And This Is Why I Don't Approach Women Anymore...

"he was a)cheating man-just like me -Sorry typo, I meant just like the good looking men"

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with that. But we live in a culture today, where men can't win in terms of approaching.

If he is well-groomed and dressed nice, he is a p---y hunting douche. If he isn't, then he is the creepy dude.

That 2nd guy who was good looking and nicely dressed's success is a rarity. Cause again, unless the girl is drunk, high, or looking for a sugar daddy, women usually assume those guys are predators in that type of social circumstance.

We live in a culture where a lot of women continually b---h and moan about men approaching them even if the guy was not drunk and a gentleman about it. Then they complain about being single.

I'll take the alpha female for 500 Alex. They may not be relationship material a lot of the time, but at least they don't treat dating like it's a covert operation.

Now that I left my abysmal sh-thole of a city and state, I'm comfortable being single. I was only uncomfortable being single due to being unhappy there.

Now that I am in an environment where there is stuff to do, and no baggage, I could care less about meeting someone. At this point, I rather meet a girl who is aggressive than one who expects everything to be handed to her dating-wise just cause she happens to be attractive in either a cute or hot way.

@cutegem - You missed what I said. I did say men are guilty of that behavior. But definately not all. I've seen average looking girls be egotastical, man-stealing, golddiggers
like the so-called "babes"

I'm just saying not everything is black and white. And you shouldn't rely on using gender roles as an excuse when it comes to the dating game. You make your own happiness regardless of being male or female.

Yeah, I could douche up like I used to and dye my hair another color and dress super sharp then try to get dates with women.

At this point, I'm content in being alone, enjoying life, and my friends. It doesn't seem worth the hassle of weathering being called a creep/creepy for having the audacity to nicely approach.

There's double standards everywhere

Women say they want a "nice" guy but yet they always "conveniently" end up with the "bad" guy

Men say they want wife material but yet if you look through their phone, it's filled with sluts, "friends with benefits" & the phone numbers of women that they met while drunk. Ironic

Men say they think "natural" girls are more wife material but yet 7 of their ex's AND 10 of the girls they're talking to now are all everything BUT natural (breast implants, weaves, fake nails, fake eyelashes, booty implants, push up bras, etc.)

Women say they wish men had manners & a more "gentleman approach" when they're approached, but yet they always conveniently end up leaving the club with the guy who tried to get her more drunk as opposed to the guy who would've rather spent her time asking her questions about herself (showing interest in something other than her body & level of alcohol consumption)

I mean the list can go on & on & on

My question to you is: WHY DO WE GET SO SURPRISED/ANGRY WHEN PEOPLE SHOW THAT THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT— People haven't known what they've wanted for centuries lol Nothing new about that babe

LOLOLOL @ the pepper spray

But still, how creepy!


And pfft-- that first guy was cute. 😛

Posted by flipyourwig
@cutegem - You missed what I said. I did say men are guilty of that behavior. But definately not all. I've seen average looking girls be egotastical, man-stealing, golddiggers
like the so-called "babes"

I'm just saying not everything is black and white. And you shouldn't rely on using gender roles as an excuse when it comes to the dating game. You make your own happiness regardless of being male or female.

Yeah, I could douche up like I used to and dye my hair another color and dress super sharp then try to get dates with women.

I get what you're saying. You can't put it past anybody nowadays b/c it's always the people that you LEAST expect (not that you do expect) that can AND will fool you.

It's important though to not give up on love/dating just b/c there are a few lost souls/hypocrites out there. If you yourself are that rare gem, then you have to be fair in assuming that there's someone out there just like you. Have faith that someone, somewhere will go about dating in the genuine "know what I want" way that you do. Everybody won't & that's a good thing b/c everybody can't be "the one."

Tiziani, I'm talking about dating.

If I was going for casual sex, I would hook up with a taken woman. They are easier to get dates with ironically than single women, go figure.

I agree about about being able to take a loss. But a lot of women don't listen to that advice and prefer men to do everything.

