Am I picky for exclusively wanting to date men from my own culture/background?

Hi

I wanted to know if I’m weird for being like this. I’m an Hispanic woman (Latina) and I love speaking Spanish, eating Spanish food and I’m proud of my background.

Before I was very open to dating people of any nationality until I dated this Italian man. I knew how to speak Italian because I studied in Italy. I was over the moon at first with his sexy accent but then for some reason I started noticing that I couldn’t be my true self around him. I had stopped speaking Spanish because he didn’t understand my language and I missed it. Also, he never wanted to try Spanish food because he was very closed minded and only wanted to eat pasta 99% of the time. It’s like I had to change my background or something to be with him.

My last boyfriend was Hispanic like me and I noticed the HUGE difference. We could relate to one another more and it made me happy that he enjoyed the same things I like.

Since I’m newly single, I feel like I would rather date someone from my own culture/background instead of European, Asian, or another culture.

I was into it at first but I don’t want to change who I am. Sometimes it can happen that you fall in love with someone who’s not your type but it doesn’t mean it always works.

What do you think? Am I too picky?

That’s what dating is about

Exclusively looking for your appropriate partner. You need to discriminate.

Posted by angie2080
Hi

I wanted to know if I’m weird for being like this. I’m an Hispanic woman (Latina) and I love speaking Spanish, eating Spanish food and I’m proud of my background.

Before I was very open to dating people of any nationality until I dated this Italian man. I knew how to speak Italian because I studied in Italy. I was over the moon at first with his sexy accent but then for some reason I started noticing that I couldn’t be my true self around him. I had stopped speaking Spanish because he didn’t understand my language and I missed it. Also, he never wanted to try Spanish food because he was very closed minded and only wanted to eat pasta 99% of the time. It’s like I had to change my background or something to be with him.

My last boyfriend was Hispanic like me and I noticed the HUGE difference. We could relate to one another more and it made me happy that he enjoyed the same things I like.

Since I’m newly single, I feel like I would rather date someone from my own culture/background instead of European, Asian, or another culture.

I was into it at first but I don’t want to change who I am. Sometimes it can happen that you fall in love with someone who’s not your type but it doesn’t mean it always works.

What do you think? Am I too picky?

Gonna be modest here but not harsh. Do any of you two have the white rice carb belly?

Nah.

It’s totally okay to want that! Or at the very least a partner who is open to learning about your culture—or hell, excited about it! Because it’s a part of you and they actually care about you. That’s the major issue. You need someone to respect how important it is to you, and there’s no shame in wanting that.

The way this post is written seem to invite specific types of responses; validation and reassurance that your preferences are understandable given your experiences. The framing of "am I too picky?" sounds like you're fishing for moral approval and reassuring comments.

I don't believe for one second that you're genuinely unsure about whether you are too picky, or that you are trying to clarify things for your own moral conscience, or fear the possibility people could think of you as narrow-minded and discriminatory. I'm sure you're well-aware that you don't have to voice your preferences to others and that people aren't keeping track of your dating preferences to begin with.

It's clear to me that you know your preferences are valid, especially when taking into consideration your past dating experience. You're not really looking for moral guidance (as your post seems to suggest), you're secretly looking for positive attention and moral validation; you already know your perspective on dating is valid and reasonable but you want others to shower you with reassurance, sympathy and positive attention. And to garner such responses, you deceptively pretend to be unsure of the type of person you are and to be seeking perspective.

The real problem here is the underlying insecurity driving this post; the need for praise, approval, and validation. The connection between your past experience of having to change yourself in the relationship with the Italian man and your current need for validation and approval is glaringly obvious to me.

My question to you is, why does it matter if you or other people think you are picky? Can you answer that?

Be picky instead of stupid

I mean not really. There is nothing wrong with wanting to stick to your own culture. Humans have been doing that since the dawn of humanity.

