faithinlove
@faithinlove
10 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 10 · Topics: 1
Cancer Male driving Gemini Female insane!
He sounds like a jerk.
Yes, he did "a lot" for you in the beginning, but that's something friends just do. maybe he wanted sex and it just took you too long (if ever) to give it to him. Thank him for showing his true colors and MOVE ON!
As you already mentioned, your job is much more important.
Yes, he did "a lot" for you in the beginning, but that's something friends just do. maybe he wanted sex and it just took you too long (if ever) to give it to him. Thank him for showing his true colors and MOVE ON!
As you already mentioned, your job is much more important.
Posted by thinktoomuchI have to admit, I also skimmed this. (OP, paragraphs help with eye comfort while reading text heavy stories)
I don´t think, that all that he did for you, is something that friends just do. Not saying that he meant it o be romantic, but maybe you should have kept him more at a distance, not taking all those favours, when you weren´t sure what you wanted yourself.
I didn´t finish reading the story, ´cause all of them are similar: he is nice in the beginning and then changes...
Who the hell knows why? Probably cancer man like to be a knight in shining armour, but when it gets more serious, he don´t want part of it.
I´m sorry, my comment is of absolutely no use in regards to him, ´cause I´m done for the day trying to figure any guy out, I just wanna chill🙂 But my comment about, maybe not taking all those favours without talking to him about, what it means, still stands.
Doing favours and coming off nice and friendly, doing it for you, is a classic way gangbangers get new members. Suddenly the new member owes and have to stand for all kinds of shit..[*].
*TRUTH!
I just assumed that he already knew she didn't want anything extra from him, since she claims she kept him at a distance. I don't know many Gems (myself included) that keep themselves super reserved in front of a guy/gal they're interested in.
He's a jerk for trying to get a reaction out of her and she's a jerk for keeping a guy who has done so much for her at arms length. If I had a guy who was doing all of that, I would immediately assume he wanted the "Boyfriend" tittle and give it to him.
OP, find out what your heart wants and decide! Stop stringing him along less you be strung along by him (once you FINALLY decide what you want and date him) only to be dumped as a form of possible revenge.
Ugh. Indecisiveness to the max.
-> I'm a cancer male (27 years). I involuntarily show off the signs that you listed when I really really like someone and I'm bordering in romantic interest: protectiveness, tenderness, etc.
"So I kept him at a distance at first when we started to work together because he works for me and my job is very important to me. I started to reciprocate recently..."
->Maybe you took too much to reciprocate and he got mad at you. Or maybe you unknowingly, started going hot/cold or something like that.
"I asked him if we could take the kids to the beach, he turned me down cold. (Even though he was the one to suggest it first.) I invited him over to play xbox with me, he turned me down cold."
->You did something that hurt/offended him. I do this when I'm mad at someone: I go so cold it hurts people. At least he is not ignoring you completely. When a cancer ignores you to the point that you seem dead to him, it's game over.
"So I took that as a hint and backed off and gave him his space, but he found excuses to come around me at work or to stop by my place after work. The day that I scheduled to go to the beach, he calls and says that he has something really important that he needs to tell that is related to work but he could only do it in person. Instead of waiting for the next time he would see me, he drives the hour to the beach. Then what he had to tell me was absolutely irrelevant.".
-> Maybe he regretted going cold on you and tried coming back.
"Now he is mentioning other females to me and how he's planning on using them. It's disgusting, callous, and he is showing no empathy or respect for these females even though he has admitted that they are good women."
-> Indeed it's disgusting. I would never do this. However, his emotions (nerves) are messing with him and he is testing you? I don't know. When I'm pissed or my emotions take the best of me, I can be a jerk but never to this level.
I really don't know. Maybe, he liked you from the start. He goes all "sweet mode". Somewhere, you unknowing did/said something that got his hopes up. He keeps being sweet, but then you kept him at a distant. That offended him and he thought that you were taking advantage of his kindness. He goes cold. Thinks better about the situation and tries to reverse his icy behavior.