I know attractive women can get rejected in approaching too. But men are much less jerky about it then women are when a guy does. I mean there are guys who are asses for being rude to women who approach but the ratio is higher with women.

Don't believe me, ask my lesbian friends they will set you straight 🙂

Posted by krysrenee7
There's double standards everywhere

Women say they want a "nice" guy but yet they always "conveniently" end up with the "bad" guy

Men say they want wife material but yet if you look through their phone, it's filled with sluts, "friends with benefits" & the phone numbers of women that they met while drunk. Ironic

Men say they think "natural" girls are more wife material but yet 7 of their ex's AND 10 of the girls they're talking to now are all everything BUT natural (breast implants, weaves, fake nails, fake eyelashes, booty implants, push up bras, etc.)

Women say they wish men had manners & a more "gentleman approach" when they're approached, but yet they always conveniently end up leaving the club with the guy who tried to get her more drunk as opposed to the guy who would've rather spent her time asking her questions about herself (showing interest in something other than her body & level of alcohol consumption)

I mean the list can go on & on & on

My question to you is: WHY DO WE GET SO SURPRISED/ANGRY WHEN PEOPLE SHOW THAT THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT— People haven't known what they've wanted for centuries lol Nothing new about that babe

Idk-- I thought it was understood that The Club was just a meat market.

You can barely hear yourself talk, most of the time-- much less anyone else.

That's why it's important to have your ego AND street smarts in check before dating

Don't act like a child throwing a tantrum when you get rejected by the last person you expected to be rejected by. Everybody isn't going to like you. Just b/c they don't want what you have to offer doesn't mean that they're somehow "confused" or are playing dating games. Accept that even if you're all put together perfectly that even the women who want a "put together" man may still NOT want YOU in particular.

Bottom line: Checking ego at the door goes a lonnnnnnng way

Secondly, although it's an advantage to be completely optimistic about love/dating, it's also a double advantage to not be naive & to be 100% aware that some people are just full of sh**t. It's nothing to take personal. It's nothing to cry over. It's nothing to be so upset about that it tarnishes & affects how you feel about yourself (self-esteem).

Bottom line: Just remember to allow your intuition, instincts & wisdom from past experiences, to come out full force before you even step outside of the house. A lot of things can be avoided if people learn to trust/rely on themselves to weed through dating. When you encounter someone whose full of sh**t, you're not surprised or angry enough that it stops you from quickly moving onto the next. This is hard & most can't do it. They'd rather sit and harp over the 1 Ahole in a world of 7 billion people , who rejected them.

Sometimes you just have to get over yourself & not let things that have nothing to do with you personally affect your self-esteem or deep-rooted values about love. That's giving away wayyyyy too much power & just makes you bitter in the end. And the bitter party always loses. Sorry

Krysrenee7 -

It's not about ego and throwing temper tantrums after getting rejected once. I've been rejected many times.

Women a lot of the time send mixed signals. Some women show interest while out and about to pull a jealosy game with their boyfriend who happened to step away for a minute.

I approached a girl who I thought was interested. And she seemed to be when I approached. Things were going good, then her boyfriend came into the picture (which I did not know she had) 10 minutes later. And I'm embarassed trying to explain that I thought she was single while she has a smile of self-satisfaction.

That is why men like myself do not approach immediately. We want to make sure you are not with a guy and so we don't get embarrassed.


When you get rejected in a rude manner conistantly approach after approach, it makes you cynical.

Gentlemanly approaches to me mean not staring at her tits, full eye contact, discussing non-sexual related things, not asking if she wants to go home with you, asking questions about her, joking around and talking about potential shared interests.

That is all I've ever done in my approaches, and women were still super nasty with me. Any time I ended up dating a girl, it was always cause of her approaching.

Approaching does not work for me in dating. Whereas being approached does go figure. I get approached once or twice a month. Problem is that the girls are 20 years old and I am in my 30's, so that feels creepy to me.

