Clingy/Needy/Smothering

This question is for the men. What do y'all consider all of the above? I fear that I may be these things, and I really want to change!

Mmmm, but those Cancer men don't like to tell you they need space hahaha, they just expect you to KNOW! What about texting, I love you's, asking to see you constantly (i've stopped that). Can you guys really pick up that N/C/S vibe, even when a girl tries to hide it?

Every man is different. The best thing is to just ask because then you'll understand your man better and he will understand you. Otherwise, you will be left consistently stressing over this insecurity that will not go away on its own, and THAT will take away from what you should be doing: enjoying one another.

To prove my point, I had this very concern the other day. My BF and I both go through a-social phases, and we shared this aspect of ourselves with one another. We joked that hopefully our moods would coincided so that we are both feeling a-social at the same time. That's not what happened, of course. Our first a-social experience together fell on his phase the day before yesterday. I could sense something was different about him and as most women do, I began to run wild in my imagination. It's insane how a person can pick up on something as subtle as distance via something as brief as text. But I have always been good at reading people and, sure enough, I felt that he was far away mentally and emotionally. "Am I being too clingy? I feel that I'm beginning to like him a lot. What if that's why? Will I chase him away? Am I THAT girlfriend??" The usual BS tricks female minds like to play on so many of us.

So, I did what no woman would typically advise me to do - and I asked him. 😄 "Are you alright?" He responded, "I'm in an a-social mood right now. I want to share this part of my life with you, but I'm bad at reaching out." "Is there anything I can do for you besides love you for it and not in spite of it?" "No, you're perfect. Just don't be afraid to be clingy or let me know you're frustrated." He then asked to see me and we ended up going on a long walk before settling at his place to curl up on the couch and watch TV for the night. He didn't want to see people, he didn't want to be around my family, so we went on our own adventure, just the two of us.

When he said those words, "don't be afraid to be clingy," when that was the VERY THING I was afraid of being, it simply reinforced my belief that open-communication is key. OP, these things don't need to be figured out on your own. It's a wonderful opportunity for you to connect with your man and for him to connect with you. You don't have to have all the answers on your own; figure them out and arrive at them as one.

It'll save you heartache, headache, and all the other aches. Just ask. I'll bet you anything he'll love you for it. *^___^*

LillyPetal great advice. I need to slow my roll and chill. Perhaps one day if I get up the nerve, I will JUST ASK lol! Why can't men just be open with us women?

Not the guy i'm pining after. Getting him to talk is like pulling teeth lol!

9 months in, first 3 or so months as friends. My back story is crazy though. Everybody, my friends, family, people on here say that he's a player, and that I need to move on. I desperately want to, but something's holding me back. Why must I be so weak? :/

I think you just need to mature more and not be so caught up with your fears of abandonment. It's good that you want to change because it ain't cute, believe me!

You are way better off being yourself and making you your top priority that way you won't have to pretend to not be clingy, smothering and needy. That means you need to pour everything into yourself, get your hair done, nails, get good makeup, exercise and work to afford it all, that way you'll be too busy to need a man and you'll be swatting them off.

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by Jkats
Mmmm, but those Cancer men don't like to tell you they need space hahaha, they just expect you to KNOW! What about texting, I love you's, asking to see you constantly (i've stopped that). Can you guys really pick up that N/C/S vibe, even when a girl tries to hide it?

They expect you to be independent and have a life outside of a relationship.

This is why he doesn't tell you. You're an adult, you should have other priorities

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Yes and yes, I agree. I've just never been on my own before, always in a LTR or " dating" somebody, so I think i'm scared to be alone, which is bad. I shouldn't need attention from a guy to be happy. It's like I know this stuff already, but can't get it through my thick skull and apply it to myself. Now for you though, if you were dating someone you were serious about, what amount of time could pass, before you would think something was wrong? 1 week, 2 weeks?

Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11
I think you just need to mature more and not be so caught up with your fears of abandonment. It's good that you want to change because it ain't cute, believe me!

You are way better off being yourself and making you your top priority that way you won't have to pretend to not be clingy, smothering and needy. That means you need to pour everything into yourself, get your hair done, nails, get good makeup, exercise and work to afford it all, that way you'll be too busy to need a man and you'll be swatting them off.

On point! I can see how i've come off lately, and it needs to stop!!!! I will focus on bettering myself, and not let a man rule my world. It's MY life, whoever I let in should feel the need to keep me, not the other way around. Bah, i'm just tired, so tired.

Posted by LuckyLibra979

Posted by Jkats
9 months in, first 3 or so months as friends. My back story is crazy though. Everybody, my friends, family, people on here say that he's a player, and that I need to move on. I desperately want to, but something's holding me back. Why must I be so weak? :/

You're just caught in your emotions. Its ultimately up to you tho, don't wait until u get traumatized if your instincts are telling you that



Its not weak, its emotions. Now, if he is doing you in and you know it, might be time to gird up your loins and leave him in the dust.

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Thank you for reassuring me that emotions are not bad, sometimes I think I am TOO emotional. I just think that I need to harness my impulsituvity, and learn better control.

And i'm still on the fence about that.