I simply cannot grasp him being a jerk at the beach. But people say/do stupid stuff that they don't want to and regret later. Maybe this was the case.
Anyway, you keep alert for more red flags. If you everything seems fine to you, you need to start showing more romantic interested in him.
Be feminine and sensual (not slutty). And keep reassuring him, in a smooth way, that you want something more than friendship.
Unfortunately, cancers males need lots of reassurance in order make a move. In my case, the girl most make it obvious that she wants me and no one else.
"So I kept him at a distance at first when we started to work together because he works for me and my job is very important to me. I started to reciprocate recently..."
->Maybe you took too much to reciprocate and he got mad at you. Or maybe you unknowingly, started going hot/cold or something like that.
"I asked him if we could take the kids to the beach, he turned me down cold. (Even though he was the one to suggest it first.) I invited him over to play xbox with me, he turned me down cold."
->You did something that hurt/offended him. I do this when I'm mad at someone: I go so cold it hurts people. At least he is not ignoring you completely. When a cancer ignores you to the point that you seem dead to him, it's game over.
"So I took that as a hint and backed off and gave him his space, but he found excuses to come around me at work or to stop by my place after work. The day that I scheduled to go to the beach, he calls and says that he has something really important that he needs to tell that is related to work but he could only do it in person. Instead of waiting for the next time he would see me, he drives the hour to the beach. Then what he had to tell me was absolutely irrelevant.".
-> Maybe he regretted going cold on you and tried coming back.
"Now he is mentioning other females to me and how he's planning on using them. It's disgusting, callous, and he is showing no empathy or respect for these females even though he has admitted that they are good women."
-> Indeed it's disgusting. I would never do this. However, his emotions (nerves) are messing with him and he is testing you? I don't know. When I'm pissed or my emotions take the best of me, I can be a jerk but never to this level.
I really don't know. Maybe, he liked you from the start. He goes all "sweet mode". Somewhere, you unknowing did/said something that got his hopes up. He keeps being sweet, but then you kept him at a distant. That offended him and he thought that you were taking advantage of his kindness. He goes cold. Thinks better about the situation and tries to reverse his icy behavior.
I simply cannot grasp him being a jerk at the beach. But people say/do stupid stuff that they don't want to and regret later. Maybe this was the case.
Anyway, you keep alert for more red flags. If you everything seems fine to you, you need to start showing more romantic interested in him.
Be feminine and sensual (not slutty). And keep reassuring him, in a smooth way, that you want something more than friendship.
Unfortunately, cancers males need lots of reassurance in order make a move. In my case, the girl most make it obvious that she wants me and no one else.
Considering you took advantage of him ..... you deserve to get hurt.
what goes around comes around
Posted by femmefataleHi femmefatale, My job wouldn't be in jeopardy as long as we could remain professional in front of our clients. You are right. It's exhausting to just tip toe around the subject. I just need to women up and ask. I just need to do it in a tactful way, just in case I'm reading all the signs wrong...have to still be able to work together.
He may be telling you those things about other women to get a reaction out of you.
On the plus side, he genuinely cares for you and it seems like the friendship is established enough to have a straightforward conversation. Someone is going to have to bring it up eventually... playing the guessing game is way too exhausting.
It's a tough spot you're in being his superior, though. If others were to find out about the relationship, would your job be in jeopardy?
Posted by WTFudge
-> I' Anyway, you keep alert for more red flags. If you everything seems fine to you, you need to start showing more romantic interested in him.
Be feminine and sensual (not slutty). And keep reassuring him, in a smooth way, that you want something more than friendship.
Thank you so much for the advice WTFudge. He is still spending time with me (just not when I initiate it) and we went out a couple times this week for lunch and the kids had a play date as well. He told me about every single one of his past serious relationships and what he wants in the future.
He quizzed me about my online dating activity and wanted to know about my past serious relationships, and what made me send the other guys packing. I'm going to take all the valuable hints that he left me and use them.
I won't see him for a week. I have to fly out of town for business. I just hope things don't go south while I'm gone. I think I still have a chance with him. I won't waste it. He's definitely worth the risk.
