krysrenee7
@krysrenee7
17 Years5,000+ Posts
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Common relationship myths!
Myth #4: Don't discuss ex's, religion and/or politics on the 1st couple of dates
....BULLshxt! We're not in high school anymore people! Stop being so afraid to excerise your right to know exactly who/what you're getting yourself into. You'd be surprised at how many people are perfectly fine/willing to discuss even sensitive subjects with complete honesty. If you're fear is to attach to someone who isn't over their ex, you can absolutely spare yourself by asking those kinds of important questions up front, vs. waiting until 4 dates later all b/c some dating book says so! If you're very strict on politics/religion or whatever, get those questions out of the way! For instance, if you refuse to date someone who isn't in your religion, um you might want to find out on the FIRST date if they fit the bill! Yes, those conversations can be very uncomfortable & can often go off into the deep end if not kept in moderation/respect, BUT most people have very strict & strong opinions about certain things. And if something is a deal breaker for you, make sure that the person you're courting is qualified! Doesn't mean that you have to have 2 hours worth of conversation about whether or not you're Republican or Democrat, BUT simply/innocently asking just for the sake of making conversation isn't a bad thing! And if things go wrong, it's up to YOU to drive it back to a respectful/comfortable level vs. avoiding it all together!
....BULLshxt! We're not in high school anymore people! Stop being so afraid to excerise your right to know exactly who/what you're getting yourself into. You'd be surprised at how many people are perfectly fine/willing to discuss even sensitive subjects with complete honesty. If you're fear is to attach to someone who isn't over their ex, you can absolutely spare yourself by asking those kinds of important questions up front, vs. waiting until 4 dates later all b/c some dating book says so! If you're very strict on politics/religion or whatever, get those questions out of the way! For instance, if you refuse to date someone who isn't in your religion, um you might want to find out on the FIRST date if they fit the bill! Yes, those conversations can be very uncomfortable & can often go off into the deep end if not kept in moderation/respect, BUT most people have very strict & strong opinions about certain things. And if something is a deal breaker for you, make sure that the person you're courting is qualified! Doesn't mean that you have to have 2 hours worth of conversation about whether or not you're Republican or Democrat, BUT simply/innocently asking just for the sake of making conversation isn't a bad thing! And if things go wrong, it's up to YOU to drive it back to a respectful/comfortable level vs. avoiding it all together!
Myth #5: Meeting men/women at the bar/club is a bad idea. There's hardly ever "good quality" men/women in such environments
....BULL! Now given, clubs/bars usually represent atmospheres that are lust-driven & filled with promiscious, drunk people looking for their next temptation. BUT the key is in finding someone who can look past all of that!
For example...if you meet a guy in a bar & assume he's not worth getting to know all b/c you met him there, consider this:
1. Of course he might be in the mindset of looking for his next "hookup" if all of the women around him are arousing/activating his sex drive!
BUT 2. Remember that men go off of what they see! If you put that very same man in front of classy women who are wearing turtle knecks, are covered up and/or who can wear their personality on their sleeves, that man won't have a choice but to see you as more than just a physical sillouette.
If a man makes the DECISION to only look for "hookups" then it won't matter what you have on; a woman to hook up with is what he'll find
BUT if you meet a man who is secretely looking for the love of his life, TRUST ME he will look past the environment he's in IF you can show him more than just your physical silloutte! This is why they encourage women to cover up a little (leave things to the imagination) when in social/club environments! This is why they encourage women to laugh alot and/or show OTHER elements of their personality (other than just their physical assets)! They encourage those things b/c the right man WILL pick up on those things!
Remember, YOUR azs is in that same club & YOU think you're a good catch don't you?! So give other men that same credit!
You can't knock a man for drooling over women IF he's in an environment where sex drive is all around him. Now if that same man kept his head down & appeared to be bored the whole time in a club where every woman was covered up, THAT'D be another story/a problem!
It's all about what you advertise to a man! If you're advertising sex, he'll give you what you ask for & only see you as a physical silloette. BUT, if you can expose a little bit of your personality ON TOP of being sexy too, he WILL then be interested in what you have to offer!
If anything, it's an even GREATER victory to be able to pull a good man after meeting him at the club! If he was able to temporarily ignore all the promiscuity & sex appeal going on around him all b/c he likes your classy nature, he's a KEEPER!
