Anyone taken a break from dating?

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by SquirrelFromTheNuthouse on Friday, November 6, 2015 and has 35 replies.
How long did you take? When did you know you were ready to get back into dating?

I know I'm not ready to start dating yet, but I feel like I need some kind of goal here. I initially decided to take a break from dating with a vague plan to sort myself out. Mature in some ways. But I've been thinking of setting a marker. When I hike, I have a destination. When I climb, I have a point I'm reaching for. And I have a path I plan to take to get me there. This is starting to feel like aimless wandering and that doesn't work for me. Not that I think taking a break was a mistake. It's the right decision. But I'd like to hear how other people figured it out.
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Posted by RainDancer
I have been on a break since my breakup of 7 years. That does not mean I haven't attempted to find love.

It means I'm simply not there emotionally.

I have not figured it out but I too would like info.

In my mind, I am questioning if some people are meant to stay alone. If I'll never fully recover. And if and when I do, I won't know it because that shit just happens like a shooting star at night.

Best to just live and do your best and recognize the magic when it occurs. Imo

A little different here because I jump into relationships too soon. I'm working on ignoring magic because I feel lots of that. Tongue I simply haven't spent enough time alone. You seem to bee good at it. This is something I'm still learning.
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Posted by RainDancer
Posted by SquirrelFromTheNuthouse
Posted by RainDancer
I have been on a break since my breakup of 7 years. That does not mean I haven't attempted to find love.

It means I'm simply not there emotionally.

I have not figured it out but I too would like info.

In my mind, I am questioning if some people are meant to stay alone. If I'll never fully recover. And if and when I do, I won't know it because that shit just happens like a shooting star at night.

Best to just live and do your best and recognize the magic when it occurs. Imo

A little different here because I jump into relationships too soon. I'm working on ignoring magic because I feel lots of that. Tongue I simply haven't spent enough time alone. You seem to bee good at it. This is something I'm still learning.


I'm not good at being alone although I require it on a daily basis for some period of time.

I jump on dates, I have fun but I keep them in friend zone. Emotionally unavailable. Men seem to est it up to which makes me dislike them more.

Never ignore magic, just take what is good from it and put it in your drawer of knowledge for future extraction.

Lol I'm a weird-o but I totally get you on this one.
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Most know how to be alone for periods within a day. I'm just not used to being alone, not in a relationship. I've been in relationships since I was 14. Living alone and not getting laid regularly, has been new for me. It's hard to know what's magic and what's horny. Tongue
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Posted by kalin
I took a 2 year break. Thought I was ready. Then I met an asshole so back to stage 1.

Do you have any plan to get back into it or are you just flying by the seat of your pants?
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Posted by tiziani
You'll never be ready for the right relationship when it comes along so just ride the wave imo.

I don't think going back into dating is a good idea. At this point, I'm not sure who is worse, the men I date or me. I haven't narrowed down what the issues are and if start dating again, I'll just find the same problems all over again. I'm the common denominator here, so I'm obviously part of the problem.
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Posted by kalin
Posted by SquirrelFromTheNuthouse
Posted by kalin
I took a 2 year break. Thought I was ready. Then I met an asshole so back to stage 1.

Do you have any plan to get back into it or are you just flying by the seat of your pants?

I do talk to people on dating sites recently, but just for entertainment. I don't think I'm emotionally ready to date anyone seriously. When I happen to have time and if someone wants to meet up, I'd go for it. That's about it.

To be honest, it's lame, but I just like the attention.
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I feel uncomfortable with men flirting when I have zero intention of returning their attention. I'm not on any dating sites but I am involved in a male dominated sport. I've had to be pretty harsh to get my message across. Maybe I just take things too seriously.
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Posted by tiziani

It's different for different people from what I've seen. Some I know are awesome at online dating, some are better off doing their thing in person. Those people have a natural aptitude for playing the numbers game that dating is and still keeping their emotions open.

