Broken; need some real good help, please.

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by cobragirl on Tuesday, February 4, 2014 and has 48 replies.
Basically, my husband cheated on me and in the most demeaning way ever. He was my only friend. For two years, I was blind - I would naively tell him about all the rumours I was hearing about him flirting with his women "friends". He would tell everyone that he is single, and I was just an old friend; he even lead them to believe that I was a loose woman who is after his money. He used me for sex, money, home and companionship, all the while telling me that he needed time and space, and allowing me to believe that we were working on our relationship. Three months ago, I found out the truth but he never agreed or acknowledged anything. And almost immediately, he was back in my life. He made me borrow large amounts of money from the bank and he bought an expensive vehicle. Last week, he deceived me again by calling his women friends and telling them he still loves them, misses them, and not a second goes by without him thinking about them. He told them that he bought the vehicle just so he could drive upstate to see them. Later that night, he would sleep with me.
I feel dirty, stupid and insignificant. To put it bluntly, I'm very depressed and am having suicidal thoughts. Its not the deceit and betrayal - I can live with the fact that my husband is a selfish, lowly, blood-sucking leech. Its my stupidity to trust him a second time; my incapability to spurn him, and my gullibility to his charm.
I want redemption and justice, and my social identity. I need friends but its difficult to make any now. Where I live, I don't have any friends, and I cannot afford therapy. I've contacted two suicide prevention helplines but not having heard back from either one, I have no will to seek another.
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This is DXP Astro-site....why no Sign? Meaning, can you give us his Sign?
And enough with this non-sense of killing yourself Jesus Christ!
Why the hell did you stay with a man that won't even acknowledge you....insane!
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Boy, if a suicide hot line won't even call you back, whats a person to do....
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Thank you all for your kind words and show of support. I don't know how to deal with the memories. Every stupid little thing is a reminder of our past, like the stupid curtains, my blue shoes... I've thrown out most of the stuff, but there are some things that are mine, and they just bring back some memories that I'd rather forget. Is there really such a thing called "the forgetting pill" (http://www.wired.com/magazine/2012/02/ff_forgettingpill/all/)
I was going to call the banker and ask that the vehicle be repossessed, although I do like your idea auriqa! If the repossession doesn't work, I'll know what else I could do!
I don't want to take any drastic steps. Its only sometimes that I feel like a loser, a failure and I cannot fathom it. It seems the easy way out then.
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He is an Aquarius and I'm a Capricorn. I don't know the charts, meaning I don't know how to deduce one.
We'd been in together for almost 20 years; we got married 3 years ago. He would be "friendly" with people in the sense that he'd show special interest in their lives. And he wouldn't stop there - since day one, he always included a third person in our relationship. Sometimes, it was an ex, other times, it was a college friend. And for some reason, I ended up being the mature one in the relationship.
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Posted by CluelessCancer
Is he a VIRGO? What's his Zodiac sign?


Or a libra Tongue
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Posted by cobragirl
He is an Aquarius and I'm a Capricorn. I don't know the charts, meaning I don't know how to deduce one.
We'd been in together for almost 20 years; we got married 3 years ago. He would be "friendly" with people in the sense that he'd show special interest in their lives. And he wouldn't stop there - since day one, he always included a third person in our relationship. Sometimes, it was an ex, other times, it was a college friend. And for some reason, I ended up being the mature one in the relationship.


*pie in the face*
Wow. So sorry Sad
Yes, aqua can be cheaters but usually they're upfront about it or don't drag it on for long. I'm speechless. I hope you find peace & strength to carry on.
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Djbuck, They say a suicide creates a chain reaction, perhaps not immediate but almost always definite. The reason I'm saying this is because two of my high school friends took that decision. At that time I thought to myself, try how much I may, I can never understand the events, the situation that led them to take this extreme step. Today, all I can think of is stopping the pain. My logic dictates me not to do it.
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Get off DXP, at least now when you're vulnerable. It won't help you.
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20 YEARS? Third person in what sense? Aqua's always have a lot of friends. I dated one when I was younger and he kept in touch with all his exes. Maybe its an Aqua thing...
Any Aqua men out there care to chime in?
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Posted by geminicandIe
DG, why does his sign matter? His sign is a piece of shit.


It matters cus its DXP....
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Thank you for the advice.
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Posted by geminicandIe
Posted by DeeG
Posted by geminicandIe
DG, why does his sign matter? His sign is a piece of shit.


It matters cus its DXP....