Posted by retrogradexyYou are absolutely right. My gut says that it has to be more than a friendship. Of course, I just don't want to be wrong. Wanted to make sure I wasn't reading too much into it, trying to create something that wasn't really there. Thank you for the advice.
The little freedom we have, we tend to give away.
You have the freedom to think for yourself. Allow yourself to bask in the freedom. It isn't easy to manage as much as we demand for it.
Either you want someone else to take on that responsibility or you don't want to put any thought process yourself.
I know you know the answers. First gut instinct, take it.
Posted by P-AngelThere was no malice in my responses to him. I just wanted to keep the relationship professional. Plus I didn't know if he had ulterior motives or not, but after having an opportunity to spend time with him and observing how he was with others, I realized he was being genuine. I never took any money from him (I make plenty on my own.) and I always made an effort to at least pay for gas when he drove us all around (which is all he would allow). I do take advantage of his time though because I enjoy being around him.
Considering you took advantage of him ..... you deserve to get hurt.
what goes around comes around
Posted by thinktoomuchLol thank you for your response.
😄 Yir yir! Fuck that shit, I got enough problems trying to figure out myself ! 😄
(sorry OP, just having some fun. Hope you´l figure it out and you´ll be happy)
Posted by faithinlovePosted by WTFudgeI think you still have a chance indeed. If he's trying to keep things as they were before, then you still have a chance. If he's asking all about your past relationships, then he's interested.
-> I' Anyway, you keep alert for more red flags. If you everything seems fine to you, you need to start showing more romantic interested in him.
Be feminine and sensual (not slutty). And keep reassuring him, in a smooth way, that you want something more than friendship.
Thank you so much for the advice WTFudge. He is still spending time with me (just not when I initiate it) and we went out a couple times this week for lunch and the kids had a play date as well. He told me about every single one of his past serious relationships and what he wants in the future.
He quizzed me about my online dating activity and wanted to know about my past serious relationships, and what made me send the other guys packing. I'm going to take all the valuable hints that he left me and use them.
I won't see him for a week. I have to fly out of town for business. I just hope things don't go south while I'm gone. I think I still have a chance with him. I won't waste it. He's definitely worth the risk.click to expand
Be truthful when talking about the past. Cancers are intuitive. I read people's eyes and expressions, trying to weed out what's true and what's not. To me, everyone is a puzzle, that I piece together whenever I get a new piece of information, facial expression, etc. It comes natural to me; it might come natural to him to. Keep an open communication with him and always be yourself.
If he's a evolved cancer, and if he really likes you and thinks that there's a chance, he's not going look for another female. Loyalty to our partners starts way before the first kiss 🙂
Keep your cool and good luck 🙂
WTFudge...May I please have your insight? I don't know what to do with this man. It's been about 9 months. I love him, but I have to protect myself as well. He is sending me so many mixed messages and I don't know what to make of them. We still haven't had sex, but we have been getting closer physically. (holding hands, cuddling on the couch, foot/leg rubs, playing in the hair, touching the face, massages). He has asked me multiple times if he could go down on me, but I won't have sex with him because I feel like he keeps trying to manipulate me to have sex by mentioning other woman in his life. I already love him and I know that I will be devastated if it doesn't go anywhere. I can't put myself in that position until I know that he wants only me. Here is what happened over the holidays...
XMAS
-Xmas Eve we hosted a party for our Team. He had been asking me what I was going to do for the holidays and I told him that I wasn't sure yet. (I wanted him to flat out ask me to spend it with him.)
-I wrote him a letter for Xmas answering all of the questions that he asked me that I was too nervous to answer. (Why I liked him and Why I was so comfortable around him.)
-I wasn't going to sit around waiting for an invitation (even though I ached to spend it with him) so I went out of town for the entire weekend. I didn't contact him at all.