I've never been like that and I recognised early, dating was not for me. I went the Clooney route: build your craft up to the point where you know women will need it and come to you en masse and just wait for the right one to come. Worked for me. But essentially you gotta realise Clooney only did this because he was emotionally a loser and so was I. I invested a lot into people and was never good at rejection. People who are excellent at dating don't have those flaws, they have different ones.

What I mean by "riding the wave" was more just don't wait for a magical day where you're perfectly ready for the right relationship for you, because it's never going to happen. The best relationships always catch you off guard. If you need to take time out then by all means. Enjoy it.

I don't feel that I get a very god gauge of a person online. I've always known guys I've dated, either through a friend of a friend or they worked part time with me or I knew them from rock climbing. But I guess I don't naturally flow into relationships because we've still gone through the early dating phase with dinner and/or movie. Probably because I "know" a lot of people. But they're more acquaintances than friends. I'm friendly but not open.
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Posted by kalin
I actually put "friendship" under what I'm looking for. It's just fun to talk to new people.

That's good. If they're still hitting on you when you're being clear you're not there to date, then enjoy the attention you're enjoying. I get uncomfortable even if I'm attracted to a guy who's giving me attention when I'm not on the market. It's not just about whether I'm attracted or not. I'm weird.
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Posted by starwars
I never planned to take a break or to date, it just happens.


Has it helped? Are you procrastinating or just not ready?
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Posted by tiziani
Posted by SquirrelFromTheNuthouse
Posted by tiziani
You'll never be ready for the right relationship when it comes along so just ride the wave imo.

I don't think going back into dating is a good idea. At this point, I'm not sure who is worse, the men I date or me. I haven't narrowed down what the issues are and if start dating again, I'll just find the same problems all over again. I'm the common denominator here, so I'm obviously part of the problem.

It's different for different people from what I've seen. Some I know are awesome at online dating, some are better off doing their thing in person. Those people have a natural aptitude for playing the numbers game that dating is and still keeping their emotions open.

I've never been like that and I recognised early, dating was not for me. I went the Clooney route: build your craft up to the point where you know women will need it and come to you en masse and just wait for the right one to come. Worked for me. But essentially you gotta realise Clooney only did this because he was emotionally a loser and so was I. I invested a lot into people and was never good at rejection. People who are excellent at dating don't have those flaws, they have different ones.

What I mean by "riding the wave" was more just don't wait for a magical day where you're perfectly ready for the right relationship for you, because it's never going to happen. The best relationships always catch you off guard. If you need to take time out then by all means. Enjoy it.
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For me this is very true. I do believe when a person is not actively seeking then they will meet someone. At least that has been my experience and what i have seen with others over my lifetime. Kinda ties back to other things i have mentioned about the need to be with someone vs. wanting to be with someone.

Question for the others that posted they are taking a break, yet they are going out on dates... how is that taking a break? i'm confussed by this. When i took a break, it meant just that, no going out on dates, no dating websites,, etc. So maybe i am not understanding what exaclty y'all mean. Do you mean you are taking a break from a relationship? Confused
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Posted by justagirl
Posted by tiziani
Posted by SquirrelFromTheNuthouse
Posted by tiziani
You'll never be ready for the right relationship when it comes along so just ride the wave imo.

I don't think going back into dating is a good idea. At this point, I'm not sure who is worse, the men I date or me. I haven't narrowed down what the issues are and if start dating again, I'll just find the same problems all over again. I'm the common denominator here, so I'm obviously part of the problem.

It's different for different people from what I've seen. Some I know are awesome at online dating, some are better off doing their thing in person. Those people have a natural aptitude for playing the numbers game that dating is and still keeping their emotions open.

I've never been like that and I recognised early, dating was not for me. I went the Clooney route: build your craft up to the point where you know women will need it and come to you en masse and just wait for the right one to come. Worked for me. But essentially you gotta realise Clooney only did this because he was emotionally a loser and so was I. I invested a lot into people and was never good at rejection. People who are excellent at dating don't have those flaws, they have different ones.

