Cancerleo32
@Cancerleo32
15 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 82 · Topics: 19
Appropriate time to have sex
Um, it depends.
Everyone experiences different levels of chemistry/comfortability with their partners. Just b/c a couple makes it to commitment level doesn't mean that either person is comfortable with giving up the goods just yet.
If I had to put a time frame on it, I'd say sex is ok sometime within the 1st 3-6 months. But hey, if both people are so into eachother in OTHER areas (emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, psychologically, etc.) that sex is the last thing on their minds, good for them. I think waiting for as long as possible is the best option b/c it allows each person to thoroughly get to know the other person w/o having to worry about "sex changing things."
If I'm really really feeling someone & if I get the general sense that we'll be together for a long time, I'll make them wait for probably a month or two BUT after that, I'm all in!
I think it's awesome when couples say, "We F'd like rabbits when we 1st got together!"
Everyone experiences different levels of chemistry/comfortability with their partners. Just b/c a couple makes it to commitment level doesn't mean that either person is comfortable with giving up the goods just yet.
If I had to put a time frame on it, I'd say sex is ok sometime within the 1st 3-6 months. But hey, if both people are so into eachother in OTHER areas (emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, psychologically, etc.) that sex is the last thing on their minds, good for them. I think waiting for as long as possible is the best option b/c it allows each person to thoroughly get to know the other person w/o having to worry about "sex changing things."
If I'm really really feeling someone & if I get the general sense that we'll be together for a long time, I'll make them wait for probably a month or two BUT after that, I'm all in!
I think it's awesome when couples say, "We F'd like rabbits when we 1st got together!"
There's getting to know someone when you're just dating them. And then there's getting to REALLY know someone when you're finally committed to them.
I don't believe that just b/c the title is finally there that both people should jump all in & start giving everything to the other person all up front. I think it's just as important to take things slow in a commitment the same way you would persay you were just dating someone & feeling them out.
I don't think a couple should wait 2 years, but I don't necessarily believe they should screw eachother on the 1st day they made it official. But then again, who knows. Every situation/couple is different.
It also depends on the comfort level at the time of commitment. Some people were best friends with that person wayyyy BEFORE commitment, while others only get very close to the other person AFTER the commitment. As for the couples who had a longggg courtship before the official title, I don't think they face any risks/dangers by having sex very early on. But if 2 people committed to eachother on a whim w/o really knowing for sure if it's gonna work, I think 3-6 months later is appropriate.
3-6 months later atleast gives the couple enough time to settle into their commitment & find/discover things about the other person that they really like and/or can't afford to lose. That way, when the sex finally does happen, it's not the ONLY thing each person has to look forward to
I don't believe that just b/c the title is finally there that both people should jump all in & start giving everything to the other person all up front. I think it's just as important to take things slow in a commitment the same way you would persay you were just dating someone & feeling them out.
I don't think a couple should wait 2 years, but I don't necessarily believe they should screw eachother on the 1st day they made it official. But then again, who knows. Every situation/couple is different.
It also depends on the comfort level at the time of commitment. Some people were best friends with that person wayyyy BEFORE commitment, while others only get very close to the other person AFTER the commitment. As for the couples who had a longggg courtship before the official title, I don't think they face any risks/dangers by having sex very early on. But if 2 people committed to eachother on a whim w/o really knowing for sure if it's gonna work, I think 3-6 months later is appropriate.
3-6 months later atleast gives the couple enough time to settle into their commitment & find/discover things about the other person that they really like and/or can't afford to lose. That way, when the sex finally does happen, it's not the ONLY thing each person has to look forward to
Well, my answer was based on the assumption that I actually knew my partner & grew to a certain level of comfort with them for a lonnnng time BEFORE the commitment.
If I knew my partner for 2 years before we made it official, & if I was already comfortable with having sex before the commitment was official, I wouldn't purposely hold out just for the sake of "going by the book." If I'm feeling him & if I feel that things won't change after we have sex for the 1st time, I don't see the point in purposely holding back...well unless you have a valid reason to.
I say that I'd make them wait, but not b/c I see it as a game. I don't think self-discipline/patience is game playing. In fact, I think it's the opposite.
When you 1st start dating someone/getting to know them, there is SO much you can learn & get to know about a person so much so that sex shouldn't even be the main priority or occurence. Sure, it may be thought of, BUT in the beginning, there's so much going on & so many things to learn about a person that it would be quite SAD if a couple got bored with eachother too soon all b/c they haven't had sex yet.