-When I went back to work, the first thing he asked me was "Did you miss me? We went 4 days without talking to each other. That’s very strange for us." I didn't respond. I ignored him the entire day unless it was work related. He finally pulled up to my desk and just stared at me. I asked him what was wrong and he stated "You are my problem. You are always my problem." I gave him an evil look and went back to work. He said "Just kidding." He then started telling me how much he hates the girl he's been talking to for the last 2 months (the same one he threatened me with earlier). He said she was too easy. She's desperate. She wants to lock him down because she's "old" and doesn't have anyone else. (She's only 35 and he is 28.) She's stupid. She likes him "too much." She is always calling/texting him. He said that he hates taking her calls and he always knows when he really likes a girl because he gets mad if she goes days without contacting him (and then he looks at me. I ignore him.) She always invites herself over and he doesn't want to be rude to her. She traded numbers with his mother and he doesn't want her talking to his mom. It's just a coincidence that she happened to be at his home the 2 times that his mother came to visit him and he doesn't want her to think that it is something serious. He only wants the sex. She is pushing for commitment wanting to know where their relationship is going, etc. etc. etc. THEN she just happens to call. He says "listen to this b*&^h" and puts her on speaker. She asks him to go to lunch with him and then she comments about how much time she is spe
XMAS
-Xmas Eve we hosted a party for our Team. He had been asking me what I was going to do for the holidays and I told him that I wasn't sure yet. (I wanted him to flat out ask me to spend it with him.)
-I wrote him a letter for Xmas answering all of the questions that he asked me that I was too nervous to answer. (Why I liked him and Why I was so comfortable around him.)
-I wasn't going to sit around waiting for an invitation (even though I ached to spend it with him) so I went out of town for the entire weekend. I didn't contact him at all.
-When I went back to work, the first thing he asked me was "Did you miss me? We went 4 days without talking to each other. That’s very strange for us." I didn't respond. I ignored him the entire day unless it was work related. He finally pulled up to my desk and just stared at me. I asked him what was wrong and he stated "You are my problem. You are always my problem." I gave him an evil look and went back to work. He said "Just kidding." He then started telling me how much he hates the girl he's been talking to for the last 2 months (the same one he threatened me with earlier). He said she was too easy. She's desperate. She wants to lock him down because she's "old" and doesn't have anyone else. (She's only 35 and he is 28.) She's stupid. She likes him "too much." She is always calling/texting him. He said that he hates taking her calls and he always knows when he really likes a girl because he gets mad if she goes days without contacting him (and then he looks at me. I ignore him.) She always invites herself over and he doesn't want to be rude to her. She traded numbers with his mother and he doesn't want her talking to his mom. It's just a coincidence that she happened to be at his home the 2 times that his mother came to visit him and he doesn't want her to think that it is something serious. He only wants the sex. She is pushing for commitment wanting to know where their relationship is going, etc. etc. etc. THEN she just happens to call. He says "listen to this b*&^h" and puts her on speaker. She asks him to go to lunch with him and then she comments about how much time she is spe
...spending at his place. He tells her "I know so you should be cleaning it." She says "I already finished dusting..." I say absolutely nothing and continue on with my work.
He asked my advice and I told him that he should have a conversation with her and tell her that he does care about her and enjoys spending time with her, but he isn't ready to pursue a relationship. He interrupted me saying "I DON'T CARE ABOUT HER!" I said obviously you do because you spend a lot of time with her, you've given her money, she met your mother, you are intimate with her...He interrupted me again saying "Just stop it! I do not care about her at all. It takes me a long time to decide if I like someone, I have only been talking to her for 2 months."
Then he asked me to show him something on the computer. He pulled up real close and whispered "So are you dating anyone?" I said that I have a friend and he started to interrogate me wanting to know if that is who I went out of town with. I told him I went out of town on my own and casually answered his questions truthfully. He then started to make fun of the man.
Next day I ignored him completely. The day after that he calls to inform me that he is moving in with the girl saying that it's just as roommates. I calmly congratulate him, call him a liar and a hypocrite, and then hang up on him. He calls me repeatedly. I declined all of the calls. He then sends me text after text saying that I'm not a good friend. I told him that I care about him deeply, but I'm tired of the way he treats me and if he thinks I'm not a good friend, then to get another one. I finally answer his call and he asks if he can come over to talk.