What I mean by "riding the wave" was more just don't wait for a magical day where you're perfectly ready for the right relationship for you, because it's never going to happen. The best relationships always catch you off guard. If you need to take time out then by all means. Enjoy it.

For me this is very true. I do believe when a person is not actively seeking then they will meet someone. At least that has been my experience and what i have seen with others over my lifetime. Kinda ties back to other things i have mentioned about the need to be with someone vs. wanting to be with someone.

Question for the others that posted they are taking a break, yet they are going out on dates... how is that taking a break? i'm confussed by this. When i took a break, it meant just that, no going out on dates, no dating websites,, etc. So maybe i am not understanding what exaclty y'all mean. Do you mean you are taking a break from a relationship? Confused

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By taking a break, I mean taking a break. I did reference previous experience dating, but I have not been on any dates since my break-up.
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Posted by Arielle83
I hated dating.

I'd rather party and if there's chemistry or lust, see how good the sex is and go from there.

Then it's yeah or neh

I'm a bit more gun shy about sex. You should see the other squirrels, they're all going at it like rabbits and I'm all... whoa! Hey! Shouldn't you get names first?













(I apologize for lame jokes. Couldn't resist.)
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Posted by feby
I'd rather get to know someone in time. I'm not into dating at all and do not like to juggle. Never truly sat right with me.

Most people I know date one person at a time. No juggling necessary.
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@SquirrelFromTheNuthouse Yea i got you are taking a break smile But a few others that replied did, after they stated they are taking a break.. so i was/am confussed. Perhaps they are also referencing previous times *shrug* i was just curious as to what they meant.
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Posted by Arielle83
Posted by SquirrelFromTheNuthouse
Posted by Arielle83
I hated dating.

I'd rather party and if there's chemistry or lust, see how good the sex is and go from there.

Then it's yeah or neh

I'm a bit more gun shy about sex. You should see the other squirrels, they're all going at it like rabbits and I'm all... whoa! Hey! Shouldn't you get names first?













(I apologize for lame jokes. Couldn't resist.)

If I'm attracted, I can't stop undressing them with my eyes. It's inevitable.
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Moments like this, I feel like an uptight twat.
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Posted by Arielle83

I can't date anymore cuz I'm married now.

I don't know I didn't take it serious. When a guy was being all nice and nerdy and polite to me, it just made me want him more.

I like the nerds. It's a challenge and guys who act nervous got me hot too.

It's usually what they said that was good too. If I can get a mental connection it's on.

I take a lot of stuff too seriously. I don't remember ever actively deciding to date. Guys ask me out and I have to come up with an answer on the spot whether to give them a chance whether I've seriously considered if I'm ready to date right now or not. In the past coming out of relationships, I hadn't thought that far ahead. If I thought they were reasonably attractive and nice, I agreed because it wasn't like I had any better plans. And I'm realizing that was a mistake. I didn't take time out between relationships. Just walked right into the next relationship with baggage from the last. That's not fair to me or to any guy I date. Because it's not like I'm making new mistakes. I'm replicating the same problems in new relationships. The arguments are almost the same word for word. That's really fucked up.
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I've been single for two years, been dating casually for awhile but I am officially taking a break from men, dates, online browsing dating sites, etc. Full man cleanse after a bad Cap and a bad Libra.
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Posted by MiZLeo
I hate dating. I think when it happens it happens and there is no ignoring it. I don't believe in the "I'm not ready" I think it's a bull shit excuse. Just say what you really mean.....that you haven't found someone worth it yet. And there are a lot of shit people out there. Awe, boo hoo you got your heart broken 7 years years ago....suck it up buttercup.....move on...jesus. I hate people who use that shit as an excuse. You know how many times my hearts been broken, how many times I've been dissapointed? I bounce back quick and I don't let it hold me down, I just use it as a lesson to look out for next time. Relationships are hard no matter who you are.

