Can your mate be too confident in you?

Pondering this...

Ok granted, of course there should be trust in every relationship to be yourself & feel free to a certain degree, but when is free too free? My Gemi & I were discussing this very topic one day, & he trusts me a lot to a fault I believe. I'm not suggesting that something is wrong with that because I appreciate his confidence in me, & I have absolutely no intention to betray his trust, but jeeez...I don't want him to be so trusting to the fact of him taking me for granted, if that makes any sense.

I posed a hypothetical question to him regarding hitting the town every night with friends, possibly returning home pretty late...you know, just shooting the breeze chillin', & he's like "no I wouldn't mind". WTF? Am I missing something here? I felt slightly insulted. He says I know you love me, I trust you, I know you're not out cheating on me & just let me know where you're going, I'm fine with it. I'm like come again— I mean I love to go out & have fun, but certainly NOT every night. There has to be a scale.

IDK if it's because he's younger than me, a Gemini, or what...but sometimes I think he's too trusting. He says he doesn't care about things like that because he's confident in me & it's not a big deal. When I was in my 20's I wasn't ever home so I try to understand his stance due to the fact of him being the young man that he is, lol, but jeeeez...I require balance as I've gotten older, so it's challenging to re-live that whole 20 something stage with him. Welp, gotta compromise somehow...maybe it's me who has trust issues...could I just be over analyzing this? *shrugs*

Posted by ninjutsu
I get you... Do you have a suspicion he may be giving you that liberty so he can expect the same from you? This might not be the case, but that's what I'd personally be wondering.

He does. But I'm not having that shit. No sir. Like I said balance...I made him aware of this.

Posted by PotHeadVirgo24
Are you planning on cheating with someone else? Hypothetically speaking, if he takes you for granted, wouldn't you see that coming? I feel as if he's going to take you for granted, he's going to do it regardless if he agreed with you going out everynight or not.
Now what I am concerned about is the actually "every night" idea. Like, what about yall's time together as a couple? Does that matter to him? In my opinion, that's what you should be asking...

No, of course not. He doesn't take me for granted, but I'm saying I don't want ANY man thinking I'm ALWAYS going to be where he wants me. Hell no.

I did ask him about time together...he's like we live together. We have all the time in the world to spend quality time. Not saying we don't spend time together because we do, I just believe he's still at the stage in his life where he still likes to chill often. Not necessarily party, but just shoot the shit.

Posted by PotHeadVirgo24

Posted by RealTalk

Posted by PotHeadVirgo24
Are you planning on cheating with someone else? Hypothetically speaking, if he takes you for granted, wouldn't you see that coming? I feel as if he's going to take you for granted, he's going to do it regardless if he agreed with you going out everynight or not.
Now what I am concerned about is the actually "every night" idea. Like, what about yall's time together as a couple? Does that matter to him? In my opinion, that's what you should be asking...

No, of course not. He doesn't take me for granted, but I'm saying I don't want ANY man thinking I'm ALWAYS going to be where he wants me. Hell no.

I did ask him about time together...he's like we live together. We have all the time in the world to spend quality time. Not saying we don't spend time together because we do, I just believe he's still at the stage in his life where he still likes to chill often. Not necessarily party, but just shoot the shit.

Who said anything about partying? That's not the only thing to do as a couple...
My Gem homie acts sort of the same way with the freedom of his relationships. However, he just found out recently that his girl was cheating on him(rocking the cradle with a dirrrty bitch😛). She was only 20 btw. I just don't think his intentions are to cheat on you because he gives you alot of freedom. He might just not know any better to be honest. Not saying that you would take advantage of him either.

I think you should just chill. Cuz will show whoever the fuck he is in due time, and you can't control that.
And I besides, if he starts showing these negative qualities, you put his ass in check. I "know" you don't have a problem with that.

click to expand

Hahahahaha...oh you already know that...😉

Nah, I'm not talking us going out to party, I'm talking him. When I said that, I meant he's not going out to party with his friends. He just likes the luxury of being "out" with them, smoking a J, drinking, talking, etc.

Oooh that's fucked up homegirl did that...Nah, not my style . When I'm committed, I'm committed & I believe age has nothing to do with cheating. But, I do believe he doesn't know any better & he honestly doesn't feel it's detr

Doesn't feel it's detrimental to the relationship. It's cool beans with him in all innocence, so let me just chill the fuck out, lol. I have to remember that I was once that age, & I loved shooting the shit often...I'm just not at that age anymore. 😛

*clubscene.

