rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
13 Years10,000+ Posts
Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Anyone noticed a trend...
i noticed a lack of interest
Hmmm, now that you mention it Rocky.....
Posted by djbuck1
Many of the relationship postings on this site are about trying to make the unworkable "work."
+1
I can see that.
On the other hand I also observe when someone comes with "they are confusing me"..they also come from an entitlement place and are likely to be the party who is confusing.
There's a lot of subtle play on "How can I manipulate the situation to my advantage?"
On the other hand I also observe when someone comes with "they are confusing me"..they also come from an entitlement place and are likely to be the party who is confusing.
There's a lot of subtle play on "How can I manipulate the situation to my advantage?"
i chalk it up to youth and/or inexperience.
youth has a tendency towards inexperience and naivety... their own minds playing games with their own hearts. they let their hearts get ahead of themselves, reading too far into what should be taken at face value, or reading between the lines when there probably were no lines to begin with.
when you're young OR inexperienced, you tend to want to believe what you want to believe. i notice that people with these confusing issues tend to completely ignore certain red flags that the rest of us can't shake our heads enough over. it's as though they've locked onto some aspect of this other person's behavior, and they believe it has deeper meaning than there actually is. OR their situation is an exception because of ...whatever.
It's not 'til life pulls the rug out from under them a few times, that they start to realize the truth is so much more liberating, and they realize what a waste of time it all becomes putting so much thought into something that meant nothing to someone else.
and unfortunately for some??_ it may take a few "confusing" scenarios.
youth has a tendency towards inexperience and naivety... their own minds playing games with their own hearts. they let their hearts get ahead of themselves, reading too far into what should be taken at face value, or reading between the lines when there probably were no lines to begin with.
when you're young OR inexperienced, you tend to want to believe what you want to believe. i notice that people with these confusing issues tend to completely ignore certain red flags that the rest of us can't shake our heads enough over. it's as though they've locked onto some aspect of this other person's behavior, and they believe it has deeper meaning than there actually is. OR their situation is an exception because of ...whatever.
It's not 'til life pulls the rug out from under them a few times, that they start to realize the truth is so much more liberating, and they realize what a waste of time it all becomes putting so much thought into something that meant nothing to someone else.
and unfortunately for some??_ it may take a few "confusing" scenarios.
sometimes it takes practice to learn that confusing = not interested.
and i ALSO notice??_ that there's no amount of *reason* and sensibility that you can offer sometimes??_ they will still do what they want to do, or believe what they want to believe. or in the case of DXP??_ they will still proceed to write post after post, thread after thread.
i admit??_ sometimes i screen who i give advice to. sorry i mean no offense??_ the trend is plain as day, but if you're teen or young twenties? if the acronym "fwb" is anywhere to be seen in your op? PAH!
i admit??_ sometimes i screen who i give advice to. sorry i mean no offense??_ the trend is plain as day, but if you're teen or young twenties? if the acronym "fwb" is anywhere to be seen in your op? PAH!
Posted by DMV
sometimes it takes practice to learn that confusing = not interested.
yea. i'm not sure there's any big lesson of the heart that you can learn through explanation alone.
If I see facebook/twitter/any other social platform in your OP and you describe an interaction going on there..
I'm out.
I'm out.
Posted by rockyroadicecream
That when anyone comes here about a romantic interest and proclaims that the interest is "confusing" them that it's usually because the guy/girl isn't into them?
Yep...at least 99% of the time anyway. Then the thread usually turns to shit from that point on.
My rule of thumb is - if you have to ask, they're not into you.
If someone really likes you, trust me, It'll be *consistently* obvious, if not slightly overwhelming.
It's like an orgasm. You KNOW when you've had an orgasm lol.
If someone really likes you, trust me, It'll be *consistently* obvious, if not slightly overwhelming.
It's like an orgasm. You KNOW when you've had an orgasm lol.
Posted by djbuck1
Many of the relationship postings on this site are about trying to make the unworkable "work."
lol can i triple that?
"let me just fit it where it doesn't fit"
Posted by munchkin
My rule of thumb is - if you have to ask, they're not into you.
If someone really likes you, trust me, It'll be *consistently* obvious, if not slightly overwhelming.
It's like an orgasm. You KNOW when you've had an orgasm lol.
Bwahaha.