So yes, I'd make him wait a little bit b/c I'd want to make sure that I grew to a certain comfort level before giving it up. And in order for me to get to a certain comfort level, I'd want to know what it's like to get to know them ONCE the commitment has been made.
If I knew my partner for 2 years before we made it official, & if I was already comfortable with having sex before the commitment was official, I wouldn't purposely hold out just for the sake of "going by the book." If I'm feeling him & if I feel that things won't change after we have sex for the 1st time, I don't see the point in purposely holding back...well unless you have a valid reason to.
I say that I'd make them wait, but not b/c I see it as a game. I don't think self-discipline/patience is game playing. In fact, I think it's the opposite.
When you 1st start dating someone/getting to know them, there is SO much you can learn & get to know about a person so much so that sex shouldn't even be the main priority or occurence. Sure, it may be thought of, BUT in the beginning, there's so much going on & so many things to learn about a person that it would be quite SAD if a couple got bored with eachother too soon all b/c they haven't had sex yet.
So yes, I'd make him wait a little bit b/c I'd want to make sure that I grew to a certain comfort level before giving it up. And in order for me to get to a certain comfort level, I'd want to know what it's like to get to know them ONCE the commitment has been made.
I'm with Elle, here. There is nothing wrong with waiting, but I don't really have rules for myself either. At least, I don't have anymore. I used to be adamant about waiting for a month or so with each new guy, and honestly, some of these never even got past a month. I realized that what held me back was not that I actually wanted to wait, but just my general insecurities. When I finally did some growing up, I began to set my own rules for when I wanted to be more intimate. Honestly, I can put off sex if I wanted to and I have, but if I feel it, I will have no qualms about engaging in it as long as I feel okay about the guy. I've had sex with a guy by the second date; certainly we had been talking much before our first date and in between, but I knew I was ready and I wanted to do it. Having sex that early changed nothing. I've done this with another guy too, and we are just as close and care about each other just as much. Sex is not the relationship; it's just a part of it, to me. I can still get to know a person outside of the sex, and the sex defines nothing but the physical and emotional attraction we have for each other. But this is just me. So, I say if I'm feeling the person and feel trust and a connection, I'm not going to wait a month, but rather determine my own timeline.
Oh, and like Elle, sex is also important to me. I'm a sexual person and while I have a lot of control, I know what I like and want. I'm not going to hold out if I have no reason too, in my mind.
whenever i feel like it.
Well Elle you're right. Here's the problem. There are many OTHER things that are JUST AS important that you take the risk of not really getting to see (or getting at all) until later on down the road, once enough time has passed.
But I don't think the solution is going in head 1st all b/c you're afraid something won't be the way you wanted it to be. We can't cheapskate relationships/love.
Anytime you get with someone, you can't predict whether or not they'll REALLY prove to be faithful, a good communicator during good/bad times (the answer isn't to purposely start a fight), good with finances, etc. Sometimes you just have to take that "risk," & just HOPE that things will turn out in your favor & in the way you like. And if not, hopefully by the time you realize that, you would've gotten to know/admire so many other things about that person, that those other things hold you over/replace some qualities that turned out to not be as big of deal breakers like we thought.
I understand where you're coming from though. Sex may not be as important to me as it is to you. I think we ALL want a partner whose good in the bedroom, but only SOME of us would actually risk ruining things just to see if the sex is good. And I say that b/c there's def. risks involved once you give it up, especially if you're giving it up too early and/or for all the wrong reasons.
The good thing about sex is that it's not 1-dimentional. Has has many different levels just like intimacy does. A man may not have the biggest slinger in the world, BUT he may be an amazing kisser, he may have that "touch" or he may be great at oral sex. And vice versa...he may be great sexual wise, but yet may suck in the affection department. Either way, BOTH things are equally important b/c 1 doesn't feel right or work w/o the other.
The question is, do you give up entirely all b/c 1 thing wasn't good enough while yet all other things are, OR do you stick it out, especially considering some people don't suck at sex at all...they just haven't had enough experience, enough honest feedback from past partners who can guide them & let them know what REALLY pleases the opposite sex, etc.
A guy who might've sucked in the bedroom last year might be a beast this year! But see all the women who walked away from him last year surely missed out. We didn't all start out being beasts in the bedroom. We all learn diff things & got better & better. We were all inexperienced at 1 time
But I don't think the solution is going in head 1st all b/c you're afraid something won't be the way you wanted it to be. We can't cheapskate relationships/love.