He is an aqua. Now we know. Damn him!
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BASTARDO!!
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Dear Cobragirl,
I don't where you are , I know it's probably not America because you put the letter U after the letter O but you could go to the nearset hospital and tell them how your feel.
You called your husband selfish and he is but suicide is one of the most selfish acts anyone can do.
I am torn about whether or not you should get off of DPX I do see the rationale because there are some peoole who might say the wrong thing to you. Ignore them.
If posting here is keeping you alive until one of the suicide hotlines call you back then post away. People will talk to you around the clock literally 24 hours a day. We are everywhere, all around the world. Someone is always on this site. Just put a header up that says I want to talk.
What is the point of a hotline if no one answers the phone?
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Cobra girl, my exhusband had an affair too. With someone we met at Church of all places and she pretended to be my friend. Their affair went on for 1-2 years. It is very painful and humiliating. It ended up being the talk of the town and my teenage children even heard the gossip.
You need to relieve yourself of this man. I kicked mine out once I had concrete confirmation of the affair. It was scary. My self esteem was shot. I felt unwanted and baffled as well as disgusted. I was afraid of being able to make it financially, but everything has worked out better.
Once you take that step, you will feel drastic relief. Yes, the first emotion after you take a stand, is relief. No more worrying, wondering, feeling bad and the pain begins to ease up. I won't kid you. It was hard. But, after the relief I began to feel relaxed. Then as my self esteem started to rise I began to feel like my old self again. I eventually began to be happy.
It is a long process and I've been where you are. I can sympathize with how you feel and I suggest you find a support system or a counsellor, preferably one who has been through divorce.
One of the local churches had a Christian Divorce Class and we learned techniques to help get over the difficult times and we had each other for support.
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Posted by cobragirl
Thank you all for your kind words and show of support. I don't know how to deal with the memories. Every stupid little thing is a reminder of our past, like the stupid curtains, my blue shoes... I've thrown out most of the stuff, but there are some things that are mine, and they just bring back some memories that I'd rather forget. Is there really such a thing called "the forgetting pill" (http://www.wired.com/magazine/2012/02/ff_forgettingpill/all/)



After the pain fades, the memories won't be so bad. It's been three years for me and I can't even remember what it was like to be married to him.
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Cobragirl my heart and prayers go out to you. I had a very bad marriage where my ex cheated on me too which ended in me walking away and divorcing him. I know that what you are going through is so hard and feels like the end but it truly isn??t. Don??t blame yourself for staying with someone you loved and trying to work the relationship out. Us earth signs tend to do that because we are fighters and when we love we love hard it is just that in the process we sometimes fight to long for something that we should have just let go of much sooner. I stayed in my marriage far too long and at the end of it I realized that I had done all I could do to try and make it work so even though it was still hard to walk away it made it easier because now I can look back and see that I did all I could do and it didn??t work because me ex wasn??t willing to do what he need to do. I am telling you that because maybe that is how it is for you too so don??t beat yourself up. I am sending prayers your way. Also I am not sure of what your thoughts are on antidepressants or if you have thought of seeing a doctor for that??_I prefer to try taking natural supplements. You may want to try 5-htp or SAM-e you can find them both at the health food store and they are both natural herbal remedies that help with anxiety and depression??_they help to up your serotonin levels. SAM-E is a little more expensive then 5-htp??_I highly recommend both. If you take them at night they help you sleep better and when you wake up you just feel a little calmer and like you can get through the day. You can also order them on vitacost which gives you a discounted price compared to health food stores and they are usually good with getting things to you with in 2-5 days depending on where you live.
I think that everyone here has given you great words of encouragement and good advice. Take it from all of us that lived through the cheating, lies and deception and decided to leave the person who was not treating us with the love we deserved...there is life on the other side and it is much much better!!! You can do this, you can make it through the pain and come out on the other side so stay with us and don??t let what he has done take you down! You are far too good for that!
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Cobragirl, I am hoping that you're reading these posts that everyone here has sent you. That you are here is good. Keep talking, as starlover said, it will help. Know you are not alone in this and that most of us can sympathize in one way or another.
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PM any of us at anytime. We are here for you.
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http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/aquarius/Help-with-Aquarius-man-3489163.asp
This ^^^has been going on since 2012. Stop it! Divorce the bastard, stop the bullshit and MOVE ON!
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poor thing??_??_Hunny just take little steps to put yourself in a better position to pull the rug out from under that assholes feet, Its so hard to be strong when someone has cut you down and you feel alone in the world its probably the worse the worse feeling I know
there's got to be some community group in your town that you can join like a theatre or gardening groups anything!!??_.something that will get you out amongst other people so you are not alienated??_.its soul cleansing when you find yourself becoming passionate about something other than selflessly giving to deluded man who just sucks the life essence from you??_.You need to stop and cut him off whatever it takes, your need for love is more important than his pride??_.
Please if you read this just google community groups in google and make sure its in your area and just have a browse and see if something grabs your eye..
this is war, capricorns supposed to be good when I comes to revenge and you can't let him get away for his crimes.

good luck! xoxoxo
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I wish I could kill him for you.
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Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
poor thing??_??_Hunny just take little steps to put yourself in a better position to pull the rug out from under that assholes feet


That is probably you're best bet.
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cobragirl, I don't have much to say except please don't kill yourself
It's not worth it
stay here with us
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HIM cheating is not about you??_ as hard as that may seem to understand now, that is what will eventually make you feel better. It has nothing to do with you. It's him who's a fkup. Find the strength to move on for good.