Posted by CreepyPants
and i ALSO notice??_ that there's no amount of *reason* and sensibility that you can offer sometimes??_ they will still do what they want to do, or believe what they want to believe. or in the case of DXP??_ they will still proceed to write post after post, thread after thread.
Its not only on DXP. The same shit happens in RW. People will do whatever they think is the best for them at the end. They will ask for an opinion, but they are usually expecting a positive 'sugar coated' answer to ease their pain or confusion, and prove their gut feeling wrong.
Who are we kidding though? we were all there, going against our gut feeling and hoping it will work out smh
Posted by tizianiPosted by Damnata
I can see that.
On the other hand I also observe when someone comes with "they are confusing me"..they also come from an entitlement place and are likely to be the party who is confusing.
Pretty much.
There's an old screenwriting rule that goes: The only subject any character is ever talking about it themselves.click to expand
As it should be, for authenticity.
Sometimes things are exactly as they seem. Other times, all the assumptions & "guesses" from others were completely wrong.
That's why listening to GUT is the best advice-giver. Others on the outside giving their opinion have been more wrong than the verdict coming from gut/instinct has been wrong. Some people look back & wish they would've listened to a specific person but there have been many MORE times when someone looked back & wished they would've followed their 1st initial gut/instinct.
Some people only come here for advice b/c they want an excuse to over-analyze a situation so that the over-analysis drains out the sound of "RUN LIKE HELL" warning bells coming from their intuition. These people will see 500 replies, but yet only truly hear out those who already affirmed what they ALREADY wanted to hear. Manipulation of the mind at its finest. If what you're doing isn't working, taking advice from others encouraging the same ineffective strategy is the worst thing you can do. It may sooth your ego/pride, but it won't get you the better/different results you were seeking
And then other times people are confused b/c well...their situations really are confusing. We've all been confused before. There's nothing wrong with admitting that you won't always have the answers. We've all been in situations when we used bad judgement or listened to the wrong folks.
All situations aren't black & white. Sometimes he didn't call b/c he's not that into you. Other times he didn't call b/c unbeknownst to everybody, his phone really is dead. We've ALL been in situations when someone misjudged our character or intentions or had all the wrong "guesses" about us. So to be fair, we can't knock others who come for advice as if none of us have ever asked someone for advice before. We've all been wrong about someone before
Let's not be hypocrites. We've all been confused before. We've all used bad judgement before. We've all asked for advice before. We've all over-analyzed a situation that seemed confusing & like rocket science in the moment, before. We've all had "wishful thinking" moments. We've all been there.
That's why listening to GUT is the best advice-giver. Others on the outside giving their opinion have been more wrong than the verdict coming from gut/instinct has been wrong. Some people look back & wish they would've listened to a specific person but there have been many MORE times when someone looked back & wished they would've followed their 1st initial gut/instinct.
Some people only come here for advice b/c they want an excuse to over-analyze a situation so that the over-analysis drains out the sound of "RUN LIKE HELL" warning bells coming from their intuition. These people will see 500 replies, but yet only truly hear out those who already affirmed what they ALREADY wanted to hear. Manipulation of the mind at its finest. If what you're doing isn't working, taking advice from others encouraging the same ineffective strategy is the worst thing you can do. It may sooth your ego/pride, but it won't get you the better/different results you were seeking
And then other times people are confused b/c well...their situations really are confusing. We've all been confused before. There's nothing wrong with admitting that you won't always have the answers. We've all been in situations when we used bad judgement or listened to the wrong folks.
All situations aren't black & white. Sometimes he didn't call b/c he's not that into you. Other times he didn't call b/c unbeknownst to everybody, his phone really is dead. We've ALL been in situations when someone misjudged our character or intentions or had all the wrong "guesses" about us. So to be fair, we can't knock others who come for advice as if none of us have ever asked someone for advice before. We've all been wrong about someone before
Let's not be hypocrites. We've all been confused before. We've all used bad judgement before. We've all asked for advice before. We've all over-analyzed a situation that seemed confusing & like rocket science in the moment, before. We've all had "wishful thinking" moments. We've all been there.
Posted by munchkin
My rule of thumb is - if you have to ask, they're not into you.
If someone really likes you, trust me, It'll be *consistently* obvious, if not slightly overwhelming.
It's like an orgasm. You KNOW when you've had an orgasm lol.