Me personally, I think that shit is boring and basic though. Also as a straight white male, aka, the worst form of human, I actually like darker skin complexion in humans. Like Black, Latino, and Indian complexion is very attractive imo. Darker skin tends to age better also. And no it's not a fetish, because I've had people try to blast me with that shit a few times. I like basic asian and white women too, I just personally like dark eyes, dark hair, and darker complexion. It just seems more natural and real to me for some reason.

Posted by angie2080
Hi

I wanted to know if I’m weird for being like this. I’m an Hispanic woman (Latina) and I love speaking Spanish, eating Spanish food and I’m proud of my background.

Before I was very open to dating people of any nationality until I dated this Italian man. I knew how to speak Italian because I studied in Italy. I was over the moon at first with his sexy accent but then for some reason I started noticing that I couldn’t be my true self around him. I had stopped speaking Spanish because he didn’t understand my language and I missed it. Also, he never wanted to try Spanish food because he was very closed minded and only wanted to eat pasta 99% of the time. It’s like I had to change my background or something to be with him.

My last boyfriend was Hispanic like me and I noticed the HUGE difference. We could relate to one another more and it made me happy that he enjoyed the same things I like.

Since I’m newly single, I feel like I would rather date someone from my own culture/background instead of European, Asian, or another culture.

I was into it at first but I don’t want to change who I am. Sometimes it can happen that you fall in love with someone who’s not your type but it doesn’t mean it always works.

What do you think? Am I too picky?

I wouldn't let one experience be the definitive of all people of all cultures. As someone who has dated many nationalities, most people wouldn't try to change who you are or refuse to embrace your cultural differences. Believe me when I tell you that it was simply that individual.

Whomsoever you're attempting to date should and would welcome the cultural differences in most cases and vice versa. That's from my experience and the range of differences in nationality are from Sri Lankan to African American and almost everything in between.

The Italian only wants to eat pasta 🤣🤣🤣

Posted by angie2080
Hi

I wanted to know if I’m weird for being like this. I’m an Hispanic woman (Latina) and I love speaking Spanish, eating Spanish food and I’m proud of my background.

Before I was very open to dating people of any nationality until I dated this Italian man. I knew how to speak Italian because I studied in Italy. I was over the moon at first with his sexy accent but then for some reason I started noticing that I couldn’t be my true self around him. I had stopped speaking Spanish because he didn’t understand my language and I missed it. Also, he never wanted to try Spanish food because he was very closed minded and only wanted to eat pasta 99% of the time. It’s like I had to change my background or something to be with him.

My last boyfriend was Hispanic like me and I noticed the HUGE difference. We could relate to one another more and it made me happy that he enjoyed the same things I like.

Since I’m newly single, I feel like I would rather date someone from my own culture/background instead of European, Asian, or another culture.

I was into it at first but I don’t want to change who I am. Sometimes it can happen that you fall in love with someone who’s not your type but it doesn’t mean it always works.

What do you think? Am I too picky?

Well that depends, would you date someone who was appreciation for the culture too or supported your interest in it?

By reading this, no I don't think so. To me it's your choice. We all got that. Like soul said only the exception here is I like women opposite of my color which would be ones that are lighter than me, namely white women. Not saying I don't like caramel women (the women of my color) it's just that white women in my opinion is where it's at. And if that's who I prefer then that's my choice.

If that's your preference, then that's ok. I never actually got the sense that I was attractive at all growing up because I'm not many people's preferences and my face be all foreign and stuff. But it's ok. Especially if you come from the same background, they will have similar values or at least thought patterns that you can understand a little better.

Posted by angie2080
Hi

I wanted to know if I’m weird for being like this. I’m an Hispanic woman (Latina) and I love speaking Spanish, eating Spanish food and I’m proud of my background.

Before I was very open to dating people of any nationality until I dated this Italian man. I knew how to speak Italian because I studied in Italy. I was over the moon at first with his sexy accent but then for some reason I started noticing that I couldn’t be my true self around him. I had stopped speaking Spanish because he didn’t understand my language and I missed it. Also, he never wanted to try Spanish food because he was very closed minded and only wanted to eat pasta 99% of the time. It’s like I had to change my background or something to be with him.

