cheating Capricorn ex-boyfriend wants me back...
This topic was created in the Relationships forum by lawyer82 on Monday, December 31, 2007 and has 9 replies.
I was with a Capricorn guy for about 8 months - I'm 24, he's 34. All of a sudden he started acting a little shady/distant...he was having work problems.
One Saturday morning he told me he was busy with a few things - I happen to see him (no joke) walking on the coast with anohter woman (quite a bit older than me) and her dog. I flipped out and approached - he said there's nothing going on - he had just been made redundant the day before, the girl works in recruitment/human resources and he was asking for advice. Turns out she's married and does work for the company he said in recruitment.
Still, he lied to me, and I still don't believe his story - get the niggling feeling he was cheating?????
He then said he needed a break to sort himself out and was going to Europe - turns out he never went.
So, given the above, all the lies, I told him where to go and we're over.
In the past couple of months I've found out he was in some serious family/criminal trouble - obviously didn't want to tell me.
Just last week he sends a massive bouquet of flowers to my house (I still live at home with my parents) and a hand-written letter saying he loves me, misses me, has so much to explain but doesn't know where to start
I've ignored it - threw out the flowers - but its so hard. I loved this guy, we had spoken about marriage etc, just don't know what to do.
One Saturday morning he told me he was busy with a few things - I happen to see him (no joke) walking on the coast with anohter woman (quite a bit older than me) and her dog. I flipped out and approached - he said there's nothing going on - he had just been made redundant the day before, the girl works in recruitment/human resources and he was asking for advice. Turns out she's married and does work for the company he said in recruitment.
Still, he lied to me, and I still don't believe his story - get the niggling feeling he was cheating?????
He then said he needed a break to sort himself out and was going to Europe - turns out he never went.
So, given the above, all the lies, I told him where to go and we're over.
In the past couple of months I've found out he was in some serious family/criminal trouble - obviously didn't want to tell me.
Just last week he sends a massive bouquet of flowers to my house (I still live at home with my parents) and a hand-written letter saying he loves me, misses me, has so much to explain but doesn't know where to start
I've ignored it - threw out the flowers - but its so hard. I loved this guy, we had spoken about marriage etc, just don't know what to do.
You told him it's over. You don't trust him. You can give him another chance, but first it's evident that you need some time to get control over your own insecurity when it comes to a relationship with him.
"you need some time to get control over your own insecurity when it comes to a relationship with him."
A relationship with anybody, not just him.
A relationship with anybody, not just him.
Well, I don't see that from the OP, I discern ..
He said he had some things to go do ..
He went to talk to someone in HR outside of work where there weren't nosy people ..
She conveniently, just happened to catch him .. immediately thinking he's cheating ..
She makes a dramatic scene by approaching them, flipping out ...
Finds out he wasn't doing anything wrong at all .. he was trying to figure out what's going on with his job ..
She believes it's a lie, eventhough, she finds out it's the truth ..
He needs some space to sort his head out, and so thinks out-loud about needing to get away, and mentions Europe ....
This is taken as gospel, and so now, he must be lying (I often think out loud when pondering .. maybe he just couldn't afford it) ....
He must be a liar, then, since his get-away for space wasn't precisely as originally thought, eventhough we all change our minds according to circumstances ...
She breaks up with him, rather than attempting to aid him in any way, eventhough she recognizes that for 8 months he was fine, the relationship was just fine and once his problems started is when his behaviour changed, which SHOULD have been a signal that he needs some assistance ....
Their now broken up, so he has no obligation to tell her anything, because she ditched him for thinking he's a liar, though, according to her post, there's no conclusion that he lied, rather, speculation ..
Later, it's found out that his problems are much more serious than she originally thought ...
He spends a couple months on his own, sorting his head out, and has now been able to come to terms with whatever is screwed up in his life, which seems perfectly acceptable, we all have our own ways in which we have to deal with our issues, he needed space ...
He now attempts to win her back with gestures, which appears perfectly normal, since she freaked out on him and cut him off, a simple phone call wouldn't do, for she might freak out on him again, so he sits down and writes out a heart-felt letter, which is what we tell most people to do in here when they can't get through to their partners or are struggling with how to approach a topic, so writing a letter to her along with a gift of love seems perfectly acceptable ..
In this letter, he tells her that he has come to terms with his problems and wants to communicate it to her but doesn't know where to start, which we tell people in here all the time that communication is key and the best way to resolve an issue
He said he had some things to go do ..
He went to talk to someone in HR outside of work where there weren't nosy people ..
She conveniently, just happened to catch him .. immediately thinking he's cheating ..
She makes a dramatic scene by approaching them, flipping out ...
Finds out he wasn't doing anything wrong at all .. he was trying to figure out what's going on with his job ..
She believes it's a lie, eventhough, she finds out it's the truth ..
He needs some space to sort his head out, and so thinks out-loud about needing to get away, and mentions Europe ....
This is taken as gospel, and so now, he must be lying (I often think out loud when pondering .. maybe he just couldn't afford it) ....
He must be a liar, then, since his get-away for space wasn't precisely as originally thought, eventhough we all change our minds according to circumstances ...
She breaks up with him, rather than attempting to aid him in any way, eventhough she recognizes that for 8 months he was fine, the relationship was just fine and once his problems started is when his behaviour changed, which SHOULD have been a signal that he needs some assistance ....