Lol @ your orgasm analogy.
Yet, there are some women who don't know if they've ever had an orgasm. They're like "uhmmm, maybe....uhm...it might have been a tiny one." Then one day, all of a sudden they have a real, earth shattering orgasm. Only then, they know they've had one.
Just like relationships, if someone hasn't had a good relationship, they are like "uhmmm.. maybe...it's a good one". Then, once they've had a real, honest to goodness relationship, they finally learn that what they used to have wasn't a good one.
So, perhaps we should be more patient with these girls because the pretty little things haven't had a real, earth shattering orgasmic relationship yet. We should feel sorry for them, shouldn't we?
They will learn eventually.
Posted by Lib911Posted by CreepyPants
and i ALSO notice??_ that there's no amount of *reason* and sensibility that you can offer sometimes??_ they will still do what they want to do, or believe what they want to believe. or in the case of DXP??_ they will still proceed to write post after post, thread after thread.
Its not only on DXP. The same shit happens in RW. People will do whatever they think is the best for them at the end. They will ask for an opinion, but they are usually expecting a positive 'sugar coated' answer to ease their pain or confusion, and prove their gut feeling wrong.
Who are we kidding though? we were all there, going against our gut feeling and hoping it will work out smhclick to expand
absolutely??_ i was def one of these people. i had it bad for one guy??_ over-analyzed the sh*t out of everything several times. omg, never again.
I also think that's the case most of the time. Trying to figure them out through astrology is also a bit desperate. When someone is into you, YOU KNOW, you never have to question it.
Now, if that could sink in...
Now, if that could sink in...
Posted by size zero superhero
$ 10 says half the people composing such threads have someone(or multiples)on the side all "confused" over them too.
In my book if you've been in situations where you don't reciprocate someone's interest & expect the other party to respect that boundary--then if you end up on the flipside you are under ethical obligation to pay others the same courtesy.
i totally agree. i dont believe that everyone deserves an explanation but if the shoe were on the other foot, id like one, but i wouldnt be entitled to it.
Do not agree with this BS. Its too black and white.
True story I posted on here months ago.
Guy and girl go on date, seems to go well. He never calls her, she is CONFUSED, (see above) She thought she had felt a strong connection!! Talks to her friend and the friend says "Call him, what have you got to lose?"
She gets up the nerve and calls him.Notice she calls him..no TEXT.
He tells her, "I thought you weren't interested in ME!!" "So I was reluctant/scared to call YOU!"
Guess what they actually converse on the phone..no Facebook cr*p, and a relationship ensued...
True story I posted on here months ago.
Guy and girl go on date, seems to go well. He never calls her, she is CONFUSED, (see above) She thought she had felt a strong connection!! Talks to her friend and the friend says "Call him, what have you got to lose?"
She gets up the nerve and calls him.Notice she calls him..no TEXT.
He tells her, "I thought you weren't interested in ME!!" "So I was reluctant/scared to call YOU!"
Guess what they actually converse on the phone..no Facebook cr*p, and a relationship ensued...
Posted by sunshine222
Do not agree with this BS. Its too black and white.
Guess what they actually converse on the phone..no Facebook cr*p, and a relationship ensued...
Very true.
Jumping to conclusions can always backfire. However, not listening to your instinct/gut that's sending you warning bells always backfires lol
I say that b/c it seems that a lot of folks always look back in hindsight 20/20 & admit that their intuition gave them the answers at some point or another.
...Which is why some people come here..searching for someone to affirm their wishful thinking. Purposely only having tunnel vision for the person whose words are exactly what they want (not need) to hear. Searching for someone whom they can use to drown out their own intuition. They want to be the exception to the rule or in the rare 1% of people who turn out the winner in an otherwise skeptical situation. Of course, sometimes they do this subconsciously though.
It's natural for us DXP'ers to jump to conclusions & make 100 guesses about the likely outcome/reason for a situation, but the best advice comes from within. Problem is, a lot of people ignore their intuition if their gut is telling them a truth they don't wanna hear or accept.
If your gut is telling you to run, run. If it's telling you that you're being lead on, you most likely are. If it's telling you that you're wasting your time, you probably are. If it's telling you that you're in danger, you probably are. Of course distinguish the difference b/w insecurity and intuition first though.
