"Wifey" Material? Opinions Please
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by librak924 on Wednesday, May 8, 2019 and has 17 replies.
So this may be in the wrong forum, and for that I apologize before hand. I am just curious about this, what one may call "phenomenon."
Nothing personal really, I guess kind of personal but no real story from me. It's just that I keep seeing these stupid memes and "words of advice" to the ladies that say "do not do "wifey" things for a boyfriend" if he is just a boyfriend. These things include, but are not limited to having a delicious meal waiting for them after work, doing their laundry, doing this and that. My question is....why not?
Okay, I understand maybe I have no laundry to do for myself, and just doing his out of random; unless I have better things to do. But like, I don't get it? I personally love doing all of these things. I do them for myself, why not extend it if I am in a happy relationship? I am not now, although I do have a buddy that comes over here and there for nothing more than fucking and then watching a movie or listening to music or something. We're friends. Today, I am not working and he is coming tonight. Therefore, I am cooking beef stew in the crock pot and when he comes through my door, I plan for him to see me wearing sexy lingerie. I am not trying to be "wifey' and that is just me. Honestly, I think if the guy thinks the girl is trying to be "wifey" by doing these things then he should probably grow up a bit and realize the world does not revolve around himself.
I did have a boyfriend I did all of this stuff for once. I did my laundry at his house, and when I would I would throw his clothes in the wash as well. When the clothes were done, I would fold my own, and then his. Am I supposed to do my laundry and leave his pile on the ground? Am I supposed to do mine and his, fold mine, then toss his aside (which is what he did and honestly it pissed me off. You're 29 fold your damn laundry instead of having a "clean pile.")? It's just baffling. He used to tell me I was trying too hard. I'd cook dinner as well. Like no, motherfucker I am not trying too hard. And just for reference, this relationship only lasted four months, and ended six months ago.
I guess I am just wondering peoples perspective and opinion on this. Let me know!
Nothing personal really, I guess kind of personal but no real story from me. It's just that I keep seeing these stupid memes and "words of advice" to the ladies that say "do not do "wifey" things for a boyfriend" if he is just a boyfriend. These things include, but are not limited to having a delicious meal waiting for them after work, doing their laundry, doing this and that. My question is....why not?
Okay, I understand maybe I have no laundry to do for myself, and just doing his out of random; unless I have better things to do. But like, I don't get it? I personally love doing all of these things. I do them for myself, why not extend it if I am in a happy relationship? I am not now, although I do have a buddy that comes over here and there for nothing more than fucking and then watching a movie or listening to music or something. We're friends. Today, I am not working and he is coming tonight. Therefore, I am cooking beef stew in the crock pot and when he comes through my door, I plan for him to see me wearing sexy lingerie. I am not trying to be "wifey' and that is just me. Honestly, I think if the guy thinks the girl is trying to be "wifey" by doing these things then he should probably grow up a bit and realize the world does not revolve around himself.
I did have a boyfriend I did all of this stuff for once. I did my laundry at his house, and when I would I would throw his clothes in the wash as well. When the clothes were done, I would fold my own, and then his. Am I supposed to do my laundry and leave his pile on the ground? Am I supposed to do mine and his, fold mine, then toss his aside (which is what he did and honestly it pissed me off. You're 29 fold your damn laundry instead of having a "clean pile.")? It's just baffling. He used to tell me I was trying too hard. I'd cook dinner as well. Like no, motherfucker I am not trying too hard. And just for reference, this relationship only lasted four months, and ended six months ago.
I guess I am just wondering peoples perspective and opinion on this. Let me know!
Aren't they saying don't do this for a guy, you aren't in a relationship with? Meaning of you are just fucking, don't spend your time and emotions on him being sweet. You just have sex and that's it.
Men be tossing around „uhh she‘s wifey material“ like they breath. Mostly they have no idea what would make a person a good lifelong spouse. So it‘s not to be taken seriously
do what you want to do for your man - just pick a better one next time
If he’s getting the milk for free, why buy the cow?
👈🏻
👈🏻
From my personal perspective, I dont do domestic things if Im not in a domestic situation aka living together. It's just not interesting to me... like call me when you're done with your chores.
Obviously if you're doing YOUR laundry at his place then it makes sense to be courteous. Just like if you have someone around, you don't just make one meal for yourself.
But I think for me the issue would be if I'm giong out of my way to do chores for a partner who I do not live with. Like for example, he is overworking or being lazy, and i go over to cook him food and help him clean. Or, if he's like what are you cooking us tonight? Uh no... lol.
It also matters how much he does for you though... if he fixes your car and fixes shit around your house, he deserves same effort back.