A bit harsh, don't you think? 7 years does seem a bit much. But jumping straight into a new relationship too soon isn't wise either. I'm looking for some balance between a matter of weeks and years. At least, that's what I'm starting to think.
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Posted by ashley1734
I've been single for two years, been dating casually for awhile but I am officially taking a break from men, dates, online browsing dating sites, etc. Full man cleanse after a bad Cap and a bad Libra.

How long have you been officially taking a break from dating?
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Perfectly okay to be single and take your time as we get older. Lol...
And yes I'm still single with occasional dates.I work two night shift jobs and my schedule isn't for normal people I am abnormal.. it takes alot....

Haven't really for about 2 years ago now.. Met my first Sagittarius with five kids, first time new experiences. And I can't see myself ready for that and t was already conflicting ....

I just do for myself and maybe be one day it will come...
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Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
Perfectly okay to be single and take your time as we get older. Lol...
And yes I'm still single with occasional dates.I work two night shift jobs and my schedule isn't for normal people I am abnormal.. it takes alot....

Haven't really for about 2 years ago now.. Met my first Sagittarius with five kids, first time new experiences. And I can't see myself ready for that and t was already conflicting ....

I just do for myself and maybe be one day it will come...

Do you ever feel pressure from friends and men in general to be in a relationship? At 25, I feel like an adult woman, but I can't say I feel like I'm getting 'older'. You make it sound like I'm reaching for retirement. Big Grin
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Posted by SquirrelFromTheNuthouse
Posted by ashley1734
I've been single for two years, been dating casually for awhile but I am officially taking a break from men, dates, online browsing dating sites, etc. Full man cleanse after a bad Cap and a bad Libra.

How long have you been officially taking a break from dating?
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Um it's been like 3 days so far haha. Not even thinking about men for a good month or two. Then I'll be open to communicating with men again.
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@Op- I am so jealous of your age. Now still live life....I don't feel pressured too much. I am 8 years older and colder than you, I am a Taurus so I can be picky...and been through alot. So I contradict myself. I am a Taurus that can be too impulsive risk taking...and that leads to inconsistencies in my date life. Because I throw in feelings that are powerful for some not used to....I need someone strong too mentally, physically, psychologically and can handle the good and bad.
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Posted by BlackMamba
Why is this a thread? Do you want us to hold your hand while you find yourself?

You got me. The truth is I'm posting shit to annoy you personally, BlackMamba. I spend many hours of my life trolling you. You had no idea what a significant part of my life you are. Now make babies with me.
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@Ashley1734 I've officially been not dating for nearly a month. It's getting harder, not easier. I'm annoyed with myself. Other people are single for years, no problem.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
@Op- I am so jealous of your age. Now still live life....I don't feel pressured too much. I am 8 years older and colder than you, I am a Taurus so I can be picky...and been through alot. So I contradict myself. I am a Taurus that can be too impulsive risk taking...and that leads to inconsistencies in my date life. Because I throw in feelings that are powerful for some not used to....I need someone strong too mentally, physically, psychologically and can handle the good and bad.

I'm a Virgo Sun with Scorpio moon. So, imagine someone with powerful, impulsive moods attached to a need for privacy and self-restraint. That pretty much is me in a nutshell. I'm like a tight wound nut of contradictions.
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@ Black Mamba - Hold me. Lmao..
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Posted by BlackMamba
I'm just saying it's not a big deal! Chill out. Breathe. It's not neuroscience.

Listen to your intuition. Understand your feels.

Taking time out for yourself is the best thing you can ever do. Start reading ppl. Learn how they operate. Investigate yourself. Is it normal? Your behaviours towards your mate? Is his actions normal? Do you feel happy?

Self awareness is important.