But who am I to be talking? When I need to get laid, my morals about dating younger women go out the window. At least I dont lie like a lot of men do about my intentions. They know up front I'm "just visiting" so to speak.

Ugh. That first chick needs to be pepper-sprayed a few times.

Posted by flipyourwig
Krysrenee7 -

It's not about ego and throwing temper tantrums after getting rejected once. I've been rejected many times.

Women a lot of the time send mixed signals. Some women show interest while out and about to pull a jealosy game with their boyfriend who happened to step away for a minute.

.

I get it. When you do something that YOU perceive to be the "right way," & get bad results over & over again, it affects you. Trust me, I get it

It gets just as old for women to continually get approached by men who are rude, disrespectful or make condescending remarks about her body/outfit/friends. By the time you've came along with your "gentleman approach," she's so turned off in general b/c of the 151 guys who just rubbed her the wrong way before you even came a long

It's even more annoying when half of the men staring down women in lust have girlfriends, wives or girls that they're supposedly exclusive with, at home! Players use the "gentleman approach" all the time & eventually women catch on. Unfortunately, it turns into a cycle where it APPEARS that women don't like that approach, when the real issue is that they're making it a point to themselves as a defense mechanism not to fall for the "nice guy" b/c they know that a nice guy approach doesn't mean that he's actually a nice guy.

So it can work both ways

Yeh that is why you must pick up in the appropriate places and not so called 'sleazy' places as you so call them unless you are looking for that so called 'unkempt' woman as you so nicely put it.

Coz you never will find the person you look for until you stopping looking for it.

Sorry to break it to you.

Posted by Wynter
Ugh. That first chick needs to be pepper-sprayed a few times.

Actually both women.... for being stupid, maybe, just maybe they'll ask why?

There will always be an Ahole & a woman who prefers that Ahole. Stop complaining! Let them be!

Accept that all women are NOT the same. All women aren't searching through life looking for the best man, the white picket fence and the marriage. Some women just want to have sexual relations. Some women like Aholes. Some women don't mind being the "other woman." Some women don't mind abuse. Some women don't mind sharing her man. If you go about dating expecting that all women are the same, should be attracted to the same things & should want the same things, then dating will be a huge disappointment for you!

There are double standards everywhere, BUT instead of focusing on the people who live their lives through double standards, focus more on finding the few people that don't. They ARE out there. And being bitter about dating/love when you finally do find someone who appreciates you for you will send them on the 1st train smoking away from you b/c no one likes a pessimist.

Imagine how a good woman feels when she spends hours in the mirror getting pretty, finds a way to look sexy WITH all of her clothes on & stands in the presence of hundreds of men who would rather spit pick up lines to everyone BUT her!

Imagine how women feel when they do everything they can to appeal to "good men" but yet feel rejection from across the room b/c all the guys can't stop trying to talk to/dance with all the promiscuous women! It's a complete waste of an outfit for the good girl lol

Posted by PotHeadVirgo24

Posted by krysrenee7
Imagine how a good woman feels when she spends hours in the mirror getting pretty, finds a way to look sexy WITH all of her clothes on & stands in the presence of hundreds of men who would rather spit pick up lines to everyone BUT her!

Imagine how women feel when they do everything they can to appeal to "good men" but yet feel rejection from across the room b/c all the guys can't stop trying to talk to/dance with all the promiscuous women! It's a complete waste of an outfit for the good girl lol

It's called social engineering honey.

click to expand

social engineering is also to OBTAIN more knowledge/information isn't it?

like phishing....also "psychological manipulation" .....so therefore it's a "trick" to get information off of you...
it's also fraudulently obtaining private information off of you.

It's in a way can be USEFUL for those who want to understand more. But it's also mind trick and not very nice. The way police try and bully their victims.

WEll, I don't go to bars to pick up dudes. I drink. Maybe that's why I prefer bars full of gay men. It's safer. I don't like the meat markets.