So I guess it's situational. The kind of guys who will be turned off and say you're doing too much are the ones who do not see you as a long-term partner and do not do those favors for you. So when you do it for them they somehow feel guilty (even if you just do it naturally).
As a woman, I don't do domestic shit for a partner who doesn't do domestic shit for me.
From a male perspective, some probably like it and others are turned off by it. May be depends on their relationship w their mother and upbringing.
I think at the end it's just about appropriate partnership.
Obviously if you're doing YOUR laundry at his place then it makes sense to be courteous. Just like if you have someone around, you don't just make one meal for yourself.
But I think for me the issue would be if I'm giong out of my way to do chores for a partner who I do not live with. Like for example, he is overworking or being lazy, and i go over to cook him food and help him clean. Or, if he's like what are you cooking us tonight? Uh no... lol.
It also matters how much he does for you though... if he fixes your car and fixes shit around your house, he deserves same effort back.
So I guess it's situational. The kind of guys who will be turned off and say you're doing too much are the ones who do not see you as a long-term partner and do not do those favors for you. So when you do it for them they somehow feel guilty (even if you just do it naturally).
As a woman, I don't do domestic shit for a partner who doesn't do domestic shit for me.
From a male perspective, some probably like it and others are turned off by it. May be depends on their relationship w their mother and upbringing.
I think at the end it's just about appropriate partnership.
Posted by AquaNextDoorYes I agree because a few days later they will be saying to you " I thought you were the one"...LMBO!!...
Men be tossing around „uhh she‘s wifey material“ like they breath. Mostly they have no idea what would make a person a good lifelong spouse. So it‘s not to be taken seriously
Posted by 1177aquagirl1177No I mean they say this about women they just see in IG or on the street 😂 just by looks but yeh... very superficialPosted by AquaNextDoorYes I agree because a few days later they will be saying to you " I thought you were the one"...LMBO!!...
Men be tossing around „uhh she‘s wifey material“ like they breath. Mostly they have no idea what would make a person a good lifelong spouse. So it‘s not to be taken seriouslyclick to expand
i'm not sure that cooking a beef stew and wearing sexy lingerie is a definition of wife but ok.
Signed Up: Jan 27, 2012
Comments: 4343 · Posts: 13269 · Topics: 69
Comments: 4343 · Posts: 13269 · Topics: 69
I am quite domestic. I love doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, and caring for children and animals. (However, I often do not have the time.)
So, it's kinda automatic for me to include others in these efforts. When dating or enjoying the company of, a man can think whatever he wants. I will correct him or he will surely realize otherwise naturally if he thinks it's special treatment.
Two examples:
I had an intimate male friendship where I knew he did not know how to cook. It just so happened I would share a meal I had. One day when coming to visit he foolishly made a request and I told him no. Apparently, his feelings were hurt and I later had to address it. So, I told him that he is not my man. He later discovered that I was not seeking a relationship with him either.
On another occassion, I invited someone over for company. He spent the night but I refused sexual advances. His energy was strong but too vanilla to me - fake passion, going through the motions. That morning though, I cooked him a king's breakfast. I felt like cooking a big breakfast. But, he certainly didn't misconstrue.
I rarely gives a fuck. I do what I want.
So, it's kinda automatic for me to include others in these efforts. When dating or enjoying the company of, a man can think whatever he wants. I will correct him or he will surely realize otherwise naturally if he thinks it's special treatment.
Two examples:
I had an intimate male friendship where I knew he did not know how to cook. It just so happened I would share a meal I had. One day when coming to visit he foolishly made a request and I told him no. Apparently, his feelings were hurt and I later had to address it. So, I told him that he is not my man. He later discovered that I was not seeking a relationship with him either.
On another occassion, I invited someone over for company. He spent the night but I refused sexual advances. His energy was strong but too vanilla to me - fake passion, going through the motions. That morning though, I cooked him a king's breakfast. I felt like cooking a big breakfast. But, he certainly didn't misconstrue.
I rarely gives a fuck. I do what I want.
Posted by greylaternI like this response! I totally agree. I'm just the type of person who shamelessly acts like nothing but myself. I am straight forward, and that sometimes scares people. By being myself, I do not feel the need to explain myself. If I have expectations, they are expressed. If I do not have expectations, that is also expressed if I feel the need to express them. I am pretty good at matching, or understanding energy. Communication to me is key, and it shocks me when people just assume things.Posted by librak924Besides stereotypical tv description, "wife material" means KEEPER. Long term material. Someone you could see a long term committed relationship with.
So this may be in the wrong forum, and for that I apologize before hand. I am just curious about this, what one may call "phenomenon."