....BULL! Now given, clubs/bars usually represent atmospheres that are lust-driven & filled with promiscious, drunk people looking for their next temptation. BUT the key is in finding someone who can look past all of that!
For example...if you meet a guy in a bar & assume he's not worth getting to know all b/c you met him there, consider this:
1. Of course he might be in the mindset of looking for his next "hookup" if all of the women around him are arousing/activating his sex drive!
BUT 2. Remember that men go off of what they see! If you put that very same man in front of classy women who are wearing turtle knecks, are covered up and/or who can wear their personality on their sleeves, that man won't have a choice but to see you as more than just a physical sillouette.
If a man makes the DECISION to only look for "hookups" then it won't matter what you have on; a woman to hook up with is what he'll find
BUT if you meet a man who is secretely looking for the love of his life, TRUST ME he will look past the environment he's in IF you can show him more than just your physical silloutte! This is why they encourage women to cover up a little (leave things to the imagination) when in social/club environments! This is why they encourage women to laugh alot and/or show OTHER elements of their personality (other than just their physical assets)! They encourage those things b/c the right man WILL pick up on those things!
Remember, YOUR azs is in that same club & YOU think you're a good catch don't you?! So give other men that same credit!
You can't knock a man for drooling over women IF he's in an environment where sex drive is all around him. Now if that same man kept his head down & appeared to be bored the whole time in a club where every woman was covered up, THAT'D be another story/a problem!
It's all about what you advertise to a man! If you're advertising sex, he'll give you what you ask for & only see you as a physical silloette. BUT, if you can expose a little bit of your personality ON TOP of being sexy too, he WILL then be interested in what you have to offer!
If anything, it's an even GREATER victory to be able to pull a good man after meeting him at the club! If he was able to temporarily ignore all the promiscuity & sex appeal going on around him all b/c he likes your classy nature, he's a KEEPER!
Good times. I definitely agree with the first one. If your man sees you as a nag then you can hardly get a word in edgewise. He'll get hyper-defensive and shut you out. It's a bad cycle. That's why I am careful to pick my battles (but I'm also pretty easy going). When I do bring up an issue the truly bothers me I am heard and taken seriously.
Posted by ninjamu
Good times. I definitely agree with the first one. If your man sees you as a nag then you can hardly get a word in edgewise. He'll get hyper-defensive and shut you out. It's a bad cycle. That's why I am careful to pick my battles (but I'm also pretty easy going). When I do bring up an issue the truly bothers me I am heard and taken seriously.
I used to get nervous when I felt myself getting ready to say, "Honey, we need to talk" to a man, but then I thought about it like wait a minute! As long as I'm respectful, keep my tone low & effectively communicate with him, I shouldn't have anything to worry about! If a man will shut you out when you're talking to him with respect then the communication was already dead a long time ago! And in that case, re-wording your words (instead of saying "we need to talk") won't really matter or help. He's either going to listen with all ears or he's not
Posted by QLIbraMale
Big difference between "We need to Talk!" & "Can we Talk?" just saying 9/10 times the "We need to Talk!" usually doesn't end well lol.
Wording can make the difference sometimes, but it all means the same things. My point was that no matter how you word it, your man WILL listen if your delivery & "talk" is respectful!
Some women go a little too out of their way to avoid saying that phrase. It's kind of like when someone says, "You know I love you right?" It's like awww damn, what are you about to tell me!!!?
I don't think couples should have to talk to eachother like children in order to start a discussion/conversation. I believe in going to a man with a straight yet calm face & saying, "Hey hun, can I talk to you for a minute." He may shut down temporarily BUT if he sees that I am talking to him like a grown man, the wall will go right back down again. It works! Trust me!
Of course, it's not going to work if you try being so direct for the 1st time after flipping on him 30 times in the past! If you start out making it so that your man doesn't associate those words with his dick potentially being in a dixie cup by the end of the night, he won't shut down!
1 phrase I've grown to dread is, "You know I love you right?!" Oh man, all the guests used to say that to their partners on Jerry Springer right before they were about to confess some devestating secret! If I even think I'm going to hear those words, I'll not only shut down but I'll leave the room! Ugh, the pressure!