My last boyfriend was Hispanic like me and I noticed the HUGE difference. We could relate to one another more and it made me happy that he enjoyed the same things I like.

Since I’m newly single, I feel like I would rather date someone from my own culture/background instead of European, Asian, or another culture.

I was into it at first but I don’t want to change who I am. Sometimes it can happen that you fall in love with someone who’s not your type but it doesn’t mean it always works.

What do you think? Am I too picky?

Nothing wrong at all in discerning! If only more people had foresight or self-awareness to do that. Most people don’t know what they want.

I’m the same way because I wanna be able to enjoy my ethnic web series and food with my own kind. I want that similarity because it’s so ingrained in my routine and to not have a partner to enjoy these things with me would suck bad!

I think it’s easier and less complicated if you can find someone from your own culture. However you define that. For some it’s about race, religion, nationality or ethnicity. Other people have their own definitions.

A person should have what they are looking for clear in their mind. I am usually open about it upfront. I don’t even date outside what I consider feasible. I used to be more liberal.

My last partner was of a different background than me and I think it played a huge rule in our demise. Would I be open to it again? Who knows? There is always family and society to consider too.

I'm pretty sure we had this thread on DXP years ago on the old DXP

Dating people from my own culture usually brings on a sibling-like familiarity 😑 I'm usually drawn to opposites in various ways.

I'm with a Filipina now and it doesn't feel incestous at all, lol. Pretty much as far as you can get from my world.

Imma be 💯...I didn't read the whole thing ...just skimmed but the answer is no. You like what you like ...ain't nothing wrong with that.

Posted by angie2080
Hi

I wanted to know if I’m weird for being like this. I’m an Hispanic woman (Latina) and I love speaking Spanish, eating Spanish food and I’m proud of my background.

Before I was very open to dating people of any nationality until I dated this Italian man. I knew how to speak Italian because I studied in Italy. I was over the moon at first with his sexy accent but then for some reason I started noticing that I couldn’t be my true self around him. I had stopped speaking Spanish because he didn’t understand my language and I missed it. Also, he never wanted to try Spanish food because he was very closed minded and only wanted to eat pasta 99% of the time. It’s like I had to change my background or something to be with him.

My last boyfriend was Hispanic like me and I noticed the HUGE difference. We could relate to one another more and it made me happy that he enjoyed the same things I like.

Since I’m newly single, I feel like I would rather date someone from my own culture/background instead of European, Asian, or another culture.

I was into it at first but I don’t want to change who I am. Sometimes it can happen that you fall in love with someone who’s not your type but it doesn’t mean it always works.

What do you think? Am I too picky?

Yeah. Slightly.

I am Latina in Spanish is my second language. I would never, ever just want to speak Spanish, or only want to eat Mexican or Latino food. There is an entire world out there to be a part of.

Same with people. I pretty much speak Spanish when I feel like it, not because there is an expectation of it, or because the other people demanded.



But to be completely honest, I wouldn’t want to be stuck with an Italian guy who only wanted to eat pasta all the time. That’s just as equally close mine it is the Latinos. I grew up with holy ate rice, and beans and tortillas all damn time. And yes, there’s lots of Latinos out there like that.

I also would not want to be stuck, dating an Arab, a Portuguese, Oriental, anybody with very strict, rigid way of living and believing.

No thanks.

Finally, I grew up, having to eat certain things, and having to be immersed in a certain culture. When I grew up, all I could see were the negatives of said culture. So I walked away from it and didn’t look back.

So are you being picky? Yes. Maybe a bit close minded yourself. You speak good English. What’s the problem with being around someone where you would have to speak English most of the time to communicate with them?

Or is English your second language and you’re getting more help than we can see to make your post and responses articulate?