Nothing personal really, I guess kind of personal but no real story from me. It's just that I keep seeing these stupid memes and "words of advice" to the ladies that say "do not do "wifey" things for a boyfriend" if he is just a boyfriend. These things include, but are not limited to having a delicious meal waiting for them after work, doing their laundry, doing this and that. My question is....why not?
Okay, I understand maybe I have no laundry to do for myself, and just doing his out of random; unless I have better things to do. But like, I don't get it? I personally love doing all of these things. I do them for myself, why not extend it if I am in a happy relationship? I am not now, although I do have a buddy that comes over here and there for nothing more than fucking and then watching a movie or listening to music or something. We're friends. Today, I am not working and he is coming tonight. Therefore, I am cooking beef stew in the crock pot and when he comes through my door, I plan for him to see me wearing sexy lingerie. I am not trying to be "wifey' and that is just me. Honestly, I think if the guy thinks the girl is trying to be "wifey" by doing these things then he should probably grow up a bit and realize the world does not revolve around himself.
I did have a boyfriend I did all of this stuff for once. I did my laundry at his house, and when I would I would throw his clothes in the wash as well. When the clothes were done, I would fold my own, and then his. Am I supposed to do my laundry and leave his pile on the ground? Am I supposed to do mine and his, fold mine, then toss his aside (which is what he did and honestly it pissed me off. You're 29 fold your damn laundry instead of having a "clean pile.")? It's just baffling. He used to tell me I was trying too hard. I'd cook dinner as well. Like no, motherfucker I am not trying too hard. And just for reference, this relationship only lasted four months, and ended six months ago.
I guess I am just wondering peoples perspective and opinion on this. Let me know!
I will say society has these ideas about things you do and ways you are suppose to act depending on the nature of your relationship. Things you should and shouldn't do, so not to give mixed signals. Most of them make sense and others are just steroetypes and traditions.
For example. Giving someone space in your house like thier own dawer or closet space means long term relationship. House key trust. Actions that carry meaning.
I've had similar issues. Like you, just doing me has given people the wrong impressions. I have female friends and I do "boyfriend things". I enjoy it and I'm single why not? :-)
I saw nothing wrong with it but things have gotten murky or my motives questioned. On the other hand, if you are just doing you ( not forced or with a alternative motive) why should you conform to others opinions and behavior?
I will say this about the social norms that DO make sense. I can boil it all down to this. You only have do much energy/resourses. Time, focus, money, and emotionally energy. Don't waste it on the undeserving/unappreciative. Don't expect a return when your expectations are not known or they can't return the favor.
Keep in mind the energy comment and make your intentions known. Be open and understanding to others questioning it until they learn you. If you ever do feel like changing a status yourself, your going to have to speak up or make it super obvious.click to expand
One boyfriend I had (not the other one mentioned) is super into superhero movies. One time, I suggested we go see the new whatever movie that came out that year of the time (Justice League? Idk I forget what movie it was) and he was just floored and said no. Like ???? Apparently it just shocked him that I was thinking bout him and a movie he'd enjoy. He had always said when we got deeper into the relationship that it just shocked him how selfless I was being. I see it now as a good thing it did not work out between us because I did not see that as being selfless, I see it as thinking of my partner, which I consider; as I am sure many other sound minded people consider, a basic necessity in a relationship.
8 months after we started dating and sometime after the movie thing, I had an uncle who passed away that I was super, super close to. I spent an entire Saturday in the hospital (literally about 12 hours), just waiting for him to die. I went back to the hospital on Sunday, and he died about 30 minutes later. Obviously I was crushed. That night, I went out drinking with family and friends (not something he would oppose normally). He spent the day at work. I begged him to come out with us. He refused. He had a long day at work (he worked customer service at BJ's
) and called me selfish because I kept begging him. That certainly is not "hubby" material and I guess it just pisses me off that women need to have all these qualities. I should have ended the relationship then!! He did end up coming, after my best friend stole my phone (who was actually on furlough from the Marines because his father had passed away 5 days before) and pretended he was me and seduced him to come to the bar. Some people just blow my mindPosted by librak924And the "customer service at BJ'sPosted by greylaternI like this response! I totally agree. I'm just the type of person who shamelessly acts like nothing but myself. I am straight forward, and that sometimes scares people. By being myself, I do not feel the need to explain myself. If I have expectations, they are expressed. If I do not have expectations, that is also expressed if I feel the need to express them. I am pretty good at matching, or understanding energy. Communication to me is key, and it shocks me when people just assume things.Posted by librak924Besides stereotypical tv description, "wife material" means KEEPER. Long term material. Someone you could see a long term committed relationship with.
So this may be in the wrong forum, and for that I apologize before hand. I am just curious about this, what one may call "phenomenon."
