"Tinder Revolution"

Dating and the Tinder Revolution.

Every time I date a nice guy, especially if I like him, I feel so insecure and wonder, what if he’s dating someone else at the same time? Just last month, I met a cute guy and we went out and had so much fun together. The next week, he called me and we went out again. Now it’s been a month and we’ve gone out four times. The last time I saw him, I asked him if we could define our relationship. In response, he started talking, but somehow didn’t really say anything, and I got the feeling he was probably seeing someone else. But what could I do? Everything was still so new between us, so I let the subject drop.

But here’s the thing: We have so much fun together. We get along. We click. He seems to like me a lot. I decided that everything was probably okay until yesterday when my brother went to a coffee shop and saw him with another girl. I’m afraid to bring this up with him because the conversation didn’t go well the last time; he’s obviously not ready to be exclusive with me. My best friend tells me to relax – this is just how dating is. She says it’s 100% normal for us to both date multiple people at once until we decide together to make the relationship exclusive. But I don’t want to date multiple people. I want him. I’m going nuts thinking about him dating other girls. I don’t want to lose him.

What should I do?

The Tinder Revolution

My friend, you are an unwitting victim of the new culture that I call “the Tinder Revolution.” Although it’s always been possible to see more than one person at a time, technology – and Tinder, where one swipes right or left to meet or reject another – is just one app of many that has made it much easier for us to encounter, get-to-know, and “communicate” with multiple people simultaneously.

However, despite the apparent benefits, the Tinder Revolution often leaves us feeling less self-confident, confused, frustrated, and empty. Why?

Everybody wants to feel special and to be treated with love and respect. Agreeing to date someone while he or she dates other people signals that it is somehow acceptable not to respect or value you. At a minimum, it is a waste of your time, as more likely than not, non-exclusive relationships peter out. At worst, you are setting yourself up for heartbreak, getting attached to a person who refuses to focus on you.

While he’s out with you having coffee, his mind could be on the dinner he had with her last night.

Ever been at a party or a function where someone is talking to you, but at the same time scanning the room looking for someone else to talk to? Someone more interesting and prettier. Someone else, just not you. Pay attention to me, you’re thinking. It is rude and disrespectful to be subject to such behavior. It is certainly not a confidence builder. Dating someone while they’re dating other people is the same thing. While he’s out with you having coffee, his mind could be on the dinner he had with her last night.

Too Many Options

The Tinder Revolution leads to confusion. I know many people think, It’s okay if he’s dating others besides me. I can also date multiple people and still make the right choice. But it’s a mistake. Dating multiple people has significantly disabled bachelors and bachelorettes from focusing on the people sitting right in front of them. Studies show that too many options actually make it harder to choose. Contrary to expectations, providing more varieties and flavors and choices of a product to consumers is not beneficial to people and does not lead to more sales. With too many choices people can’t make up their minds and often don’t, leading to lower sales.

The same phenomenon applies to relationships. But we’re talking people here, not ice cream. When we aren’t focusing on one person at a time, we can lose the most important “sale” of our life!

The Tinder Revolution leads to frustration and emptiness. When someone is dating multiple people and not focusing on you, time is passing by. If you’re dating a guy for two months and he is still not exclusive with you, you need to take a sober look at how you’re using your precious dating time. Not one minute of those two months was focused exclusively on you, a prerequisite to really evaluating taking a relationship to the next step. But you really like him and don’t want to leave him because you think maybe tomorrow he will tell you that he wants to date you exclusively. So you hang in there with anxiety and hope while another month goes by.

Finally he tells you that he doesn’t see a marriage potential here. Perhaps, in the end you didn’t either, so no harm, right? Wrong. If you had dated exclusively, both of you would have come to this place sooner and not wasted precious time. Worse, if in fact you did fall for him, then you’re left heartbroken and empty. While there’s no magic bullet to prevent heartbreak, there is a good chance that if the relationship ended sooner you would not have fallen so hard.

How to Get to Yes

In the future, from the first date, let the guy know what you want and need: exclusivity. All right, it’s too late for that here. Even if you’ve missed your opportunity to set your boundaries on the first date, do it now. Tell him you won’t date him while he’s seeing other women. Period.

“I want to give you my full attention because I value and respect you.”

He might say, “I can’t commit right now.” You’re not asking him to. You’re just requiring that while he’s dating you, he’s dating you and you alone.

He might say, “But you can see other men!” Tell him, “I want to give you my full attention because I value and respect you. I want to be with you without the distraction of other men. If we don’t work out and wind up going our separate ways, at least I’ll know I gave us a fair shot. That’s how I date. I expect you to treat me with the same courtesy.”

And if he refuses, consider yourself lucky that you’re finding this out now, before throwing away months when you could be dating more effectively.

The Sure-Fire Attraction

Don’t be scared. You’d be surprised how much a statement like that will impress and be endearing to quality guys. (And vice versa. Sometimes guys need to tell women this as well.) There’s no bigger turn-off than a woman without self-confidence. Insisting that a man date you exclusively while he’s dating you sends him the signal that you are special, that you deserve love and care and respect. You won’t scare the good ones away.

In my many years of matchmaking I’ve found that the one thing that’s gotten even the most confirmed bachelors off the fence and into marriage are women with inner self-confidence – no matter how quiet or soft they are – that insist on being treated the way they would treat their partner – with exclusive attention. It’s a sure-fire attraction.

Source: http://www.aish.com/d/w/Dating-Exclusively.html

Posted by Arkansassy
Ummm... Yeah.

