Are you with a narcissist?

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by PurtyWingzFly2 on Monday, January 14, 2019 and has 24 replies.
Have you ever dealt with an narcissistic person? If so how long did it take you to notice and how long did it take for you to try to move on ? What was the red flags they were giving you that made you realize they was facing themselves with a mask ? I think I been dealing with one the last few years and every time I move on I feel like he gave me hope he would change and he never did that was my red flags. He lied saying he loved me just to get sex he got me pregnant pn purpose for his on possession to keep a hold on me. I’m drained and tired of his games. He always makes it seem like I’m crazy if I express how I feel. I don’t think he cares bout no one but himself. He’s selfish cheap and ignorant. He brags says he got all these women to get a reaction out of me or doesn’t work.
I did. It took me prob 2-3 years to move on. Can’t remember when I realized that each time, but a few guys I dated were narcissistic. Some showed it earlier than others
You prob already know this but sometimes you can’t move on without getting a therapist. I had to see a therapist the two times I left my exes who’re really narcissists.
That’s funny cause he told me I needed to see a therapist. Funny he said he got me pregnant on purpose he says it makes ppl draw close together then he wanted me to get an abortion when I said I didn’t want to deal with him. My daughter is here and he tries to use her to get closer to me. He always asks bout me not her he doesn’t seem that interested in her. He calls me crazy bipolar and all this. I been trying to leave the situation alone he comes back around. Ugh it’s a struggle.
Where is The Jesus? 🙌
It can go on for decades if you allow them. The two exes I had to deal with, both are married now and still try to get my attention/try to manipulate me. Funny that both of them wanted to meet up with me in November when they were on business trips and happened to have a stop in the city I was in. I had coffee with one and dinner with the other. I am immune now but the first guy, I met him when I was 18 and he had a hold on me for 5 years later lost my virginity to, the second guy I met him 8 years ago. They will always try.
Look at Borderline Personality Disorder

I figured out two years ago (12 years into the relationship) that he made shit up. I for years believed I was this terrible person. Then one day it clicked that I am who I have always been HE changes...

And then suddenly the denial washed away and I saw everything.

My marriage was broken. He was abusive. I was depressed and damaged (likely some sitt of PTSD) and he has done it all on his own.
I moved to another state to stay away from the 2nd guy but it took another 2 years after my move before I was immune from his manipulation. He always tries to come back as well, till this date.
I had a baby by him known him for 4 years. I’m only asking if I’m dealing with a narcissist or person that doesn’t like to commit. He tells me he loves me but laughs after saying it. Like ha in a nervous way. Then he hardly communicates with me. I get it we wasn’t technically together so he really doesn’t come around. And I think he just wants casual sex like we used to but no lie its getting old. I really don’t want this type of situation at all. I don’t know what to think I’m losing my mind.
Posted by PurtyWingzFly2

That’s funny cause he told me I needed to see a therapist. Funny he said he got me pregnant on purpose he says it makes ppl draw close together then he wanted me to get an abortion when I said I didn’t want to deal with him. My daughter is here and he tries to use her to get closer to me. He always asks bout me not her he doesn’t seem that interested in her. He calls me crazy bipolar and all this. I been trying to leave the situation alone he comes back around. Ugh it’s a struggle.

Seeing a therapist, if you are able to find one that you click, will help tremendously. Those narcissists will try to break your self esteem to the degree that you can never leave them—-that’s how they keep you around. At least that’s my experience.
Posted by Jade_Alexander

Look at Borderline Personality Disorder

I figured out two years ago (12 years into the relationship) that he made shit up. I for years believed I was this terrible person. Then one day it clicked that I am who I have always been HE changes...

And then suddenly the denial washed away and I saw everything.

My marriage was broken. He was abusive. I was depressed and damaged (likely some sitt of PTSD) and he has done it all on his own.

That’s how I am now. I get called selfish but I always went out my way for him. I carried his child and got treated like shit. He told people I was pregnant like it was accomplishment then got mad when I kept my Daughter. He hardly sees her and I don’t understand why he makes it all bout me not her. If I contact him bout her he’s not that interested.
Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by PurtyWingzFly2

That’s funny cause he told me I needed to see a therapist. Funny he said he got me pregnant on purpose he says it makes ppl draw close together then he wanted me to get an abortion when I said I didn’t want to deal with him. My daughter is here and he tries to use her to get closer to me. He always asks bout me not her he doesn’t seem that interested in her. He calls me crazy bipolar and all this. I been trying to leave the situation alone he comes back around. Ugh it’s a struggle.

Seeing a therapist, if you are able to find one that you click, will help tremendously. Those narcissists will try to break your self esteem to the degree that you can never leave them—-that’s how they keep you around. At least that’s my experience.
click to expand

Do you feel like I’m dealing with one ? I got called one but I don’t open up due to the fact I don’t want to let my guard down by losing myself. That’s why I always try to have control on what I’m getting myself into.
Posted by PurtyWingzFly2

Posted by Jade_Alexander

Look at Borderline Personality Disorder

I figured out two years ago (12 years into the relationship) that he made shit up. I for years believed I was this terrible person. Then one day it clicked that I am who I have always been HE changes...

And then suddenly the denial washed away and I saw everything.