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Hold on! Keep your strength. You are in pain now but it will calm down.
Don't hurt yourself cause of some worthless shit of a man!
And don't you think low of yourself cause HE is a slimey litlle worm. Dear, anyone can be dicieved, you are not alone, many I am sure can relate with you so please don't thik bad about yourself, not for a minut!!!
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How coincidental that this shows up just after the ... kill yourself thread.
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First time he treated you like shit ... shame on him
Every time after that ... shame on you

If you are sincere and really want to be helped, then act like it, and seek help ... not pity
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Posted by LetltB
http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/aquarius/Help-with-Aquarius-man-3489163.asp
This ^^^has been going on since 2012. Stop it! Divorce the bastard, stop the bullshit and MOVE ON!



Seriously??_ since 2012?
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Posted by P-Angel

How coincidental that this shows up just after the ... kill yourself thread.



that was my first thought
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Posted by cobragirl
I can live with the fact that my husband is a selfish, lowly, blood-sucking leech.




Really? You can live with this fact?
Then why did you come here, exactly?

Posted by cobragirl
I want redemption and justice, and my social identity. I need friends but its difficult to make any now. Where I live, I don't have any friends ...

click to expand



Really?
If you really wanted your life back ... your words would represent that.
Do you live in a dungeon? Why based on where you live, can you not have friends?

You have a lot of excuses not to help yourself.
Clearly, judging by this thread, there are a lot of people willing to help you ... and I'd put money on the fact that there are many people in your RL that are willing to help you .. that is ..

... if you showed them that you are willing to help yourself.

I don't get that in this thread. You have been moaning for quite some time, seeking pity .. and not really doing anything to resolve the situation.
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http://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/aquarius/Help-with-Aquarius-man-3489163.asp?p=2#4315004

In that ^^^ thread in the Aqua room on page two, CEU gave you the best advice possible. The advice is based on self-accountability in learning how to make/create your life in accordance with what is in your best interest.
You should read it, and apply it.
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I wonder how many people jumped on here to comment, based the fact that there was a kill yourself thread, and so they felt compelled to prove themselves ..... rather than actually feel compelled to help.

I can't detect in this thread where the OP is actually asking for help.

She has made several threads about how bad she is being treated by this man ... and I get the distinct impression that her purpose in creating these threads is to vent off her feelings because they are overwhelming her, so that she is able to continue in the relationship.

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What's sad is someone putting up with that crap for so long.
She has to stop thinking about why he's doing all that and focus on what she wants in her life.
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It is very sad that people look for validation, rather than own themselves.
I'm not getting from what she has said in all her threads in dxp that she is depressed, nor is she interested in killing herself ....

She wants people to pity her for being a victim ... when in reality, she's not a victim, except a victim of herself.

I want to know where her family is, and why all the excuses in saying there is nobody to turn to.
I'd be willing to wager that if you called a suicide hotline ... you'd get a person asap, because that is the whole reason why these lines are there. When she said that she's called two suicide lines and neither will talk to her ...
.... BULLSHIT

At that point, I call bullshit ..... because a suicide hotline is NOT going to ignore you
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Oh, this was from yesterday .... so my one post is false ... I'll hide it.
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Posted by cobragirl
I've contacted two suicide prevention helplines but not having heard back from either one, I have no will to seek another.





But, you have the will to come to dxp and make a thread.
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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by cobragirl
I've contacted two suicide prevention helplines but not having heard back from either one, I have no will to seek another.





But, you have the will to come to dxp and make a thread.

click to expand


Regardless, she's reaching out to people and that's a good thing! I am hoping she really doesn't want to kill herself, but she needs some kind of social network so she doesn't feel all alone.
The more forums and people she is in touch with, the better it is for her. The years of psychological abuse she is going through will be hard to overcome. She needs support and as a capricorn she needs a plan. Hopefully we can encourage her to make a positive plan that will improve her situation.
Making her angry and defensive might help her move to the planning stages, but hopefully it will be in a positive direction and not a negative one.
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Posted by truecap
Regardless, she's reaching out to people and that's a good thing! I am hoping she really doesn't want to kill herself, but she needs some kind of social network so she doesn't feel all alone.
The more forums and people she is in touch with, the better it is for her. The years of psychological abuse she is going through will be hard to overcome. She needs support and as a capricorn she needs a plan. Hopefully we can encourage her to make a positive plan that will improve her situation.
Making her angry and defensive might help her move to the planning stages, but hopefully it will be in a positive direction and not a negative one.