25 worry about your career for a little bit


My career is actually going well right now. I'm better at business and school than I am with people. I know what to do in business and school. Compete. People are much more difficult. It's not a competition at all. No one grades you or gives performance reviews or raises in friendships or dating. How do people figure this shit out?
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You are not alone then. Lol. Well I am a fixed earth with fixed air with fixed thoughts of communication, fixed actions, and fixed sexually or sensuality stability of love....lol. A few months haha. Dang.. I'm going on few possibly years fixed.....
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longest break is 6 years, longest sex hiatus was a year
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Posted by BlackMamba
Posted by SquirrelFromTheNuthouse
@Ashley1734 I've officially been not dating for nearly a month. It's getting harder, not easier. I'm annoyed with myself. Other people are single for years, no problem.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
@Op- I am so jealous of your age. Now still live life....I don't feel pressured too much. I am 8 years older and colder than you, I am a Taurus so I can be picky...and been through alot. So I contradict myself. I am a Taurus that can be too impulsive risk taking...and that leads to inconsistencies in my date life. Because I throw in feelings that are powerful for some not used to....I need someone strong too mentally, physically, psychologically and can handle the good and bad.

I'm a Virgo Sun with Scorpio moon. So, imagine someone with powerful, impulsive moods attached to a need for privacy and self-restraint. That pretty much is me in a nutshell. I'm like a tight wound nut of contradictions.

You ever cheat? Strong impulsive mood's?
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I'm a germaphobe. I demand STI testing from bf's before sex. I've been informed that I'm anal retentive because of this. I don't know if I'd cheat without germaphobe tendencies, but that effectively overrides hormones running amok.
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Never know who is trustworthy until getting tested...I do trust easily..and if we are together I know exactly who isn't trustworthy.. some people don't give a damn. Like my exx and let's not talk about sex hiatus. Haha that's different.
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you all make dating sound so stressful Tongue

maybe im just lucky, but dating was always very easy and pleasant for me. only one guy I dated was a problem (extreme jealousy and controlling behavior), but I nixed him quickly and shrugged the experience off.

I think one way I make it easier for myself is that I put ALL my cards on the table and pretty much do the opposite of standard dating advice. I showed up to first dates without makeup and in casual dress and made my expectations clear early on (that im not interested in anything less than a committed relationship). and I didn't try to be cool or smooth or nonchalant. just my normal blunt oddball self

weeds out the players, skittish, fuckboys & non-communicative types, which filters out most drama potential

in tandem to that is being quick to "next" guys. think of the wrong guy as a cancer on your life (the disease, not the sign). remove the tumor asap before it metastasizes.

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Posted by BlackMamba

Just be yourself but with compassion, empathy, and understanding


Anyways what's the problem you talk in riddles

Do you have examples

I'm not sure how problems start. But I know where things end up. I end up with controlling bf's who I'm constantly hiding shit from. For instance, bf doesn't like me wearing pencil skirt to work. I have a limited business wardrobe and I need that skirt for work. So I'm hiding that I'm wearing that skirt to work. Inevitably, he finds out and we have a row. But in general, just the bossiness has me walking on eggshells one day and yelling the next. I'm not sure how things break down to that point. Guys don't start out controlling arseholes and arguments don't get better. They get more intimidating until one day I think: 'Should I be calling the police?' And that's when I know it's over. If I'm scared enough to be thinking that way, I don't want to see if the ante can be upped. It sounds worse when I see it written down. But there's an example.
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Posted by BlackMamba
Does this description fit you:

Cold
Self absorbed
User
Selfish
Self obsessed
Arrogant

I have my moments for being arrogant. But I've heard that's typical of my age group.
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Posted by SquirrelFromTheNuthouse
... I'm better at business and school than I am with people. I know what to do in business and school. Compete. People are much more difficult. It's not a competition at all. No one grades you or gives performance reviews or raises in friendships or dating. How do people figure this shit out?


Nice.... you kind of just answered your own question.

From what I've read, you're having a hard time telling whether or not you really

like/click with a person, who has the qualities you're looking for in a partner ...

or you're just lonely and they're filling up the 'emptiness.'


Since you're good at business, take those skills and apply them, here--

what *are* the qualities you're looking for in a partner?

What qualities are automatic 'deal-breakers?'

What are your weaknesses?

Is there a pattern?

Write that shit down!

Burn it into your brain, and learn how to identify in others so you can

avoid the pitfalls that you're now aware of (maturity!).




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