To be fair though, everyone has been wrong before. Everyone has jumped to a conclusion that turned out to be the complete opposite of what they originally thought. Plenty of us have encountered people who had us all wrong!! Given that, it's not necessarily a good thing to encourage people to jump to conclusions all the time, especially considering we hate when others do the same to us.
Posted by sunshine222
Do not agree with this BS. Its too black and white.
True story I posted on here months ago.
Guy and girl go on date, seems to go well. He never calls her, she is CONFUSED, (see above) She thought she had felt a strong connection!! Talks to her friend and the friend says "Call him, what have you got to lose?"
She gets up the nerve and calls him.Notice she calls him..no TEXT.
He tells her, "I thought you weren't interested in ME!!" "So I was reluctant/scared to call YOU!"
Guess what they actually converse on the phone..no Facebook cr*p, and a relationship ensued...
You just love proving what an tard you are, don't you?
Try living without your head up your ass for once. You'd be amazed at how much clarity you'd have in life.
Posted by krysrenee7
Jumping to conclusions can always backfire. However, not listening to your instinct/gut that's sending you warning bells always backfires lol
I say that b/c it seems that a lot of folks always look back in hindsight 20/20 & admit that their intuition gave them the answers at some point or another.
...Which is why some people come here..searching for someone to affirm their wishful thinking. Purposely only having tunnel vision for the person whose words are exactly what they want (not need) to hear. Searching for someone whom they can use to drown out their own intuition. They want to be the exception to the rule or in the rare 1% of people who turn out the winner in an otherwise skeptical situation. Of course, sometimes they do this subconsciously though.
It's natural for us DXP'ers to jump to conclusions & make 100 guesses about the likely outcome/reason for a situation, but the best advice comes from within. Problem is, a lot of people ignore their intuition if their gut is telling them a truth they don't wanna hear or accept.
If your gut is telling you to run, run. If it's telling you that you're being lead on, you most likely are. If it's telling you that you're wasting your time, you probably are. If it's telling you that you're in danger, you probably are. Of course distinguish the difference b/w insecurity and intuition first though.
To be fair though, everyone has been wrong before. Everyone has jumped to a conclusion that turned out to be the complete opposite of what they originally thought. Plenty of us have encountered people who had us all wrong!! Given that, it's not necessarily a good thing to encourage people to jump to conclusions all the time, especially considering we hate when others do the same to us.
+1
More times than not, many of the pathetic bs you see here is women grasping for wishful thoughts and dipshits like sunshine feed into that crap.
If you gotta ask what behavior means what, chances are things aren't all that promising. That Disney fairy tale, rom com scenario presented above is lol worthy. That'd be an exception- a rare one, tbh.
Please have some class and do not call people names. This is not 8th grade. I refuse to lower myself to your level by coming back at you with name calling and insulting comments. Quit hiding behind a screen.
Sorry but this is not a Disney fairy tale or rom com! Its' true. No one is grasping for wishful thoughts. Do you know how many times I have a confused a man by my actions, when all along I was into them??!! But played it coy so I didn't come on too strong?? Then the guy tells me..."I didn't think you were interested" Or I said no to dates, because I didn't want to seem to eager, but guess what I was eager, just trying to play it cool..or I was truly busy, don't you think the guy was feeling confused and rejected by my actions, and of course I was into him. Just hiding it for a while.
Trying to illustrate a point, that there are way too many situations to jump to the conclusion that they are not into you. What an overused phrase...
I am not feeding into any crap..just keeping an open mind. Something you should try. You are one of the meanest people on here.
Krys..thanks for bringing some common sense here. The gut thing is true, but believe it or not it can be wrong too...met this guy once..would not even talk to me and I thought "wow he does NOT like me..." going with my gut.
Later he calls me and I was totally wrong, I got off the phone and thought "I thought wrong" we ended up having a relationship.
Anything's possible...
Sorry but this is not a Disney fairy tale or rom com! Its' true. No one is grasping for wishful thoughts. Do you know how many times I have a confused a man by my actions, when all along I was into them??!! But played it coy so I didn't come on too strong?? Then the guy tells me..."I didn't think you were interested" Or I said no to dates, because I didn't want to seem to eager, but guess what I was eager, just trying to play it cool..or I was truly busy, don't you think the guy was feeling confused and rejected by my actions, and of course I was into him. Just hiding it for a while.