Their now broken up, so he has no obligation to tell her anything, because she ditched him for thinking he's a liar, though, according to her post, there's no conclusion that he lied, rather, speculation ..
Later, it's found out that his problems are much more serious than she originally thought ...
He spends a couple months on his own, sorting his head out, and has now been able to come to terms with whatever is screwed up in his life, which seems perfectly acceptable, we all have our own ways in which we have to deal with our issues, he needed space ...
He now attempts to win her back with gestures, which appears perfectly normal, since she freaked out on him and cut him off, a simple phone call wouldn't do, for she might freak out on him again, so he sits down and writes out a heart-felt letter, which is what we tell most people to do in here when they can't get through to their partners or are struggling with how to approach a topic, so writing a letter to her along with a gift of love seems perfectly acceptable ..
In this letter, he tells her that he has come to terms with his problems and wants to communicate it to her but doesn't know where to start, which we tell people in here all the time that communication is key and the best way to resolve an issue
She ignores it .. throws it away .. then comes in here to bitch about him being a cheater and a liar .. and asks what to do ..
Here's a thought ..... talk to him, he's ready to communicate.
You want to know what's going on for real?
Talk to him, rather than suspect .....
Here's a thought ..... talk to him, he's ready to communicate.
You want to know what's going on for real?
Talk to him, rather than suspect .....
"A relationship with anybody, not just him."
Personally, I don't agree with this. Imho, relationships are relative. One doesn't interact with all people the same way. It appears she can't talk to him right now w/o being overcome with some negative emotion. She may not want to be like that when she talks to him. Just like he needed time to get control over his issues, so does she.
Personally, I don't agree with this. Imho, relationships are relative. One doesn't interact with all people the same way. It appears she can't talk to him right now w/o being overcome with some negative emotion. She may not want to be like that when she talks to him. Just like he needed time to get control over his issues, so does she.
I'm a Libran
I think what was the main factor for this assessment, bijou, is what these two quotes say to me ..
"One Saturday morning he told me he was busy with a few things - I happen to see him (no joke) walking on the coast with anohter woman (quite a bit older than me) and her dog. I flipped out and approached"
Certainly, communication is appropriate resolution and to withhold it, leaves no other option except for the relationship to fail .... however, when I read this, it says to me that he is unable to tell her things because she freaks out.
And, it says to me that she stalks him ... unless they happen to live on the coast and he was walking on the beach just outside their residence. It just sounds too coincidental to me that he goes out to take care of business, and she just happens to see him .. then runs up to him flipping out ... flipping out means, screaming, making an embarrassing scene.
"Turns out she's married and does work for the company he said in recruitment.
Still, he lied to me, and I still don't believe his story - get the niggling feeling he was cheating?????"
Lawyer finds out the truth, and admits that she knows that he didn't lie to her in any way, ... yet, chooses to believe he lied. He only said, he had some things to go do .. there is no deception.
So, this tells me that he is unable to speak to her, one, she doesn't believe him and two, she's too volatile ..
However, as with any post in here, we really only know one side of the situation and can only speculate, since the other person isn't here to speak for himself. When people post in here, they are looking for justification, so will exaggerate their position to make them "appear" better than the other.
Really, we can only analyze from perspective of what words are posted ..
"One Saturday morning he told me he was busy with a few things - I happen to see him (no joke) walking on the coast with anohter woman (quite a bit older than me) and her dog. I flipped out and approached"
Certainly, communication is appropriate resolution and to withhold it, leaves no other option except for the relationship to fail .... however, when I read this, it says to me that he is unable to tell her things because she freaks out.
And, it says to me that she stalks him ... unless they happen to live on the coast and he was walking on the beach just outside their residence. It just sounds too coincidental to me that he goes out to take care of business, and she just happens to see him .. then runs up to him flipping out ... flipping out means, screaming, making an embarrassing scene.
"Turns out she's married and does work for the company he said in recruitment.
Still, he lied to me, and I still don't believe his story - get the niggling feeling he was cheating?????"
Lawyer finds out the truth, and admits that she knows that he didn't lie to her in any way, ... yet, chooses to believe he lied. He only said, he had some things to go do .. there is no deception.
So, this tells me that he is unable to speak to her, one, she doesn't believe him and two, she's too volatile ..
However, as with any post in here, we really only know one side of the situation and can only speculate, since the other person isn't here to speak for himself. When people post in here, they are looking for justification, so will exaggerate their position to make them "appear" better than the other.
Really, we can only analyze from perspective of what words are posted ..
However, it seems to be a pattern, if looked at as a whole with tones of relationships ... if two people relate to each other by merely reacting off of each other, then the unions usually fail.
Then there's the ones that are too controlled, both dominating.
Where's the balance? It's ok to react within an emotional uproar, and it's ok to want control over certain situations, and it's ok to reason things out logically ... however, it appears to me that most relationships lean towards the extremes of just one and once the tone is set, which becomes the Terms and Conditions, then the partnerships take a nose-dive.
Maybe we just aren't learning from our experiences. We can see the issues in others, but, can't see it within ourselves.
Then there's the ones that are too controlled, both dominating.
Where's the balance? It's ok to react within an emotional uproar, and it's ok to want control over certain situations, and it's ok to reason things out logically ... however, it appears to me that most relationships lean towards the extremes of just one and once the tone is set, which becomes the Terms and Conditions, then the partnerships take a nose-dive.
Maybe we just aren't learning from our experiences. We can see the issues in others, but, can't see it within ourselves.
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