Arguments/disagreements spice up relationships?

I've heard MANY people say that arguing is good for the relationship.

They say that if 2 people never have a disagreement, that things will eventually get boring/stop being exciting.

Some even start arguments just for the hell of it, just so they can have great make up sex!

I've even heard that some people get turned on when their partners are furious and/or finally brought out their "dark" side after/during an argument.

I had 1 guy tell me that I'm much sexier when I'm mad!

Some have told me that arguing is necessary sometimes b/c the fall-out effect helps the other person to remember just how much they need/love you. For instance, if 2 people end up breaking up or falling out b/c of a bad argument, they have a chance to really miss their partners and/or remember why their partner was important to them. This sounds kind of backwards to me though b/c it's kinda the same as saying that we should purposely NOT cherish what we have now so that when it's finally gone, we can go through the motions/drama/stress of wheeling that person back in. I think that's ridiculous!

I'd like to point out that I'm NOT talking about the type of arguing that eventually transitions into verbal/physical abuse. I'm not talking about the types of argument that resort to violence or extreme forms of disrespect like cussing or throwing low blows. I'm talking about typical disagreements.

I must admit though that when you 1st get into a new relationship with someone, we see only that person's sweet/good side. There's just something intriging about the moment you FINALLY see that person's buttons come undone! I think it's def. necessary to know what your partner is like when they're furious.

Now THIS is 1 thing I do sort of agree with though: When people argue, this is the time when they are most likely to bring out suppressed emotions/opinions. It's not that the arguing itself is healthy for the relationship, but moreso that the driving force behind what makes people FINALLY open up & confess their true innermost feelings, is what's considered healthy.

When we're so stuck in "agreeable" mode, we may not be as honest about how we really feel. After all, who hates to have a disagreement early on in a new relationship?! We don't want to mess up the flow/peace of things, so we might suppress them and/or keep it bottled in just for the sake of being agreeable and/or not messing things up.

And hey, sometimes it takes those big disagreemtns before someone can FINALLY come right out & say how they feel. And any time someone can get their true feelings off their chest (especially if those feelings are deal breakers/valid), that's a GOOD thing. Well, it's a good thing as long as those feelings are communicated with respect to the other person.

I think we can learn alot about our partners during arguments. We learn exactly how they feel about certain things that we otherwise wouldn't have known had we both kept avoiding the ultimate disagreement.

I've heard of many people confessing to infidelity, drug use and/or forbidden things when arguing..all things they probably would've taken to the grave had someone not argued with them/forced it out of them! Alot of things come out during arguments...they may NOT be things/feelings we want to hear, but I think communication is very important.

And people forget that communication isn't just limited to the good times, when both people agree with everything and/or can talk about positive feelings. Communication is JUST as important when negative feelings need to be expressed/brought to the table & surface. The key is in effectively communicating those feelings so that your partner has a higher chance of hearing you out & understanding you.

Either way, I've heard that arguments can really spice up a relationship. I don't know if I agree though.

Hehe, my ex also told me i was 'sexy as hell' when im angry. He said my eyes literally get darker.

Im guilty of starting arhuments when bored. It was never conscious on my part, but i realized it after the fact.

Boredom is death to me. Having an intense argument kind of feels like an injection of energy.

I definitely feel closer to the person after the argument. Feels like we're together not because we agree on everything, but because we respect the differences between us.

Nicely put. When you word it like that, arguments don't seem so bad after all =)

Actually, I've had a few guys tell me I'm more sexier when I'm mad. Of course, this confuses me b/c the things that come out of my mouth aren't necessarily as sweet/pretty =P But hey, whatever floats their boat(s)!

I think arguments are even better when it's had with someone who is normally sweet/agreeable 24-7. If a person has a passive/agreeable partner, I can understand how it'd be a turn on when they finally see that person break out of their shell & release the crackin!

Posted by QLIbraMale
Naw Fire Signs dig that argument BS. We Airy signs avoid senseless arguments.

lol I agree that senseless arguments may provide temporary satisfaction (of course to the person who started it OR won the argument) but the satisfaction is short-lived. Senseless arguments may be sexy & may resort to make up sex, but after a while, all the pettiness really counts AGAINST the relationship.

Problem is, people have different definitions of what a "valid" concern/complaint/argument is. 1 person may believe that their partner's feelings/concerns aren't even valid, while the other person is enraged & feels like they have a valid complaint. And of course, the min. someone thinks your complaint isn't even valid, they won't listen to you/hear you out. This is when arguments turn into fights. And there is a different.

I think disagreements are healthy. I personally can't stand it to be with someone whose passive agressive or who isn't a good communicator. They're NOT doing me any favors by suppressing how they really feel about something, even if they believe that expressing those feelings may rub me the wrong way or piss me off. I need someone who has a backbone & who stands up for their beliefs, even if their beliefs aren't popular or easily understood by others.

Someone standing up to me is more sexy than anything! Ugh, I love it when someone can sit me down & say "Look!" It's the sexiest thing in the world!!! Well, I learned to appreciate certain kinds of aggressiveness, especially considering I've encountered some of the most submissive/passive men in the world! I hate having to "guess" how someone feels. I don't mind it when I'm right, but oh boy I get so frustrated when I'm wrong! I hate having to try reading my partner's mind all just to get them to tell me something that I probably wouldn't have hesistated to tell them persay the tables were turned!

i start arguements for the hell of it bc i nne excitment in my relationships, i dont want a woman i can run over, thats not even challenging

Whats an argument?