Trying to illustrate a point, that there are way too many situations to jump to the conclusion that they are not into you. What an overused phrase...
I am not feeding into any crap..just keeping an open mind. Something you should try. You are one of the meanest people on here.
Krys..thanks for bringing some common sense here. The gut thing is true, but believe it or not it can be wrong too...met this guy once..would not even talk to me and I thought "wow he does NOT like me..." going with my gut.
Later he calls me and I was totally wrong, I got off the phone and thought "I thought wrong" we ended up having a relationship.
Anything's possible...
Posted by SugarfootPosted by Damnata
If I see facebook/twitter/any other social platform in your OP and you describe an interaction going on there..
I'm out.
That one. Yes. The curse words wanna come out and play!click to expand
I just really cannot take it seriously.
Like "he poked me on facebook, does he like me?"
My brain shuts down.
Another one..
People who go out of their way to say in their OP: "He/She drives me crazy", "He/She is insane", etc.
1) It is disrespectful to people who struggle with mental issues. And on the other hand, who says they're not sane and you have a problem?
2) If this is so relevant and you feel strongly about it then...maybe you shouldn't get on here to post? Maybe you don't fit together?
I get that most of the time it's said in a dramatic fashion but it still implies you don't get them, cannot understand them so what's the point?
People who go out of their way to say in their OP: "He/She drives me crazy", "He/She is insane", etc.
1) It is disrespectful to people who struggle with mental issues. And on the other hand, who says they're not sane and you have a problem?
2) If this is so relevant and you feel strongly about it then...maybe you shouldn't get on here to post? Maybe you don't fit together?
I get that most of the time it's said in a dramatic fashion but it still implies you don't get them, cannot understand them so what's the point?
Posted by DamnataPosted by SugarfootPosted by Damnata
If I see facebook/twitter/any other social platform in your OP and you describe an interaction going on there..
I'm out.
That one. Yes. The curse words wanna come out and play!
I just really cannot take it seriously.
Like "he poked me on facebook, does he like me?"
My brain shuts down.click to expand
lmao! "He does!!" plucks the last leaf of sunflower....he does he does!!!
- squeals happily like a little girl --
we all go through that stage though. well many of us. we'll destroy the petals of a flower to find out, if he indeed loves, and get infuriated that the last leaf is NOT, then try to say...welll....i still have the stem!! so yes he does. lmao!!
"Consult the oracle: sunflower leaves"
Posted by krysrenee7
That's why listening to GUT is the best advice-giver. Others on the outside giving their opinion have been more wrong than the verdict coming from gut/instinct has been wrong. Some people look back & wish they would've listened to a specific person but there have been many MORE times when someone looked back & wished they would've followed their 1st initial gut/instinct.
If you think listening to the gut is the best "advice-giver", you have it all wrong. It's not definite or the answer.
The gut gives us a signal to pay closer attention and to heed the REASON why your gut is trying to tell you something. Finding out what that "something" or signal is and CONFIRMING it needs to come FIRST before jumping to assumptions or conclusions. Something some people don't do when it comes to relationships.
"Assumptions are the Termites of Relationships" ~ Henry Winkler
Posted by lisabethur8
"Consult the oracle: sunflower leaves"
Oh I decimated sunflowers when I was young.
Annoyed friends like crazy with constantly asking them what they think "does he likeeee me?"
Ok, maybe I still do a bit of that now.
Posted by DamnataPosted by SugarfootPosted by Damnata
If I see facebook/twitter/any other social platform in your OP and you describe an interaction going on there..
I'm out.
That one. Yes. The curse words wanna come out and play!
I just really cannot take it seriously.
Like "he poked me on facebook, does he like me?"
My brain shuts down.click to expand
Exactly!!!
Half the relationship questions posted here with regards to the OP shouldn't really be posted on individual sign forum. It really should be posted on the "validation" forum!
Duncan probably saw this trend and created the forum for that reason. Thank God!
Duncan probably saw this trend and created the forum for that reason. Thank God!
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Funny how that works.
It'd becoming apparent that it's safe to say that "confusing" translates to "not into you." MOVE ON.
I have seen so many threads related to "confusing" behavior as of lately and it makes me wonder if people are getting dumber or what. I know it's hard sometimes when you're in the middle of it, but people ignore common sense far too much.