He comes over and hugs me and wouldn't let go. He held my hand and told me that I overthink everything and he doesn't want me to do anything extra for him out of obligation. I explained to him that I do nothing out of obligation. I do it because I care about him, he's my best friend and I take care of everyone close to me. He told me that all he wants is a friendship from me and I said "Ok. I didn't ask you for a relationship and I never will because I know you don't want the same and you obviously can't give me what I need, but I will not accept you giving me mixed messages. Don't make me think that we have a future, if we don't." He then demanded that we cuddle together and that I let him hold me. I told him to leave and he said that I make him want to drive his car into a pole and then demanded to know what I want from him. I told him that the conversation was pointless since what I want doesn't matter and showed him the door. He kept texting that night telling me that I had driven him to drink. I told him not to worry because I was going to try my best to get a transfer out of town so we could both have a little less stress and drama in our lives. He asked me 3 times not to be so rash/drastic and asked if I could hold on for a bit. I told him there was no reason to.
He asked my advice and I told him that he should have a conversation with her and tell her that he does care about her and enjoys spending time with her, but he isn't ready to pursue a relationship. He interrupted me saying "I DON'T CARE ABOUT HER!" I said obviously you do because you spend a lot of time with her, you've given her money, she met your mother, you are intimate with her...He interrupted me again saying "Just stop it! I do not care about her at all. It takes me a long time to decide if I like someone, I have only been talking to her for 2 months."
Then he asked me to show him something on the computer. He pulled up real close and whispered "So are you dating anyone?" I said that I have a friend and he started to interrogate me wanting to know if that is who I went out of town with. I told him I went out of town on my own and casually answered his questions truthfully. He then started to make fun of the man.
Next day I ignored him completely. The day after that he calls to inform me that he is moving in with the girl saying that it's just as roommates. I calmly congratulate him, call him a liar and a hypocrite, and then hang up on him. He calls me repeatedly. I declined all of the calls. He then sends me text after text saying that I'm not a good friend. I told him that I care about him deeply, but I'm tired of the way he treats me and if he thinks I'm not a good friend, then to get another one. I finally answer his call and he asks if he can come over to talk.
He comes over and hugs me and wouldn't let go. He held my hand and told me that I overthink everything and he doesn't want me to do anything extra for him out of obligation. I explained to him that I do nothing out of obligation. I do it because I care about him, he's my best friend and I take care of everyone close to me. He told me that all he wants is a friendship from me and I said "Ok. I didn't ask you for a relationship and I never will because I know you don't want the same and you obviously can't give me what I need, but I will not accept you giving me mixed messages. Don't make me think that we have a future, if we don't." He then demanded that we cuddle together and that I let him hold me. I told him to leave and he said that I make him want to drive his car into a pole and then demanded to know what I want from him. I told him that the conversation was pointless since what I want doesn't matter and showed him the door. He kept texting that night telling me that I had driven him to drink. I told him not to worry because I was going to try my best to get a transfer out of town so we could both have a little less stress and drama in our lives. He asked me 3 times not to be so rash/drastic and asked if I could hold on for a bit. I told him there was no reason to.
I haven't contacted him since, but he calls and asks me if I have applied for any other positions. I told him that I'm interested in a few and he asked if we could go together. He said he would follow me anywhere.
I'm tired of him using my feelings against me. I love this man, but I know that this isn't going to work if he doesn’t give me something real to hold on to. Do you think he is sending the mixed messages deliberately? Is he playing me? How should I treat him going forward? I don't know what to do.
I'm tired of him using my feelings against me. I love this man, but I know that this isn't going to work if he doesn’t give me something real to hold on to. Do you think he is sending the mixed messages deliberately? Is he playing me? How should I treat him going forward? I don't know what to do.
Wow...that's a lot of drama. pure nonsense. my head hurts to read this. sorry.
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