Bottom line: There's always gonna be someone who's turned on by what turns you off & vice versa. Technically, no one is in the wrong.

Men Aholes belong with women Aholes b/c they have more in common & want the same things. That's why I'm not annoyed when the guy I only "think" is a good guy rejects me! If the real reason was b/c he was looking for someone more "fast" then hey, I'd be glad to let him go find his quick lay!

People always think that they're "missing out" when someone rejects them. Who's to say that your perception of that person was even correct. You ASSUMED that the girl was a good girl & wanted a gentleman so when she responded better to the Ahole, everybody's panties are in a bunch. BUT the person who knew she was an Azzhole herself who preferred azzholes wouldn't have been so surprised or offended

Dating is a guessing game.

There is no "good girl" look. There is no "bad boy" look. She may look like your OWN perception of what a good girl looks like (heavily dressed, not acting promiscuous, etc.) BUT just b/c you THINK she's a good girl doesn't mean that she really is. Most guys don't realize that until they approach this supposed "good girl" & get rejected by her only to see her go on to fall into the hands of the Ahole. It's not that she's a bad person or in the wrong b/c she didn't want a gentleman. The problem was that you were INCORRECT in your assumptions. Big difference

Posted by Montgomery
Idk-- I thought it was understood that The Club was just a meat market.

You can barely hear yourself talk, most of the time-- much less anyone else.

The user who posted this message has hidden it.

Posted by FrostAndBite
I probably shouldn't speak for Montgomery, but I think she was referencing the noise level in clubs with her last comment, not you directly krys.

That's how I read it anyhow cause I was about to plus one that part. I never managed to carry a convo on at a club successfully. Then again it's not really my thing I've only been a handful of times so maybe they're not all the same.

Thanks, F&B-- that's exactly what I meant. 🙂

And yeah, I've always steered clear of clubs for the most part, too-- unless there was a band I liked-- though we all hung out in plenty of bars in our early 20's.

Posted by kissmygrits
WEll, I don't go to bars to pick up dudes. I drink. Maybe that's why I prefer bars full of gay men. It's safer. I don't like the meat markets.

click to expand

Yeah, I think venue is something to consider-- I've never dated someone I met in a bar/club.

The only thing I got from the OP here is, (and it was very helpful) the reason why "some" guys won't come over to introduce themselves to me following a couple of glances/stares & exchanged smiles is they have issues and aren't over it, and hold insecurities due to some ho bag, golddiggin snob females and would rather have the easy, dumb chicks who desperately run to him to make it all better.

I say THANK YOU for this tid bit of info. I wouldn't want someone in this state approaching me anyway. I prefer an unassuming secure gentleman that can identify a lady and have the courage to introduce himself to me. Poor or rich doesn't matter. Respect does.

Posted by Montgomery

Posted by Montgomery
Idk-- I thought it was understood that The Club was just a meat market.

You can barely hear yourself talk, most of the time-- much less anyone else.

The user who posted this message has hidden it.

Posted by FrostAndBite
I probably shouldn't speak for Montgomery, but I think she was referencing the noise level in clubs with her last comment, not you directly krys.

That's how I read it anyhow cause I was about to plus one that part. I never managed to carry a convo on at a club successfully. Then again it's not really my thing I've only been a handful of times so maybe they're not all the same.

Thanks, F&B-- that's exactly what I meant. 🙂

And yeah, I've always steered clear of clubs for the most part, too-- unless there was a band I liked-- though we all hung out in plenty of bars in our early 20's.

Posted by kissmygrits
WEll, I don't go to bars to pick up dudes. I drink. Maybe that's why I prefer bars full of gay men. It's safer. I don't like the meat markets.

Yeah, I think venue is something to consider-- I've never dated someone I met in a bar/club.

click to expand

+1. Good people go to clubs too.

