because it was long distance. i'll tell you right now in my expeirence that the those never turn out well...and one person always ends up getting frusterated with the other because of misunderstandings on how much the other actually feels.


maybe this is just me though.

and taury i completely agree, i'm completely sick of everyone playing these stupid games. that's why i really liked my ex's company...he never played games with me. and he was always straight forward with how he felt, even in the end.

unusualcancer: "Nothing is easy, including relationships. People are complex and compatibility is a complicated matter."

Damn! You ARE an unusual Cancer woman! Cool!!

Hey everyone, so...i'm back...almost a year and a half later after this relationship ended with me.

Me and this virgo have stayed extremely good friends off and on flirting with each other (with him doing the initiating) but then we both started dating new people. I dated a man for 7 months and him a girl for 2-3 months. Me and my boyfriend at the time wern't doing well and we broke up...i was devestated and the virgo said to me "why isn't the girl i'm dating like you?" and a few weeks later he randomly told me he thought he was in love with me...and even mentioned marriage. I thought he was crazy and shocked as i was not over my recent relationship.

However a month later I studied in Italy and something clicked in me...i missed my virgo and not my recent relationship at all. I didn't want to miss my virgo...because of how much he broke my heart last time. But unfailingly i fell for him once again. Even through out my relationship with my recent relationship i had still harbored feelings i pushed aside for this virgo.

He gets back from studying abroad next month...but the last few weeks he has become distant again, we were perfect but recently he said that i've become too available for him to talk to. he said it didnt' change the way he feels about me but that he thought we talk too much. I asked him if he wanted me to back off and give him space and his response was "well I want to say yes...but at the same time I know that i don't want that".

So now i'm not sure what to do...I know he's having a hard time with an injury and having to come back to the states after a year. Should I try to be there for him or let him come to me when he's ready?


Sigh...virgo men are so confusing. I wish he hadn't have said all those things to me to bring me back into his hands.

i take solace in knowing there are other ppl out there who don't necessarily buy into "the one true love" concept.

that's what i'm trying to do lately. i dont' really have a problem with having my own life when i choose to. i know sometimes i can get a little clingy and dependent on someone, but i can consciously go back the other way too which is something i've learned how to do in the past year.

i guess the issue i'm worrying about is whether doing that is better than trying to talk to him just a little bit. i'd rather just not talk to him at all and wait till he comes around because it's frustrating not getting any responses. but at the same time i always wonder if it's a turn off to men if you just start ignoring them, and if they start to give up and think you aren't interested anymore because of it.

what do you think?

i agree. but it's also confusing because he is coming home in 2 weeks, and may have to have surgery. i know when i got back from studying abroad it was the most confusing depressing thing for awhile. i can understand if he doesn't' feel like talking to anyone for awhile since that's exactly how i felt too. the closer it gets to when he has to leave the more closed up he becomes. i can't really blame him for this since i acted this way too. it's a big change in his life.

but i agree, it shouldn't be this much work.

P-Angel- you sound like a bitter old lady that likes to rip up vulnerable women in particular. Keep your rude comments to yourself, it’s annoying not classy. You have absolutely nothing constructive to add.

Posted by Littlemisssunshine0922
P-Angel- you sound like a bitter old lady that likes to rip up vulnerable women in particular. Keep your rude comments to yourself, it’s annoying not classy. You have absolutely nothing constructive to add.

You do know this thread is a decade old, right?

As for P-Angel, I always found her input to threads to be exceptionally insightful, valuable, and interesting to read, if a little 'unsugarcoated' at times.

P-Angel won't read your comments. She had cancer. She passed away last November.