Robbing that cradle, wiping the milk off & err'thang...😛 rocking that baby straight to sleep, ha!

Don't get me wrong...I like to shoot the shit too, but sometimes I just don't want to be bothered so I keep my bombaclot rassclod home...hahaha.

😄

Lol @ happily na??ve...will do.

Posted by PotHeadVirgo24
Lololol @ bombaclot.

Well majority of the time that's where we are shooting it anyway. You shouldn't always have to go somewhere to kick it, I agree, that's some humbug.

Fo sho...😉

I had the same experience with a Gem. I was suspicious early on b/c he seemed to trust me almost over night from the beginning waaaay before I'd earned that kind of trust

So I think it could be several things:
1. He may only think he's cool with you going out every night, but might change when it starts getting old to him

2. Gems don't mind it if you're doing something that they secretly wish they could do with no problems too lol (He might be setting the pace now so that if he ends up doing the same thing, you won't have any room to criticize him for it)

3. He might've been that really insecure guy in all his past relationships & is deciding to try/do something different for a change. Just b/c it seems that it's easy for him to trust you doesn't mean that internally it's that simple/easy. He might really be struggling, but won't let you see/know that!

4. It could be you just finding something to complain about. Your own insecurities, issues with trust or memories about guys in the past who didn't trust you may be resurfacing in your relationship with your Gem. And if he sees you acting like you may not deserve so much trust, he'll rethink his decision to trust you so freely. Then you'll REALY have something to complain about

5. Or it could be that he's testing you to see if you'll take a mile when he offers you an inch. Could be a mind game or test to see if you'd actually act like you're single even though you're not if he was to freely let you.

You won't really know how he truly feels about it though until you actually take the risk of going out every night. For all you know, his easy-going attitude about it might turn into frequent arguments b/c he thinks you're over-doing it.

But my experience with Gems though is that they are very easy-going & since they know they can live the nightlife & not necessarily betray the people closest to them while living that life style , they automatically assume others can do the same as them =)

As a gem I generally start off trusting you and then that trust will start to erode over time depending on your actions. Often you are on the honour system especially if in a committed relationship. We will often give you what we want and have a lot of faith in the person we are with especially if that person has consistently demonstrated that over time that they are deserving. It's not that we take our partners for granted, we just allow people to be who they want to be.

But we are generally passive aggressive and are still watching you, just not under a microscope, unless given cause. We just don't call attention to everything that you do that doesn't seem kosher because it takes too much energy to do that which could be better spent just being who we are. I don't bug you so you don't bug me. It might take awhile but we become less trusting as we get older and more experienced. With gems it's mostly about learning and understanding and that usually comes about for us through experiences not just analyzing a scenario before making a move as we can be impulsive and indecisive. We believe we'll learn so we expect that of you too but we also know that you might not be that way though (damn that duality).

Usually with a gem we will encourage you to do what you want to do and it's only a problem if it has a negative impact on us, the relationship and you...so common sense would tell you among other things that going out every night and having a full time job would wear a person out and eventually you would get sick of it. So knock yourself out and when you tire of it....come home. Some/many will call that being naive and young gems can be however we know that freedom is important but don't abuse it. If it goes on for too long you will reap what you sow, since preferring to go out all the time and not spending time with your SO doesn't make sense so...we allow you to choose. With that said, you had better choose us (moderation) so we expect you to get that desire out of your system real quick. 🙂

@Gem said it perfectly! That was exactly how things were with my Gem

The only problem was that we didn't feel the same about the cycle of trust.

Whereas he felt a person starts at 100 in trust (and can only go down from there), I felt it's necessary to start at 0 with others so that it can only increase from there

Now that I'm older & know that there's no such thing as full-blown trust before/unless it's earned, I I make sure to prove myself & be consistent in my actions (to build trust) whether they are overly trusting or not b/c like the poster above said, even though they are easy-going about it, know that they ARE actually paying attention

Plus it all depends on the past experiences & maturity of the Gem. And those things have little to do with astrology

Some people are overly trusting b/c they haven't been hurt enough in a specific area (never having a girlfriend that abused her privilege to go out) OR they've been through so much of a certain thing that they've learned how to relax & not use too much energy on what they can't control anyways

Gem is all about freedom & individuality so it should be expected with them moreso than others, that those are the 2 things they won't mind you having either.

Thanks for the feedback guys! 🙂