She doesn't need a social network. She needs personal interaction.
Coming to social networks, like forums where she can convey how pitiful she is, without actually seeking resolution is where she is gaining her strength to continue being a self-victim.
Am I the only one who sees that?

She isn't using this forum for help ... she's using it to justify the excuses she tells herself.

Suicide hotlines don't ignore a suicidal person ....

I guess I'm the only who sees that she's not reaching out for help.
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Apparently, I am the only one with sound enough mind to (think) beyond the initial emotional spike when the words were said .... I want to kill myself.
She has been counseled to seek a church, to seek anyone she can to talk to ... as if people think that this is the first time she has said this phrase.
If she indeed is being ignored by suicide hotlines then that means she has threatened suicide over and over and again ....
People don't read between the lines ... if they give, then they are satisfied that they did (something), and it doesn't matter what this something is ... because to give something, even if it's pointless gives the person a sense that they helped.
so their helping is for their own sense of satisfaction .... and not really for the benefit of the other person.

Again .... a suicide hotline doesn't ignore a suicidal person.

Can anyone besides me read between the lines to realize this woman is looking for attention?
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Posted by P-Angel

How coincidental that this shows up just after the ... kill yourself thread.



First sentence when read...

...there's another one out there too that surfaced around same time. Caught that one too.

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she needs special attention and she's not getting it, so why not???_.I don't want to perpetuate her problems by enabling her addiction by justifying her actions sometimes we need to be shown that there are options??_..but I'm not gonna smack a hand that reaches out to me??_
You know, I believe sometimes people need to be smacked around to come to and I guess thats what you bring to the table P-angel... hard love.
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Posted by LetltB
Posted by P-Angel

How coincidental that this shows up just after the ... kill yourself thread.



First sentence when read...

...there's another one out there too that surfaced around same time. Caught that one too.

click to expand
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Posted by cobragirl
He is an Aquarius and I'm a Capricorn. I don't know the charts, meaning I don't know how to deduce one.
We'd been in together for almost 20 years; we got married 3 years ago. He would be "friendly" with people in the sense that he'd show special interest in their lives. And he wouldn't stop there - since day one, he always included a third person in our relationship. Sometimes, it was an ex, other times, it was a college friend. And for some reason, I ended up being the mature one in the relationship.



I am afraid you missed out on the definition of maturity all those years.
IF you wish to be mature, you're going to have to face this harsh reality and keep on going.
Suicide is NOT the answer. Be strong and hang tough. In time, the intensity of the
pain will subside, considerably, provided that you learn your lesson.


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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by cobragirl
I've contacted two suicide prevention helplines but not having heard back from either one, I have no will to seek another.





But, you have the will to come to dxp and make a thread.

click to expand


lol
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Posted by auriqa
In the meantime, drive his car out into a field and light it on fire smile
#scorpmoonsolutions


+1
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Posted by cobragirl
He is an Aquarius and I'm a Capricorn. I don't know the charts, meaning I don't know how to deduce one.
We'd been in together for almost 20 years; we got married 3 years ago. He would be "friendly" with people in the sense that he'd show special interest in their lives. And he wouldn't stop there - since day one, he always included a third person in our relationship. Sometimes, it was an ex, other times, it was a college friend. And for some reason, I ended up being the mature one in the relationship.


im a venus in capricorn and i can forgive alot but i abhor feeling stupid. like the wool got pulled over my eyes. i hate looking dump.
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Posted by DMV
Posted by cobragirl
He is an Aquarius and I'm a Capricorn. I don't know the charts, meaning I don't know how to deduce one.
We'd been in together for almost 20 years; we got married 3 years ago. He would be "friendly" with people in the sense that he'd show special interest in their lives. And he wouldn't stop there - since day one, he always included a third person in our relationship. Sometimes, it was an ex, other times, it was a college friend. And for some reason, I ended up being the mature one in the relationship.


im a venus in capricorn and i can forgive alot but i abhor feeling stupid. like the wool got pulled over my eyes. i hate looking dump.
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Heyyyyyyy it's that time of year, again.
Do you hate feeling stupid?
Do you hate it, when the wool gets pulled over your eyes?
Do you hate looking "dump"?
Try Non-stick Nunchucku
You'll feel better and look like a pro!
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