Can friends be lovers?
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by sweethearts on Wednesday, June 10, 2009 and has 18 replies.
I'm talking to someone on the net that wants a relationship with me, we have been talking for the last 3 weeks. I've known him for over 35 years well but not in the last 10 years both having lived separate lives and in different countries. We wont see each other for at least 7 months now. I have always had a great deal of love (brotherly) for this man...
Do you think it's possible to establish sexual feelings towards him during this time? I dont have any yet. He's expecting it as he has confessed to being "in love" with me throughout the years & suggests that we could be great together...
As a partner on paper he has ticked most of the boxes of importance as to what I'd look for but I'm not sure on the sexual side because of our history.
Do you think it's possible to establish sexual feelings towards him during this time? I dont have any yet. He's expecting it as he has confessed to being "in love" with me throughout the years & suggests that we could be great together...
As a partner on paper he has ticked most of the boxes of importance as to what I'd look for but I'm not sure on the sexual side because of our history.
I don't see why not. You've put him into a specific category, a particular box.
You haven't seen the man in a long enough time. Take the box out. Dust it off. Open it and see if he fits in another kind of box.
It sounds kind of nice to me...
Personally: I've turned a friendship into a romance on one occasion. It was strange throughout, honestly. But not strange enough to keep me from exploring it. In the end, we are friends still.
It's an interesting endeavor because both parties have actual CARE and LOVE for each other. It is already mutual. Already known. It's a great, comfortable place to start from. And each side takes care toward the other not to hurt, not to be malicious, to be gentle and loving.
I think you should.
You haven't seen the man in a long enough time. Take the box out. Dust it off. Open it and see if he fits in another kind of box.
It sounds kind of nice to me...
Personally: I've turned a friendship into a romance on one occasion. It was strange throughout, honestly. But not strange enough to keep me from exploring it. In the end, we are friends still.
It's an interesting endeavor because both parties have actual CARE and LOVE for each other. It is already mutual. Already known. It's a great, comfortable place to start from. And each side takes care toward the other not to hurt, not to be malicious, to be gentle and loving.
I think you should.
It's weird but nice, he isn't the person I knew but he is! He has matured alot and is very worldly and experienced through his travels and also very attentive and affectionate over the net! Far out it's like a movie!!! hehe Very simple things like me saying I've got to take my daughter to school and he's like drive safely. Loads of flattery and apologises if he hasn't had contact because he's busy. But thing that gets me is the certainty of the fact that we will be great together...quite a dominant Leo. And if that's the case we live between 3 countries..Spain, Aussie & NZ...how's that going to work??? Can't ask that yet. have to wait the 7 months and see how things go!
Thanks Muse,
My mind is very open to the possibility even though he is overwhelming me with alot of attention...this is a little scary!
It's an interesting endeavor because both parties have actual CARE and LOVE for each other. It is already mutual. Already known. It's a great, comfortable place to start from. And each side takes care toward the other not to hurt, not to be malicious, to be gentle and loving.
I do worry though that I may not be able to return the love he is looking for...
My mind is very open to the possibility even though he is overwhelming me with alot of attention...this is a little scary!
It's an interesting endeavor because both parties have actual CARE and LOVE for each other. It is already mutual. Already known. It's a great, comfortable place to start from. And each side takes care toward the other not to hurt, not to be malicious, to be gentle and loving.
I do worry though that I may not be able to return the love he is looking for...
yeah, I would worry about that, too. It's only natural.
Just be honest with yourself and sincere with him (there is a difference btween the two, I think it should be noted). If it doesn't work out, you won't be left wondering. Hopefully, you'll be able to maintain the friendship no matter.
Good luck!
Just be honest with yourself and sincere with him (there is a difference btween the two, I think it should be noted). If it doesn't work out, you won't be left wondering. Hopefully, you'll be able to maintain the friendship no matter.
Good luck!
