Cheating
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by copperhead on Thursday, September 13, 2007 and has 8 replies.
A good friend of mine (Taurus) called me last night for a chat. He has been dating his girlf (Leo) for just over two years and I thought things were fine between them, they see a lot of each other but both have their own space to see friends as well.
But it turns out he's been cheating on her...
I was a bit shocked as I've known him for over 10 years and he's not ever done it before to my knowledge. He says he feels some guilt but not that much. This is because she doesn't like sex and makes excuses all the time to not be intimate with him. He says he's lucky to get it once a month and that sometimes she wants to stop halfway through. I know he's not lying, he's not the type to make something up to justify his behaviour. I asked him why he doesn't just dump her and move on, but he says he loves her and wants to stay with her and that he's best getting his physical kicks elsewhere.
I kind of understand where he's coming from on this. I've never been in that situation, but if I was with someone and they didn't want sex (not because they couldn't due to some problem, physical or emotional etc) but just because they didn't like it, but yet every other part of the relationship was great, I could imagine the frustration may become too much and I might end up doing something with someone else.
Just wondered what others thought on this.
But it turns out he's been cheating on her...
I was a bit shocked as I've known him for over 10 years and he's not ever done it before to my knowledge. He says he feels some guilt but not that much. This is because she doesn't like sex and makes excuses all the time to not be intimate with him. He says he's lucky to get it once a month and that sometimes she wants to stop halfway through. I know he's not lying, he's not the type to make something up to justify his behaviour. I asked him why he doesn't just dump her and move on, but he says he loves her and wants to stay with her and that he's best getting his physical kicks elsewhere.
I kind of understand where he's coming from on this. I've never been in that situation, but if I was with someone and they didn't want sex (not because they couldn't due to some problem, physical or emotional etc) but just because they didn't like it, but yet every other part of the relationship was great, I could imagine the frustration may become too much and I might end up doing something with someone else.
Just wondered what others thought on this.
Lol know what you mean Merc! I've had partners before who've basically rolled off me and gone to sleep without seeing to my needs in any way. We've split very soon after that!
He also says his confidence has really dropped cos he feels so unattractive. I really feel for him, cos he's usually the life and soul when we all go out, but recently he's been pretty quiet.
He also told me that once they were in the middle of it and she needed the toilet (does happen sometimes!) but she was gone for 15 mins and when she came back she didn't want to carry on with no explanation. That'd make me feel so bad, like there was something wrong with me. Think he has tried every way to try make her interested so now he plays away. not with the same person though.
He also says his confidence has really dropped cos he feels so unattractive. I really feel for him, cos he's usually the life and soul when we all go out, but recently he's been pretty quiet.
He also told me that once they were in the middle of it and she needed the toilet (does happen sometimes!) but she was gone for 15 mins and when she came back she didn't want to carry on with no explanation. That'd make me feel so bad, like there was something wrong with me. Think he has tried every way to try make her interested so now he plays away. not with the same person though.
I agree with getting what you need as well Merc. Unfortunately sometimes what you do to fulfill yourself ends up hurting other people. A hard balance to keep.
OK- I am a girl- but I do not understand why he is still with her. (because he loves her?...) I would wonder what she is in it for. Because as a woman- I love the sex part, as long as the intimacy is there too. Like passionate kisses. Like a single flower sometime- just a little thought.(no money involved) Little things. That is what turns me on. The way your eyes meet mine. If I want you-and I care for you- I will be a great lover....EVERYTIME... So why does she turn him away- something more going on there. Dont you want to be with someone who wants the same things you do. Is he just comfortable...him sexing up someone else is not going to keep them together...and he may just blame himself. If my lover did that to me, I would probably try to talk to them about it and I think I might just give myself some time. But girls do like sex for the most part so something else is going on in that relationship. And it wont matter before too long if things keep going the way they are because they are avoiding the real issues and that will put distance between them.
oh, and I forgot...and when you enjoy making love or banging as you called it Merc- you want to please him too. Imagine that...
well said!
Apparently they have talked and she just doesn't like sex. That's it. She's had other partners and said she didn't like it with them either. As Merc says, Taureans don't really like to break up with someone, we'll just let things build up and up until the pressure is too much and something has to give. Usually the other person. I don't know why he doesn't break up with her, but sometimes things keep people together when logic says they should be apart.
Maybe he's not meeting her emotional needs anymore. When women shut down emotionally we end the sex.
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