Nothing personal really, I guess kind of personal but no real story from me. It's just that I keep seeing these stupid memes and "words of advice" to the ladies that say "do not do "wifey" things for a boyfriend" if he is just a boyfriend. These things include, but are not limited to having a delicious meal waiting for them after work, doing their laundry, doing this and that. My question is....why not?
Okay, I understand maybe I have no laundry to do for myself, and just doing his out of random; unless I have better things to do. But like, I don't get it? I personally love doing all of these things. I do them for myself, why not extend it if I am in a happy relationship? I am not now, although I do have a buddy that comes over here and there for nothing more than fucking and then watching a movie or listening to music or something. We're friends. Today, I am not working and he is coming tonight. Therefore, I am cooking beef stew in the crock pot and when he comes through my door, I plan for him to see me wearing sexy lingerie. I am not trying to be "wifey' and that is just me. Honestly, I think if the guy thinks the girl is trying to be "wifey" by doing these things then he should probably grow up a bit and realize the world does not revolve around himself.
I did have a boyfriend I did all of this stuff for once. I did my laundry at his house, and when I would I would throw his clothes in the wash as well. When the clothes were done, I would fold my own, and then his. Am I supposed to do my laundry and leave his pile on the ground? Am I supposed to do mine and his, fold mine, then toss his aside (which is what he did and honestly it pissed me off. You're 29 fold your damn laundry instead of having a "clean pile.")? It's just baffling. He used to tell me I was trying too hard. I'd cook dinner as well. Like no, motherfucker I am not trying too hard. And just for reference, this relationship only lasted four months, and ended six months ago.
I guess I am just wondering peoples perspective and opinion on this. Let me know!
I will say society has these ideas about things you do and ways you are suppose to act depending on the nature of your relationship. Things you should and shouldn't do, so not to give mixed signals. Most of them make sense and others are just steroetypes and traditions.
For example. Giving someone space in your house like thier own dawer or closet space means long term relationship. House key trust. Actions that carry meaning.
I've had similar issues. Like you, just doing me has given people the wrong impressions. I have female friends and I do "boyfriend things". I enjoy it and I'm single why not? :-)
I saw nothing wrong with it but things have gotten murky or my motives questioned. On the other hand, if you are just doing you ( not forced or with a alternative motive) why should you conform to others opinions and behavior?
I will say this about the social norms that DO make sense. I can boil it all down to this. You only have do much energy/resourses. Time, focus, money, and emotionally energy. Don't waste it on the undeserving/unappreciative. Don't expect a return when your expectations are not known or they can't return the favor.
Keep in mind the energy comment and make your intentions known. Be open and understanding to others questioning it until they learn you. If you ever do feel like changing a status yourself, your going to have to speak up or make it super obvious.
One boyfriend I had (not the other one mentioned) is super into superhero movies. One time, I suggested we go see the new whatever movie that came out that year of the time (Justice League? Idk I forget what movie it was) and he was just floored and said no. Like ???? Apparently it just shocked him that I was thinking bout him and a movie he'd enjoy. He had always said when we got deeper into the relationship that it just shocked him how selfless I was being. I see it now as a good thing it did not work out between us because I did not see that as being selfless, I see it as thinking of my partner, which I consider; as I am sure many other sound minded people consider, a basic necessity in a relationship.
8 months after we started dating and sometime after the movie thing, I had an uncle who passed away that I was super, super close to. I spent an entire Saturday in the hospital (literally about 12 hours), just waiting for him to die. I went back to the hospital on Sunday, and he died about 30 minutes later. Obviously I was crushed. That night, I went out drinking with family and friends (not something he would oppose normally). He spent the day at work. I begged him to come out with us. He refused. He had a long day at work (he worked customer service at BJ'sclick to expand
" is not me knocking his job, it's just me thinking "how fucking long a day can you have had there when I just watched one of my favorite people in the world take their last breath of life" Posted by Black-MambaI like this too. But I ain't making no one a sandwich unless I am making one for myself as well. Unless they do something like they're fixing my car or something. I totally agree with you
You're definitely WIFEY material, but you can't find me even making a SANDWICH for a guy these days
they need to come with something real for me to even fold like that.
I'm a firm believer that if you give your all your men lose respect and eventually you will be taken advantage of .
Posted by pisceanlovesBut I don't consider it as giving my all, I consider it being me
I'm a firm believer that if you give your all your men lose respect and eventually you will be taken advantage of .
Posted by librak924I know what I'm talking about but again maybe your man is different. I won't make the same mistake again, I promised that to myself. Do what you gotta do, be yourself and enjoy.Posted by pisceanlovesBut I don't consider it as giving my all, I consider it being me
I'm a firm believer that if you give your all your men lose respect and eventually you will be taken advantage of .click to expand
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