Anytime you get with someone, you can't predict whether or not they'll REALLY prove to be faithful, a good communicator during good/bad times (the answer isn't to purposely start a fight), good with finances, etc. Sometimes you just have to take that "risk," & just HOPE that things will turn out in your favor & in the way you like. And if not, hopefully by the time you realize that, you would've gotten to know/admire so many other things about that person, that those other things hold you over/replace some qualities that turned out to not be as big of deal breakers like we thought.
I understand where you're coming from though. Sex may not be as important to me as it is to you. I think we ALL want a partner whose good in the bedroom, but only SOME of us would actually risk ruining things just to see if the sex is good. And I say that b/c there's def. risks involved once you give it up, especially if you're giving it up too early and/or for all the wrong reasons.
The good thing about sex is that it's not 1-dimentional. Has has many different levels just like intimacy does. A man may not have the biggest slinger in the world, BUT he may be an amazing kisser, he may have that "touch" or he may be great at oral sex. And vice versa...he may be great sexual wise, but yet may suck in the affection department. Either way, BOTH things are equally important b/c 1 doesn't feel right or work w/o the other.
The question is, do you give up entirely all b/c 1 thing wasn't good enough while yet all other things are, OR do you stick it out, especially considering some people don't suck at sex at all...they just haven't had enough experience, enough honest feedback from past partners who can guide them & let them know what REALLY pleases the opposite sex, etc.
A guy who might've sucked in the bedroom last year might be a beast this year! But see all the women who walked away from him last year surely missed out. We didn't all start out being beasts in the bedroom. We all learn diff things & got better & better. We were all inexperienced at 1 time
The fact that older people who no longer CAN have sex find ways to enjoy/love their partner the same speaks volumes about what we humans really can do if we absolutely had to.
When we're young, we think sex is way more important than it is...welp, we do until we get older & realize that F'ing like rabits won't be an every day thing in your 40 years of marriage. Both a man & woman's sex drive will eventually decrease or even stop altogether. A man's slinger might start to shrivel up (lol) & lose it's UMPH over time. A woman might go through pre-menapause, etc. Oh man, it'll be a sad day when couples actually make it past the 20 year mark, b/c that's usually when body parts (cough: boobs!) start going south, when wrinkles come out & when damn it, you just don't have it like you used to.
So based on your prioritizing of sex, that means that you're screwed if you ever want to actually end up with someone in the long run. You're gonna have trouble "growing old" with someone if sex is the main deal breaker for you right now.
I'm not saying that sex isn't important, BUT eventually, we've gotta find other things to prioritize on a higher level b/c it's INEVITABLE that sex will eventually become non-existent in a relationship at some point. So what happens then? Should old folks who no longer "have it" just break up? lol I quit, I'm being silly
When we're young, we think sex is way more important than it is...welp, we do until we get older & realize that F'ing like rabits won't be an every day thing in your 40 years of marriage. Both a man & woman's sex drive will eventually decrease or even stop altogether. A man's slinger might start to shrivel up (lol) & lose it's UMPH over time. A woman might go through pre-menapause, etc. Oh man, it'll be a sad day when couples actually make it past the 20 year mark, b/c that's usually when body parts (cough: boobs!) start going south, when wrinkles come out & when damn it, you just don't have it like you used to.
So based on your prioritizing of sex, that means that you're screwed if you ever want to actually end up with someone in the long run. You're gonna have trouble "growing old" with someone if sex is the main deal breaker for you right now.
I'm not saying that sex isn't important, BUT eventually, we've gotta find other things to prioritize on a higher level b/c it's INEVITABLE that sex will eventually become non-existent in a relationship at some point. So what happens then? Should old folks who no longer "have it" just break up? lol I quit, I'm being silly
Posted by ellessquePosted by krysrenee7
All I know, is with my mars in scorp....I have no rules. I do what feels right for myself. So, I can't say it's wrong or right with the first date or the fourteenth date.
click to expand
*nods*
Mars in Scorp too, and I feel the same way. It's a case-by-case basis.
I do it when I want.
Posted by ellessque
lmao at krysrenee7...you really don't have many scorpio placements in your chart, do you? 😛
sex is like air for someone with significant scorpio placements. you can be 18 or 81.
I'm 38, I'm hardly a young one.
all things intimate are on a equal plane for us...whether it be emotional or physical.
...and the size of the shlong or whether it will be in working order in 50 years isn't all that important, as long as they are creative and can find other ways to keep things stimulating.
🙂
Posted by ellessque
...and the size of the shlong or whether it will be in working order in 50 years isn't all that important, as long as they are creative and can find other ways to keep things stimulating.