"In the future, from the first date, let the guy know what you want and need: exclusivity."

Good luck getting a second date with any man you say this to.

This is not about relationship, this is respecting someone enough to DATE THEM EXCLUSIVELY and devote your time to actually get to know them. But I'm afraid you don't get any of that,you must have certain upbringings and social understanding to digest and analyze, what I'm not expecting from you 🙂

Just play your own game. Don’t date multiple people because you think everyone else is doing it. I don’t do it. When I start dating I assume the lady is being messaged by multiple guys, not because of Tinder but because it’s probably true. Then if I think she’s a branch climber, or a serial dater, or if I think she’s on Tinder then I’ll probably notice when she takes so long to reply to me, and I’ll just move on. Tinder has given unattractive women an ego boost, because most men just swipe right to all women, and decide later if the women matches, don’t know if you already know this? I’m not on Tinder, it’s kinda pointless and I don’t want to be involved with it.

Just do your own thing. But do you want to, or do you already meet guys are Tinder? Because you can’t complain to it afterwards.

I told my husband before our first date that I‘m looking for someone who wants the same in life: marriage and kids when time is right. And if thats not what he wants in general then we can‘t date.

Guess what - a week after he wanted to be exclusive, 2 weeks later we moved together and half a year later he proposed, got married following summer and having a wonderful babyboy now. We both wanted the same and chemistry was there, everything else developed on its own naturally. Perfect match

So thats that on being direct and saving your own time while dating.

You should distance yourself from the idea of dating only one person at the time, for yourself and others. Its totally normal to date other people because well.. it‘s just dating and dating is about getting to know eachother, test drive 😂😎 and see if you want to continue on a serious level ir if you part ways.

See dating as buying shoes - you buy them, try them on, walk in them and if they give you bloody heels and blisters you‘ll return them in the 7 or 14 given days. Fair

Or maybe they turn out to be your new favorites

Posted by AquaNextDoor
I told my husband before our first date that I‘m looking for someone who wants the same in life: marriage and kids when time is right. And if thats not what he wants in general then we can‘t date.

It's all in the wording, this would work better than sounding like you demand exclusivity off the bat because it sounds more like you're looking for something substantial.

i'll just say it, i want exclusive ;p

dont matter if the guy want it or not xd

wording dont matter.... imo.



op, do what makes u feel good ;p

Posted by rabidtalker

Posted by AquaNextDoor
I told my husband before our first date that I‘m looking for someone who wants the same in life: marriage and kids when time is right. And if thats not what he wants in general then we can‘t date.

It's all in the wording, this would work better than sounding like you demand exclusivity off the bat because it sounds more like you're looking for something substantial.

click to expand

True

Tinder is for sex

Posted by Sag898
Tinder is for sex

Yes, for fuck ups, i mean hook ups

Meat

Market

😬

Posted by lisabethur8
i'll just say it, i want exclusive ;p
dont matter if the guy want it or not xd
wording dont matter.... imo.


op, do what makes u feel good ;p

This

It's pretty straight forward

I don't share....do you?.....if not, I will give it a blast

It's about being in control of your own choices

Posted by Arkansassy
Ummm... Yeah.

"In the future, from the first date, let the guy know what you want and need: exclusivity."

Good luck getting a second date with any man you say this to.

Worked every time for me

👍

Posted by Dreamyboy

Posted by AriesJo

Just play your own game. Don’t date multiple people because you think everyone else is doing it. I don’t do it. When I start dating I assume the lady is being messaged by multiple guys, not because of Tinder but because it’s probably true. Then if I think she’s a branch climber, or a serial dater, or if I think she’s on Tinder then I’ll probably notice when she takes so long to reply to me, and I’ll just move on. Tinder has given unattractive women an ego boost, because most men just swipe right to all women, and decide later if the women matches, don’t know if you already know this? I’m not on Tinder, it’s kinda pointless and I don’t want to be involved with it.

Just do your own thing. But do you want to, or do you already meet guys are Tinder? Because you can’t complain to it afterwards.

I watched my friends use Tinder and it was hilarious. We’re hanging out, drinking and doing karaoke and their hands swiped right the entire time. They all went through multriple “matches” that day and like you said, they evaluate after they’ve been matched to see if they’d go for it

click to expand

And then they send out ‘want to fuc’ to all of them and there will be 99 that block and 1 that comes through.

"what if he’s dating someone else at the same time?"

yeah what about it?

if you don't have an exclusive relationship then what, if you want something else, then you should look for it on someone that will deliver, is not like someone's entitled to another person attention or expectations

"if you had dated exclusively, both of you would have come to this place sooner"

OMG divorce will disappear? this people is amazing!! 👏 that's all you need, to be exclusive a couple of months. hurrah.

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by lisabethur8
i'll just say it, i want exclusive ;p
dont matter if the guy want it or not xd
wording dont matter.... imo.


op, do what makes u feel good ;p

This

It's pretty straight forward

I don't share....do you?.....if not, I will give it a blast

It's about being in control of your own choices

click to expand

no sharies...

i'm too jealous and possessive. it's in my nature...

even with my belongings...its so weird.

so i will buy them their own stuff, and keep what i have. lol

Posted by Lala1393

Posted by Arkansassy
Ummm... Yeah.

"In the future, from the first date, let the guy know what you want and need: exclusivity."

Good luck getting a second date with any man you say this to.

Hahah

click to expand

men are too easy....... xd



if he desires u from the get -goooo...

he'll want anything with u. ;p