But to be fair, the theme of club hopping is sex, alcohol, lust, promiscuity, touching, etc. NOT marriage, relationship, love lol

So while I agree that you CAN meet a good man/woman in a club, I don't think it's realistic to be upset if all the people you left the club with didn't end up being the 1 you settled down with. Some women understand this, just instead prefer to enjoy their group of girlfriends & proceed to reject all men that approach them. It's a lot smarter for a woman to reject all guys in the club vs. giving in to them all =P

Posted by krysrenee7
Imagine how a good woman feels when she spends hours in the mirror getting pretty, finds a way to look sexy WITH all of her clothes on & stands in the presence of hundreds of men who would rather spit pick up lines to everyone BUT her!

Imagine how women feel when they do everything they can to appeal to "good men" but yet feel rejection from across the room b/c all the guys can't stop trying to talk to/dance with all the promiscuous women! It's a complete waste of an outfit for the good girl lol

Way back when in my clubbing days, my friend was the promiscuous one and yes, she had all the men wanting to talk to/dance with her. Of course, it was obvious these guys only wanted a lil sumthin sumthin. However, this always worked out really well for me because I got to meet this guy's friends. While this forward, horn-dogged guy was the asshole, his friends would actually end up being pretty decent, genuine guys.

Posted by scribble
Also, some girls simply go out to have fun with their friends and aren't expecting to go home with a guy that night.

If I was asked, I'd take a rain check and give them my number if I was super interested. But honestly, just seeing someone in a club is typically not enough to keep my interest more than the hours I'm there.

+1

I only ever went to social with my friends. The intention was NEVER to find a hook up. If I met someone, then great. But, I would do like you said and arrange for something outside of the bar (you know they're not sincere if they don't call - weeds out the a-holes).

I'm late to this thread but I want to throw another point of view into all this.

When a woman is at a bar, if she is observant, she is likely to have scoped it out early, so she's pretty familiar with who all is there and what's going on (unless it's one of those really crowded, hip places). So she might have noticed that this guy hit on ten women already. That is a red flag that he is either a player or quite desperate and neither one of those things are attractive.

Furthermore, but from a different angle, it also depends on what time the guy is hitting on her. Is it early? Then okay. But the closer to closing time it is, the more obvious it is that he's looking for someone just to have sex with. If that what she wants, then no problem. If she doesn't want that, then he can f-off.

No, I didn't watch the video, couldn't access it, but per this conversation, those were a couple of points that haven't been tossed out there yet.

Posted by FrostAndBite

Posted by truecap
So she might have noticed that this guy hit on ten women already. That is a red flag that he is either a player or quite desperate and neither one of those things are attractive.

I don't disagree with most of what you said except this part. I used to think the same. Until I found out how much of a numbers game it really is for men. I think its easier for women, because for the most part we have more choice upfront. Its still the dominant dating form for men to initiate somehow and women have them come to her.

For most men, about every 50 girls they try to initiate with they get about 10 that will talk to them, 5 numbers, and then are able to set up and have around 1-3 dates. Which is pretty abysmal numbers wise. I know my ego would so not be the same if I had to deal with those numbers lol. So I guess since learning that I'd cut them enough slack to at least give them a conversation.

But once again, I don't go to clubs hardly ever, and bars normally only with large groups of friends male and female. So maybe I don't understand all the nuances of them. I always dated either online, meeting friends of friends or meeting through a job.

click to expand

I wouldn't want to give my number to a guy that has already collected ten in the same evening. Maybe that's just me.

But I was never rude to the guys that did talk to me, unless they were saying inappropriate things or stupid pick up lines (unless they were so lame, I would burst out laughing - then we'd relax and have a fun converstation).

I tend to go to bars with my guy friends, they're like man repellant haha. It's awesome. I really don't like being flirted with to be honest - but I at least give someone a chance. If someone is genuinely polite, and interested, and offering me a drink of my choice? Uh hell yeah. I'll watch it closely to make sure it isn't spiked but I'm not expecting it to happen from just anyone. Usually the bartender is paying decent attention too if the night is slow, or he's catching some creepy vibes.