I'd rather have positives (going places, doing things, having fun) bring the excitement into a relationship than fighting about stuff. Now if it's an important topic lets sort it out. Important doesn't have to mean urgent or life threatening either, just important to wither of us. But don't start arguments just for the sake of 'spicing it up'. And yes, everyone will have disagreements... talk through it and move on.

how else can i get you other signs to loosen up if we dont argue.

You want me to loosen up, make me laugh!

I don't 'need' to argue, but I'm very good at it and will if I must.

arguing brings out the real emotions. to truly know someone you have to know what they will say in the heat of an argument

I think that to say that it's healhty to argue for the sake of keeping things lively is nuts! Everyone likes different things, but a relationship that is going to last is a harmonious one with good communication. My husband and I don't need to fight to work through differences and set boundaries. We DO fight sometimes, but it's over and forgotten as soon as we figure out where the miscommunication arose. Needing drama in a relationship is an addiction. If you're bored, go out and do something fun together (and I'm saying this as a Gemini- the QUEEN of boredom). The arguing that you think is adding excitement to your relationship might be deeply hurting your partner and is immature.

People that do not argue make me uneasy. Bottled up, unhealthy. Uncork that bottle of wine and let it BREATHE.

Posted by Whimsy
I think that to say that it's healhty to argue for the sake of keeping things lively is nuts! Everyone likes different things, but a relationship that is going to last is a harmonious one with good communication. My husband and I don't need to fight to work through differences and set boundaries. We DO fight sometimes, but it's over and forgotten as soon as we figure out where the miscommunication arose. Needing drama in a relationship is an addiction. If you're bored, go out and do something fun together (and I'm saying this as a Gemini- the QUEEN of boredom). The arguing that you think is adding excitement to your relationship might be deeply hurting your partner and is immature.

^^ this.


I don't need to argue to show true emotions. If you want to know what I think you can simply ask my opinion. We may agree we may not. Some things we can agree to disagree, if it's something we need to agree on and do something about (making a purchase, school for the kids, whatever) then we can talk it through like rational humans. Arguing and causing drama won't help persuade me. If it's just excitement you're looking for... I've haven't been skydiving yet, wanna go?

I'm not sure any of us are talking about NEEDING to argue. I, for one, just like it sometimes. Anger is an emotion I feel a lot and I love emotions. They make me feel alive (both good and bad).

I couldn't get angry at someone if I didn't love them. I want to express how I feel so they know how deeply I am affected by them. I feel the same way when someone is angry with me. I want them to be comfortable expressing it and I want them to trust me enough to know that it won't make me question how they feel about me.

I've recently said to someone I love very much that I wanted to have argument sex, not makeup sex. I wanted to have sex while we were angry because it would feel like no matter how angry we get with eachother, we still love eachother. No fight is going to destroy that foundation. That to me is beautiful.

I think people just have different feelings on anger. Some are comfortable with it, some aren't.

I find that if you argue a lot, the sex is usually realllly good, which may not be the healthiest of the relationships, but coincidentally, seem to be the hardest to let go of.

Posted by QLIbraMale
I just get turned off by any disrespect, even if she's butt naked really disrespect me she ain't riding me.

I agree. I get turned off by any disrespect. Disrespect = no loving at all.

I love to argue alot,but not fight.in the middle of most arguments,I will eventually start to get amused...laugh..then it's sexy time. 🙂

unless it's with a Scorpio.

I'm like you, QLIbraMale: I will NOT have sex with someone after we've just had an argument. I don't like to fight, so if I have been it's because I'm extremely frustrated and hurt, and I can't just turn that off and hop in bed without a cool-down period.

Posted by LoveBucket
However, on those times when me and my ex nevertheless did argue or fuss each other out, when he's *got the mike*, even if he interrupts me to say his peace, I STFU and let him have the floor. Why?? Because when you STFU and LISTEN, the things you learn simply by doing that seem to make the argument well worth it. For some, the sex afterwards makes the argument worth it but I ain't one of those -- it's the knowledge I've gained by listening to the things he's said during the squabble that make the argument worth it with me.

I actually can totally relate! I hate listening sometimes b/c I sometimes spend more time thinking of what I'm going to say next instead of listening, BUT I find it particularly fascinating to actually sit down, shut up & finally listen to someone...and especially if they never raise their voice or get "crazy" that often.

I think it's even more sexy when a man whom usually never raises his voice, gets crazy or gets loud, finally stomps his foot on the ground & tells me to "shut up & listen!" Well not the "shut up" part, but you know what I mean! I love it when someone commands that I respect them & listen! It makes listening fun!

Listening is 1 of the hardest things in the world to do & conquer, but oh man you can really learn alot by simply shutting up & listening. And since men supposedly have a harder time communicating serious feelings/emotions more than women, I find it extra exciting to finally hear a man pour his heart out & talk with such conviction & seriousness in his voice.

"They say that if 2 people never have a disagreement, that things will eventually get boring/stop being exciting."

I'll agree with this statement to an extent. I believe that disagreements are healthy for a relationship whether it be romantic or friendship. My problem is I have a tendancy to remain neutral on certian matters. It drives people crazy...but oh well. If two people agree on absolutly everything, then where is the learning process? By learning I mean, INSIGHT as to how the other thinks and WHY they think that way. Hell, I am guilty of taking the opposite POV on purpose just to get some insight on how the other thinks even though I may really agree with their POV!

Personally, I would like it someone would disagree with me at times (as long as they TRULY disagree and with their OWN reasons why). That tells me that you know how to think for yourself, you have your OWN opinions and you are opening my mind to a new way of thinking/seeing things. And for me.....thats HOT!