Shlong?!! LMAO! Oh I'm totally using that instead of "slinger!"
I agree, the size of the boat doesn't necessarily dictate how well or not the sex will be.
But you said something that was important. You said, as long as they are creative & can find other ways to keep things stimulating, that's all that matters...That was my point. To me, sex isn't just about penetration. Sex involves intimacy, touching, kissing, affection, teamwork (lol), communication & other things. So if a person isn't the best at doing a good job penetrating (cough), I won't knock him as long as he makes up for that in other areas =)
And actually, I think my Saturn is in Scorp. Hell idk!
Posted by Candeh15
Oh, and like Elle, sex is also important to me. I'm a sexual person and while I have a lot of control, I know what I like and want. I'm not going to hold out if I have no reason too, in my mind.
Yes...I have to have that ANIMAL attraction for you....and you have to have it for me...
Idk. I'll be that bitch and say I do care about the size. It's a preference like anything else.
Some dudes prefer big boobs, some prefer little ones.
I don't feel bad about it
Some dudes prefer big boobs, some prefer little ones.
I don't feel bad about it
(it's not a deal-breaker or anything, but I'd be lying if I said it doesn't matter, I don't care.)
pfft
pfft
Posted by brianafay
Idk. I'll be that bitch and say I do care about the size. It's a preference like anything else.
Some dudes prefer big boobs, some prefer little ones.
I don't feel bad about it
Exactly...and its not shallow to prefer it
Posted by ellessque
let's say, you go thru all the "rules". Chemistry is great, conversation is divine, you do everything you are "supposed" to and you finally come to the point where sex enters the equation....and it's been 3 months, 6 months...could be even a year....
and....the sex sucks big time. yep. terrible. you are like...WTF—?
what then? just sayin'
sex is important to me. good sex is VERY important to me. great sex is a bonus.
Chain him down, practice til he gets it right. 😛
Posted by brianafayPosted by ellessquePosted by krysrenee7
All I know, is with my mars in scorp....I have no rules. I do what feels right for myself. So, I can't say it's wrong or right with the first date or the fourteenth date.
*nods*
Mars in Scorp too, and I feel the same way. It's a case-by-case basis.
I do it when I want.click to expand
gotta jump on this bandwagon cuz i have it too! that's probably why i responded the way i did the first time...
Posted by ellessque
lmao at krysrenee7...you really don't have many scorpio placements in your chart, do you? 😛
sex is like air for someone with significant scorpio placements. you can be 18 or 81.
I'm 38, I'm hardly a young one.
all things intimate are on a equal plane for us...whether it be emotional or physical.
...and the size of the shlong or whether it will be in working order in 50 years isn't all that important, as long as they are creative and can find other ways to keep things stimulating.
Damn scorpio placements, controlling my vagina. 😛
Posted by ninjamuPosted by brianafayPosted by ellessque
All I know, is with my mars in scorp....I have no rules. I do what feels right for myself. So, I can't say it's wrong or right with the first date or the fourteenth date.
*nods*
Mars in Scorp too, and I feel the same way. It's a case-by-case basis.
I do it when I want.
gotta jump on this bandwagon cuz i have it too! that's probably why i responded the way i did the first time...click to expand
x4 on this now
There's enough rules, follow your gut.
Like any guy would turn that down though. His gf says she wants to practice rocking each others worlds and he's like, "yeah, no thanks"... haha.
I understand, I'm a silent freak too 🙂
Posted by ellessquePosted by LibraSid
I understand, I'm a silent freak too 🙂
thanks 🙂. I'm glad there are more of us 😉click to expand
I'm also of the silent freak type lol.
Posted by PeriThePiscesKing
If you're an Air Sign, within the first 5 minutes of conversation. No need for names, numbers or faces...Just cheap behind a dumpster, dark alley sex.
I'd usually want you to at least take me to dinner first but who could resist this offer?
😕
We'll have an epic Bro-mance!
Posted by Prince_Pisces
Whenever you want to. . .some of you people are so weird LOL
🙂...so true.
The moment the eyes lay on my pants.
Posted by ellessque
true. but i'm always afraid i'm going to meet some really great guy, get to know him, everything will be all puppies and rainbows and then he'll be a total prude in the bedroom and think i'm some kind of freak (in a bad way).
OMG, that's the worst... I have experienced that myself once. I was told I made too much noise, my talking dirty turned him off, and he didn't like me on top because I got into it too much... WTF is up with that?
LOLOLOL
I don't like dirty talk. =/
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