My marriage was broken. He was abusive. I was depressed and damaged (likely some sitt of PTSD) and he has done it all on his own.

That’s how I am now. I get called selfish but I always went out my way for him. I carried his child and got treated like shit. He told people I was pregnant like it was accomplishment then got mad when I kept my Daughter. He hardly sees her and I don’t understand why he makes it all bout me not her. If I contact him bout her he’s not that interested.
click to expand
Look at borderline personality! Please!

Also, get yourself some support! I started therapy and was finally ready to be honest (I hid the abuse due to shame in the past)

Then give him boundaries. My husband was really ill, he justified wveeything he did.

Finally getting the cops involved, coupled with therpay, multiple interventions and medication got him to wake up.

But it also gave me safety. I needed to stop living in fear and self doubt.

I may aound very blunt, because I know how you feel. You and your daughter dont deserve this and it is NOT your job to fix him. Your job is to protect that baby.
And he is abusing you. He is verbally and emotionally abusing you. And he will do it to your daughter.

Please, love yourself, get help.
Posted by PurtyWingzFly2

Posted by whatisthisallabout

Posted by PurtyWingzFly2

That’s funny cause he told me I needed to see a therapist. Funny he said he got me pregnant on purpose he says it makes ppl draw close together then he wanted me to get an abortion when I said I didn’t want to deal with him. My daughter is here and he tries to use her to get closer to me. He always asks bout me not her he doesn’t seem that interested in her. He calls me crazy bipolar and all this. I been trying to leave the situation alone he comes back around. Ugh it’s a struggle.

Seeing a therapist, if you are able to find one that you click, will help tremendously. Those narcissists will try to break your self esteem to the degree that you can never leave them—-that’s how they keep you around. At least that’s my experience.

Do you feel like I’m dealing with one ? I got called one but I don’t open up due to the fact I don’t want to let my guard down by losing myself. That’s why I always try to have control on what I’m getting myself into.
click to expand

Possibly, but hard to say cuz I don’t know him nor you in real life. It’s funny I think my best friend has narcissistic traits (“everything is about her”) as well so was the guy she was dating who couldn’t commit to her, both of them were very similar in that sense... I think she’s not over him still. She left him after one and a half years.
Posted by Arielle83

@enfant_terrible

Every ex bf is a narc


*bites tongue real hard*



User Submitted Image
Posted by PurtyWingzFly2

He lied saying he loved me just to get sex he got me pregnant pn purpose for his on possession to keep a hold on me.
Takes 2 to make a baby.

You should acknowledge your part in that decision instead of laying it all on his head cause you are unhappy with the person he turned out to be.
Posted by PurtyWingzFly2

That’s funny cause he told me I needed to see a therapist. Funny he said he got me pregnant on purpose he says it makes ppl draw close together then he wanted me to get an abortion when I said I didn’t want to deal with him. My daughter is here and he tries to use her to get closer to me. He always asks bout me not her he doesn’t seem that interested in her. He calls me crazy bipolar and all this. I been trying to leave the situation alone he comes back around. Ugh it’s a struggle.
In regards to your daughter, get a court ordered paternity test and start getting child support payments.

Me and her broke up for the second time almost 2 Months ago now.. I strongly believe she’s nars and a lot of people have been telling me she is when I talk to them about it.

I feel like she’s really messed with my head and that I still have trouble really identifying if I was this terrible person or if it was really her manipulation..

She still randomly reaches out to me sometimes positive sometimes not. Just the other night she was FaceTiming my dad to show him this cool brewery and then after bar close goes home and is FaceTiming me. Next day goes on a date with whom I believe to be her ex. It’s like what are you even doing
It's possible that he's just a prick or perhaps a guy you clash with or aren't compatible with. Narcissism is pretty full on and would likely show in most areas of their life, not just with their partner.

Symptoms

Narcissistic personality disorder is indicated by five or more of the following symptoms:

Exaggerates own importance

Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence or ideal romance

Believes he or she is special and can only be understood by other special people or institutions

Requires constant attention and admiration from others

Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment

Takes advantage of others to reach his or her own goals

Disregards the feelings of others, lacks empathy

Is often envious of others or believes other people are envious of him or her

Shows arrogant behaviors and attitudes
He acts like he’s important and seems like he does things to get a reaction out of me and I don’t give it to him. I don’t know if it’s to test me but I get mad and lose my patience. He’s a may Taurus ♉️
I fell in love with an intellectual-

Aquarius-man. He is just my friend but I can SEE that he has MANY narcissistic tendencies. I *KNOW* that he can destroy me. So, my ONLY PRIORITY is to protect myself and to ALLOW this love, to flee.
Dealing with that now with my Scorpio Sun, Moon, Mercury husband. It was years into the relationship before I realized what I was dealing with because he's so good at hiding his feelings and true intentions. He is textbook - the love bombing, the gaslighting, the triangulation, playing the victim, the "I can't live without you" while they already have someone else lined up that they've been love bombing, etc. It's what nightmares are made of, for sure. I wouldn't even try to describe the last 17 years of my life but I thought about suicide daily, to where it's now a habit to do so. I just refuse to let him win.
I'm curious if anyone else's narcissist went around telling everyone that you were actually the narcissist - mine did that and he used his flair for drama to really expound on it to a ridiculous degree.