Knowing how he feels...I will be very careful of how far things go because the last thing I'd want to do is hurt him & lose him...
i'm confused. u threw in the love-him-like-a-brother there so i don't see how anything can go beyond that... unless that's ur kink. i love my best friend like a brother (i'm a female) and there's no way in hell anything is gonna happen because he truly is like my sibling.
i'm confused. u threw in the love-him-like-a-brother there so i don't see how anything can go beyond that... unless that's ur kink. i love my best friend like a brother (i'm a female) and there's no way in hell anything is gonna happen because he truly is like my sibling.
i guess it's because thats the love we had when we were growing up...It's been 10 years now since I have seen him or had any contact and the person that I'm talking to over the net is a totally different person. That's the confusing part...I still feel the person I grew up with... but then there's this man that is making all the right moves and saying all the right things. He is a good looking man too and when we were younger we were curious as youngens can be, we did kiss once...But in my mind at the moment it doesn't go sexual when I think of meeting him again
Why Sweets? if you already care for him and love him as a friend,what is holding you back really? there is doubt in your mind and I just wonder why.we need to talk about this,it's killing me
Honestly Bella...I'm scared... 3 years ago my first love died suddenly and left me to deal with never finding someone to share my life with again. And anyone I have dated has ended quickly & with pain.
I moved countries and I am happy and I'm enjoying my life because I've dealt with it all. I've made a new life with loads of friends and put everything behind me, life is perfect at the moment....and then this...
My mama always says "a bird in hand is worth two in the bush"...
I think To fall in love with him would change everything, all of a sudden Where he is what he is doing and who he is with will matter. Love has demands and wants answers...friends dont
i guess it's because thats the love we had when we were growing up...It's been 10 years now since I have seen him or had any contact and the person that I'm talking to over the net is a totally different person. That's the confusing part...I still feel the person I grew up with... but then there's this man that is making all the right moves and saying all the right things. He is a good looking man too and when we were younger we were curious as youngens can be, we did kiss once...But in my mind at the moment it doesn't go sexual when I think of meeting him again
Why Sweets? if you already care for him and love him as a friend,what is holding you back really? there is doubt in your mind and I just wonder why.we need to talk about this,it's killing me
Honestly Bella...I'm scared... 3 years ago my first love died suddenly and left me to deal with never finding someone to share my life with again. And anyone I have dated has ended quickly & with pain.
I moved countries and I am happy and I'm enjoying my life because I've dealt with it all. I've made a new life with loads of friends and put everything behind me, life is perfect at the moment....and then this...
My mama always says "a bird in hand is worth two in the bush"...
I think To fall in love with him would change everything, all of a sudden Where he is what he is doing and who he is with will matter. Love has demands and wants answers...friends dont
You're right it was a definite NO!!!
Yeah! 😱
He was a total jerk and hadn't grown up at all..Tbh I think he just wanted to scratch an itch and catfished me into believing his BS. Wasn't a very nice experience for me in the end left me hurt and bitter for a while, I worked through it but didn't have any contact with him at all. That was 10 years ago now and I saw him for the first time again last Xmas..He was trying the same BS but he just looked desperate now hes getting older and didn't effect me.
One of lifes lessons for me, he was a leo and true to nature.
One of lifes lessons for me, he was a leo and true to nature.
He was a total jerk and hadn't grown up at all..Tbh I think he just wanted to scratch an itch and catfished me into believing his BS. Wasn't a very nice experience for me in the end left me hurt and bitter for a while, I worked through it but didn't have any contact with him at all. That was 10 years ago now and I saw him for the first time again last Xmas..He was trying the same BS but he just looked desperate now hes getting older and didn't effect me.
One of lifes lessons for me, he was a leo and true to nature.
One of lifes lessons for me, he was a leo and true to nature.
Yes friends can progress into lovers.
Don't force yourself to romantically like a man just b/c he likes you. If the sexual/emotional chemistry isn't there, don't try to force it. Someone can sound good on paper or in theory but if there's zero sexual/emotional chemistry, then 1 or both people would be creating a relationship together for all the wrong reasons. In those situations, the spark never lasts long; those relationships usually fall apart as soon as the honeymoon phase is over & then boom, decades of friendship is over & wasted. However, don't block out potential blessings either. Sometimes it takes time for true chemistry to build, especially when distance is a factor. If you're single, emotionally available & have instincts that tell you this guy is genuine, then go for it & see where things go.
As long as he is not expecting you to get there immediately then it is fine. As it stands right now you are not sexually attracted to him at all? You should also ask yourself if you need that to be the case?
You do realise this is a 10 year old thread that someone pulled up again?
😅
LMAO, I still pop in from time to time and was amused that that old thread made front page again lol
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