If you start off like, "Mf where you at? We need to talk" of course he's going to shut down!!! Duh! But if you walk up to a man, keep a serious yet calm face, embrace him with a soft gentle touch & fix your body language before saying, "Hun, we need to talk" that can make a world of difference! Hell, the problem is that a woman's body language & face tells on her even if she tries to butter up her "We need to talk" line to her man! The key is in everything being in place. You can't say "We need to talk" in a sweet voice if your body language, facial expressions & a sign on your forehead says, "I'm about to chop you up in little pieces!"
If you start off like, "Mf where you at? We need to talk" of course he's going to shut down!!! Duh! But if you walk up to a man, keep a serious yet calm face, embrace him with a soft gentle touch & fix your body language before saying, "Hun, we need to talk" that can make a world of difference! Hell, the problem is that a woman's body language & face tells on her even if she tries to butter up her "We need to talk" line to her man! The key is in everything being in place. You can't say "We need to talk" in a sweet voice if your body language, facial expressions & a sign on your forehead says, "I'm about to chop you up in little pieces!"
Omg...
Myth #1: I will never utter those words but will talk without the grand statement. Makes me shudder.
Myth #2: He will risk it all for nothing and it makes no sense agreed BUT... Call it self-sabotage; delve deep into his psyche and you'll find a man who fucked another while loving you. Go figure. His father did it, his dog left him, ah who cares, he cheated and whether that bitch meant anything should have no bearing on your decision. Random fucking or meaningful random fucking; it all comes down to he can't be faithful.
Myth #3: Dating is not the preview, it's the commercial to get you to see the movie. And it'll take YEARS to really know what the hell you're dealing with. Some, like me, are an open book upfront because I hate false advertising. One relationship really ruined me because it took 3 years for him to disclose that he hated the music he pretended to like and really hated_____ that we did together. I swear he grew horns and was the devil. A complete 180 on me and I never saw it coming. Those layers weren't so fun but I agree if it works in your favor, it will be a good experience.
Myth #4: Totally agree! Hate small talk and love discovering what's simmering in someone's brain. And if he disagrees, it's not a dealbreaker necessarily. But I would not bring up the ex thing exactly because those who aren't really over their ex's will do it for you. They can't help themselves and wonder why you won't see them again. One date got me crying over his sad story and I was all about helping him to get back together! 😄 So yes, there are no 'taboo' subjects when you have a great mental connection.
Myth #5: Agreed. If you are there, how can you judge another? It depends on the people involved and what they ultimately want.
Myth #2: He will risk it all for nothing and it makes no sense agreed BUT... Call it self-sabotage; delve deep into his psyche and you'll find a man who fucked another while loving you. Go figure. His father did it, his dog left him, ah who cares, he cheated and whether that bitch meant anything should have no bearing on your decision. Random fucking or meaningful random fucking; it all comes down to he can't be faithful.
Myth #3: Dating is not the preview, it's the commercial to get you to see the movie. And it'll take YEARS to really know what the hell you're dealing with. Some, like me, are an open book upfront because I hate false advertising. One relationship really ruined me because it took 3 years for him to disclose that he hated the music he pretended to like and really hated_____ that we did together. I swear he grew horns and was the devil. A complete 180 on me and I never saw it coming. Those layers weren't so fun but I agree if it works in your favor, it will be a good experience.
Myth #4: Totally agree! Hate small talk and love discovering what's simmering in someone's brain. And if he disagrees, it's not a dealbreaker necessarily. But I would not bring up the ex thing exactly because those who aren't really over their ex's will do it for you. They can't help themselves and wonder why you won't see them again. One date got me crying over his sad story and I was all about helping him to get back together! 😄 So yes, there are no 'taboo' subjects when you have a great mental connection.
Myth #5: Agreed. If you are there, how can you judge another? It depends on the people involved and what they ultimately want.
Dating is not the preview, it's the commercial to get you to see the movie.
What I mean is the preview is not an indication of what you will experience in the future. Not sure if you meant that or not but just wanted to clarify between drawing people in to something that isn't what it's like as a whole and a preview of things to come as an indicator of how it will be.
What I mean is the preview is not an indication of what you will experience in the future. Not sure if you meant that or not but just wanted to clarify between drawing people in to something that isn't what it's like as a whole and a preview of things to come as an indicator of how it will be.
@Mistery: You are absolutely right. Hell, even after getting to know someone for years, there's STILL NO guarantee that you are fully aware of what you're getting yourself into. People are constantly changing. Not everybody came into the situation as a pretender, cheater, liar, addict, etc. Sometimes people go into something as 1 person but since over time they are likely to change, it might be 15 years later down the road that you discovered your husband recently became a cheater an/or an abuser. And like you said, it doesn't matter when/why/where the change happend; it is what it is & you have to deal with it 15 years into a relationship with the same standards/backbone the way you would persay you discovered those things 30 days into dating/the relationship.
There's this FALSE misconception that if a person will end up being a bad person and/or making bad decisions, that that part of their life already started. That's not true. You can never truly fully get to know someone b/c people are always changing. All you can do is HOPE that 10+ years later, you'll still accept & be in love with the person your partner is continually evolving into.
Not all men/women who end up being cheaters 10 years later were cheaters from the beginning. Some people say, "Oh well I refuse to date smokers." That's perfectly fine, BUT understand that just b/c your partner doesn't have that habbit now OR just b/c they didn't develop that habbit in the beginning does NOT mean that the habbit won't eventually develop later on down the road.
Some people become liars 15 years later. Some people become cheaters 25 years into the marriage (even though they'd been faithful for the last 20+ years). Some people become drug addicts 5 years later. Some men don't start leaving hair trimmings on the sink until 2 years later! You can never really get to truly know someone that's why there's not really a "time limit" for which it's finally ok to say, "Ok, I know this person well enough now." None of us will ever really know!
There's this FALSE misconception that if a person will end up being a bad person and/or making bad decisions, that that part of their life already started. That's not true. You can never truly fully get to know someone b/c people are always changing. All you can do is HOPE that 10+ years later, you'll still accept & be in love with the person your partner is continually evolving into.
Not all men/women who end up being cheaters 10 years later were cheaters from the beginning. Some people say, "Oh well I refuse to date smokers." That's perfectly fine, BUT understand that just b/c your partner doesn't have that habbit now OR just b/c they didn't develop that habbit in the beginning does NOT mean that the habbit won't eventually develop later on down the road.
Some people become liars 15 years later. Some people become cheaters 25 years into the marriage (even though they'd been faithful for the last 20+ years). Some people become drug addicts 5 years later. Some men don't start leaving hair trimmings on the sink until 2 years later! You can never really get to truly know someone that's why there's not really a "time limit" for which it's finally ok to say, "Ok, I know this person well enough now." None of us will ever really know!
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....Bull! It may if his woman has a history of always nagging! If every time before a woman is about to flip out she says, "We need to talk," of course he's going to start associating those words with him being in serious trouble! BUT, if the communication is good, if he trusts you that you pick your battles & can talk to/communicate with him like a respectable adult AND if you can manage to keep the "talk" to under 2 hours, he'll be all ears!
Myth #2: Dogging out your mistress will make your partner feel relieved (After all, you'd assume that if your partner can say such mean things about their mistress, that the chances of them creeping back are slim to none, right?)
......WRONG! When a man picks you to be in a relationship with him, that means he choose YOU out of all the millions of other women in the world. And if he picks YOU, that means you're supposed to be his EVERYTHING! The 1st instinct most men have when they get caught up is to talk down on the mistress; BAD MOVE! The WORST thing a person can do is tell their "everything" that they were willing to risk/lose it all for a "nothing!" If you cheat on someone you can't really afford to lose, you better cheat with someone you can ALSO walk off into the sunset with! Insulting the mistress just adds more salt to the wound! If he/she is such a bad person, why'd you risk losing/betraying your "Everything" all over someone that by your own admission doesn't mean much to you?! Think about that one!
Myth #3: You should fully get to know someone before enterting into a relationship
....Sort of wrong! lol. There's a REASON some people who get to know eachother from front to back can sometimes end up as just the "friend" or F buddy! Dating is like the preview for what things will be like in a relationship & if a person's preview is the WHOLE damn movie, it's no wonder you're having trouble getting him to invest in buying you! Yes, spend some time getting to know eachother, BUT always leave yourselves something to look forward to! Don't get to know someone so damn well too early on that you end up getting bored! Part of the fun in being in relationships is being able to unwrap the other person...peeling off the layers! If you've already done that before the relationship, don't be surprised when you don't get the commitment or wedding ring!